


Nesert I

by MLily727



Series: Nesert [1]
Category: Stargate - All Media Types, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, F/M, Seasons 1-5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 95,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25597252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MLily727/pseuds/MLily727
Summary: When Tessa James becomes host to the goa'uld Sekhmet, with her offers of knowledge and adventure, she must make the choice between the death of her body or the death of her life. She had no idea it would be the death of her very soul.Original Character story that intertwines with series without disrupting canon. Completed and will post several chapters a week.
Series: Nesert [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855279
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

After the crash, Tessa James was fuming as she jogged across the empty country road to check the other driver. She was fairly sure the car had smashed into her deliberately and though the damage on either vehicle didn’t look too severe, the blonde woman behind the wheel looked dazed as Tessa approached and leaned through the open window.

“Are you ok---” 

The woman’s eyes opened and seemed to flash, her hands reaching up to pull Tessa’s face close to her own. A sharp pain pierced the back of the girl’s throat and then resonated through her neck and skull. 

And then she was gone. 

Not dead, but shoved to the back corner of her own mind. There was a new Her. A new mind, a new voice, a new will. 

Tessa watched as her hand reached past the now limp driver, grabbed a knife, and ended the woman’s life with a quick slash to the throat. Tessa screamed, but her mouth didn’t obey.

Nothing obeyed. 

Her hand grabbed a bag out of the back seat. Her legs walked back to her car. Her fingers pulled back on the door handle. Her body slid into the driver’s seat. No amount of resistance or focus altered the confident movements of her limbs. 

Her car sped away and Tessa could reach past her own terror and confusion for a long enough moment to feel the enormity of what had just happened: she’d murdered someone. The moment passed far too quickly, though, as she watched her hands steer the car down the road and the fear swept her away from all other thoughts. 

And then a voice, a soothing voice, but with the undertones of a snake luring you closer to its fangs. 

“No, you are not dreaming and no, you are not crazy.” 

Tessa’s mouth smiled, but it was not Tessa smiling. “I’ve come to love this part.” 

The voice managed to be both quiet and all consuming, taking up all the space in her head. 

“I’m afraid I cannot survive without a host and my last one couldn’t seem to stop screaming.” 

The voice gave a little chuckle before turning colder. “I have no patience for that, so I would highly recommend you not follow her example.” 

Another chuckle and then Tessa felt her mouth twist into a small smirk. “It did feel so very nice to finally kill her, though. Like a cold drink after a grueling day. Pity I had to rush it.”

Tessa felt the scream rising, but fought it down like bile burning in her mind. She calmed her thoughts. 

“Good!” The voice became lighter and gentler, almost playful. “I had a feeling about you. I’ve gone through several hosts rather rapidly as of late and it can be exhausting bouncing from body to body. You’re young and strong, though, and I’ll admit I was mostly drawn to your height. I haven’t been tall for...oh...nine hosts?” Tessa felt her hands ticking off a count. “Yes, I think nine back was fairly tall, but still not as tall as you.”

Tessa’s left leg stretched slightly as her eyes moved over it. “There’s a power in height. Of course, there’s a power in being small as well. No one notices you. No one thinks you’re a threat.” Her hand reached down and ran over the newly acquired limb. “I’d like to be noticed again.”

Her body stretched up, her hand adjusting the mirror to look at her face, golden brown hair with eyes that matched, but the pain intensified in the back of Tessa’s head and neck accompanied by...movement. 

“That’s me. The pain will subside as soon as I get myself situated around your spinal cord and into your brain. Calm down. I’m not doing any damage, just making...room.” Tessa again fought down the scream of horror as she felt Her burrowing deeper. The voice made a quick clicking to get her attention before rambling along like they were meeting at a party. “So, introductions. You’re Tessa James. 19. Smart...for a human, I mean, which really isn’t saying all that much,” Tessa’s body let out a small sigh, “but your mind is so very limited on its own. That’s hardly your fault. You may actually be a very good candidate for this latest whim of an experiment, though.”

The word “experiment” quickly filled her with dread. And yet, it didn’t. Her mind thought dread, but there was no feeling with it. No sinking, no weight, no tightening in her chest. 

She was not even in control of her emotions anymore. 

The terror of her thoughts was juxtaposed against an electric invigoration of intense giddiness, like a child who had gotten a new puppy on Christmas morning. 

The voice continued in a fast paced clip. “Now it’s my turn. I am the goddess Sekhmet. Or I was a few thousand years ago at least.” She blew an exasperated breath out of Tessa’s nose and mouth. “You humans really are rather fickle. I am a Goa’uld, a race that rules this galaxy, though your fair planet ran us off quite some time ago. Most of my brethren abandoned Earth after the uprising so long ago, but a few of us were left behind.” She spat out the last few words as hot bitterness flashed through Tessa’s body and the images of two young men, dead, filled her mind.

Tessa’s body calmed again as she felt Sekhmet take a deep breath. “But what you’re feeling in your head there is me, my body. I suppose you would compare me to some sort of snake or eel.” An image flashed into Tessa’s mind of a creature along with the knowledge that this was what the goa’uld looked like. This was what was boring into her skull. 

“Our kind cannot survive without a host and we prefer humans. Your bodies are so easy to repair when damaged.” Tessa’s right arm rolled back and forth stiffly. “Like this shoulder. I can fix that up soon. What happened to it, though?” But Tessa quickly realized it was a rhetorical question. Sekhmet already had full access to her memories. “A car accident a few years ago. Hmmm, but you weren’t the driver. Ah yes, I can see how that positioning would have injured the shoulder in that way.” Tessa tried to hide away from the intruder, but her mind was on full display, a gallery for Sekhmet to wander through as she pleased. 

The talk of a car accident again turned Tessa’s thoughts to Sekhmet’s last...host and she attempted to speak, but it was only inside her...their...head. 

“You killed that woman.” 

Sekhmet bristled. “Yes, I did. I couldn’t very well leave a former host alive. She was nothing.”

Tessa felt a change in her throat and her mouth began to move. Out came a deep booming voice with little resemblance to her own. It was filled with authority and power and made Tessa shrink even further back into the small corner she occupied. 

“You would do well to remember that I will deliver the same fate to you if you cross me. I can share knowledge with you. I can give you long life and perfect health. I can show you this world and others. But I am your god and you will obey me.” 

Tessa felt any remaining hope disappear as she cowered inside her own mind. Accept Sekhmet or die. A fork in the road where both paths led to death. A death of her life or a death of her body. 

Sekhmet could feel Tessa’s understanding at the choices before her and used that moment to show her some of the wonders she’d seen in her long life. Tessa’s mind was taken over by images of mountains and valleys, rivers and oceans, landscapes she’d longed to see. She saw skies filled with suns and stars and moons that could never be Earth and views of worlds from far above their atmospheres. 

How could she choose otherwise? Tessa felt her mouth move into a grin, Sekhmet realizing she’d won this first battle. Her foot pressed down hard on the gas pedal and adrenaline shot through their body as the car sped off.


	2. Chapter 2

The next month was filled with traveling and parties, people and shopping, and a sharing of memories and knowledge. Sekhmet had planned the transition from her last host well and Tessa was never tied to the murder of the woman (Lora, Tessa was informed) so there were no issues with continuing to use her new host’s name and identification. Sekhmet also wanted to create enough of a trail to follow when Tessa’s family eventually sought her out. It was clear this was a carefully followed plan that Sekhmet had repeated often and Tessa only hoped that her parents, two older sisters, and younger brother would give up quickly so no harm would come to them if they should ever catch up to her. 

Tessa had learned quickly over the last several weeks that while Sekhmet was intelligent and witty and often good company, she was also a killer and more than a bit unhinged at times. The memories Sekhmet shared had been both breathtaking and horrifying. She had seen great moments in history and all the wonders of the world, but she’d also committed countless atrocities. Her depravity seemed to have no boundaries and she took distinct pleasure in the pain of others, but she was charming and cunning and her insight into Tessa’s thoughts allowed her to distract the girl with beautiful memories or knowledge not yet gained by the rest of her planet. Tessa soon realized this was her weakness. Her love of learning and the youthful desire for adventure allowed her to move past far too many of Sekhmet’s evils. 

As Tessa learned more of the Goa’uld, she came to realize that the relationship she had with Sekhmet was not the norm, as usually the symbiote took full control and did not interact with the host’s mind. Sekhmet had been alone for thousands of years, though, and was growing bored with the life of excess she’d led. There was another form of goa’uld known as the Tok’ra who considered themselves a good within their species. Sekhmet spoke of them as traitors and disgust always rose up in Tessa’s chest whenever they were mentioned, but apparently they shared the body of the host. It was a mutual and symbiotic relationship that had made Sekhmet curious as her own loneliness had grown. Of course, the goa’uld wasn’t willing to really share control of Tessa’s body, but she did seem to be enjoying the dialogue the two minds had developed. 

It wasn’t enough, though. Tessa should have seen right away that it wouldn’t be, but she was caught up in Sekhmet’s exciting lifestyle and interesting past. Sekhmet wanted a companion, not just in traveling and shopping, but in her need for power. She wasn’t looking for someone to balance her out, but someone to revel with her in destruction and chaos and pain. 

Tessa could feel a wickedness begin to spread through her mind and body. She worked to keep it out of her little corner, but it seeped into her until even her muscles relaxed into its druglike influence. Sekhmet settled into the familiarity of it like she was coming home after too long away. She breathed deeper and Tessa knew this was Sekhmet taking over her body completely. It no longer belonged to Tessa in any real way. Her mannerisms, the way she walked and talked, had all disappeared as Sekhmet expanded into every cell of her new body. 

And then the murders began.

But not just murders. Tessa felt she could have dealt with simple quick killings like she had witnessed with the last host, but Sekhmet generally liked to take her time and unfortunately in this case, she had not simply been the goddess of war, but of healing as well. Though she had lost much of her race’s technology over the centuries, she had maintained a hand device that could do some basic healing and its main use for her was to heal her victims enough to withstand her torture longer. Had she held onto some of the more advanced devices, she would have been able to kill and revive them repeatedly. In fact, that was precisely what she had done before her sarcophagus had been destroyed in a not too distant war. 

Most victims were men easily lured away from bars after too many drinks and promises of further fun. Sekhmet’s strength meant they were subdued easily, but she would patiently wait until they were sober enough to fully feel the pain she would inflict. Killings would take days sometimes and Tessa grew numb to the many screams, all blurring together as she tried to close the eyes that no longer belonged to her. Her retreat further into the last parts she possessed angered Sekhmet, but Tessa had begun to shut down. She sensed that she was the true target of the torture and killings, but it did not have the effect Sekhmet desired and Tessa stopped seeing the world outside her own small corner. 

Sekhmet needed a new strategy and she found it rather unexpectedly in a detective investigating one of her murders. 

*****

Occasionally Sekhmet enjoyed toying with local authorities after a murder and she joined the crowd in downtown Denver as the police found her latest victim. She watched as forensics worked over the scene and officers interviewed witnesses. And then she saw him. He was tall and lean with short blonde hair and dark eyes and she felt Tessa stir for the first time in weeks. He seemed to be one of the assigned detectives and Sekhmet had the first inklings of an idea that she kept carefully sequestered from her host. A few quick questions and smiles directed at the closest officer gained the sought after information. Detective Sean Fields. She could feel Tessa’s suspicion, but gave no explanation for her interest in the young officer. 

It wasn’t hard to track down where Detective Fields usually went for a drink after work, but Sekhmet knew a man good at his job would likely be suspicious of anyone new in his life just days after a murder he’d been assigned, but oh how she loved a challenge! Tessa could feel the hum of electrical excitement flow through Sekhmet as she sought out an avenue to meet the man, but people were simple and it was only two days before she had made herself a new friend in the wife of one of his fellow officers and good friends. 

“Tessa, you know who I should introduce you to? Jake’s friend, Sean. They were partners for a few years and he’s such a great guy. Ohmygoodness, you two would look adorable together!” 

It was hardly a proper challenge and Sekhmet felt both the thrill of the hunt and the disappointment over prey too easily caught. 

Jake’s wife, Carly invited her out for a drink at the bar the officers frequented so that she could casually introduce her to Sean. Sekhmet had played this game time and time again and picked an outfit that said she was both interested yet cautious. A little reluctancy always went such a long way towards dispelling any suspicions men might have. 

After thousands of years living on Earth, Sekhmet had an incredible talent for adopting the exact personality that would gain her what she wanted from people. This time however, she chose a persona that was not quite perfect but would still work: Tessa’s. She walked like Tessa, talked like her, used her facial expressions. 

Her host felt the familiarity of movements and became more alert and watchful. “What are you doing, Sekhmet?”

Her face smiled like Tessa used to smile as Sekhmet responded smoothly, not quite in a Tessa’s voice. “You like him. You perked up the moment you saw him. I simply thought you would enjoy his company for a while.” 

There was a knock at the door, ending the conversation. Tessa’s voice rang out with a quick “Come in!” and the door opened with a smiling Carly. 

“This place is amazing! I wish I had known about house-sitting when I was single! You get to live here and you just watch the house???” Her attention finally fell to Sekhmet “Ah! You look great! Sean is going to go crazy over you! I love that skirt! I so wish I had your long legs!” 

Carly’s bubbly attitude had already begun to grate on Sekhmet, but Tessa’s smile sprang to her face with a clear appreciation over her compliments. Carly looked at her watch. “Let’s go. If we time it right, the guys will have enough time to get a beer or two in them to unwind before we make an entrance.”

The quick drive in Carly’s car meant their timing was exactly right and they walked in as Jake and Sean sat with two empty glasses on the table and another two half drained in their hands. Jake rose to give Carly a quick kiss and Sean looked unsurprised and momentarily annoyed by Sekhmet’s presence. Either he had been warned by Jake or she wasn’t the first girl Carly had tried to set him up with. Still, he smiled and his initial ambivalence faded a bit as Carly introduced them. 

“So you’re new to Denver then?” Sean’s dark eyes connected with her own and Sekhmet felt Tessa freeze momentarily. 

Tessa’s smile appeared. “Yeah, well, I wanted to see more of the country so I’ve been taking house-sitting jobs in different cities, kinda trying them out.” This was partially true. Sekhmet had been taking jobs as a house-sitter, but as they were all houses that she owned, it was hardly a difficult job. Still, the charade explained her presence and accommodations well with such a young host.

Tessa, the real Tessa, bristled at hearing herself speak in the way she used to speak. She’d grown accustomed to the way Sekhmet used her voice and she didn’t like the impersonation she was witnessing. 

“Carly says you just became a detective,” Tessa’s voice continued.

Sean’s face tinged red as he smiled. “Uh, yeah. A few months back.”

Jake slapped Sean on the back and jumped into the conversation. “And he’s one of the youngest detectives our department has ever seen.” Jake batted his eyes at Sean and pitched his voice up. “And the ladies all think he’s one of the best looking, too.” Sean punched Jake’s shoulder.

Tessa smiled inside her corner as she realized that Sean had a fairly strong shy streak. She jolted herself back to indifference, but not before Sekhmet took note of her reaction. 

Conversation flowed easily around the table after Jake had broken the ice and made them all laugh. Turns out Sean had come from a police family. He was third generation and had three brothers who were officers as well, but they’d all left for the surrounding communities over the years and Sean was the last one left in the city.

“You still like the danger and thrill of the chase then,” Tessa’s voice commented with a hint of teasing as Sean drove her home.

He blew out a dismissive breath. “I like the puzzles, the mysteries. That’s why I wanted to become a detective. I like looking at a crime scene and trying to figure out how everything ended up where it...ended up.” He laughed, clearly embarrassed by his inability to finish up that last sentence. 

“And do you have any good mysteries right now? Any puzzles to solve?” Sekhmet made sure to keep Tessa’s voice innocent of any of the usual silkiness Sekhmet used. 

“Yeah, actually. I mean, I can’t talk about it too much since it’s an ongoing investigation, but I’m sure you saw on the news about the body we found a few days ago. Pretty gruesome.”

Sekhmet gasped in horror. “Oh! The chopped up one?! You’re investigating that? How awful. How can you stand seeing that kind of stuff?” Tessa wished very strongly that she could have control of her arm for a long enough moment to slap Sekhmet, but the goa’uld’s inner glee at her own game soared along, propelled even higher by Tessa’s strong reactions to her deceptions. 

“They’re not usually so gory, but I’ve had a few other cases that were rather unpleasant as well. Once, this man was pushed into a---”

“Stop!” Tessa’s voice screeched out. “I don’t want to know! I mean, I’m interested, but I---I don’t want to know.” 

Sean laughed to himself as Sekhmet directed him to turn into the driveway on his right at the end of the dead end street. He let out a long whistle as they pulled up to the moss green stucco house. “THIS is where you’re staying?” he said as they both climbed out of the car. “How did you get this gig? Your parents friends with the owners?”

“Ha! No. My parents are friends with the maid. Honestly, I’m kinda terrified of the place. I mostly stay in my room and I moved out everything that was breakable. I would never be able to afford anything that I broke in a house like this.” 

Sean walked her up to the door, gaping at the stonework around the entrance. 

Sekhmet spun around and Tessa’s voice sounded nervous. “Sean, I---I’m sorry I yelled at you in the car to stop talking. I didn’t mean to be rude. I’ve just never been one to enjoy all the gory details. I don’t even like horror movies.” 

Again the real Tessa wanted to bash her own head into the wall to shut Sekhmet up, but Sean smiled in a way that made the host forget all her annoyance.

“I’d much rather have you react that way than the opposite. Carly’s set me up with a few girls that were a bit too interested and it’s...weird. But I had a good time tonight. You are decidedly not weird. Very normal.”

Sekhmet made her face completely serious. “Sean, you really shouldn’t go around flattering girls like that. They might get the wrong idea. I personally have never had such nice things said to me. ‘Not weird. Very normal.’” She shifted her mouth slightly into a friendly smirk before releasing one of Tessa’s biggest smiles to reassure Sean she was only joking and the anxiousness quickly left his face. 

He smiled again. “If you’re wanting to check out the city and see how you like it, how would you like a tour guide? My usual day off is Sunday, but it will depend a bit on this case. You okay with making plans knowing I might have to cancel last minute? And are you even available, I guess. That’s probably the first thing I should ask, right?” 

His shy nature did like to creep in, Tessa noticed as his cheeks went pink.

Sekhmet’s smile became understanding. “Yes, I would like a tour guide. Yes, I am available on Sunday. And yes, I would be fine with making tentative plans. You can call me if you have to cancel. Do you have a pen and---” Sean was already pulling out his little notebook and pen. A detective. Of course he had something to write notes. Sekhmet gave the number of the house and they agreed on nine o’clock Sunday morning unless she heard otherwise. 

“I’m glad Carly thought to introduce us,” Tessa’s voice said nervously. “I’ll see you soon.” And with that Sekhmet said goodnight and went into the house. 

Tessa heard Sean’s car door open and close and the engine start. As he backed out of the driveway, Sekhmet dropped the Tessa mask and laughed in her thundering goa’uld voice. “Could he have been any easier? And YOU! Pathetic. You would love nothing more than to spend your days watching him smile. I offer you adventure and you’d rather have that boy’s smiles.” 

Tessa let Sekhmet’s revulsion feed her own abhorrence over the evening. She raged back at the self proclaimed goddess, “Why? Why are you doing this? Toying with him? We should move on to the next city. The next murder. You’re going to get us caught. And stop pretending to be ME! You’ve taken everything else. Let me at least be the only one to be me.” 

Sekhmet’s wicked laugh filled Tessa’s head, pushing her back to her corner, and her lungs expanded and breathed deeply as she soaked up her host’s contempt. 

Tessa realized then that she had done exactly as Sekhmet had wanted. 

Her body wasn’t the only puppet. 

She wilted back into the only space she had claimed, knowing now that it wasn't even really hers. 

*****

Sunday morning came and Sean hadn’t called to cancel, but as Sekhmet got dressed she offered a gift to Tessa: periodic control with conditions. Tessa could have control of her body throughout the day with Sean, but at even the slightest sign of disobedience or rebellion, Sekhmet would immediately take back control. 

Tessa agreed to the arrangement. Of course she did. The chance to talk, to move her arms and legs, to laugh, to smile, to feel her own emotions instead of Sekhmet’s. She went along with Sekhmet’s eagerness though she knew hers was for very different reasons. There were games to be played and experiments to conduct and Tessa would be right in the middle of all of it. 

The doorbell rang and Sekhmet handed control over to Tessa. It felt awkward at first, to be in control, but her limbs all responded to her exactly as they had done before. She was struck with how her heart began to race and her breathing quickened. 

Sekhmet became primary again. “Get yourself under control. You’re going to damage this body with your childishness.” She sank back. 

Tessa took several slow breaths and steadied herself as she walked to the door and opened it, marveling at every movement. She had forgotten how effortless it used to be, to decide to move and have her muscles respond immediately. The losing battle she’d been fighting had wearied her, making her remember everything as being much more difficult than it had been. 

Sean smiled and Tessa again felt her heartbeat quicken. Her head filled with a sound of derision from Sekhmet when Sean cleared his throat, Tessa realizing she’d simply been standing and staring. She’d forgotten that she had to do the moving and talking. Suddenly she was nervous. She hadn’t been in control for months and now her first chance was on a date! A date with a man who was investigating the body her hands had recently chopped up. 

He cleared his throat again and Tessa finally laughed. “Maybe we can stop somewhere to grab a bit more coffee?” she asked with a smile. 

“Absolutely,” Sean chuckled. “Not a morning person, huh?”

“Hm? Oh, umm...no. I mean yes, normally I am a morning person, but I didn’t sleep all that well last night. Nightmares.” Sean looked concerned. “It’s nothing. More caffeine and I’ll be good to go.”

Sean was an excellent tour guide and Tessa enjoyed his company throughout the day, but any time the conversation turned to her life and past, Sekhmet was quick to jump in and take over. She made sure there were no holes in her story or anything to spark suspicion in the young detective. Tessa found the back and forth annoying, but her time guiding her own body and voice was far too exhilarating for the frustration to last long. 

After dinner at one of Sean’s favorite downtown restaurants, they meandered their way back to his car, Sean reaching for Tessa’s hand and making her stomach flip. Her chest however ached with the knowledge that wherever Sekhmet was directing them, it would be filled with pain. 

Her steps slowed a bit more and her voice resonated in her mind. “Please Sekhmet,” she begged. “I can’t---I don’t want to to feel this---I can’t.” 

Feelings were fine when they were good, but she had too many awful ones stored up as well. Sekhmet waited until Tessa’s legs began to crumble before reasserting her dominance. A goa’uld had better and stronger control over human emotions and Tessa needed only to retreat to her corner briefly before her body returned to its former exuberance and then they again switched places. Sekhmet had kept her from falling, but Sean still reached out to wrap an arm around her waist to steady her. 

“Are you alright? You didn’t even drink.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes which were filled with worry. 

Tessa was able to grab hold of the feelings Sekhmet had left for her and she returned his smile. “I tripped over my own feet. Very smooth of me, right?” 

They both laughed awkwardly, but Sean left his arm where it was, periodically shooting a worried glance at her as they continued walking. Though Sekhmet noticed Sean’s behavior, Tessa couldn’t think of much beyond how his hand felt on her waist, warm and strong. 

Sean opened the passenger side door for Tessa as they reached his car and guided her in. 

“Sean, I’m fine. Really. I only tripped.” 

He looked skeptical as he closed the door and walked around the front of the car. “You’re sure?” he asked as he started the car. “The look on your face as you stumbled…”

“I was embarrassed. I’m so clumsy sometimes. Really.” She reached over and put her hand on top of his. 

Sean flipped his hand and grabbed onto hers tightly, his fingers interlocking with hers, and Tessa’s stomach flipped again as she worked hard to feel just that and not allow her mind to wander into darker depths. 

The drive back to her house was fairly quiet, but it was a comfortable silence as they continued to hold hands, exploring palms and fingers, nails and knuckles. Sean’s hand was rough and strong with a deep scar starting between his first two fingers and trailing toward his wrist. She imagined there was a good story behind that scar, but didn’t feel it was the right moment to ask about it. 

They pulled into the house’s driveway and both walked up the steps to the door in that slow way people do when they’re not quite ready for the evening to end. 

“I’d invite you in for a drink, but the owners have pretty strict rules about visitors. Especially in the evenings.” A lie, of course, but Tessa didn’t want to risk Sekhmet being completely alone with Sean. It wasn’t safe for him. 

Sean grabbed her hands, slowly pulled her closer, and then placed her palms on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her back. “That’s probably good anyway. I have to be at work early tomorrow to work on that case and see what new murders happened over the weekend. People always cause trouble from Friday to Sunday.” 

Tessa smiled coyly. “Oh?” she asked innocently. “All people cause trouble on the weekends?”

Sean put on his best roguish smirk and leaned his face in closer, his eyes intent on her lips. “Well maybe not all people, but certainly us shifty characters.” His eyes flitted up to hers momentarily before he pulled her that bit closer and gently pressed his lips to her mouth. 

Tessa’s lips responded on their own, frightening her momentarily that she was no longer in control, but Sekhmet was still in the back of her mind, acting rather bored with all of it, despite Tessa’s heart racing. 

Tessa returned her attention to Sean and moved her hands up his chest and around his neck. The old Tessa would have pulled back from the kiss much sooner, but this version had no idea the next time she would be in control of her own body or with Sean. She only had right now, this very moment, with no ability to control anything beyond it. 

Sean pulled her closer and deepened the kiss before seeming to realize that that might not be the best path so he slowly pulled out of the kiss and hugged Tessa close as they both breathed deeply. 

“I should have started saying goodnight to you hours ago,” he teased. Tessa giggled into his chest as he kissed her forehead. “Can I see you again soon? Once I see where things are at with work tomorrow, I can call to make plans.”

Tessa sighed deeply. “Mmhmm. I’ll be around.” She tilted her head up for another quick kiss and Sean was happy to oblige. “Goodnight.”

One more kiss and then Sean walked back to his car while Tessa unlocked the front door before waving goodbye and going inside. She leaned against the foyer wall. “Thank you, Sekhmet. I don’t know what you’re planning with him, but I had such a good time.” 

Sekhmet yawned and stretched, pushing Tessa back to her corner. “So little space in this brain of yours. I don’t know how the Tok’ra tolerate sharing all the time. It was grueling enough just for the day and I’m exhausted after spending the day watching you two mooning over one another.” 

Tessa’s wonderful feeling of bliss was quickly replaced with Sekhmet’s aggravation, forcing Tessa to retreat further back to remember her time with Sean. 

Her time as herself again.


	3. Chapter 3

Sekhmet allowed Tessa to keep seeing Sean, but the host knew it wasn’t out of kindness. The goa’uld had more sinister plans, though she kept them strictly to herself. Sean had run out of leads on the latest murder so Sekhmet happily tracked down a new victim for him. A quick disguise and a change in simple mannerisms made Tessa’s body unrecognizable and at the first bar, Sekhmet easily found a muscular man in his mid twenties with a deep voice. 

The voice was often the key. Sekhmet liked to hear them talk so she could decide if she wanted to hear them scream. She chose strong men simply because they were always the most shocked by their predicament. So confident in their own abilities, they usually didn’t realize Sekhmet was really going to kill them until she’d cut off a finger or in this case, put a deep gash down the back of his right hand. But then the horror would sink in and Sekhmet savored that moment of panic only slightly less than when the life left their eyes altogether. That moment was pure euphoria for Sekhmet and now for Tessa as much as she fought it. 

Sekhmet dumped the body in its various sections near the bar she’d met him at two nights ago. Tessa was seeing Sean that night so Sekhmet couldn’t take the amount of time she normally enjoyed which should have left her in a sour mood, but instead she seemed to be excited for the next move in the game she was playing with Sean. The happier Sekhmet was, the more Tessa thought she should worry, but a goa’uld’s emotions could not be ignored and Tessa was eventually carried along with the excitement for the evening. 

Sean called a bit before he was supposed to pick her up and explained that he had a few things to finish up before he could leave work, but if she took a cab, he’d be able to meet her for dinner still. Tessa had expected this since he obviously would be busy with the newly discovered body so both she and Sekhmet remained upbeat.

A bit late and looking tired, but exhilarated, Sean arrived at the restaurant with a kiss for Tessa before sitting down. 

“Busy day then?” she asked after he’d ordered a beer from the waitress.

“Yeah, a new body showed up like the last one.”

“When you say ‘like the last one’ do you mean”---she dropped her voice ---”chopped up?”

Sean leaned across the table and lowered his voice as well. “Yeah. Looked like he’d been tortured like the last one as well. Weird, though. He had a scar on the back of his hand just like mine.” He held up his right hand to show Tessa and Sekhmet filled her head with a wicked laugh. 

Tessa had missed it. How had she missed it? She had watched Sekhmet cut the man’s hand and then heal it. She had noted that it was not Sekhmet’s usual approach and even that it was vaguely familiar, but she had assumed that she had simply blocked it out of a past torturing. 

But it had been Sean’s hand that it mimicked.

Sekhmet had taken over after her internal laugh and resumed the conversation with Sean. “That is weird. How’d you get your scar anyway?” She reached out and took his hand, running her finger along the raised skin.

Sean pulled his hand away gently and said evenly, “Lost my temper with my...brother..once. Punched a mirror and ended up with a shard of it lodged in my hand.” Tessa was surprised by this admission. Sean hardly seemed like the type to fly off the handle like that. 

Sekhmet cocked Tessa’s head to the side and filled her voice with concern. “Ouch! Must have been a pretty big argument for you to lose your temper. You’re so even keeled!” She smiled Tessa’s smile and Sean relaxed a bit.

“It doesn’t matter. You know how siblings can get under your skin.” He looked up as the waitress appeared next to the table. “I’m sorry. I haven’t even looked at the menu yet.”

They focused on ordering as Sekhmet relinquished control back to Tessa for the rest of the evening. There was no more talk about her latest victim, but Sekhmet seemed content to continue prowling around patiently. A long life had granted her an immense ability to plan and wait for the right moments. 

Every week delivered a new body and each body had a subtle connection to Sean, Tessa, or both. Sekhmet’s casual circular tracing on Sean’s arm during a movie would later find itself carved into an abandoned arm detached from its body. Sean’s mention of a German Shepherd as a childhood pet led to the discovery of two bodies, the owner and his dog a few days later. When Tessa told Sean about how she’d banged up her knee in volleyball in high school, the next body had particular attention paid to both knees. All subtle enough to make Sean suspect his own memory and sanity rather than making the leap to believing Tessa might be capable of the brutality he’d had to see.

“What did you want to do tonight?” Tessa asked as Sean picked her up one evening.

He cleared his throat, opening the passenger door of his car for her. “I thought maybe we could hang out at my place tonight.”

“At your apartment?” Tessa felt her heart speed up.

“Yeah...is that okay?” He was watching her face closely and Tessa dropped her eyes to the ground as she thought, Sekhmet chuckling in her head. 

“Umm...yeah, that’s fine.” 

She climbed into the car, but was mostly silent as they drove, conversing with the other mind in her head. 

Sekhmet scoffed at her nerves. “You can hardly be surprised he wants more when you can’t seem to get him close enough whenever you say goodnight.”

“I’m more worried about what you’ll do to him if we’re alone.”

“If I want to hurt him, I will, Tessa. You won’t be able to stop me and you know it.”

She did know it. She knew that everything she did was only ever because Sekhmet allowed it. She was powerless.

“Are you sure this is okay, Tessa?” Sean asked as they walked up the stairs to his apartment. “You were so quiet on the drive.”

Tessa gave him a small smile. “Yeah, I’m sorry, just...I’m fine. Did you want to order in?”

He looked at her carefully before unlocking his door and letting her walk in. “Yeah, I’ve got a bunch of menus.” He walked towards the small kitchen and pulled a handful of papers out of a drawer as she looked around. 

Definitely a bachelor pad, it looked more like a dorm room, but she guessed he was rarely ever there with the long hours he worked. And with no one to come home to...why bother, right?

“I know it’s not anything like where you’re living now.”

“It’s much more relaxed,” she said with a smile. “I can’t ever relax in that big house.”

Sekhmet seeped out of her corner. “You’re getting far too good at lying, Tessa.”

Sean grabbed her attention again. “Do you want something to drink?” He moved to the fridge to open it. “I have beer...and water. Sorry. I should have picked up some other options.”

“Water is fine.”

He held out a bottle before pulling it back again. “I’m sorry. Do you want a glass?” 

She wasn’t the only nervous one.

Tessa reached out and took the water. “This is fine. Really.”

They looked over the menus and decided on Chinese and Sean called in their order, Tessa handing over control to Sekhmet long enough to settle her body. 

“Movie?” 

Tessa couldn’t help but smile at the pretense, but played along. “Sure.”

“Preference?” 

She sat down on the couch with a smile. “Depends if we’re going to actually watch it or not.” 

He gave her a sheepish grin. “That depends entirely on you.”

“Does it?” She knew she was adopting Sekhmet’s tone, her voice naturally falling into the goa’uld’s mannerisms with the situation. “I suppose you can put on whatever then.”

He grabbed a random movie off the shelf and popped it in before joining her on the couch, kissing her with the same intensity she encouraged outside her front door every night. 

“How is it possible for your skin to be this soft?” he murmured as his lips and hands explored. 

She couldn’t resist. “I’m really an alien.” 

Sekhmet’s laughter filled her head and Tessa felt pride spread through her at her symbiote’s reaction. When did she get to a point of wanting to impress her?

Sean chuckled as well. “Oh really?”

“Well, it’s more that I have an alien living in my head.”

“You’re so weird.”

“She’s a bit psychotic, but...smooth skin...so clearly worth the tradeoff.”

“Well, please thank her for me. Any chance I could see more of her work?”

Sekhmet again roared in laughter “He’ll get to see plenty of my work and even gain some first hand experience.”

Tessa froze and directed all of her attention into her mind. “You’re going to kill him.”

“Of course I’m going to kill him. Why else would I go through all of this?”

“Sekhmet...no. Please.” 

She had to get away from him. She had to keep him safe. 

Tessa pushed Sean off her as her breathing turned ragged. “I need to go.”

“Tessa, what’s wrong?” His eyes were filled with confusion. “We can slow down. I’m sorry.” He took her hand. “I should have seen you weren’t comfortable.”

“No, that’s not it. Please...I just need to leave.” She got up to head to the door when the doorbell rang. 

“That’s the food. Tessa, please, wait a minute, okay?” He grabbed his wallet and answered the door.

Sekhmet purred. “You can’t save him from me, Tessa. You might as well give him some pleasure before the pain.”

“Please, Sekhmet. Please. Not Sean. Anyone but him. I’ll do anything. You want me to kill with you, I will. Just not Sean.”

“If you’re not going to enjoy him tonight, maybe I will.”

Tessa felt jealousy rise up in her chest, but Sekhmet took control with a smirk on her face, Sean’s attention on the delivery boy. By the time he looked over, it was Tessa’s face again, though not Tessa in control. 

He set the bag on the table and turned back to her with concern. “We can go out. It’s okay.”

Sekhmet moved Tessa’s body toward him cautiously and brought her arms up around his neck. “It was only a momentary panic. I don’t want to leave.” 

She kissed him firmly, just as Tessa did, and soon his hesitancy was gone again, the food forgotten. Sekhmet guided him towards his bedroom, Tessa begging and pleading in her mind.

She was completely ignored and the host filled her corner with rage as she tried to fight against the walls of her small corner, but Sekhmet passed control over quickly then and Tessa's yells to stop suddenly became audible to Sean, who pulled back in shock.

“I thought...I’m sorry.”

Tessa’s body began to shake with the intense emotions and Sekhmet’s disgust was clear. 

“Either let him continue or come up with an acceptable lie,” the goa’uld commanded. “Or I will do with him whatever I please.”

“Are you okay?” Sean’s voice pulled Tessa back to him. 

She fumbled for what to do and finally decided on lies. She didn’t want to share these kinds of moments with Sekhmet.

“I wasn’t entirely honest with you before, Sean.”

“What do you mean?” 

Fear began to take over his features and she cleared her throat as he moved off her to let her sit up.

“I didn’t start traveling to see the country. I was...I was running away.” 

“Running from what?”

“Not what. Who.” She ran her hand through her hair and took a deep breath as Sekhmet internally applauded her deceptions. “He started out so nice, but he...he didn’t stay that way.”

“And he’s following you?”

Tessa nodded. “I might disappear one day, Sean. If he finds me…” Sekhmet took note of her host’s created exit plan, a way she thought she could save him.

“Tessa, if he shows up, you let me protect you. I’m a cop! I won’t let him hurt you.” He tipped her face up to look at him. “Please let me help you.”

She looked down for a few breaths before nodding slowly and he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. 

“Let’s go pick a movie to actually watch. The food’s getting cold.”

Once back at the house later, Sekhmet took full control again and filled their body with the satisfaction she felt over Tessa’s assistance that evening. 

“You know, I would have gone about this so entirely differently, but now you’ve inspired those protective instincts of his. He would do anything for you.” She twisted her face into a smirk. “I would say he is falling very much in love with you, Tessa.”

Her host shrank back with shame. She had known Sekhmet had plans for him, but she’d allowed her own selfishness to override all of those worries. Her own desire for bodily control as well as Sean’s attention and affection meant she’d essentially helped lead him to the slaughter. She was a puppet in every way.

With Tessa’s realization of her plans, Sekhmet grew bored of the game, of Sean, of Denver, and she decided to move beyond the subtlety she’d relied upon to this point. As they sat on the patio at her house one Sunday afternoon, Sekhmet was making up a list of groceries while Sean was dozing in the sun, Tessa having been shoved back to her corner almost entirely since that night at his apartment. Reaching over, Sekhmet gingerly touched his arm to see if he would startle. He smiled, but kept his eyes closed, putting his hand on top of hers, and Sekhmet took the marker she'd been using and carefully wrote something on his forearm.

Sean opened his eyes as she wrote and then pulled his arm toward himself to look. She’d written it upside down so it faced him: 21-18-41. 

“The combination to the safe?” he said with a wink. 

“No. A code. You’re the detective. You figure it out.” Sekhmet said in a flirtatious version of Tessa’s voice. She then bent her left arm and wrote on her own skin: 9-13-98. 

Sean took her arm to look, then yawned. “Mind if I figure it out when I’m better rested?”

His eyes had closed again and the Tessa mask fell as Sekhmet twisted her mouth into a slow smirk that transformed her face completely. “No. Of course not,” she mimicked Tessa’s voice again. “I don’t mind at all.”


	4. Chapter 4

Tessa’s dread had completely filled up her own corner of thoughts, but Sekhmet’s glee still charged her body with expectant energy as she sought out another victim Monday night, this time settling not on a strong man, but a young woman with long brown hair similar to Tessa’s. Sekhmet rarely chose women to torture and kill simply because she found their screams more annoying than invigorating. The few exceptions were personal kills for revenge or tactical kills for information or power. Really, the only good aspect of her choice was that Sekhmet was likely to tire of the girl much more rapidly than usual, saving Tessa hours of agony as she was forced to witness every cut and slice. 

Sekhmet clearly took little pleasure in the young woman’s pain, impatient for her to be playing her role in larger plans for better prey, and while Tessa pitied the girl, she was just as anxious for her to simply die and stop screaming and crying. Those thoughts usually came with a strong sense of guilt, but it was easy to push aside as Sekhmet’s elation filled her chest. 

Wednesday morning was spent with Sekhmet calmly cleaning up the house before heading outside to ignore the ringing phone. Tessa pleaded with the goa’uld to change her plans, to get in the car and drive away, but she knew it was useless. Sekhmet would never walk away now, not when she’d put so many weeks into laying the trap. 

Tessa heard the car pull into the driveway, horn honking. She wanted to feel the sinking she knew would typically come when thoughts and body were connected, but instead Sekhmet’s deep contentment permeated her limbs even as her legs ran around the house exactly as a normal person living a normal life would be expected to do with so much noise. Sean was already banging on the front door and hollering for Tessa, his voice cracking with fear and increasing despair.

“Sean!” Sekhmet yelled in an imitation of a scared Tessa. “What are you doing?!”

He turned sharply at her voice and jumped down the stone steps in two leaps, grabbing hold of her shoulders as he reached her. The terror in his eyes began to give way to relief as he stared at her, pulling her into a tight hug. 

“Sean! What is going on? What’s wrong?” Tessa’s voice was scared, but Sekhmet layered a soothing tone over it.

He pulled away enough to look at her again and then moved his hands to either side of her face. “I thought---we found---the numbers, Tessa. She had the numbers!” The terror took over his eyes momentarily before they calmed again with a deep sigh. “But you’re here.” And he pulled her into a desperate kiss, his lips still needing confirmation she was real. 

Sekhmet responded as Tessa would have, but she pulled away much quicker and filled her voice with concern and just a hint of frustration. “Sean...what happened?”

His hands ran over his face as he slumped onto the steps, taking two deep breaths before he could speak again. “We found another body. A woman this time.” Fear took over his voice again. “Tessa,” he looked up at her, “she had the same numbers written on her arm.”

Sekhmet played dumb. “What numbers?”

“The numbers! The 9-13-98 that you wrote on your arm on Sunday!” He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself so he wouldn’t yell again. “The body had 9-13-98 written on the arm.”

Tessa’s eyebrows shot up in surprise before Sekhmet furrowed her brow in confusion. “But why? How??” she stumbled out with perfect precision. She’d played so many roles in her thousands of years that every facial expression was calculated to replicate all the emotions humans usually felt. 

Sean’s eyes remained closed as he shook his head, pushing his palms into his eyelids and trying to find the answers. 

Sekhmet leaned down and took his hands, helping him to his feet as she told him to come inside for a drink. He followed her without objection, but didn’t seem fully aware of his surroundings as she situated him on a stool at the kitchen island before going to the fridge. She grabbed two bottles of water out of the door, one from the front of the shelf and one from the back.

“Why’d you do that?” Sean said sharply as he came to attention, watching her. 

Sekhmet expertly mimicked being startled with a little jump. “Geez, Sean! You scared me. Do what?”

“You took one bottle from the front and one from the back.” He was clearly attempting to hide the suspicion in his voice, but this was Sekhmet’s game and she was a far superior player. 

“Because this one”---she held up the one from the back---”is older and colder and I know you tend to like your water cold. I, however, have sensitive teeth so I grabbed a newer bottle that I put in there an hour or so ago. What’s wrong?” Tessa’s face showed confusion and hurt. 

Sean put his face back into his hands. “Of course,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry. Jumpy, I guess.” He looked up again and watched as Sekhmet slowly widened Tessa’s eyes in shock. 

“Jumpy?” her voice a higher pitch than normal. “Around...me?” She put the water bottle down in front of him with more force than necessary. “My god, Sean! You think I---what? Killed that girl?”

The hurt in Tessa’s voice shifted Sean’s face to guilt and he grit his teeth in frustration. “No. No! I don’t think you killed anyone. I just don’t know why she had those numbers on her arm. What are they? You never told me.”

“That’s because you were supposed to figure it out,” she said, the annoyance dripping off her words. She took a mock calming breath. “It’s nothing, just something my grandma used to do. The one on your arm, 21-18-41. Twenty-first letter: U. Eighteenth letter: R. And then M-I-N-E added together is 41. U R MINE. It’s only a silly thing she used to write on my grandpa’s arm.” She plopped herself down on another stool around the corner of the island from Sean. “And then she would write on her own arm the 9-13-98. I M YOURS.” She locked her eyes onto Sean’s. “That’s all it is.”

Sean put his hands on the cold water bottle, resting his chin on the top. “Where’d she get it? The idea, I mean.”

“Well, she always said she’d just made it up, but I don’t know. I guess she could have gotten it from anywhere. A book, a movie, tv show. Who knows?” Tessa’s face was beaming with innocence. 

Sean stood up and began to pace, mindlessly twisting open the bottle and taking a swig of water, then digging his fingers into his hair. “I was so worried, Tessa. I saw the arm and tried calling and then drove over as fast as I could.” He turned to look at her again, his eyes reminding himself that she was sitting there.

Tessa’s face smiled appreciatively. “And I’m fine.” She tilted her head in concern. “You, on the other hand, should sit down.”

Sean chuckled. “No, I don’t need to. I’m fine now that I know you’re safe.”

“Oh.” Tessa’s face remained sweet. “No, I didn’t mean you should sit to stay calm. I meant you should sit so you don’t hit your head.”

Sean’s smile faded slightly as he turned his head to the side, confusion starting to fill his eyes. “Why would I hit my head?”

The Tessa mask began to drop off as a sneer distorted the innocent smile. “Older and colder”---Sekhmet shrugged her shoulders and smirked playfully---”and drugged.” She leaned forward onto the kitchen island and placed her chin on top of her fist. The goa’uld observed him like an experiment, not daring to look away for fear of missing that precious moment she’d worked towards for so long.

He looked down at the water bottle in his hand, then back at the woman in front of him, and then there it was. Sean’s eyes grew large as the horror of realization sunk in and Sekhmet breathed in deeply, a shiver running through her. 

“I will never get tired of that,” she said with a huge grin and another deep sigh. 

The drug acted quickly and Sean stumbled a bit, prompting Sekhmet to get up to support him, guiding him gently like a wounded animal. As the drug took hold, though, the shock wore off, and he finally tried to push her away. His body wouldn’t obey and he only managed to tumble to the floor, earning himself a wicked laugh from his new captor. Tessa was completely gone from her face now and it would be hard to even remember the girl who used to reside there. 

Sprawled on his back, he looked up at Sekhmet as she crouched down next to him and trailed her finger down the side of his face. 

“You?” he choked out. “How can it be you? All those people, Tessa!” The words caused him physical pain and even Tessa could see the last few months replaying on his face, sifting through memories to discover all the thousands of lies. “Tessa, you’re sick. Let me help you.”

Sekhmet laughed loudly. “Oh, sweetheart, Tessa’s not sick. In fact, she’s in here”---she tapped her temple---”screaming for me to stop. She really can get loud when she wants. Here. Have a chat.” Sekhmet suddenly passed control over to her host who stopped mid scream as she heard it in her ears. 

“Sean! Sean, I’m sorry. I couldn’t stop her. I can’t stop her!” Tessa grabbed his face, wishing he could understand, but her own face quickly distorted again as Sekhmet giggled and gave him a peck on the lips. 

She let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head. “You two.” 

Sekhmet grabbed one of Sean’s arms and effortlessly dragged him across the floor, watching for him to register her strength. Her smirk appeared again as their eyes connected and she winked, enjoying his shock. She pulled out a little bottle of blood collected from the last victim and dumped some of it onto the corner of the coffee table in the family room before smearing it across the floor and sticking a few hairs pulled from an envelope into the mess.

“I wouldn’t want them to actually have any of my DNA. Well, Tessa’s. Killing people used to be so much simpler. A thousand years ago, I never had to worry about fingerprints or blood or DNA. Now I have to be so meticulous if I want to keep the host, but this should confuse the police quite a bit.” 

Sean likely wasn’t sure if the drug was affecting his mind as well, but her strength, along with implying that she’d been alive a thousand years ago, would certainly make him suspect that was the case. He couldn’t seem to get his thoughts translated into actual speech, but finally he managed a single word. 

“Why?” His face tried to convey strength in the demand, but it came out as a quiet plea instead. 

Sekhmet continued on with her work as casually as if she were organizing a room before company arrived. “Why what?”

“Why me? Why are you doing this? Why did you kill all those people?” All the words poured out in a jumbled mess, but Sekhmet was able to decipher his ramblings. 

“Oh, the infamous ‘why’ that victims plead as if it would somehow ease their pain. Usually there is no ‘why’ except I enjoy their screaming and powerlessness, but with you, I suppose it is a bit more complicated. The simple answer is that Tessa liked you. When she saw you at the first body’s crime scene, she perked up for the first time in weeks so I thought I’d use you to stop her moping.” She came back to kneel down next to him, letting her hand stroke his face and run through his hair. “And you certainly did. She hasn’t fought me like this since I started murdering people several months ago. She gave up far too quickly then and I want her to enjoy it with me.”

Sean tried to shake her hand off, but his body wouldn’t respond except in disjointed jerks. “You are Tessa,” he pleaded again. “Please let me help you.” 

Sekhmet laughed at his attempts to save her host and then grabbed his throat, pulling him upward as easily as if he were a doll until his face was inches from her own. Her deep goa’uld voice flowed out of her mouth slowly and chilled the air between them. 

“I am not Tessa. I am Sekhmet, your god. And I will use you as I see fit.” She flashed her eyes at Sean, who gasped and choked. 

Sekhmet stood, lifting Sean up as well and carrying him toward the garage. Rather roughly, she tossed him into the back seat of one of the cars before heading back into the house to grab a few bags and walk quickly through the rooms to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. 

Tessa continued yelling from her little corner, anger and loathing in every word, even if she couldn’t subject Sekhmet to the feelings that customarily attended such hatred. 

Sekhmet however continued to breathe deeply, enjoying the culmination of her weeks of plotting and, walking back towards the garage, she could hear Sean yelling for help and chuckled again. She’d have to gag him for the drive out of the city, though she did like that choking noise people made when trying to talk and yell around a gag. It was always somewhat amusing. 

The vehicle she chose had tinted windows so there was no way for the police to later identify who was in the car that drove away from the house, but it wasn’t soundproof so she opened the door by Sean’s head and gently wrapped a silk scarf around his mouth before kissing his neck tenderly. The action induced the sought after response in Tessa as she raged against Sekhmet all the more, but the goa’uld simply laughed at how possessive her host had become. 

The drive west towards the mountain property she’d acquired was a quick forty minutes and by then the drug was wearing off in Sean as he began to stir quietly in the back seat, Sekhmet pretending not to notice, curious how he would try to turn the tables. Her excitement grew at the thought of him at full strength. He was no match for her physically, but she would still enjoy subduing him without the deception of drugging him. 

She maintained the ruse of ignorance as she opened the back door and Sean leapt out, tackling her backwards and pinning her to the ground, pulling her hands up above her head. He’d apparently loosened the gag at some point during the drive so now he was free to speak again. 

“What are you?” he yelled, adrenaline rushing through him. 

Sekhmet shifted control to Tessa who winced at the pain from the fall and the weight of Sean holding her down. 

“Sean, you have to run. Get in the car and get aw---” she yelled with as much speed as she could muster, but Sekhmet cut her off just as Sean processed her words. 

He let her go to get up and run, but she swung her legs to the side to bring him down again. He fell with a thud, his reflexes still stunted from the drug. As he climbed to his feet again, Sekhmet jumped up and lunged toward him. He twisted at the last moment and dodged her attack, but she quickly skidded to a halt and reached around to grab the back of his shirt as he started towards the car. The force pulled him back towards Sekhmet and he used the momentum to his advantage, landing a solid punch to her face that sent her stumbling backwards with a grin.

She maintained her deep voice. “You should remember that while I may be in control of it, this is still Tessa’s body. You wouldn’t want to damage it, darling.” 

Sean hesitated, obviously unsure of how to proceed and he reached up to grab his head. The drug did tend to leave a nasty headache as it wore off. 

Sekhmet used the moment to her advantage and again launched herself at him, pinning him to the ground on his back. She held his arms above his head, letting him fight against her superior strength, and her wicked smile contorted her face as she leaned down to kiss him roughly. 

“Mmmm...Tessa hates that so much,” she purred into his ear. “I might just do this for a while to torture her first.”

Sean jerked his head to the side to slam into her face and knock her off balance, but Sekhmet growled angrily as she reasserted her position of dominance. 

“Of course, we could always start the real torture right away.” 

Sean spat into her face. “I’d prefer the real torture to kissing you.”

Sekhmet’s eyes flashed again, but her voice was low and controlled. “I’ll have you begging for any respite from the things I’m about to do to you.” She smirked at him. “You’ve seen the bodies, Sean. You know what’s coming.” 

The fear crept back onto his face as he remembered, but Sekhmet grabbed a rock from the ground and bashed it into Sean’s head, knocking him unconscious. 

“And that will be enough of that.”

*****

Sean wasn’t out long which was both a blessing and a curse for Tessa. If he’d stayed unconscious for a long period of time, Sekhmet would have grown frustrated and impatient and there would be no easing into the intense pain she had planned, but passing out would now be his (and her) only escape. Tessa knew there was no way she’d be able to use her usual retreating to cope during his torture and execution. She could only hope that Sekhmet would be overzealous and kill him too quickly. 

As Sekhmet elicited scream after scream, Tessa begged her to stop, but she had nothing to offer in exchange for even a quick death for him. She longed for at least the release of crying, but she could control her tears no more than any other part of her body. Sean at least had that luxury and his face was damp as he begged for Sekhmet to end it. 

When he would pass out, Sekhmet would heal most of his wounds to extend the torture as long as possible, and Tessa would then havethe goa’uld’s full attention to try reason and pleading. Sekhmet ignored her until she felt Tessa was so broken that she would be willing to do anything to relieve Sean’s suffering. 

She spoke aloud, her voice deep and calm and smooth. “You kill him.”

Tessa was horrified, refusing instantly, but regretted the reflexive response and tried to take back her rash answer. She told Sekhmet she would do it, even do it gladly. She couldn’t bear watching him suffer anymore, but Sekhmet would not tolerate anything less than total gratitude for the gift she had offered. 

Hours more of screaming had Tessa begging to kill him, pushing images out to Sekhmet of his death. The goa’uld finally relinquished control, Tessa’s knees immediately giving out, her mind exhausted and traumatized. She took in several large breaths then reached up to gingerly touch Sean’s face. He flinched away, expecting pain. 

“Sean…” she said quietly. “It’s me. It’s Tessa.” 

Sean opened his eyes slightly. He had started closing them as much as possible to avoid seeing his own bloodied and damaged body. He caught a glimpse of his mangled hand and with a quick gasp, pressed his eyelids shut again.

“You’re not real. You were just a trick.” His voice was hoarse and filled with self loathing. He’d been fooled. A detective and he’d missed everything that had pointed to the truth. 

Tessa let the tears stream down her face which earned her an internal scoff from Sekhmet. “I am real,” she said earnestly. “Please. Look at me.” She tipped his chin up so their eyes met as he opened them again, but they were filled with disgust. 

“Then why didn’t you warn me?” 

It was Tessa’s turn to hang her head as she dropped her hand to her side. “I couldn’t. She only gave me control if I did what she wanted. If I had tried to tell you anything, she’d only have killed you sooner. I thought...I hoped maybe I could convince her to leave Denver, to leave you alive.” It sounded pathetic even to her. There had to have been something more she could have done.

His eyes changed to pleading as she looked up again. “End it. Please.”

Tessa drew in a deep breath and held it, searching his eyes, and as she exhaled, she nodded slowly. Sean’s face shifted to relief. 

Tessa stood and stroked his cheek for a moment before reaching over to pick up the knife from the table as Sekhmet’s voice drifted out from the back corner reminding her of the clear instructions she’d been given. She took a deep breath and then grabbed Sean’s hair like she’d seen Sekhmet do to other victims, his eyes meeting hers.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out.

Her muscles already knew what to do. This was not their first killing and she made a quick and clean cut across his throat, pushing harder than she thought was needed for fear her strength would falter. The blood began to pour out, but before nausea or horror could fill Tessa, she was roughly shoved to her corner again. Sekhmet filled her entire being with an intense euphoria and then as the life left Sean’s eyes, Tessa was struck by another wave of the goa’uld’s bliss. 

She wasn’t prepared for the intense emotions and was horrified that her first thoughts were that she would be willing to do quite a lot of things to experience that again. It was precisely what Sekhmet had hoped for and she laughed aloud as she filled Tessa’s chest with a deep contentment, her body relaxing as Sekhmet relished her victory. 

Tessa had killed and Sekhmet had forced her to enjoy it. 

As one last taunt, Sekhmet decided to send a gift to Sean’s friends at the police department: his scarred hand. She had left the back of his hand intact to preserve the mark and wrapped it up in some cloth before placing it in an old carved wooden box she’d grabbed from the Denver house. 

She had another car at the mountain house to use in case there was already a search for her vehicle and she headed back into the city, this time as a blonde. There was a restaurant close to the District Six police department that Sean had wanted to take her to that seemed a good drop spot for the box and she simply ordered a drink and then left the box under the table as if forgotten. They would find it as the dinner rush came in and Sekhmet grinned, wishing she could be there to see the looks on their faces when Sean’s buddies recognized the bloody hand and then journeyed to the address written on its palm, finding his body still tied to a chair and his glassy eyes still moist with tears. 

She’d gone back and forth quite a lot on whether to allow herself to be implicated as the killer or simply another victim, but in the end, she’d decided on victim and dipped her hands in Sean’s blood to drag across the floor like Tessa had been taken to a different location. 

She would be just another missing person soon forgotten.


	5. Chapter 5

Sekhmet had the need for sun and sand and heat after their time in Denver so they headed south to a house she owned in Miami, simply making a quick call to the agency she’d been employing for ages to manage her affairs. They would have the house aired out and made ready for their arrival, stocking the kitchen, delivering a car from storage, and filling the safe with money and the necessary items for a new identity. After switching vehicles a few times on their way there, deciding it would be unwise to fly just yet, they arrived in a few days, driving at a somewhat leisurely pace. While the house in Denver had been of a more classical design with intricate stonework and a stiff formality, the Miami one was a stunning example of Mid-Century modern architecture and surrounded by nature that left you hardly able to believe you were still within city limits. 

The long days of driving had kept Sekhmet distracted enough to give Tessa time to think and though she couldn’t feel the emotions, her thoughts were angry and not just with the goa’uld. She had not really tried to stop Sekhmet, not with Sean and not with any of the previous kills. She’d given up far too quickly and hated the cowardice and weakness she’d displayed. 

Sekhmet wanted a partner, though, a friend, and so Tessa decided to give that to her. With Sekhmet’s guidance, she was quickly learning the delicate art of deception, but she was sure the goa’uld would never suspect that Tessa would try (or be capable of) using it against her. Perhaps as Sekhmet gave her more control with more frequency, she would grow strong enough to resist her dominance. 

Never again did she want to be forced to kill someone she cared about.

After too long sitting in a car, Sekhmet’s first days in Miami were spent at a spa and her host couldn’t help but enjoy the luxuries that came with the goa’uld’s lifestyle. Tessa also resolved during that time of massages and facials and saunas that if she couldn’t stop her hands from killing, she could at least attempt to direct Sekhmet toward victims that were more deserving of her wrath. That would help soothe her own conscience as well, though she still cringed in her little corner, grateful she would at least not have to deal with the feelings of guilt and horror over her expected participation in Sekhmet’s future murders. She saw no other way to gain Sekhmet’s trust, though. 

With the fun of taunting Sean, it wasn’t hard to convince Sekhmet to take more time in selecting victims and Tessa slowly shifted from abhorrence to hunger, convincing her captor that the transition was both real and due to Sekhmet’s deep influence. Soon the two were working in harmony as they identified and stalked new possibilities, Tessa’s subtle guidance directing them to the worst of humanity as much as possible. They were men whose deaths would be of no great loss to mankind and with that she could persuade her conscience more and more easily to cooperate fully in Sekhmet’s games, the goa’uld’s superior control over her emotions making Tessa anxious for every new victim. Occasionally Sekhmet would fixate on a good and decent man, and Tessa would then try to at least hurry his demise, knowing she was still yet unable to save him or any others. 

They stayed in Miami only a few months, establishing with the police again the presence of a serial killer before moving on. Most of the men had been too easily acquired in a city with such an active nightlife and beaches. Some were tourists, many were locals, but the consistent themes were age and build. Sekhmet still loved strong and fit men the best for torture and she pushed Tessa to participate more and more, though her host’s real work took place as Sekhmet slept every night. 

Once the goa’uld had drifted off, Tessa would cautiously attempt to exert her own will over her body. She crept out of her corner and spread out over her mind, tiptoeing so as not to wake the sleeping giant. It took nearly ten months, but Tessa finally managed to move her finger. It was such a small milestone, but she nearly awoke the other mind with her excitement. From there, her progress quickened and she soon could move her limbs and even control her voice, but her fear intensified with her confidence. She could control her body with no resistance from Sekhmet, but how would that translate to an angry goa’uld fighting for dominance? Surprise would be her only advantage, so the moment would have to be perfect. 

As the goa’uld moved from city to city, Tessa began to develop her own preferences for hunting and torturing their prey. While she still had no love for the knives Sekhmet enjoyed, she did take great pleasure in the enhanced strength her master had given her muscles and used it to her full advantage in inflicting pain in their victims. She simply couldn’t help but be entertained by the shock the men experienced when setting their own power against hers.

Then after a kill, Tessa usually took their body on a long run, reveling in her new speed and endurance after years of only achieving a brisk jog with a bad knee. With any hint of her emotions deviating from Sekhmet’s chosen path, the goa’uld would quickly step in to right them. Tessa knew she was becoming far too dependent on her for the adjustments, an alcoholic needing a drink to keep any anguish at bay. 

They continued on like this, with the pair exploring both the United States as well as Sekhmet’s favorite international locations, and Tessa hoped she would soon be ready to spring her trap. As she began to mentally prepare, however, Sekhmet, in her regular monitoring of government and military activities (of course she kept herself informed), began to notice an increase in activity in Colorado Springs, though Tessa could see no reason for the goa’uld’s keen interest.

“What does it matter if more personnel and money are being allocated to this...Cheyenne Mountain? Everything we’ve seen so far suggests it’s deep-space radar telemetry.”

Sekhmet gave a sigh and Tessa could tell it was one of annoyance. At times, the goa’uld didn’t appreciate the task of being a teacher to her young host, but as she wasn’t willing to share as openly as the Tok’ra, it was often her only option if she wanted a companion who understood all that was required.

“That is clearly a cover and not a particularly good one. You remember when I told you about the stargates?”

Tessa did, but Sekhmet gave her a quick refresher of how these large metal rings were an ancient technology that allowed near instantaneous travel to other Stargates located on various planets throughout the galaxy. The goa’uld had relied on them to maintain their rule of the galaxy, though the development of their own advanced ships had decreased their dependency on the assimilated technology somewhat. 

Sekhmet got to her point. “Earth’s Stargate is currently located deep within Cheyenne Mountain.”

She had heard rumblings of the discovery of a Stargate in Giza back in the 1920s, but the humans had never been able to make it work as far as she knew. Then a few years ago, when some of her monitoring devices had been destroyed during a construction project at the Pentagon, she’d taken a government official as a host to restore her eyes and ears, and discovered that a Dr. Daniel Jackson, an archaeologist long ridiculed for his theories of pyramids being landing pads for alien spaceships (a theory that Tessa learned was entirely accurate), had assisted the Air Force in getting the Stargate to work. However, after just a single mission and the loss of the doctor, the program had been shut down. 

The news that another goa’uld, the Supreme System Lord Ra, had been destroyed during that mission had filled Sekhmet with an odd mixture of both satisfaction and loss and, as she passed the knowledge onto her host, Tessa again saw the two dead young men, though this time they had names: Maahes and Nefertum. 

Tessa now understood the implications of the acquired information and when they investigated further, it appeared that the Stargate was not only up and running again, but Dr. Jackson had returned to earth, having survived after all. Suddenly all of Sekhmet’s extra energy was devoted to seeking out as much information as possible about the Air Force’s endeavours, though that certainly didn’t mean that the country was safe from the pair’s other hobbies. 

The goa’uld’s efforts were cautious at first, not knowing how much was known about her species, but she soon learned there was little fear of any alien presence left on Earth. It was easy to track down various scientists that were working on projects involving the Cheyenne Mountain facility and Area 51, though, and their lack of military training made them far too trusting of an attractive woman who paid them attentions. Laptops were hacked, data quickly downloaded, and Sekhmet’s genetic dowry of intelligence meant she could decipher the information with barely any effort.

Tessa was fascinated, but the strain of obtaining the new knowledge slowed her nightly efforts considerably. Soon the pair likely knew as much as and understood more than any expert working within Stargate Command, but Sekhmet wasn’t sure what to do with that information as of yet. She had grown accustomed to life on earth and had little desire to join her brethren back out in the galaxy, fighting for dominance over planets or serving one of the System Lords. Sekhmet had always preferred gaining power through more subtle means and the worship of humans had meant very little to her. The ability to do as she pleased with little interference or hindrance had always been her ultimate goal, regardless of any human recognition of her superiority. 

Sekhmet would not admit it, but Tessa could not miss the hatred that went through her body when they learned of the new leader of the System Lords: Apophis. When Tessa had first seen his name mentioned in a report, she was suddenly swept back in time, holding a young man in her arms, his bloodied face looking up at her with dead eyes. She could hear her own screaming, though it was not her voice. “Maahes!” The grief she felt was almost unbearable and her relief when the vision faded far outshadowed her curiosity for a time. The memories kept returning, but their jumbled order made it impossible for Tessa to sort out on her own.

One evening in their hotel bathroom as Sekhmet washed her face, Tessa broached the subject cautiously. 

“Sekhmet?”

The goa’uld answered aloud as she often did when they were alone. “Hm?”

“Who were Maahes and Nefertum?”

Sekhmet’s eyes widened in anger as she froze, but then her face softened and she sighed deeply. “I suppose there’s much of my past I’ve blocked from you, though this one wasn’t necessarily intentional. There’s so much I’ve blocked from myself. Things I don’t want to think about...until I have to...and now I have to.”

She leaned against the bathroom counter and looked into Tessa’s eyes in the mirror, speaking directly to her host. 

“Maahes and Nefertum were my sons.”

Tessa was not expecting that connection, but now she noted the maternal ache in her arms as Sekhmet thought of them.

“Maahes was my firstborn. His father was Ra and he was glorious. The Lord of the Massacre they called him. Or sometimes the Wielder of the Knife.” She chuckled softly. “He clearly took after me.” 

The small smile faded and she closed her eyes. “But then Apophis rebelled against Ra and when he came for him…” She swallowed hard and her voice took on an edge. “Maahes died protecting the father that should have died protecting his son.”

Sekhmet’s eyes flashed as she slammed her palms into the mirror, cracking the glass. “I swore revenge on Apophis and went into a rage. I killed every follower of his that I could find, but I couldn’t find him. So I turned my attention to Ra, the father who let his son die so he could live.” Her voice cracked. “I was no match for him. I should have known I wouldn’t be. He tricked and drugged me in the end and I slept for days.”

Her eyes closed again, but this time with a smile of remembrance and sadness. “When I awoke, there was Ptah. He had saved me from the wrath of Ra by convincing him I was no threat, just a grieving mother. Ptah was the most brilliant goa’uld I’d ever met. He designed our race’s first ships. I couldn’t help but love him.”

Another deep sigh. “Ptah and I had a son. Nefertum. The most beautiful child I’ve ever seen. He was loved by everyone who met him. People even carried tiny statues of him for good luck. He was kind and good and very clearly did not take after me, but oh,” she brought her hands to her chest, the ache intensifying, “how I loved that boy.”

Her eyes locked onto Tessa’s in the mirror. “But he wasn’t like us. He fell in love with an Egyptian girl and felt pity for her and her people in their enslavement under Ra. He did what was considered unthinkable at the time: he told them we weren’t gods. Ra was furious when Nefertum’s betrayal led to an uprising of the Tau’ri, the people of Earth. I tried to save him, but Ptah sided with Ra. He had no love for the humans and saw the danger Nefertum presented: a human with all the knowledge of the goa’uld. He was his son, but Ptah would do nothing to save him.”

Sekhmet collapsed to the tile floor. “Ra killed him, but he couldn’t stop the rebellion, and when the System Lords left Earth, I was banished, left behind with the dead bodies of my sons by their fathers.” 

She tilted her face up to the ceiling. “The System Lords made the creation of a harcesis, a child born from two hosts, forbidden from that point onward. Nefertum was the last.”

Tessa had never seen Sekhmet cry in anything but an elaborate ruse, but she let out two great sobs before she reached deeper to pull rage back up to its usual place, the grief falling away back into the shadows. 

*****

Sekhmet did not abandon her monitoring of the Stargate program, but she was anxious to be in places other than Colorado Springs and Las Vegas. The return to their former lifestyle allowed Tessa to resume her nightly efforts to strengthen her control somewhat, but Sekhmet’s habits had stirred up quite a bit of fear around the nation. While Tessa was still unconnected to the killings, they knew they’d have to be careful as potential victims became more wary of strangers in general. 

The media had very unoriginally deemed the suspected serial killer “The Butcher”, but they still had no leads on even possible suspects. Rumors ran wild, though, and every possible description was given and discarded by anyone and everyone. Sekhmet had become quite the sensation and she quietly reveled in the fame that had not yet found her face. Hiding in the shadows provided its own thrill, though Tessa had secretly hoped the spotlight would tempt Sekhmet into bolder endeavors. A tiny flame of hope believed that Sekhmet could be caught and contained under the right circumstances, but whether that situation was attainable was beyond her knowledge. The Stargate program still knew so little of the Goa’uld and their focus was firmly on the enemies beyond their own home. 

Quite suddenly one day, Sekhmet seemed to make a decision on their next steps and they left their at-the-moment home in Greece and flew to Seattle. A quick phone call made the necessary connections and arrangements and that evening Sekhmet donned an emerald green one shoulder dress and told the hostess at the restaurant that the reservation would be under the name “Seth Fargough.” 

The young woman escorted Sekhmet towards the back of the dim room, turning heads as she passed the other patrons. Tessa felt a strange sensation of familiarity as they ventured closer to an isolated table. A man with dark shoulder length wavy hair and goatee stood as they approached and smiled in the way that only the goa’uld seemed to be able to pull off. Tessa felt her own face reflect the man’s expression, a smile that conveyed both complete pleasure and also deep deception and the hostess stiffened with the tension between the two guests. 

Seth reached out and when Sekhmet extended her arm, he took her hand and placed a rather drawn out kiss on it while still keeping his eyes on her face. There was no trust between these two, though they’d shared this planet in peace for centuries. He guided Sekhmet to the table and seated his guest before returning to his place across from her. While Sekhmet ordered a glass of wine, Seth smirked and took a sip of his drink, letting his eyes roam over Tessa’s face and body, and as they were left alone, Sekhmet turned her full attention to the man.

“My dear Sekhet,” he purred and Tessa had a vision of him as a large black lion prowling through tall grass. 

“And my dear Setekh.” The two smiled at their own private play on names. This was a greeting they’d used time and time again as they found themselves meeting over the years. 

“This new host is a very nice choice. How long have you had her?” 

Tessa was regretting her suggestion of the rather form fitting dress, but Sekhmet maintained her coy behavior. “Just a few years, but I think I’ll be keeping her longer than most of the others.” 

Seth’s expression made it very clear what thoughts lie within, but he shifted topics casually. “The Butcher. I suppose that’s you.”

Tessa felt the familiar smirk fall into place and she was suddenly struck with how natural those movements all felt. 

“Well, I do like to stay occupied, you know.” 

“Ah yes. Occupied. You always did have strange habits.” Seth’s playfulness switched abruptly to business. “And you’ve contacted me about the Chappa’ai.” 

Tessa recognized the Goa’uld word for the Stargate and wasn’t surprised that Seth also kept himself up to date on the world around him.

Sekhmet dropped the facade of friendship. “Of course.”

“You’re concerned?”

“Concerned may not be the right word. I am...interested in how this will play out for us...outcasts.” Sekhmet worked to choose her words carefully.

Seth let his fingers rub his bearded chin before replying. “Yes, I share your interest, but surely you know that Ra is dead.”

“Yes, but now Apophis has taken his place.” 

Seth’s eyes widened slightly. He had not gathered that bit of intelligence as of yet. “And does he demonstrate a desire in regaining this world?” His voice had a new layer of concern.

“He now knows how far the Tau’ri have advanced, so yes, he does.” Sekhmet was annoyed that Seth had not bothered to look more into the Stargate program. His focus had always been far too narrow with establishing cult after cult in country after country. How he never grew bored with mindless slaves was beyond Sekhmet, though Tessa more than once had pointed out her own repetitive behavior. 

“How are they handling him so far?”

Sekhmet tensed with frustration. “Have you truly not investigated this matter at all?”

Seth grew defensive and his voice took on an edge. “I have had my own worries to manage.” 

Tessa saw the lion change to a snake and she half expected a forked tongue to hiss out between his lips.

Sekhmet was done masking her annoyance. “Yes, your own worries. That handful of pathetic creatures you’ve brainwashed with Nish’ta to follow you like lost puppies.” She pulled her napkin off her lap and roughly tossed it onto the table. “I think we’re done here. I had hoped to find the Set of old with his grand schemes and deceptions. Instead I find a pathetic mockery of the god of chaos and violence, content to cower in an old house while his harem stroke his...ego.”

Sekhmet got up, but Seth stood and grabbed her arm, pulling her closer and leaning in with the return of the stalking lion. “You cannot possibly leave right away. It has been a long while since we’ve spent the night together.” 

Tessa tensed in her corner, revulsion spilling out into Sekhmet’s territory. She felt nausea fill her core and wondered momentarily if her body were obeying her thoughts, but no, it was Sekhmet’s own disgust at Seth’s offer. 

Tessa’s face reflected both of their thoughts as Sekhmet lifted her chin and shook off his hand. “I’m afraid my host finds you rather repulsive.” 

His eyes widened in surprise, but before he could speak, Sekhmet swept out of the restaurant and quickly flagged down a cab. Tessa quietly thanked Sekhmet, who shared her relief over their quick escape. 

“Seth used to be very different, but his need for worship has made him weak over the centuries. There was once a time when I enjoyed his company very much and several of his hosts were especially pleasing,” Tessa saw flashes of memories of handsome men all wearing the same charming smile, “but our meetings were always brief. He had no desire for a true companion. He was mostly content to use the Nish’ta drug to make slaves and then control them until outside forces would require him to abandon his followers and move on. He’s become a coward.” 

Tessa was surprised to feel her shoulders slump slightly. 

“I will find no help from Seth in maintaining our lives away from the System Lords.” 

They did not linger long in Seattle as Seth would likely see it as a challenge for her to hunt for prey in what he deemed his territory, but Sekhmet did agree to allow Tessa some sightseeing before their departure. She knew this was still Tessa’s greatest weakness in their arrangement. She thirsted for new places, new sights, new knowledge, and Sekhmet had an endless supply of all it for her. 

The big question now for Sekhmet was whether to simply ignore the possible chaos out in the galaxy or to find a way to make sure the System Lords would not affect her life here on Earth. Of course, she was not exactly a friend to humanity either, so an alliance with the Tau’ri would be unlikely to benefit her. They’d no doubt lock her up in Area 51 to examine and extract information from. Or worse, send her off to Apophis in a bargain of some kind. Well, at least she could rule out the option of openly aligning herself with the Stargate program. But could she assist them in secret? That would require more thought. 

Tessa, however, saw this as the possible opportunity she’d been waiting for. If she could get Sekhmet near personnel who had knowledge of the goa’uld, perhaps she could maintain control long enough to get their help. It would be risky, however, and not likely to end with anything but Sekhmet’s (and therefore Tessa’s) imprisonment. 

And when it came down to it, Tessa wasn’t sure her own selfishness could be overcome. Yes, she wanted to stop both Sekhmet and herself, but was she willing to spend the rest of her (now lengthened) life with the goa’uld as her only company and four walls as her only view? 

She’d rather die.

Or maybe even keep killing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold Text = Dialogue from Indicated Episode
> 
> Episode 2.17 “Serpent’s Song”

Tessa’s frustration began to overwhelm her, but Sekhmet only allowed the usual release and she soon found herself becoming even more brutal with their victims, even requesting the privilege of using her enhanced strength _before_ restraining the men. She enjoyed the challenge of a fight more than simply extracting screams and Sekhmet had learned various techniques of combat over her centuries of lives and hosts.

Tessa now utilized those skills effectively and creatively and Sekhmet herself enjoyed watching her host take such pleasure in inflicting not just pain, but humiliation as well. With time, Tessa became more and more aware of the old saying that it is much easier for someone to pull you down than for you to pull them up. She became more like Sekhmet than Sekhmet became like her and suddenly the urgency of her plan was not to stop the goa’uld, but perhaps to stop herself.

Tessa began to fill their body with anxiety whenever she was in control, along with subtle suggestions of infiltrating Stargate Command in order to attain more real time information on what was happening out in the galaxy. Initially, Sekhmet resisted Tessa’s influence, but soon her host’s emotions began seeping into her own and she began investigating the best way to gain access to the base.

The Goa’uld were obviously an advanced race technologically, but most of Sekhmet’s current computer skills were gained by taking a host specifically chosen for his hacking and programming abilities. She wasn’t particularly fond of him as far as hosts went, never feeling quite comfortable in a male form, but she took what she needed from him and then moved on quickly. With his base expertise, it had then been easy over the years to continue her own education to keep up with the Tau’ri advancements, so it did not take her long to create a new identity for the pair.

While at first a civilian profile seemed the best approach, she realized that Tessa’s young age meant she was unlikely to have attained the credentials necessary to be employed at somewhere as top secret as the SGC. In the past, she would have simply taken a new host that was already working there, but she had really become far too attached to Tessa, a weakness she had not anticipated. In the end, she was able to find a young Staff Sergeant who somewhat resembled Tessa, tamper with the necessary files, and falsify transfer orders. All that was left was to get rid of the young woman and fortunately, the necessary timing required a quick disposal of the now redundant technician.

Their first day as SSgt. Kristen Brooks was without incident. With Sekhmet’s knowledge, there was nothing to learn beyond basic procedures and it would be little time before she had full access to the goings-on at Cheyenne Mountain. She did her best not to stand out in any way and it really was amazing that someone like Sekhmet could be completely invisible despite all logic insisting she was unforgettable.

SSgt. Brooks became just another technician. She kept to herself and completed her work expertly and efficiently. No one had anything to say about her other than a comment or two about her work ethic and this led to a quick lack of supervision as she proved herself competent, Sekhmet taking full advantage of the professional neglect. It was easy then to hack into areas she didn’t have clearance for as well as overhear conversations not necessarily meant for her ears.

Tessa could feel Sekhmet begin to bristle under the disguise, but her symbiote was determined to maintain the position for as long as was safe. This was not a completely risk free venture, after all. Even the slightest bit of suspicion could reveal her off-the-record work.

Their biggest threats, however, were two members of the primary Stargate team, SG-1. Captain Samantha Carter had been host for a short time to a Tok’ra named Jolinar which meant she would be able to sense any goa’uld symbiote in her immediate vicinity just as Tessa had been able to sense Seth. Teal’c, who Tessa was surprised to hear Sekhmet speak of with such loathing after hearing of his betrayal of her kind, was a Jaffa, bred by the goa’uld to incubate their larval offspring as they matured. The Jaffa were dependent on the symbiotes for an immune system, but in exchange received near perfect health and long lives, not to the level of hosts, of course, but they maintained control of their bodies and minds so Tessa felt she would easily trade with any of them. She’d much rather have a baby goa’uld in her abdomen than a mature one in her head. As long as they could avoid those two individuals, though, no one else should be able to know she was a goa’uld simply by being in her presence.

Their days took on a rhythm as Sekhmet delved deeper into the computer systems of the base, looking for ways to help the Tau’ri maintain their independence, though she certainly kept an eye out for any information she could use for herself as well. She managed to go about her days without arousing any suspicion, but when she showed up one particular morning, it was clear by the chaos that something unexpected had occurred.

“What’s going on?” Sekhmet spoke to the closest guard in the gentle voice she’d given to SSgt. Brooks.

“SG-1 captured Apophis and brought him back to the SGC. They’re holding him in one of the isolation rooms in the infirmary. Word is he’s pretty beat up.”

Tessa was overwhelmed by the strong rush of emotions that filled their body. She half expected their legs to take off at a run towards the isolation rooms to confirm the crazy statement, Sekhmet speaking inside their head in a flurry of thoughts and questions. Their mouth remained speechless, however, as the goa’uld tried to sort out her next move.

“He’s here. The bastard is _here_.” Sekhmet’s tone in their head was a mixture of loathing, glee, and fear. How she wished she could find a way to be the one to end his life without getting herself captured in the process. He would sense her as soon as she was close, though, and likely Captain Carter and Teal’c wouldn’t be far off either.

But to see him! She had to at least lay eyes on him and it seemed her body agreed as it had already brought her to the right corridor. Sekhmet paused and then shrank against the wall as a few airmen passed. She then recognized one of the guards as one who frequently sought out her attentions in the mess hall and gave him a shy smile. Airman Harris clearly saw himself as the alpha in their back and forth and winked at her, likely hoping to draw a blush. Sekhmet obliged, but Tessa could hear his imagined screams in their head.

Cautiously, she walked closer to the dark muscular man. “Is it true, Ronnie? Is Apophis really in there?” She made sure to lace her words with both fear and awe and paired it all with a gentle hand on his arm. He, of course, wanted to show off in any way he could, the type of guy who needed the constant high of being placed on a pedestal by the women around him, though that took very little effort usually. Tessa was quick to admit he was gorgeous and even Sekhmet momentarily wished Seth would have taken a host like the airman.

Ronnie leaned down close to Tessa’s ear. “He is, but he’s dying.”

Sekhmet worked hard to keep on the mask, but even so, it slipped momentarily. Dying. “How can he be _dying?_ ” Tessa could hear the Sekhmet seeping through the Kristen voice, but she doubted anyone else would notice. Ronnie certainly didn’t seem to.

“Apparently he was tortured by some other goa’uld. He was demanding a new host for a while there. Can you believe that?”

Ronnie’s tone clearly revealed he expected Sekhmet to share his indignation and she arranged her face with the expected disgust before softening to curiosity. “Another goa’uld? Who?”

“So-- something.” Ronnie looked up and turned to his friend. “What was the goa’uld’s name, Sadler?”

Sadler shrugged his shoulders, but paused as the name came to him. “Sotar? No, Sokar. Yeah. Sokar.”

The slightest smirk flitted across Sekhmet’s face as she thought of the agony Sokar likely inflicted upon Apophis. His torturing was second only to her own and Tessa saw images of a pain stick sending energy into victims, light pouring out of their eyes and mouth as they screamed, while a large creature (an Unas host, Sekhmet supplied) smiled at their anguish. Tessa felt a certain fondness spread through them as her goa’uld thought of this Sokar, though Sekhmet snapped back to attention as the airmen stared at her change, not being able to quite pinpoint what exactly was different.

“I think I’ve come across that name in my reading,” she imitated a sudden remembrance of the information, before moving on quickly. “What’s Apophis look like?”

Ronnie glanced around. “No one’s up in the observation area. You can see him really quickly.”

Tessa wished she could roll her eyes at how much he wanted to impress them.

He glanced around again, nodded to his friend who nodded back, and quickly ushered her through a door to the side. Tessa felt their body tense as Sekhmet walked up the stairs and their breathing quickened as she reached the bay of windows, Sekhmet slowly turning her head to lower her eyes down to the broken man bound to the bed. His eyes were closed and his breathing shallow and Tessa felt a sharp intake of breath as Sekhmet recognized Apophis in the same host. The same face lie there, bloodied and beaten, but still strong. Still alive.

As they stood there, Sekhmet filled their mind with images of Apophis as well as Maahes. Her body leaned closer and her hand touched the glass barrier, a longing to be in the same room with its enemy. Tessa felt Ronnie’s hand on their arm, but Sekhmet did not, all of her focus taken up by the goa’uld beneath them.

Suddenly Apophis’s eyes sprang open and locked onto the woman staring down at him. Tessa mentally gasped, but Sekhmet did not even flinch.

He could feel her presence. She could feel his.

The prisoner’s eyes flashed and Tessa could feel Ronnie’s gaze on them, but Sekhmet still could not spare any attention for the airman. The staff sergeant began to disappear and Tessa felt the familiar contortion of a smirk form on their face. Apophis opened his mouth, but was interrupted by an alarm and a woman’s voice coming over the speakers.

“Incoming Traveler.”

Ronnie grabbed Kristen’s arm and rushed her down the stairs and back into the corridor. “You should go,” he said rather harshly with a quick glance over her face.

Tessa reminded Sekhmet of how Kristen Brooks would act and the mask went up more firmly than before. It was rare for her to unwittingly break character. Quickly the hall filled with airmen running towards the elevators to make their way down to the gate room and Sekhmet did her best to stay out of the way as she wandered away in a daze, finding herself standing in front of her desk before too long.

No one had come through the gate that time, but a few hours later, another alarm announced the Stargate was active and she caught word quickly that a few Tok’ra had arrived, having sent some kind of message before. Tessa now found their roles reversed as she attempted to rein in Sekhmet’s exploding emotions of fear and loathing at the arrival of these guests, the hatred for the Tok’ra running deep. Their very existence was a betrayal of all that it meant to be a goa’uld. It denied their superiority and natural right to rule the lesser beings of the galaxy. Tessa scoffed at Sekhmet’s supposed righteous anger, suspecting she was more afraid they would take her prey when she was so close. The two minds clashed momentarily before host was again shoved back by symbiote.

Apophis was dying. Sekhmet should simply let him die, not risking her own exposure, but thousands of years of hatred did not readily listen to logic. Sekhmet knew she could easily force her way into the isolation room and kill the goa’uld, but escaping? She could not see that as an easy possibility from within the SGC.

Tessa now found herself with the opportunity to set Sekhmet onto a path that would likely lead to their capture or death. She was unsurprised to discover herself a coward. They would capture, not kill them, and she couldn’t bring herself to entice Sekhmet down that path.

“Don’t be a fool, Sekhmet. No one throws away their life to kill someone who will be dead in a matter of hours.”

Again a voice over the speakers announced another incoming traveler and the alarms began sounding. Sekhmet knew one of these would be Sokar. He would want back what was taken from him.

Tessa was unsurprised then when Sekhmet was proven right as the entire base began talking about Sokar somehow heating up the protective iris through the Stargate. They had taken to spraying the trinium titanium alloy barrier with liquid nitrogen to attempt cooling it. Thirty-eight minutes was all it had to last before the incoming wormhole would destabilize and then they could dial out, but Sekhmet knew there was a major flaw in the Tau’ri’s dialing program.

It was damn slow.

So again, Tessa was unsurprised when Sokar was able to dial in again before the computer could dial out. Sekhmet’s annoyance with the inferiority of human intelligence was starting to seep into SSgt. Brook’s mood and she at last stormed off to her computer to write a quick program to enhance the dialing procedure. The trick wasn’t really in speeding up the process. It was doing it in a way that was likely to come from a human, not a goa’uld.

Tessa watched as their fingers flew across the keyboard, generating code that she only understood as Sekhmet created it and passed the knowledge on to her. Twice she hit roadblocks where she realized the path she had chosen would require goa’uld computer trickery and had to reverse back several steps. Finally, she completed it, checked it, ran it through a quick test, and put it onto a disc, quickly finding her supervisor and handing it off to him as she explained what it was and that she didn’t think she could run down to the control room fast enough. At first he didn’t believe her, but she told a story about it being something she’d been working on since she first came to the SGC, not something she’d started less than thirty minutes ago and fortunately, he didn’t question her further and took off at a sprint towards the elevators.

Tessa knew that while this was certainly not as foolish as storming the infirmary and killing Apophis, it was still intensely risky. There would be no hiding as a faceless tech with this display of brilliance. Especially if it saved the world from Sokar.

Sekhmet snuck down to Level 21 to find out if Apophis was still alive and as she came close to the door, she could recognize a weak Apophis conversing with Colonel Jack O’Neill, the leader of SG-1.

“ **Help me.** ” The normally booming voice kept its tone, but none of its strength.

“ **No.** ” O’Neill was not one to attempt to hide his disgust for the goa’uld, even as one lay dying so pathetically in front of him.

“ **A host**.”

“ **No.** ”

“ **I am...afraid.** ”

His confession filled Sekhmet with both gratification and disgust. His weakness was revolting, but she was pleased with his fear at death. She only wished she could have seen his face as he said it.

A sudden gasp left Apophis and she could hear the scuffle of someone, likely Dr. Frasier, the Chief Medical Officer of the base, attending to him.

“ **The goa’uld is dead, but the host...he’s still alive.** ”

Her shock was reflected in Sekhmet’s mind. It was rare indeed for the host to outlive the goa’uld. He would not live much longer, though.

Suddenly, Sekhmet was bumped into the wall as Dr. Daniel Jackson rushed past, an Egyptian funerary statue in his hands. He’d become the fourth member of SG-1 with his return to Earth.

“Sorry! Didn’t see you there!” he called as he rushed past, his glasses askew as he threw a glance back at her.

Sekhmet saw no reason to remain. Apophis was dead, Maahes was avenged, and her body was suddenly overwhelmed with weariness as her feet stumbled toward the elevators again. Tessa felt a tug in their abdomen warning them that a goa’uld was approaching. Teal’c or the Tok’ra! She was able to force Sekhmet into action who rushed down the corridor just as they heard the doors of the elevator open. She paused for a moment to strain her ears toward the isolation room again and she could barely hear Teal’c’s stoic voice as he left the hall.

“ **Captain Carter has succeeded in creating an outgoing wormhole. Sokar cannot attack during this time.** ”

Sekhmet momentarily bristled at the lack of praise for her own contribution, but shoved it aside with the relief of hopefully not being discovered.

One floor down found her in the mess hall which was crowded with groups of people mixing and changing, all exchanging information. Sekhmet floated from conversation to conversation listening for anything she did not yet know, but stayed mostly out of the fray. She caught a mention of her stolen name and paused to listen without looking.

“Yeah, Kristen Brooks, the new tech. She wrote a program to help speed up the dialing process so they could get a wormhole out before Sokar could dial in.”

It was her supervisor. Of course, it would make him look good to have one of his staff saving the base. She should have chosen someone else to run it down.

Tessa encouraged Sekhmet to leave before anyone identified her as the staff sergeant they all were talking about. Turning towards the door, she ran smack into Ronnie, whose large grin was looking forward to claiming her acquaintance in her new fame.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t our savior,” his voice rose loudly, “SSgt. Kristen Brooks!” The general din of the room quieted as people turned to stare. “ _You_ are going to let me take you out for a beer to say thank you.”

Sekhmet flooded Tessa’s cheeks with a strong blush that spread to her ears and neck. “Umm...no. No need. I’m fine.”

Ronnie was not one to take no for an answer, though, and dropped his voice to a whisper. “If you don’t let me take you out tonight, I’ll just keep asking until you say yes.”

Sekhmet put on a shy smile. “Well, with an offer like that, how can a girl refuse?” Tessa was likely the only one to hear the sharp dangerous edge to her tone. Neither one of them was not looking forward to an evening pretending to be a tipsy shy technician.

Ronnie raised his voice again. “Alright, anyone who wants to buy this girl a drink can meet us at O’Malley’s!”

Cheers rose up and Sekhmet made Kristen’s body shrink even further as both minds inwardly groaned.

After changing into an outfit that made her body look attractive, but smaller than it was, Sekhmet joined a carpool over to the bar. Once there, she was given a spot of honor at a table in the back corner and the beers started piling up in front of her. She tried turning them down, but Kristen was hardly authoritative. Instead, Sekhmet had her slowly sip on the first beer and encourage those around her to help empty the other mugs.

She spent most of her time staring at the table, both Sekhmet and Tessa agitated with the inactivity and the two spoke to each other more than the others outside of their mind. The distraction proved dangerous.

“Yeah, Captain Carter, Kristen’s right over here.”

Too late did the two hear Ronnie’s voice and sense the former Tok’ra host’s presence. Sekhmet looked up as Ronnie approached the table with a woman with short blond hair.

Captain Carter smiled as their eyes met and rushed right into speaking. “Your programming today was brilliant. I’d been working on something myself, but your approach was ingenious. The way you worked around the limitations of the computer and used the variables…” Her voice trailed off as her eyes narrowed in confusion. She gasped, realization washing over her face, and pulled out her sidearm, pointing it squarely at Sekhmet.

“Who are you?” she said loudly, but evenly.

Ronnie stepped in front of her. “Captain, this is Kristen. Maybe you’ve had too much to drink.”

Captain Carter stepped to the side to keep her weapon trained on the seated woman. “Get out of my way, Airman. She’s a goa’uld.”

Sekhmet quickly debated her options: play innocent and let Ronnie defend her or simply admit the truth. Her boredom over the evening influenced her decision more than it should have and she let Kristen fade away slowly as she stood.

Her body no longer seemed as small and her face no longer looked as uninteresting and Tessa could see Ronnie’s jaw slowly drop as his eyes scanned the new woman standing in front of him, his shock likely related to her increased attractiveness more than the revelation about her alien status.

The familiar smirk fell comfortably onto her face yet again and both host and symbiote relaxed into the more natural mannerisms.

Sekhmet’s strong voice now replaced Kristen’s mild tone as she spoke. “And here I’ve worked so hard to avoid you during this time. You and the--” she paused to pour contempt into the next word “--Shol’va.”

With the last word, several other military personnel listening pulled out their weapons as well. Only the goa’uld referred to Teal’c as a traitor.

“Who are you?” Captain Carter demanded again. “What are you doing here?” Her face filled with horror and she adjusted her gun’s position slightly. “What did that program really do?”

Sekhmet chuckled at the woman’s fear. “The program did exactly what I said it would do, simply speeding up the dialing process.” That was mostly true at least and Tessa felt their face relax into a smile. “You know, you’re being rather presumptuous. Perhaps I’m a Tok’ra.”

Captain Carter smiled back. “But you’re not.”

Sekhmet allowed the smirk to return. “No. I’m not.”

“So what are you doing here?”

Sekhmet allowed anger to start lacing her words. “I actually came to help. And I think today proved that it was a good thing, too.”

“Help?” It was Carter’s turn to smirk. “Why?”

“Well, you Tau’ri seem to have really made some enemies fast and I have no wish for the System Lords to regain control of this planet.

“So you took Kristen Brooks as a host to gain access to the SGC.”

Sekhmet let out a single laugh. “Oh, no. This isn’t Kristen Brooks.”

Captain Carter looked confused. “You hacked our systems. Where’s the real Kristen Brooks?” Tessa could see the woman inwardly answer her own question before she’d even finished asking it. “You killed her.”

Sekhmet again moved her face into a friendly smile, bringing her hands up in a gesture of innocence. “Well, I’m hardly the US prison system. You certainly can’t expect me to feed and clothe and shelter everyone who gets in my way, can you?”

The guns trained on her all ticked upwards just slightly at this admission and Sekhmet laughed at their outrage. “What do you all care?” she asked as she turned her head to look at them all. “You never even knew the woman.”

“She was still one of our own,” Captain Carter said slowly and evenly. “I’ll ask you again. Who are you?”

“Someone who saved all of your lives today,” Sekhmet spat back. “So I’ll take a little more gratitude if you please.”

Captain Carter nodded to two of the Air Force personnel on either side of her, but before they could move towards the goa’uld, Sekhmet picked up a steak knife in front of her, sidestepped the small table, and wrapped an arm around the chest of the still-stunned Ronnie as she spun him around. She had the knife to his throat and had drawn a shallow line of blood across his dark neck before the slower humans could respond, her faster reaction time another genetic gift.

Hands tightened on weapons and Ronnie flinched as his body started to feel the pain. He was taller than Tessa, but Sekhmet could still see over his shoulder as his body blocked hers. She began to sidestep towards the back of the restaurant where she had noted an exit when they first arrived.

Captain Carter moved with her. “Stop there.”

Sekhmet did not stop. They had been so upset over the death of a woman they’d never even met, there was no way they would sacrifice Ronnie, even to capture a goa’uld.

“You’re going to let me leave or poor Ronnie here will be significantly more dead than how he started his evening.” Sekhmet switched over to the deeper goa’uld voice. “You’ve perhaps seen my work on the news. I have quite the talent with knives.”

The tension in the room thickened as the crowd watched and realized the magnitude of her last statements. Ronnie understood as well and the fear in his body leached through his back into his captor. Sekhmet smoothed her hand across his chest and whispered in his ear, maintaining her deep voice. “Do as I say and I will be more than happy to leave you alive. If you attempt any heroics, though, I will _still_ escape, but I will take you with me. And while I would enjoy your screams immensely, I doubt it would be quite as pleasant for you.” Ronnie tried to nod, but the knife deepened as he moved his head forward making him flinch again and Sekhmet chuckled softly.

Sekhmet and Ronnie continued their slow trek along the back wall before coming to the door. She had noted a few airmen slip out the front of the restaurant, presumably to entrap her as she made her escape in the back alley, but she also knew from a previous visit that this was a double door setup, giving her the ability to turn themselves`around before heading outside so she could continue to use Ronnie as cover.

They backed through the first door slowly as Sekhmet made sure no one was in the vestibule and then let the door leading back into O’Malley’s close before she began twisting around towards the second door. Again, she moved slowly through the door and was unsurprised to be greeted by two guns held in hands illuminated by the street lights.

“Don’t move!” one of the men yelled. He couldn’t see how much Sekhmet was enjoying even this small degree of peril after such a long time pretending to be a weakling.

Sekhmet simply twisted themselves towards the shadows away from the lights and pulled Ronnie right along with her into the dark. They were as good as invisible with no moon out tonight and once they reached the side street, Sekhmet gave the airman a good shove and took off running into the night. She heard a few shots fired behind her, but she had already turned another corner and was out of sight.

The adrenaline pumping through their body invigorated them both and Sekhmet gave control over to Tessa to enjoy part of the run as well. She ran much farther than was needed, but the thrill prolonged her stamina. They then found an inconspicuous white sedan and quickly picked the lock before hot-wiring the engine into starting. Human technology was all too simple for the alien.

Before long, she expected Captain Carter would be sitting at the desk assigned to Kristen Brooks and attempting to log into her computer. What she would realize too late was that without Sekhmet’s own personal code, the hard drive would crash and wipe everything. It would also cause the computer records Sekhmet had modified to revert back to the original Kristen Brooks, erasing all of Tessa’s pictures and fingerprints, and with the old information restored, it wouldn’t be long before the Jane Doe found in a small town in Illinois would be identified. With any luck, they would never find the monitoring devices Sekhmet had managed to place in various locations throughout the facility and the pair would maintain access to the base’s operations.

Tessa originally worried that a security camera image of Kristen would be flashed all over the news as a wanted person, but Sekhmet assured her that the SGC would be far too worried about exposing her true nature or endangering more lives to resort to those tactics. They would likely keep a close eye on the work of The Butcher, but they would always be one or more steps behind the pair.


	7. Chapter 7

Tessa suggested they leave the United States for a while and Sekhmet agreed, taking them to Torrelavega in Northern Spain. The house was breathtaking as they drove up, an 18th century villa with thick stone walls and perched on a hill overlooking its small vineyard. The surrounding land was lush and green and Tessa was anxious to spend a few afternoons walking the grounds.

The interior of the home was just as appealing, with rich woodwork, tapestries, and stunning portraits (several of which were Sekhmet in various hosts in various eras), and Tessa[2] enjoyed the tour Sekhmet gave her, passing memories along of when items were acquired, parties that were thrown, memories made in various nooks and corners. Over two years as a host and yet Tessa still did not tire of the simple awe that she herself could now remember when the antiques in front of her were newly made.

Sekhmet changed personas as she changed houses, each location seeming to bring out a different part of her personality and history. In this house, she seemed to breathe deeper and found the people of this area to be welcoming and friendly. They loved their land and culture and wished to share it with anyone who ventured there, especially a rich young woman who spoke their language like a native. Interestingly, Sekhmet had homes where she resisted the urge to kill, though that usually meant she couldn’t stay there for too long before the need became too great. They only stayed two weeks in Torrelavega before moving on, but Tessa managed to extract a promise from Sekhmet to return at some point sooner rather than later.

While Sekhmet slept, Tessa agonized over her cowardice during their time at the SGC. She knew she needed to put all of her hard work into action fighting against Sekhmet, but that fear of imprisonment rather than death kept her dormant. Though now she couldn’t ignore the fact that every new death could possibly have been prevented. Had she pushed Sekhmet to attack Apophis as he lay dying, her master would now be imprisoned, putting an end to the killing spree.

She had to stop her and Tessa finally determined one night that she would do whatever was needed to that end, even accept a long life of imprisonment in Area 51 with a goa’uld to torture her mind and body.

After several months abroad, Sekhmet again journeyed back to the States to check in on the Stargate program, calling her management agency to set up the house she owned in Colorado Springs. Built in the Spanish Mission style in the early twenties, Sekhmet had bought it within weeks of learning that the Stargate had been moved to the city, and while the house itself was beautiful and gave them stunning views of the nearby mountains, its main charms for the goa’uld were its relative isolation from neighborly observations as well as its proximity to the Air Force Base.

That geographical nearness now gave her access to the monitoring devices she’d left behind during her time as Kristen Brooks and the first bits of new information learned were the death[4] of a goa’uld she did not wish harm upon and the resurrection of another she wished to slaughter herself.

Seth had been killed by SG-1. They’d infiltrated his cult complex north of Seattle only a few weeks ago, but Sekhmet wasn’t exactly sad as much as wistful for what Seth could have been.

Learning that Apophis was no longer dead, however was almost too much to bear for the grieving mother. While some of the rage was divided up between Stargate Command and Sokar, the brunt of it she reserved for herself. She should have slaughtered him when she’d had the chance, destroying him so thoroughly that no sarcophagus would have been capable of reviving him.

The only consolation was that Apophis was again in Sokar’s possession and that was no pleasant fate, though she wished his agony were from her own hands, and this desire for a more tangible revenge on Apophis slowly began to shape an idea she had shoved aside for centuries.

Perhaps it was time to leave Earth.

At first, Tessa assumed this was just a passing fancy that Sekhmet’s fear would eventually repress, but her need for Apophis’s death, once thought to be fulfilled, roared back into life with a new force. Tessa did her best to bring up the logical objections she hoped would quiet the voice of revenge, but Sekhmet now saw those protests as simply challenges to be overcome.

When finally Tessa realized that Sekhmet was unlikely to be swayed at this point, she began to plot her own path, one that led to the capture (and hopefully death) of Sekhmet and herself. Before their time impersonating Kristen Brooks, Tessa could have maybe gotten away with simply murder charges, death penalty even, but now the Stargate program knew her face, and that face, once she was caught, would be known by every man, woman, and child in the majority of the countries around the world. She would be famous and that meant she would be claimed by the Stargate program before it was discovered by the regular authorities that she was host to an alien.

Still, the fame over the case could lead to a better outcome. They wouldn’t be able to just shut her away until she died. Reporters, politicians, the victims’ families would all demand information and justice. The Stargate program couldn’t afford to get wrapped up in the conspiracy theories that would erupt if she simply disappeared after capture, could they?

Tessa resumed her nightly exercises with more vigor, but she knew that at this point she was as strong as she could be. And that likely still wouldn’t be enough. She already sensed that the most likely outcome out of all of this was simply that Sekhmet would take another host and kill her. There was so little chance of anything that looked even remotely like success, but these thoughts led only to hopelessness.

She needed to tap into some of the goa’uld overconfidence she experienced as she helped torture their victims. Sekhmet rarely had self doubt and even when she did, it was minimal compared to a human. Tessa finally grit her teeth (metaphorically of course) and resolved to see herself more as Sekhmet and less as the old Tessa. After all, how much of the old Tessa was there actually left anymore? She was a killer now...and not a very reluctant one, which she tried not to let the bits of the old Tessa dwell on.

She started slowly, flashes of Sean and his death with undertones of sadistic pleasure, but then she found one of Sekhmet’s favorite parts of the whole affair so she began to think with glee of the moment Sean realized she had drugged him. Sekhmet enjoyed the memory, but was also concerned that her host would begin to wallow again.

“I’ve been thinking, Sekhmet.” Tessa had to convince the goa’uld that the old Tessa was really gone. “I didn’t fully appreciate the beauty of that moment with Sean. The look on his face…”

Tessa chuckled in a mixture of her own tone and Sekhmet’s, and her master twisted their mouth into the familiar smirk as the two of them again ran the memory in their head.

“We should do that again,” Tessa finally said wistfully. “I don’t think I’d get so attached this time which would make it... _ fun. _ ”

Sekhmet breathed deeply, immersing herself in the sense of accomplishment as her host finally seemed to accept her role as protégé. “I’m sure we could find another detective somewhere to play with a bit.”

Tessa filled her corner with a slinky type of energy, one she had experienced many times with Sekhmet as she prowled for her next victim, a deliberate calm forcing the muscles to wait for the moment of attack. “Where to, then?” she asked her master. “New England would certainly be nice this time of year.”

Sekhmet smiled, remembering all the times she’d visited her various homes in that area during the autumn months. For a goa’uld, she had a special appreciation for natural beauty and the crisp fall air always made her feel free. She had diligently sought out those experiences where she could on this planet, trying to fill the void left by being grounded. The real freedom she had craved for these centuries bound to dirt and rock had been for stars and space, moons and planets, the vast emptiness of possibility.

She would hone Tessa’s skills with this last exercise before venturing back out to the galaxy and again seeking the revenge that had continually eluded her.


	8. Chapter 8

The Boston townhouse was precisely what you would expect in Beacon Hill with its Federal-style architecture and ornate interior. While she owned the entire building, ten years back Sekhmet had converted it into separate living spaces to rent out, reserving only the top two floors for herself as a penthouse apartment. The goa’uld ruled the world in her own way, subtly with real estate and investments and the influence her money could buy. She shifted into mannerisms that would (and did) fit in perfectly with the old money elite of this “Athens of America,” as it was called, though Sekhmet used the nickname as an insult to these people who had no idea what the _real_ Athens had been like. Tessa always noted the odd disdain for youth the goa’uld had, all while they observed humanity through hosts that mimicked the freshness they despised.

The pair took a few days to settle in and get the lay of the land again. The city hadn’t changed much since the last time Sekhmet had been there so she was able to drop into some of her favorite haunts and strike up new relationships with old acquaintances. Sekhmet was surprisingly well liked everywhere they went, always able to pick up with people precisely where she left off, though her face changed with nearly every meeting.

Tessa threw herself into the first killing, telling her conscience that this was what was necessary to stop Sekhmet, but by the time the man was dead, she accepted that her vigour was really due to these being her last possible opportunities to feel the rush of screams and she found she wasn’t eager for them to be over.

The Butcher killings had been taken over by an FBI task force which should show up soon after the first victim. The pair of killers would then have a very elite crop of special agents to choose from for their games. When they found themselves intentionally caught in the crowds around the second crime scene they’d produced not too far from the townhouse, Tessa was given control to assess and pick a target. They’d already hacked into the FBI’s computer files and chosen a few possible options, but Sekhmet always liked having her own eyes (or her host’s eyes, as it were) on potential victims. She needed to see how they moved and talked, how they spoke to others, and how others spoke to them. All of that information provided her with the beginnings of crafting who she needed to be to get what she wanted from them.

Two agents stuck out to Tessa right from the beginning and Sekhmet agreed they were their most likely candidates. Special Agent John Attaway certainly fit into the normal physical parameters that Sekhmet preferred, but Tessa didn’t like the undercurrent of brutality she noted in his interactions with his team. Fortunately, their second option, Special Agent Aaron Molina noticed her in the crowd first and gave her a smile.

Sekhmet chuckled inside their head. “It appears Special Agent Molina has chosen _us._ ”

Tessa smiled back and then, rather boldly in Sekhmet’s opinion, winked. SA Molina’s smile widened slightly in surprise before he turned to another agent, handing him a file, and making his way toward the crowd. He came right up to the crime scene tape and pointed at Tessa.

“Excuse me, miss,” he said very professionally. “Can I have a word?”

The crowd all turned to look at the young woman he addressed and Tessa organized their features to reflect concern. She hesitated as SA Molina lifted the tape and motioned for her to walk under it. Initially she remained still, letting a certain degree of fear begin to radiate from their body before pushing confidence back to the surface with a slight lift of their chin and walking forward. Sekhmet did not hold back her pride at her young host’s deceptions. 

SA Molina guided her gently off to the side of the crime scene, a good distance from both the body and crowd.

“I didn’t realize it was a criminal offense to wink at an officer of the law,” Tessa said with just a hint of Sekhmet’s smirk.

He chuckled. “Oh, it’s not. I’m sorry I frightened you. I--”

“Do you always question random passersby?”

“Only when they appear to be of interest.”

Tessa shifted to concern again. “Suspect type interest or--”

“Getting your number and taking you out for a drink type interest.” He kept his face serious for a moment more before releasing a large grin. “ _If_ I’m a person of interest to you, of course.”

Tessa laughed nervously, but then lowered their voice to a whisper and leaned closer. “You’re not worried I’m some kind of killer, returning to the scene of the crime?”

Molina’s face hardened. “No offense, but I don’t think you’d have the strength to do what this guy does to people.”

This statement prompted a wicked laugh from Sekhmet in the back of their mind and Tessa had to fight back the smile that threatened their mouth as well.

He shook his head a little before extending his hand. “I’m Aaron by the way. Aaron Molina.”

“ _Special Agent_ Aaron Molina.” Tessa pointed to the badge hung around his neck then let their hand fall to his. “Mae Hartley.”

Aaron held on just a moment longer than was really necessary so Tessa let their hand slide gently out of his.

“So, Mae...can I take you out for a drink in a day or two? Not sure how long I’ll be in town, though.”

Tessa tilted their head to the side, their eyes looking him over, before giving a small shrug. “Why not?” Aaron’s face was a bit hurt before Tessa smiled. “I wouldn’t have winked before if I weren’t interested.”

Aaron smiled broadly again, relief on his face, and he handed her a little notebook and pen. Tessa suddenly had a flash of Sean doing the same thing and their stomach and face fell slightly, but Sekhmet immediately stepped in to recover the situation and jotted down Mae’s name and number.

Sekhmet brought her hand up suddenly and glanced at her watch. “I’ve gotta go.”

Aaron glanced back briefly to where the body lay. “Same. I’ll give you a call then.”

Sekhmet nodded before letting Aaron guide her back to the crowd. “Bye,” she said quietly before ducking under the tape again and making her way through the people who continued to stare as she passed.

Soon Aaron Molina would be running “Mae Hartley” through their computer systems and be greeted by a fairly thorough and normal background. He could find the inconsistencies if he devoted much time to the endeavor, but it would be apparent that only someone especially talented could develop such a profile out of thin air. Mae certainly didn’t appear to be that type of especially talented. She was safe from any true speculation.

The pair took on the activities of someone researching a book, the cover they’d developed for Mae, spending long hours at various libraries, walking in parks, and drinking copious amounts of coffee in posh little shops. Tessa was a bit surprised to learn that Sekhmet had actually written a few books in her various lives, her long hours needing to be filled with thoughtful activity. Once she’d even killed off her host rather tragically to generate publicity for the book she’d written under the woman’s name. Tessa made sure to laugh at all the right parts of the story, diligently saving her horror for a later time.

It was only a few days before SA Molina called and plans were made for dinner with Mae Saturday night. That meant shopping, which was an activity Tessa could enjoy without any guilt. Sekhmet’s wardrobe in every city was immense, but she knew the power of the right dress, the right shoes, the right hairstyle in the right moment. She could make people see her in completely different ways as she needed. Clothing was just as effective as armor in today’s world.

Sekhmet and Tessa meticulously got Mae ready for the evening, both acknowledging that the facade was flawless. Everything about her appearance spoke to the background she’d established and yet, there was a certain level of dissonance which Sekhmet had discovered humans needed to believe the veneer. Her characters were created from stories built upon basic facts. For tonight Mae looked elegant, but still wore a simple leather bracelet around her wrist, a fabricated gift from an imaginary little neighborhood boy she’d watched occasionally, but grown very attached to in a short period of time. It was these sorts of details that Tessa always appreciated, knowing that many of the stories were true, just from other lives or other people or other times.

Sekhmet had made reservations at her favorite restaurant from _way_ back, Union Oyster House. She’d been frequenting the establishment for nearly 150 years and had been reminiscing over the last few days, sharing memories with Tessa. She’d watched the city grow from the booths in that restaurant, hearing men and women have the beginnings of ideas and then watching those seeds come to fruition, sometimes decades later through different eyes. She’d joined in with laughter and aped sympathy for tears. She’d made friends and enemies and lovers and victims. Sometimes all at once.

Mae met Aaron at the restaurant since she’d be over that way earlier in the day or that’s what she’d claimed at least. Tessa walked them in, but Sekhmet couldn’t help herself, taking over as she stepped over the threshold, her body relaxing into the familiar sights, sounds, and smells. As Aaron was not from Boston, but simply following The Butcher from city to city with the task force, he hadn’t done any exploring of the city yet and appreciated Mae suggesting such an iconic place to eat.

Tessa’s learned skills in conversation were apparent to Sekhmet, who had a look at their inner workings, but Aaron seemed to only see a beautiful woman with a good upbringing and education.

“So I’m assuming you’re here for the possible Butcher killings?” Tessa asked in Mae’s confident tone. “The FBI handles serial killers, right?” She sipped on her glass of water and glanced over the menu while they talked, already knowing what she would order.

“Yep. We took over pretty quickly, especially after that cop got killed back in Denver.” Sekhmet immediately stepped into control, unsure how Tessa would react.

“I remember hearing about that. Awful.” Mae, of course, was very sympathetic to the situation.

“And The Butcher always seems to stay a few steps ahead of us.” He took a drink from his beer and Tessa watched as Aaron disappeared and Special Agent Molina took his place. “But I got a very interesting phone call yesterday, traced it back to the Air Force. Can you guess what they told me?”

Ever the innocent, Sekhmet looked genuinely bewildered by the turn in conversation. “I’ve never been in the Air Force. I’m not sure why you think I’d know what they said to you.”

SA Molina folded his hands in front of him on the table. “They gave me a little tip on The Butcher. Said it’s actually a woman. A young woman. A young, tall, beautiful woman.”

“I thought you said a woman couldn’t possibly do the things this guy did to his victims.”

“And I said exactly that to the man on the phone. He said she was some kind of experiment, could do things other women, and men for that matter, couldn’t do. “

“Are you telling me The Butcher is some kind of experimental superwoman created by the Air Force? That’s a bit far-fetched, isn’t it? And why are you telling me?” Sekhmet let realization gather on Mae’s face slowly before erupting in anger. “Oh my word. You think _I_ could be--” she lowered her voice like she had just realized she was yelling instead of intentionally altering her volume for effect “--The Butcher. What is _wrong_ with you?”

Sekhmet put her napkin on the table and started to reach for her purse on the seat next to her, but as she started to push up from the table, Molina put his hand on her arm, gently seating her again.

“Well then, why don’t you tell me about yourself? Prove me wrong.” Aaron reappeared and his smile seemed genuine. It was clear he didn’t quite believe the seemingly crazy story of the anonymous tip.

Mae smiled. “Well, I’m going to assume that being an FBI agent with FBI resources, you likely looked into me already.” Sekhmet raised her eyebrows slightly. “Would that be a correct assumption?”

Aaron tilted his head to the side with a shrug. “Perhaps.”

Mae rolled her eyes. “Well then, why don’t _you_ tell me about myself so I don’t bore you with details you already know.”

“Alright. _Mabel_ Hartley. Twenty-six. Named after some distant relation who had also lived in Boston. Undergrad at Cambridge. Very nice. Art History?” He looked at Mae for confirmation and she nodded. “MBA from Harvard. Impressive.”

“Thank you,” Mae said curtly.

Aaron watched her face closely with each detail. “Well-off family. Parents currently living in London. Residence is a family home in Beacon Hill. Unmarried and unemployed.”

“Currently researching a book. _Not_ unemployed.” Mae smiled coolly.

Aaron chuckled “My apologies.” But then his smile faded rapidly. “Of course, none of that is actually _true_.”

Sekhmet lowered Mae’s eyebrows in confusion. “I’m sorry? What’s not true?” Sekhmet didn’t even speed up her heart, so calm in the face of possible discovery.

“None of it. Your entire life is only a few layers deep. My initial check into you looked all quite normal, but after that tip, I went back. You were thorough, but you must have known it wouldn’t hold up to any real scrutiny.”

Sekhmet sighed, silent for a moment, and changed tactics. “Okay okay. So I’m not Mae Hartley. I may have a past I’d like to get away from, but that doesn’t make me a killer. It certainly doesn’t make me The Butcher.” She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms in frustration.

He leaned forward further, looking over her carefully. “The anonymous tip said one other thing as well.”

“Congratulations,” Sekhmet spat out in a less than educated accent. She needed him to believe she was just a simple con artist.

“He said I should tell you, the real you, whatever that means, that something called Tokra could help you, free you. Any idea what he meant?” He looked ready to pounce at the slightest sign of movement from the woman across from him.

This was it. Tessa had her moment. A deep mental breath.

“No. I have no clue what--” the calm voice of Sekhmet was cut off abruptly.

“HELP ME!!!” Tessa screamed as hard as she could to get through and was surprised when it came out as loud as it did. The entire restaurant turned to stare.

She forced herself past the shock and dug deep to hold onto control. “Help me. _Kill me._ I can’t stop her for long.”

Aaron nearly fell out of his chair in shock, but sat up straighter than before once recovered. “Who are you? Are you The Butcher?”

Tessa tightened their jaw, closing their eyes as she tried to hold on, but their voice was strained with the effort. “Yes. _Please_ end it. Kill me.”

“I’m not going to kill you. You need help.” He reached out to touch her hand, but the contact interrupted Tessa’s concentration.

Their head shook slightly before snapping back to glare at SA Molina. Out poured a deep and unnatural voice. “That... _bitch_! Everything I’ve done for her and she betrays me.” Sekhmet shook her head again, closing her eyes, but when she reopened them, they flashed. The special agent gasped and pulled his weapon out as he stood.

The other patrons missed the goa’uld tricks, but were frozen in shock at the man pointing a gun at the woman who had just yelled for help.

Sekhmet calmed herself and clasped her hands on the table, returning to her human voice. “Please, Aaron. You’re making a scene. Why don’t you sit back down?” She smiled sweetly and gestured to his chair.

He shook his head, keeping her in his sights. “Stand up and put your hands on your head.”

Sekhmet smirked. “How about we make a deal?”

“You’re hardly in position to be making any deals, don’t you think?” It was his turn to smirk, the years of chasing her finally culminating in this moment.

She kept her voice smooth and low forcing the man to lean closer to hear. “I would think you of all people should know what I’m capable of by this point.”

Molina laughed. “I’ve seen what you can do with men that are already tied up.”

“Oh, my sweet special agent, they rarely started out tied up. It was far too enjoyable to...subdue them first.”

Sekhmet was buying time. She had regained her voice and for a moment, her arms, but Tessa was holding back everything else. The goa’uld filled their head with her voice. “Maybe I should let Agent Molina know how that part was your specialty.” Tessa couldn’t spare any focus for a reply, but Sekhmet could feel her host’s fear increase. “They’ll never let you go once they know what you’ve done.”

Sekhmet turned her attention to the external threat again. “Here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to walk with me out of here and then I’m going to give you some first hand experience into the very things you’ve devoted your life to over the last few years.”

His disgust was apparent, along with his confidence. “And why would I do that?”

Tessa felt the smirk deepen as Sekhmet gained back enough control to lean forward. “Because if you don’t, I’m going to _slaughter_ everyone in this restaurant.”

Molina glanced around at the packed room which had gone completely silent as they stared, the fear thickening with every moment. He returned his gaze to the calm smirking woman, narrowing his eyes as if he were trying to tell if this were a bold bluff or legitimate threat.

Sirens filled the air then and the special agent relaxed into overconfidence. “I don’t think you’ll be going anywhere except jail.”

Sekhmet began to laugh uproariously before she dropped her face and raised her hand to ask for a moment to collect herself. The unexpected reaction allowed her to capitalize on the hesitancy and confusion of both her host and captor and Sekhmet grabbed the menu in front of her, shoving it upwards towards Molina’s arms and knocking the gun towards the ceiling as it fired. A few quick steps around the table had her hands around his throat and the gun, keeping either from being a threat. She squeezed her fingers and palm tightly, lifting him just slightly up onto his toes, but not enough for the crowd to observe.

As Aaron began running out of air, his grip loosened on the gun and as his arms started going slack, Sekhmet twisted the gun around into her palm with an impressive dexterity and pointed it at the witnesses.

“You should have taken my offer,” she whispered to Aaron in her goa’uld voice.

She took aim at a nearby man, out for a family dinner with his wife and grown children, and fired. He collapsed onto the table, but Sekhmet was already firing at a young mother whose head drooped backwards, empty eyes staring through the wood planked ceiling.

Tessa retreated in shock, watching in horror as an elderly man was the next victim, followed by a young man with a blond beard, and next by a middle aged woman with sleek black hair, but then the gun trained itself on a small little girl, maybe four years old, and the host roared back to life, throwing every ounce of strength she had into the hand holding the gun.

As the two minds fought for dominance, their other hand released SA Molina and he crumpled to the floor, the room erupting into chaos as screaming patrons ran for the exits. Tessa held their body completely still, but slowly inched her control into their mouth and voice.

“ _Aaron_ , _help me,_ ” she pleaded to the man at her feet. “ _Handcuffs. Quickly._ ” She couldn’t get any more words out without losing control of their trigger finger, but it was enough.

Molina pushed himself to his feet, still gasping for each breath, and extracted the gun from her frozen grip before pulling out his handcuffs and wrenching her arms behind her back.

Tessa still had to work hard, knowing a single set of cuffs would never hold an outraged Sekhmet, whose screams and curses were growing louder inside their head, and she closed their eyes, forcing out whispers between clenched teeth. “ _Two sets. Not enough to hold her._ ”

Aaron seemed to understand, having just felt her strength on his throat, and nodded. “The police are here. Hold on just a bit longer.”

The police had been held up by the mob trying to escape and were just now getting themselves into the third floor dining room, guns trained on the pair.

Molina coughed out his identification along with pulling out his badge slowly from his back pocket. “She’s The Butcher and I want a second set of cuffs on her.”

The closest officer raised an eyebrow at what surely looked like total paranoia, but Molina wasn’t going to explain.

“Just do it!” he yelled at the hesitating man, reaching up to grasp his throat in pain.

A second set of cuffs was placed on her wrists, imprisoning Sekhmet but allowing Tessa release. Sekhmet flew back into control, fighting against the cuffs and screaming profanities in several languages, both human and alien.

Unable to inflict pain on the officers, she instead concentrated all of her rage on her traitorous host. In control fully now, she unexpectedly handed the body back over to Tessa. Before the host could speak, though, Sekhmet radiated a burning agony throughout every muscle and all that came out of their mouth was a blood curdling scream, their head flinging backwards and their knees giving out. As the pain subsided, Tessa could feel the floor against their face and hear the men arguing through the haze

“What did you do, Frank?” one yelled, a hand gently pressing onto her back as he leaned down.

Another voice, thick with a Boston accent insisted he hadn’t even touched her and what was this chick’s problem anyway.

Tessa’s breathing slowed again and she opened their eyes to find SA Molina kneeling down and looking at her. She mouthed a single word to him. “ _Please.”_

She caught his nod just before another scream was pulled from her by Sekhmet’s cruelty and their body shook on the ground as the steady scream poured out before she again went limp and silent.

Two officers reached under her arms to drag her to her feet, but Tessa couldn’t assist them and Sekhmet wasn’t going to take control again until the residual pain was gone. They dragged her like a rag doll to the side of the room, head flopping from side to side, but at the narrow stairs, the pair hesitated on how to get the prisoner down to the ground floor. Sekhmet took control again to solve their dilemma.

“I can walk down the stairs on my own, thank you.” If she were going to be captured, she certainly wouldn’t be dragged. Her stride was steady and sure, with no resemblance to the recently screaming girl, leaving the officers with mouths hanging open slightly.

As she stepped outside onto the street, Sekhmet took in the crowd that had gathered and breathed in their fear, letting her wicked smirk take center stage. Paired with the slim fitting dress, long legs, and hips that swung with each step, no one could take their eyes off of her. This was the type of adoration Sekhmet had been missing since her days posing as a goddess had ended. She had forgotten how good it felt to be both completely feared and completely admired.

SA Molina was on the phone with his superiors, working on getting an FBI vehicle there ASAP so they didn’t have a fight over jurisdiction. Sekhmet caught his eye as he hung up, flashing him a cruel smile.

He walked over, clearly angered by her callousness. “What could you possibly have to smile about?”

Sekhmet was enjoying taunting him. “Three things actually. One, that was fun. I haven’t done a public massacre in such a long time, even a small one like that. I forgot how different the thrill was from a more _intimate_ murder.”

SA Molina spat onto the ground in disgust. “Fun? You just killed innocent people up there.”

Sekhmet ignored his reprimand. “Two. _You_ killed those people. I gave you options. It’s one thing to throw yourself in front of a bullet to save someone. It’s something else entirely to sacrifice yourself by willingly walking out of a restaurant with a woman who would brutally torture and kill you, isn’t it? Those five are on _you_ . Really, this is probably a more appropriate torture technique for you anyway. You’ll spend the rest of your life seeing their faces, their families’ faces. Will you go to their funerals? Will you _beg_ for forgiveness?” She didn’t need to take him as host to burrow into his mind and take over. She knew her voice, her words, would stay with him until his last breath.

SA Molina’s face had contorted to display the horror that had just been thrust upon him, making Sekhmet widen her grin even further.

“And three.” She waited until he looked up into her eyes and held them for a moment before speaking again. “You will _never_ get to keep me. I’ll be gone in matter of days, if not hours.”

The special agent overconfidence took hold again. “We’ll see about that.” An FBI vehicle had finally made its way through the chaos to pull up in front of them. Agents jumped out and greeted Molina while they looked Sekhmet over suspiciously. “Get her out of my sight,” Molina said with another round of coughs, eliciting laughter from his prisoner again.

“You really should see a doctor, Aaron. You can already see my lovely handprint on your throat.” A quick wink before the officers still holding her arms passed her off to the waiting FBI who then loaded her into the back seat, a bit roughly after they’d heard her comments to their colleague.

Sekhmet settled into the vehicle for the drive to the Government Center just a few streets over. “I think we could have just walked there faster,” she noted to the agents with her, though they all diligently ignored her.

Media had already gathered, the news of the shooting and possible capture of The Butcher having spread quickly. Sekhmet treated it all like a red carpet event with smiles and winks and a seductive strut. Tessa raged back to life, her face being the one on parade, but Sekhmet’s anger was still fresh and she brutally shoved her host back to her corner with a quick reminder to behave.

Placed in an interrogation room and left alone, Sekhmet plastered a subtle smile on her lips for the benefit of the two way mirror before turning inward to address her own personal shol’va.

“If you’re hoping I’ll just find another host, you are sorely mistaken,” she said in her goa’uld voice inside their head, relishing in the defeat that seeped out of Tessa’s only refuge. “I do not forgive easily and I will take my revenge on you for a long long time. You won’t be rid of me any time soon.”

She again handed control over to Tessa whose screams filled the room as the torture resumed. As it ceased, the girl slumped forward, held up only by the metal attaching their wrists to the back of the chair. The goa’uld would patiently wait after each session for Tessa’s breathing to normalize before slamming her back into the chair again with another round of torment. Finally, Tessa heard the door open and close, but she could no longer even lift their head enough to look at their first visitor.

Aaron’s voice was soothing when he began to speak. “Can you look at me?”

Tessa weakly shook their head and Sekhmet allowed her just a few words. “Please...kill me.”

“What’s your name? Let me help you.” He reached out to tip her face to look at him, but as he did, he found Sekhmet there with a smile. He flinched backwards like he’d just found a snake instead of a kitten, shaking his hand to rid himself of the contact

Sekhmet straightened her body and shook her hair out of her face. “Are the handcuffs really necessary anymore? Clearly you have me surrounded now.” Sekhmet made her voice silky again. “Take them off. _Please_.”

“Not a chance in hell.” The disgust had returned with a vengeance.

SA Molina slapped a photo onto the table in front of Sekhmet. “Is this you?”

Sekhmet had to fight hard against Tessa again as her host saw the photo of herself, innocent eyes and smiling face, with Sean, his arm wrapped around her tightly as they sat in his favorite bar in Denver. She’d been turned slightly away from the camera so it wouldn’t be quite clear that it was her.

“Might be. Hard to tell, but I don’t recognize the man in the photo.” Her head shook slightly to the side before a strained whisper escaped.

“ _Sean_.”

Sekhmet growled in aggravation. How was Tessa getting through?

“Sean? Sean Fields? Detective Sean Fields? Do you recognize him?” His voice got louder as he spoke and Sekhmet laughed at his efforts.

“She’s not deaf, Aaron.” She leaned back against the chair, the picture of calm. “Just _usually_ mute.”

“I want to speak to her. _Let me_ speak to her,” he demanded authoritatively.

“Why? What will you give me in return?” She kept her eyes trained on him as she leaned her body toward the table.

He let his eyes run over her slowly. “I’ll handcuff your hands in front of you instead of behind,” he finally said with a slight smile.

Sekhmet considered his offer. “Change the cuffs first and I’ll let you speak with her.”

“Fine.” He got up and went to the door and called the guards outside into the room. “Don’t make them shoot you.”

Inside their head, Sekhmet wondered if this Aaron Molina actually would make a good next host. “What do you think, Tessa? What better way to torture him than to force him to _become_ The Butcher.”

Tessa laughed from her corner. “If I can deceive you, he’ll have no trouble doing the same.”

Sekhmet rapidly handed over control and blasted Tessa with another shot of intense pain, letting her scream as the guards nervously shifted their weight.

As her body drooped again, SA Molina quickly undid one side each of both sets of handcuffs, bringing her arms in front of her, but Sekhmet regained control and stood abruptly, grabbing hold of his neck and pressing his mouth to hers. He fought her, trying to push her away, but his strength was nothing to hers.

Her lips pulled back just far enough to speak, but only Molina could hear her hissed words and see her sneer. “Kiss me back and I won’t break your neck.” His eyes bore into hers, outraged by her games, and his hesitation made Sekhmet tighten her grip on him. “And make it a good one.”

He finally blew out a breath and resumed the kiss, deepening it and pulling her close. It likely would have been a kiss Sekhmet would have enjoyed, but she was ignoring both it _and_ the yelling guards in favor of taunting her host.

“Perhaps I _should_ take another host,” she purred into their head. “He’s so very tempting. Should I take him next, Tessa? It would be so easy. Even the cameras wouldn’t be able to tell I’ve moved into his body. I could even let you live. At least for a while.”

Tessa was tempted by the offer of freedom, but she knew Sekhmet’s games all too well.

“Would you sacrifice him for your life, Tessa?”

Her host retreated away from the argument, an unspoken promise to behave.

Abruptly, the goa’uld ended the kiss then, releasing Molina’s neck and letting her finger trail down his cheek, giving him another quick peck.

“That wasn’t so bad now, was it?” she asked coyly, quickly turning around to sit and neatly arrange her hands on the table, waiting to be cuffed again.

She winked at the guards as she watched the man behind her in the mirror. Aaron wiped his mouth and leaned against the wall for a moment. Straightening his posture, he turned to roughly handcuff the smiling woman, and returned to his seat, directing the guards to leave.

He looked up, but not into her eyes anymore. “Now...” his voice was rough and he cleared his throat, trying to strengthen it. “Let me speak with her.” The demand emboldened him again and he lifted his eyes to hers.

Sekhmet shrugged her shoulders before shoving Tessa back into control. The host cowered, expecting pain again, but when it didn’t come, she opened their eyes to look into a face that hated her. It softened, though, as it observed the change, the old Tessa unburied with the pain.

Tessa despised her current weakness along with the man’s gentle approach to her like a small caged animal. She was in no need of pity. She wasn’t a victim as much as a usurper of her own lost power, but she needed to preserve the protective instincts he felt, so she maintained the pained expression on their face and slumped their body even further.

Sekhmet guffawed from the back at her host’s continued deceptions. “Tessa’s already long dead. Why are you fighting for her? You’re _mine_ . We’re the _same_.”

Her ramblings in their head were more truth than Tessa wanted to admit, but she’d have to fight to ignore them if she was going to stop the carnage thrust upon her.

Tessa jumped as SA Molina touched their hand, trying to get her attention. He’d been talking and she’d been distracted by both her own thoughts and Sekhmet’s. She looked up questioningly.

“Who are you? What’s your name?” he asked again.

Tessa sighed. “Does it matter?” she said, lacing her tone with defeat.

He pushed the same picture in front of her again. “Is this you? Are you Tessa James?”

She couldn’t keep their eyes from widening at the sound of her old name coming from someone other than Sekhmet. Her name, spoken aloud, had died to the world with Sean. The host quickly hung their head again. “No. Tessa’s dead.”

“Actually dead or metaphorically dead?” He was desperately trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.

“Hopefully soon, _both_ ,” she whispered at a level loud enough for Molina to hear, but low enough that he likely thought it wasn’t meant for his ears. She tipped their head up again and spoke with more confidence. “We have two choices here, Aaron. Either you kill me or you call Colonel Jack O’Neill of the Air Force.”

“The Air Force again. I will _not_ let them take you.”

“I’m afraid _they_ won’t give you choices.” Tessa’s own frustration was apparent. “Just put a bullet in my head and be done with it.”

Sekhmet had had enough and wrenched back control with more force than was required. “I think that’s enough,” the goa’uld snapped as she balled her hands into fists.

The door suddenly flung open and in walked SG-1, Tessa feeling a renewal of hope at their entrance.

“Interview’s over, son,” O’Neill said in his usual flippant attitude.

SA Molina stood, facing the intruders. “And who the hell are you? This is my prisoner and my interrogation.”

“Not anymore.” O’Neill waved a hand towards him. “And you can take it up with the President if you wanna argue about it.” The colonel turned his attention to the woman at the table who smiled broadly.

“Nice to see you again, Colonel. My host was _just_ talking about you.”

He was clearly surprised by that admission.

“All good,” she quickly assured him. “You brought all sorts of friends, I see.” Sekhmet looked over the rest of the team. “Captain Carter. Although I read recently that you were promoted. It’s Major Carter now. Congratulations.”

The blonde woman clearly hadn’t gotten over the sting of losing her the last time they’d met and she glared as Sekhmet spoke.

“And Dr. Jackson. Always a pleasure.” She dipped her head to the archaeologist before her eyes fell on the tall muscular Jaffa. “And my favorite Shol’va, Teal’c.” She paused. “Well, actually, I’m afraid you’ve been replaced by this--” she pointed to herself as best as she could while handcuffed “--shol’va. Please, no tears, though. Try to save them for when you’re alone.”

Sekhmet’s dramatic sarcasm only managed to provoke a single raised eyebrow from the Jaffa.

Dr. Jackson stepped toward Sekhmet at her comments. “What traitor? Your host?”

O’Neill cautioned his friend. “Daniel...not too close.”

“Jack, if her host was able to regain control…” His face made it apparent he wasn’t thinking of the woman in front of him and Tessa remembered that his wife had also been taken as a host.

Sekhmet grit her teeth and stiffened her neck as Tessa fought for dominance, the goa’uld’s deep voice roaring in fury before her host could again reappear.

Tessa felt their eyes flash in her frustration as she forced their mouth to speak. “Someone _end_ this.” She turned to Teal’c, knowing his hatred of the goa’uld permeated deeply. “ _Kill me._ ”

Sekhmet again regained enough control to torture her betrayer and Tessa’s pleas twisted suddenly to screams, making everyone in the room take a quick step backwards.

The screams ended, but Tessa couldn’t stop a single agonized sob from following them.

O’Neill looked around uncomfortably before turning to his team. “Alright, let’s grab her and move out.” He turned again to open the door behind him, stepping to the side to allow Dr. Fraiser and her team to fill up the small room further.

Sekhmet became primary again and her wrists twisted against her restraints, anger radiating from her.

SA Molina put himself between the trespassers and his prize then. “You’re not taking her. I’ve worked for over two years to catch her. And _what_ is she? I want answers.”

The goa’uld was revived by the enjoyment of watching the special agent’s success thwarted by those higher up and her smirk returned as she relaxed her body with a soft laugh.

“Don’t worry, Aaron,” she cooed. “They’ll eventually let me go and I’ll be sure to come back so we can pick up right where we left off.” Sekhmet narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m guessing you’ll make a different choice the next time we meet and then we can have a nice... _intimate_...chat.”

His body tensed even further and from her prison, Tessa momentarily wondered if he would attack, but his training was too good for that. He settled for the release of his fists slamming the table before he stormed out of the room, likely off to find his superiors to halt the prisoner theft that was occurring.

Sekhmet shrugged. “He has no idea how many times I could have killed him today. Or taken him as a host, for that matter. So ungrateful.” She watched as Dr. Frasier approached with a syringe and Tessa could feel the goa’uld’s fear before it was overtaken by rage.

Sekhmet twisted her legs around and thrust a sharp heel towards the doctor, catching her leg and knocking her down, but the awkward angle prevented her from doing any real damage. The others rushed to help her up, but O’Neill just shook his head in frustration.

“Oh, for cryin’ out loud,” he mumbled before pulling out a goa’uld zat’nik’tel weapon and firing a blue energy towards her. Both symbiote and host tensed as the pulse hit them and then the world went black.


	9. Chapter 9

Tessa awoke from the sedative and found herself in the same isolation room Apophis had occupied, restraints holding her to a bed, and an IV in her arm...their arm. She closed her eyes...their eyes again as a weight sunk onto their chest.

Sekhmet was still there.

She looked up to the windows of the observation deck and found Dr. Jackson staring down at her.

“Dr. Frasier, she’s awake,” his voice came through the intercom system.

The doctor came over, checking monitors as she approached. “How are you feeling?” Her concern so genuine for every patient, friend or enemy.

Their throat felt raw after the screams Sekhmet had pulled from her. “Water,” she choked out.

Dr. Frasier motioned to a nurse who came over with a cup of water and straw, helping Tessa lean forward to take a few slow sips.

“Thank you,” she told the nurse before leaning back.

“Can I assume you are the host? Tessa James?” the doctor asked as she shined a light into her eyes.

Tessa had to clear their throat again before she spoke. “Yes. She’s still here, though.” She couldn’t hide her disappointment after that one brief moment of hope when she’d awoken.

“Yes, dear. I’m sorry. She’s just still unconscious. This sedative seems to wear off in the host first.”

Tessa nodded before taking a big gulp of air and looking up at the ceiling, attempting to keep the tears at bay.

“She’s going to keep torturing me. Please end it.” She had begged everyone for one simple thing and no one would grant her request.

“We’re not ready to give up on you. Hold on just a little longer, okay?”

“I’ll try.” She was allowing herself just these few moments of fear and grief, then she would prepare for the battle again.

Dr. Jackson came flying into the room, nearly colliding with one of the airmen standing guard. He stopped just short of her bed, notebook in hand. “Who is she? What goa’uld is it?”

Tessa hesitated. For some reason, it felt like highly personal information to be trading away, like she’d be losing an edge she’d need later. They were just trying to help, though, right?

“Sekhmet.”

Dr. Jackson considered this information for a moment. “Egyptian goddess of war...interesting. When did she arrive on Earth?”

“She was left here..by Ra.” Tessa wasn’t sure she should share anything else just yet.

“So she’s been here on Earth all this time?” He brought his pencil to his mouth, deep in thought.

Tessa nodded in response, feeling her control start to slip away. “She’s waking up.”

The archaeologist snapped to attention. “How were you able to gain control? How are you fighting her? Please, anything you tell me could help.”

Tessa’s sympathetic look morphed rapidly into a sneer and her eyes flashed. “Wanting to help your dear wife, Dr. Jackson? I doubt Amaunet would be quite as forgiving to Sha’re as I’ve been with my traitorous host.” She smiled sweetly. “You should just forget her. She’s dead.”

He slammed the notebook onto the end of the bed. “Your host has proven that’s not true. She’s alive.” He took a deep breath and Tessa guessed he was trying to push aside his own personal agenda. “You’re Sekhmet.”

“I see my host felt the need to share some things while I was asleep.” She shook her hair and straightened as much as she could in the hospital bed before shifting into the goa’uld voice. “Yes, I am Sekhmet, goddess of war and healing. Lady of Terror and Lady of Life.”

“Well...you’re not a goddess. I think we can all agree to that at this point.” Dr. Jackson’s disgust was only thinly veiled as he addressed the brethren of those that had taken his wife from him.

“Oh, Dr. Jackson, surely you know that it’s not that simple. What is a god, after all? A more powerful being? The goa’uld are certainly more powerful than humans. I think we can all agree to  _ that _ at this point as well.” Sekhmet’s condescension wasn’t veiled at all.

Colonel O’Neill sauntered into the room at that point. “I hear our special guest is up and at ‘em.” He shrugged his shoulders, keeping his hands in his pockets. “Well...guess you’re not quite up, are ya? Kinda hard when you’re tied down, I bet.” His mocking tone grated on Sekhmet’s pride and her jaw twitched slightly.

“I’m usually on the other side of the restraints.” Sekhmet smiled with pure innocence. “With knives.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” O’Neill waved his hand dismissively, “You’re The Butcher. We’re all so terrified. Cut the crap. We’ve already contacted the Tok’ra and they should be coming to pick you up soon. I’m sure your host will appreciate getting your squirmy body out of her head.”

Sekhmet’s hatred for her species’ traitors made her eyes flash and Tessa shrank further back into her corner, not wanting the goa’uld to take out her anger on the already weakened host, but then their body relaxed again slowly.

“Surely, I could be useful to-”

O’Neill held up a hand to silence her, cutting her off with his words as well. “If this is the part where you try to cut a deal, skip it. You were here when we let Apophis die. If we were going to help one of you snakeheads, it would have been him. He had way more to offer us.”

With her body chained, Sekhmet again turned to the other mind within her and Tessa’s screams filled the room as their back arched against the pain, the straps digging into their skin.

“Colonel, I can’t let this go on. I’m going to sedate her again.” Dr. Frasier’s voice sounded so far away, though Tessa was sure she must be mere inches from them.

“Do it.”

As the darkness sucked her back under, Tessa was struck with hearing how the colonel’s voice was affected by her distress.

She had forgotten that it wasn’t normal to enjoy innocent screams.

*****

As their eyes opened this time, Tessa could already feel Sekhmet starting to stir. There wouldn’t be long for any conversations, but Dr. Jackson again came bounding into the room, adjusting his glasses as he slowed his approach.

“They called to say you were waking up. Tessa, is there anything you can tell me about how you’re fighting Sekhmet?” His pleading tore into her, but Tessa knew that her situation with Sekhmet was likely unique.

“I don’t know, Dr. Jackson.” She didn’t want to share information that would help Sekhmet fight against her. “I’m sorry.”

“No, of course. It’s okay.” He was clearly frustrated, but Tessa really didn’t think she had anything of value to share with him anyway. At least, nothing that would save his wife.

“She’s already waking up.”

Dr. Jackson nodded before sending a guard to inform the rest of SG-1 of the situation. By the time he turned back around, Tessa was gone and Sekhmet sat with her regular smirk plastered to her face.

She peered around Dr. Jackson as Major Carter entered the room, looking out the doors to the corridor. “Major Carter, whatever happened to my favorite personal shield? The tall, dark, and handsome one?” Tessa supplied the name reflexively even though she knew Sekhmet was only feigning forgetfulness. “Ronnie. Not sure I ever thanked him for his help that night at O’Malley’s.”

Major Carter crossed her arms as she came closer to the bed. “I doubt Airman Harris was trying to be helpful.”

“People so rarely are.”

A voice came over the speakers announcing an incoming wormhole which sent Sekhmet’s visitors hurrying out of the room, a mention of the Tok’ra whispered between them.

Sekhmet hadn’t missed it.

She filled their mind with her frustration and bitterness at her host, but there was something else there that surprised Tessa: hurt. Surely, Sekhmet wasn’t  _ hurt _ over her deceptions.

“I will not face the Tok’ra, Tessa. I will not be judged by traitors and lesser beings.” Tessa knew better than to respond when Sekhmet was making grand declarations, but this was more than a mere irritation. Sekhmet would face her own execution.

The one who had enslaved Tessa certainly deserved death. They both did. It would be the very definition of justice, but she could feel the goa’uld’s fear in their body and she stretched out of her corner with the sympathy those emotions prompted.

Sekhmet only saw it as pity, though, and pity from a host was more insulting than from any other source. It fired her fear into rage and her only thoughts now were of making Tessa suffer.

Perhaps there was a way she could torment her host  _ and _ avoid the Tok’ra.

Tessa noted the change in Sekhmet, but was then roughly tossed aside and blocked from the symbiote’s mind. She only caught the word ‘abomination’ before she was sequestered, but she could still feel their body and its emotions were fluctuating wildly: fear, disgust, hope, despair, hatred, bitterness, determination, resolve, then back through all of them again.

Finally Sekhmet spoke to her host. “I will not let the Tok’ra kill me. And I will not let you escape me. I’ve already said we’re the same. We’re  _ one _ .”

Tessa knew what was coming now: Sekhmet was going to kill them both. She had known there was very little chance of her surviving any of this, but now, as she came to the end, her emotions would have reflected Sekhmet’s, had she been able to carry them out.

Maybe they  _ were _ the same.

She had said goodbye to her old self and life a long time ago, so there was nothing left to leave behind, no faces to think of, no one to grieve. Tessa gave her assent, not that it was required, but Sekhmet seemed to accept it anyway.

The pain started slowly in the back of their neck before it radiated into the skull. From there it spread to the rest of their body, fire and needles and knives and broken bones. Sekhmet stayed in control, trying to hold off the screams so she would be uninterrupted by the medical team surrounding them, but her heart rate slowly climbed and just beyond the pain, Tessa could see the rush of movement around them.

The goa’uld’s scream was even more disconcerting than Tessa’s had been, with its abnormality and depth, but it still only caused a slight pause in the highly trained room before strides were resumed. Tessa felt her own little corner catch fire and burn away, shoving her forward into the full force of agony, and the scream for a moment seemed to be symbiote  _ and _ host as both minds were in control and tormented together.

Tessa could hear Sekhmet’s scream start to slip away as her own voice gained dominance, but it felt empty and distant, things were missing, and in the midst of the pain she couldn’t think enough to pinpoint what was wrong. The pain began to fade away, first from their hands and feet, being pulled back towards their core, the tide sliding off the beach, but the pain in their head only morphed into an intense ache, pulling Tessa under the waves she could no longer tread.

Just as she slipped beneath the anguish, she realized what was wrong, what was missing.

“ _ I’m alone. _ ”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 3.10 “Forever in a Day” and Episode 3.11 “Past and Present

Tessa was in and out over the next while, coming to just long enough to make quick observations: she was no longer in the isolation room, her restraints had been removed, the ache in their head was slowly dissipating, and everything felt far too big.

When she finally awoke more fully, it had likely been several days since she’d expected to die with Sekhmet. Now she found herself moved from a tiny corner to a mansion, the last occupant gone. It felt too open, too impossibly large to be space for her to claim.

Dr. Frasier came over as Tessa’s breathing quickened, filling the room with alarms.

“Are you in pain, dear?” The doctor was checking vitals and trying to locate the source of her patient’s distress.

“It’s too much,” the girl said between gasps for air. “Too much space, too much emptiness, too much, too much.” She had gone from crowded too closely to floating in an expanse with no edges to grasp hold of, as well as, she realized quite suddenly, no Sekhmet to control the rising panic. She had relied too heavily on the goa’uld’s mastery of their body and now her own skills had atrophied.

Tessa could see Dr. Frasier speaking, but could no longer hear her over their pounding heart. A needle appeared from a nurse’s hand and everything began to slow down and disappear.

The next attempt the next day was muddy and she was informed that they had placed her on a mild sedative to keep her calmer. She barely preferred having to trudge through the muck grabbing onto every thought. It forced a slower pace to process the drastic change, however, and that was beneficial to the host.

The former host.

As Tessa took stock of the new space, she realized that while Sekhmet had moved out, she’d left all the furniture, all the decor, all the books. It was all still there, ready for Tessa to move in. It felt too familiar, too comfortable, too normal, and she kept expecting Sekhmet to jump out from a closet or hidden passageway. The goa’uld’s conscious mind wasn’t there, though, just her memories, her knowledge, her skills. And whatever had happened had not erased the goa’uld’s impact and influence on Tessa.

She wasn’t the old Tessa. She was the Tessa she’d been with Sekhmet.

Still, the few remnants of the old Tessa found the sedative not nearly strong enough for this revelation. She forced calm on their... _ her _ body by focusing on the memories of Sekhmet doing the same.

After that it was easier to maintain the facade without the help of pharmaceuticals and soon she was moved out of the infirmary with strict instructions from Dr. Frasier to find her way back there at the slightest sense of trouble. They still maintained a guard on her, but she felt the general mood relax around her.

They wanted her to see a psychologist, of course, but everyone seemed to think her physical health needed more recovering than it likely did. Tessa did nothing to alter that perception. She was still working through her own version of things and deciding what she would share. 

She wasn’t sure how responsible she was. The guilt she’d let Sekhmet push away for years came flooding back, just held back by a dam, never cleansed, and the things she’d done threatened to bury her. On this side of things, she doubted people would feel very sympathetic to the choices she’d made. She wasn’t sure even she felt sympathetic to who she’d become.

Dr. Jackson made an appearance at least once a day, even after he realized she really couldn’t help him save Sha’re. Tessa didn’t speak much and Daniel seemed to be more comfortable in silence than others that had tried to visit. While Teal’c could sit and not speak for long stretches, he seemed to sense that his goa’uld larvae made her uncomfortable. What he didn’t realize was that it was actually soothing physically and that bothered her mentally.

Jack O’Neill flitted around awkwardly when he had come to see her a few times, obviously more of a man of action, and Major Carter struggled with seeing her as Tessa instead of Sekhmet. Tessa could hardly blame her for that, especially with how often she had to fight the muscle memory of Sekhmet’s mannerisms while in her presence.

When a guard showed up one day with instructions to escort her to the conference room, the formed host already knew who she would find sitting around the table. Lawyers. Too many of them.

The woman closest to the head of the table stood and greeted Tessa as she entered. “Hello, Miss James. I’m Victoria Atkinson. Won’t you take a seat?” She looked every inch the strict headmistress from her light hair pulled into a tight bun to her reading glasses hanging around her neck. She directed her to an empty seat halfway down on the opposite side of the table and a man in a crisply pressed suit stood to pull out the chair for her.

“You may already know why we’re here, but we need to discuss our course of action on damage control. Obviously you made quite a name for yourself and then there was that dramatic scene in Boston.” Ms. Atkinson flipped through the file in front of her, glasses perched on her nose with an expression of disapproval.

Tessa turned defensive, which seemed now to be the equivalent of Sekhmet’s personality making an appearance, the goa’uld still a protector in times likes these. Her body relaxed and her head cocked slightly to the side as she clasped her hands in front of her on the table. “I think you mean Sekhmet made quite a name for herself. She just happened to use my name.”

The woman took off her glasses as she peered across the table at the young woman. “Yes, of course. Forgive me.”

Tessa smiled magnanimously. “This time.”

The entire room tensed and it was apparent they had all spent days upon days watching news coverage of The Butcher, likely seeing her exact expression in some shot from after the Boston incident.

“Please continue,” Tessa directed with a wave of her hand. It was important for her to maintain control of the meeting.

Putting her glasses back on, Ms. Atkinson glared, but resumed. “I think it’d be best if we have you cut a deal and plead guilty. From there, it should be a short trial and then we can fake your execution. That way, we can minimize the public relations fiasco that will likely arise and--”

“No.”

The gathering of suits all turned to look at the youngest member of the meeting.

“Excuse me?” Ms. Atkinson was not pleased with being interrupted.

“No. That’s not what’s going to happen.”

“Oh?” Her voice pitched up a notch.

“This is what you’re going to do.” She leaned forward, letting Sekhmet’s power seep out as she took turns addressing each person around the table. “First, you’re going to leak to the press that I had a massive seizure and slipped into a coma while in the custody of the FBI. I’m assuming I was taken out on a stretcher since Sekhmet was sedated. That should help your case. Next, you’re going to find some cooperative neurologists who will put together some nice looking brain scans showing a rather large tumor. You can leak those, too, if you like. From there, you’re going to guide some theorizing on how the tumor had led to a massive shift in personality and it was only recently that the original personality started reappearing, similar to how an Alzheimer's patient becomes lucid right at the end. Then you’re going to fake my death.”

Ms. Atkinson again took off her glasses and Tessa guessed the move normally instilled fear in whoever she was addressing. “And why would we do that?”

Sekhmet’s smirk shifted her face fully now, the muscles moving automatically. “Because I learned quite a lot about the goa’uld during my time as a host and I would guess the Stargate program would find that incredibly useful, don’t you agree? Of course, we’d need to come to an arrangement that would make me feel sufficiently...cooperative.” She paused before softening her face and voice with a sigh. “Also...this plan would save my family from at least some of the scrutiny that comes with having a serial killer as a daughter.” She made her voice thick. “I couldn’t save any of those people. Please let me save my family.” She looked around at the group again, but with a pleading expression.

There was power in strength and there was power in weakness, but the real power lay in knowing which one to use when and Tessa had been an observant pupil.

“You’re not exactly the sweet and docile girl I had expected, Miss James.” It wasn’t that Ms. Atkinson didn’t believe Tessa’s show of emotion, but that her long years in the law likely made it difficult to sympathize with clients of any kind.

Tessa again stiffened her jaw and trained her gaze solely on the woman in charge. “I spent over three years watching my own hands slaughter people. I deceived Sekhmet, fought against her, and managed to get her captured. And now  _ I _ am the one sitting here, not her. What part of any of that would make you think I would be a pushover?”

The woman looked her over slowly, before briskly putting her glasses back on. “We’ll begin looking for the appropriate doctors to determine the feasibility of the plan. I believe it  _ could _ work to calm the national outrage, offer closure to the victims’ families, and yes, save your family from the media chaos that’s already begun. And with Tessa James dead, you could begin a new life. We can discuss those steps at a later date.” She tilted her head up just enough to give Tessa the slightest smile, though it wasn’t quite friendly. “Thank you for your help. We can take it from here. I’ll keep you informed of our progress.”

“Please do.”

Ms. Atkinson nodded and Tessa took it as the dismissal it was, getting up from the table and offering her thanks, then leaving with a confident step.

******

A week later, SG-1 returned from a mission with an injured Dr. Jackson and somber mood and by the time Tessa had made her way to the infirmary, she’d heard the majority of the details via the base gossip. Daniel’s wife, Sha’re, was dead. The goa’uld within her had tried to kill Dr. Jackson and Teal’c had been forced to shoot her with his staff weapon, but not before Sha’re was able to send a vision to Daniel through the goa’uld ribbon device. She communicated not only the location of her child with Apophis, a forbidden harcesis, but also that Daniel needed to forgive Teal’c for killing her to save him.

Tessa felt the need to return the favor of simply being present with silence, but throughout the SGC, the hostility towards her seemed to increase. It became apparent that many felt that if a host was going to escape, it should have been Sha’re, not The Butcher.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help, Daniel.”

“If she would have had your strength, maybe she could have fought Amaunet.”

Tessa had held back so much, but she couldn’t let Daniel think his wife had simply been weak.

“Daniel...the only reason I could take control was because...I’d had practice.” Tessa was looking down at her hands as they played with the corner of the bedsheet.

“What do you mean by practice?”

“Sekhmet said I was her...experiment. She was lonely and had heard about how the Tok’ra shared the body with their host.” Her voice was stilted, fighting against her natural defensive nature to hold all of this information close.

“Are you saying you shared control?” Dr. Jackson was leaning towards her.

“No. She  _ allowed _ me control at times.”

“When?”

His suspicious tone tempted Tessa to pull up Sekhmet’s personality, but she fought her down again.

“When it suited her purposes.” She took a deep breath. “I practiced at night while she slept. It took me almost an entire year just to move my finger and that was without even fighting against her! I knew trying to wrench control away from her while she was awake would be completely different and I would only get one chance. I had to wait for the right moment to try.”

She let it all spill out, but felt only fear, not relief. She shouldn’t have shared any of that.

“Daniel, if Sha’re was able to send you a message while host to a goa’uld like Amaunet, she was an incredibly strong woman. You should be proud to have called her your wife.” Tessa stood up quickly, suddenly needing more space. “I should go. I’m sorry again that I couldn’t help.”

She left the infirmary, but wasn’t ready to head back to her room either. She had forgotten about her guard, though, and where just a week ago ago, she’d had too much space, now she had distinctly not enough. With Sekhmet, she’d had less space in her own head, but was given access to the entire world. Now she had her mind free of intrusion, but was confined to underground concrete corridors without even a window to view the sky.

Her salvation started to feel like her prison and all of these feelings were aggravated by a need she had hoped would die with Sekhmet, but had instead persisted, an addiction of the body, not just of the mind.

She couldn’t stay here. She needed freedom and death.

All of these thoughts meant she was wandering aimlessly through the base, likely wearing Sekhmet’s expressions and producing more gossip about the resident serial killer. Walking around a corner, she ran into a tall figure coming from the opposite direction.

Ronnie.

Tessa’s thoughts were suddenly consumed by Sekhmet’s memories of him as well as the past fantasizing of his agonized screams. With her distracted state, she couldn’t stop the smirk that formed on her face or Sekhmet’s seductive tone spilling out.

“I was wondering when I’d run into you again, Airman Harris. Did you miss me?” She winked and trailed her finger along his chest before she realized this was not how Tessa was supposed to act.

Ronnie’s entire face seemed to harden and he spared only a quick glance at her guard before wrapping a large dark hand around her throat, shoving her up against the corridor wall.

“They told me you were just the host now.” His face was mere inches from Tessa’s as his eyes bore into hers.

“And that was supposed to make me less of a threat, I suppose.” She spoke quietly, making sure this interaction would never go beyond their two voices.

“You’re psychotic.”

It was spoken not as an accusation, but a realization. He saw her for what she maybe was and Tessa had to fight hard to keep her temper under control. She couldn’t stay in denial with words like that spoken aloud.

Her assigned guard was yelling at Ronnie to let her go, but he was being diligently ignored by the seething airman.

“I have a feeling the general will want to know about this.” He smirked back, mocking her confidence.

Tessa only smiled bigger. “Please. I’m of too much value for anyone to believe a lowly airman with an axe to grind.” She looked past him at the gathering crowd and adjusted her face, but not her voice, to fear.. “All anyone is seeing is a humiliated man attacking a helpless victim of the goa’uld.”

Ronnie glanced over his shoulder to see what Tessa had been looking at and his hand released the woman promptly, realizing the truth of her words. Tessa let herself collapse and reached up a hand to massage her sore neck, coughing just enough to garner that last bit of sympathy.

She assured her guard and another airman that she was fine as they helped steady her. “It was just a misunderstanding. No big deal.”

Ronnie stared at the scene in front of him for a moment before he jumped into his own explanations. “Yes, horrible misunderstanding. I’m so sorry, Krist--Miss James. Are you okay?”

She nodded, wiping an imaginary tear from her face as she left the crowd, but still not her guard, behind her. He was appropriately concerned, having missed all the finer details of the confrontation and Tessa allowed his apologies for not protecting her. When she finally closed her room’s door on the guard, she knew she had to leave the SGC and Earth as soon as possible. Ronnie would not let this go and it was going to get harder to resist killing him.

How she wanted to kill him. Or anyone. She couldn’t stay here, waiting until the need overpowered the will.

She flopped down on the bed and started exploring the library Sekhmet had left behind in her head. There had to be information there that would get her away alive.

******

By the time her plan was in place a few weeks later, the thirst for screams had gone from a subtle longing to an all consuming burning and it was getting harder and harder for Tessa to focus on even simple tasks. She’d caught the news in common areas enough times to see that the strategy for damage control she’d suggested had been put into motion. There were near constant interviews with various experts discussing brain tumors, personality disorders, and her hastily researched background. She expected that very soon she would be dead to the rest of the world.

News organizations eventually mapped out a rough timeline of the various victims and Tessa had caught herself once, hand on the tv screen, mentally tracing her life. She could remember every face, even the ones that weren’t on the screen, people who were still missing or never missed at all. This one had begged for his life for seven solid hours. That one she had nicked an artery accidentally and it had drenched her in blood, angering Sekhmet by how quickly he’d died. This one had laughed uncontrollably when Sekhmet had taken his foot. That one had broken her nose in the initial scuffle. This one, that one, this one, that one. When the tv went dark at the end of the segment, she’d blinked in surprise at her own reflection in the screen, seeing Sekhmet’s smirk instead of her own horror.

Her body still wouldn’t obey. 

Rumors of her display of enjoyment while viewing all those pictures spread quickly throughout the SGC and base personnel did their best to be invisible to the woman they quietly murmured about being “creepy” and “maybe not completely innocent,” all of which prompted a hastening to Tessa’s efforts.

Just when she was ready to enact her escape however, SG-1 encountered a rather interesting world named Vyus, where the people had all experienced amnesia. Tessa couldn’t help but feel some jealousy of the people, being able to forget, so when one of the women named Ke’ra turned out to be someone the Stargate program had run into before (though younger looking now and completely oblivious to the horrific crimes she’d committed in the past), Tessa was intrigued.

Daniel had taken a special shine to the woman before they realized who she had been and Tessa caught him in his office as he poured over some documents, trying to decipher what he could about these people.

“Knock knock.” Tessa tapped the door frame slightly, peering into the room.

“Hi, Tessa.” He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

“How’d the latest antidote test on the Vyans go?” Tessa had offered to help when they’d first begun their research, but she wasn’t trusted enough, nor her skills valuable enough in this particular field.

“Hm? Oh. Good. Orner remembered everything about his life, including that his name isn’t Orner. It’s Nodal.”

“That’s great.” Tessa’s fingers casually flitted across the papers on the desk. “And Ke’ra?”

“Umm...well, she took the antidote as well.”

“So she’s this Linea again? Destroyer of Worlds?” Sekhmet would have been envious of that title. Hell, she was more than a little jealous of it herself.

“She’s both.” He released a heavy sigh. “She told me that while one part of her cares for me, there’s another part of her that would gladly watch me die. That there was a monster inside of her that would eventually win.”

Tessa’s fingers stop fidgeting. “So what now?” It was difficult to keep her voice steady.

“She tried to kill herself, but I convinced her that she could just forget again. She’s helping to again develop the original drug that led to the amnesia. She’ll take that and then be Ke’ra again.”

“And forget you.”

“Yes. She’ll forget me.”

“Why is she willing to take the drug? Surely Linea would never erase herself.”

“Ke’ra is still in control enough. She wants to be that version of herself again.”

The old Tessa would have gladly erased everything, too, anything to be who she used to be. But now? Was she more Ke’ra or Linea?

She looked up to find Daniel staring at her intently.

“Forgetting can be appealing at times,” he said as he put his glasses back on. “You’re not Linea, though, ya know.”

Tessa shrugged. “I’m not Ke’ra, either.” She tapped her fingers briskly on the desk, before releasing an easy smile. “I should go. I’ll see you later.” She left the room quickly before Daniel could speak again. He wouldn’t come after her.

Her guard followed her, but she had taken to ignoring the handful of rotating airmen completely, and no one stopped her as she entered the lab where Dr. Frasier and Major Carter were working with the Ke’ra/Linea combo.

“Tessa,” Dr. Frasier looked her over, “did you need something?”

“Just came to see your progress.” Tessa didn’t hide her curiosity over their assistant.

Ke’ra/Linea looked her over as well and Tessa saw a familiar calculating look in her eyes.

“I don’t believe we’ve met yet. I was pleased to finally not be the only one with guards anymore.” Tessa extended her hand, but kept her eyes intent on the woman.

Linea smiled, definitely not Ke’ra, and shook her hand. “Yes. I’m The Destroyer of Worlds apparently.”

Tessa returned her smile with Sekhmet’s. “Nice to meet you. I’m The Butcher. You can call me Tessa, though.”

“The Butcher? How did you get that name?”

“I was host to an alien who enjoyed chopping people up.” Tessa noticed the other two women freeze at her nonchalant attitude and disturbing conversation. She turned her attention back to their work. “Working to forget again?”

Linea grimaced, but she could see Ke’ra push her back. Was this how she looked as Sekhmet and Tessa fought for dominance?

“Yes. Perhaps you’d like to forget as well.” Ke’ra seemed to genuinely want to help.

Who would she be if she forgot her life? How much of who she was was due to her circumstances, to Sekhmet? Ke’ra already knew exactly who she’d be without Linea. There was still enough of her left. Tessa wasn’t there in any real tangible way anymore and who she was before Sekhmet would also be erased.

She had picked up a vial as she thought, likely displaying the same dichotomy that Ke’ra had on her face. But Tessa had already lost a long time ago.

The monster had won.

“No. I think I’ll leave that to you.” Tessa set the vial back down. “It was nice to meet you. Both of you.”

It was time. She needed to leave.

She swung back to her room to grab a small bag she’d packed up, telling her guard she wanted to get a run in on the treadmills. They never minded her long runs when it meant they got to sit and relax. She’d spent too many hours testing her body, noting its decrease in strength and stamina, and it frustrated her enough at times to wish for Sekhmet’s return.

The gym was empty this time of day as she had hoped which made it easy to knock out her guard as he turned his back to her. She dragged him to the small locker room off to the side and quickly changed into his clothes. She knew how to alter her body enough to blend in wherever she went and she’d be unrecognizable to all but those who truly studied her.

Now it was just a simple trek down the elevator to Level 28 where the Stargate was kept. As she got close to her goal, she casually pulled out of her pocket the remote dialing device she’d built by cobbling together bits of technology she’d pocketed throughout the base. Activating the remote before slipping into the gate room, the gate lit up and started spinning, the device hacking into the computer in the observation deck.

The alarms started immediately.

“Unauthorized Gate activation. All hands to the Gate room. Unauthorized Gate activation.”

She could hear General Hammond yelling at the technicians to explain what was happening, but there was no way for them to understand what she’d done. They’d been foolish to not notice the few lines of code that Sekhmet had snuck into the dialing program she’d developed back as SSgt Brooks. Sekhmet always liked to leave herself future options and had fortunately anticipated a need to access the dialing computer someday.

“Chevron seven locked,” came over the speakers just as the vortex exploded into the room and settled into a puddle in the middle of the ring. Tessa had Sekhmet’s memories of Stargate travel, but the rush in her body reminded her that this was all new to her still.

The iris attempted to close, but her program slammed it open again, and still no one had even noticed the out of place airman with the uniform that didn’t quite fit. A few quick steps brought her behind the nearest real airman and she quickly got an arm around his neck and her guard’s gun to his head.

Ronnie.

Sekhmet’s voice laughed hard into his ear. “Ya know, you really are a superb hostage. You should consider going pro.”

The poor airman tried to swing an elbow into her, but she sidestepped just enough to avoid any attack. He let out a frustrated growl. “Go to hell.”

“Drop the gun, Ronnie. You know I can be reasonable.” He let the gun fall after just the slightest hesitation. “Good boy.”

The incline of the ramp up the gate provided her the right leverage for his taller frame and she expertly guided him backwards towards the gate. Dozens of guards now trained various weapons on the pair, but she knew the only one that was an actual threat to her plan was the zat’nik’tel. That could incapacitate both herself and Ronnie, causing him pain, but keeping them from going through the gate.

Fortunately, none seemed to be in the hands of the airmen in the gate room and no one would risk bullets with a hostage.

She hoped.

“Tessa! Stop!” Dr. Jackson’s voice came over the speakers and she could see him leaning down over the microphone in the control room.

Tessa shifted to Sekhmet’s deep booming voice with a smile. “I can’t, Daniel. I’m too much Linea. Not enough Ke’ra.”

Just a few more steps to freedom.

“Goodbye.”

She flashed her eyes to complete the illusion and pulled Airman Harris through the portal with her.


	11. Chapter 11

Tessa let Ronnie shove her off once they were through the gate. He fell to the platform, but she walked down the stairs, leaving him where he sat. She’d programmed in an address that led to an uninhabited world, but she didn’t need people, just sky and air that hadn’t been pumped through pipes.

“You’re still Sekhmet.” Ronnie’s voice was accusatory.

“That’s up for debate.”

She breathed in the fresh air and took in the view of a different sun and extra moons. She was on another planet. Just being outside after all that time underground would have been incredible, but this...this was overwhelming.

Though not quite so overwhelming that she couldn’t sense Ronnie slowly standing. She gave him another half a moment to make his decision before she made hers. He was too far away to think he could surprise her, but the man was desperate, she knew that, and as he took his first step off the platform, Tessa whirled around and pointed the gun at him.

“Don’t be stupid. I have no intention of killing you.”

“Then why did you bring me here?”

She let out an exasperated sigh. “Because you were there and because I needed a hostage to get through the gate without being shot.”

“You know they’re just going to come through that gate any second.” Ronnie crossed his arms in a confident manner. “They saw the address.”

“Sweetheart, don’t you think if I can rig a remote device to hack the dialing computer, that I could also force that computer into a full system reboot  _ and _ then run a diagnostic program? I’ve got plenty of time.” She smiled and made her way over to the Dial Home Device, holstering the gun.

Ronnie’s confidence faltered and he followed her over to the DHD a little ways.

“But I’ll be off now anyway. Thank you for the help. Again.” She began dialing the next address, pushing in the symbols she knew by heart.

“Where are you going?”

“Well, you are welcome to look at the address. I won’t be sticking around there either, but if it makes you feel helpful, by all means,” and she gestured to the DHD.

The gate activated and she made a step towards it before turning to Ronnie again, striding over to him quickly until there was barely air between them. “I forgot to kiss you goodbye.” Tessa reached up and grabbed the front of his jacket to pull him down to her level before he could react.

She’d expected resistance, but Ronnie offered little, and when she pulled away, she gave his cheek a quick pat.

“I’ve wanted to do that since the first time I saw you.”

Ronnie pulled her into another kiss. He was trying to delay her. She wasn’t stupid, but she allowed another minute or two or three of his clever tactics, gently grasping his hand as it slid down her side toward her gun.

She stepped back with a smile. “Why Ronnie Harris, are you developing a bit of Stockholm syndrome?”

He leaned in close again. “Can you blame me?”

“Keep this up and I’ll be tempted to take you with me.” She watched as momentary concern passed over his face. “Of course, I suspect you’re aiming more towards delay rather than tagging along.”

He smiled. “Can you blame me for that either?”

“Cute.”

Tessa let Sekhmet’s smirk say the rest of her goodbye and she jumped through the Stargate.

******

Six worlds later and she felt confident no one would follow her to her real destination: Sekhmet’s old secret stronghold, Isheru. Hopefully it was still there.

With each planet, she had felt further from Earth even though she’d bounced all over the galaxy, but her physical proximity to her home planet had nothing to do with her real distance. Several moments, looking over the alien landscapes, she’d wished she had taken Ronnie with her, simply to keep the connection to her old life. He had been the last tether and she’d cut it with a quick smirk and careless leap through the Stargate.

A forty minute cautious walk from the Isheru gate towards a barren mountain brought her to a small cave which led into a long tunnel. She pulled up the mental map in Sekhmet’s library, taking the second corridor on the left before she came to a door. It seemed operational and the code worked to open what looked like a tomb entrance, but inside was an elaborate room filled with various items Sekhmet had stashed away, her own private bank and vault.

She’d specifically taken a group of slaves from another planet to build the haven and then slaughtered all of them to keep her secrets, forcing the most loyal to bury the rest before taking their lives as well. Since it was still here and apparently untouched, Tessa guessed that Sekhmet’s efforts had been successful and it was completely unknown to any other goa’uld.

In no rush, Tessa took her time looking over the items, some she knew would be here by Sekhmet’s mental ledger, but others had been forgotten with centuries of new memories. Gold and jewels, a variety of technology both goa’uld and otherwise, books, even clothing, were all stacked and ordered along the walls. Sekhmet had clearly not intended to stay away for thousands of years when she’d built this place.

The last spot she checked was the hidden door towards the back of the room behind some deep red curtains. Pulling the latch at first did nothing, but with the knowledge Sekhmet had left behind, she found the door mechanism panel and after some investigating, was able to bypass a failed component. This place was really an incredible testament to the longevity of goa’uld technology. They built them to last, that was for sure.

She stepped into a very different, but much bigger cavern. No decorations of any kind were on the walls and the lighting was dim so it took a moment for her eyes to adjust, but as they did, a smile formed on her face.

There in the middle was a tel’tak, a relatively small goa’uld ship. Tessa let her hand glide across the ship’s hull as she made her way to the door. Its beauty wasn’t just in the metal and curves, but what it represented: freedom.

Inside, the ship was still in good condition visually, but she couldn’t get the engines to start. Again she thanked Sekhmet’s mechanical knowledge as she headed back towards the engine room. After an hour staring at control crystals however, she was cursing the witch for not learning more. She knew it was unfair to lay any blame at the goa’uld’s feet since her own knowledge contributed exactly nothing to her current situation, but Sekhmet also couldn’t defend herself, so she was the perfect scapegoat.

Tessa took a break to rummage through the items in the other room again and see if any of the exquisite gowns fit, but Sekhmet had had a considerably shorter host back in those days. Tessa now understood a bit better why she had been chosen with the goa’uld’s love of variety in her forms.

At least the jewelry fit.

A few more hours had the tel’tak functioning well enough to fly, but she would need parts and a real mechanic to get it back in good working condition. Fortunately, Sekhmet had left her plenty to barter with, though her eyes and voice would go a long ways towards procuring the things she required. She managed to cobble together a combination of clothing pieces to make her look more like a goa’uld, gathered up various bits of treasure, and set out for a fairly close planet.

This world had belonged to Ra before his death, but she guessed that it now shifted loyalties as the System Lords waged their petty wars. With the fear most humans had of the goa’uld, she was quick to find a young man declared the best with ships and she promised him a handsome reward if his work proved high quality and swift. A seamstress was her next stop, a crowd gathering behind her as she walked through the small city. She had measurements taken and a few simple dresses could be made quickly, though a more intricate gown would take more effort. She gave them significantly less time than they had wanted, but fear was something she needed to maintain with this ruse.

At this point, it wasn’t difficult to keep up the general attitude the goa’uld seemed to carry, as Tessa hadn’t killed anyone since Sekhmet had shot those people in Boston, but those hardly even counted. A week prior, they had tortured and murdered a man with black hair and a tattoo of a wolf on his arm, but nothing since then. No screams. No blood. No blissful moment of watching them die. She needed to find someone deserving of death.

She would be justice for them.

After finding a room for the night, she snuck out wearing a tank top and the guard’s pants she’d taken when she’d escaped the SGC. She’d be able to blend into the crowds well enough to hunt and it took only a handful of conversations to find the common theme of trouble, some men being kind enough to point out a local criminal who seemed to be running the various black markets and unlawful activities. Sekhmet’s prowl seeped into her bones and muscles and mind as she watched the rough looking middle aged man, his hair beginning to gray at the temples and his face scarred from a past confrontation. Still, he looked to be in his prime and was certainly strong enough to put up a good fight.

Tonight in the rather rundown tavern, he had a young woman beside him who looked to be working very hard to appear happy with her situation, smiling too big and laughing too much and drinking like she was trying to drown out the world. Tessa still remained invisible in the shadows and went over her options for a plan. The most enjoyable by far would be to seduce him away to a dark alley, but she was short on any disguises that would cover her goa’uld persona  _ and _ make her appealing enough to leave the woman at his side in such a public venue. Instead she opted for simply following him when he left with his reluctant companion.

The poor girl could barely walk anymore, but that didn’t seem to deter Tessa’s soon-to-be victim, who hadn’t had much to drink at all, the kind who likely wanted to stay in control. That suited her just fine. She wouldn’t have to wait for him to sober up. She stepped out of the dark into their path, not quite keeping the adrenaline under control as well as Sekhmet usually had done.

“Nice evening for a stroll,” she casually commented.

The man glared at her, not wanting any interruptions on his amusement. “Go away.” Tessa stepped further into a shaft of light, straightening her body, and watching his eyes roam. He shoved his tongue into his cheek as he looked and thought. “Unless you’d like to take her place.”

Tessa breathed in deeply, pleased that she would still get to toy with him a bit and stepped closer to the pair as the woman weakly tried to push the man away.

“I would think I’d be more fun than her.”

He laughed loudly before releasing her into a pile on the ground. “I can always have her another time. She owes me.”

Tessa channeled her disgust into her muscles, realizing that for the first time she was alone in this. She would not have Sekhmet’s conscious mind to help her physically, mentally, or emotionally. She was completely on her own and for a brief moment, she contemplated walking away, but this was why she chose someone like this man. If she walked away, he’d go back to that poor girl. If she let him live, he’d go after her the next night. He was too easy to justify and she let herself become Sekhmet’s Tessa again.

His confidence in his own strength allowed Tessa to persuade him that his house would be better than an alley and with that decision, he prolonged his life, but those extra few hours were likely unwanted by the end.

Without her reputation of The Butcher lingering on the lips of all the locals, it felt more like her early days with Sekhmet when victims were more confused than terrified at first. This man kept trying to figure out which of his enemies had ordered the hit and what he could offer for his life. Tessa had to explain more than once that she was killing him simply because she wanted to. She _ needed _ to. Screams and death and pain were her drug of choice, though the choice had been forced upon her.

When his eyes went dim, a knife in Tessa’s hand as Sekhmet’s love of the weapon was finally passed onto her protégé, she was pleased that she still felt the rush the goa’uld had always given her. It wasn’t quite as strong, but still far surpassed any normal human emotion. Her body felt more relaxed than it had in weeks, her muscles loosening and her breathing evening out. She had expected the guilt to be intense without Sekhmet’s careful management, but she experienced neither guilt nor regret for this scum.

Tessa didn’t bother cleaning up in any way. She liked how the room was its own solitary horror, the body seeming almost superfluous, an unnecessary extravagance. The blood on her own clothing was easily hidden with a stolen cloak and the sun hadn’t come up in full force yet so she was able to slip out of the house unseen. She was fortunate to be on a planet with longer instead of shorter days and nights.

Back at her own temporary quarters, she cleaned her clothes and threw the cloak in the fireplace, before climbing into the bed and sleeping deeply. When she awoke, feeling rested, she realized she hadn’t been sleeping well since she’d been left alone. With her own emotions reflected in her body all the time now, it had slowly tensed more and more, but now she slept with ease. She promised herself she wouldn’t go so long until the next time.

Good sleep was certainly worth killing for.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 3.12 “Jolinar’s Memories” and Episode 3.13 “The Devil You Know”

Her thirst quenched, it was time to move onto the hunger. No one dared to accuse her of the slaughter that had occurred, but she could see the suspicion and fear in everyone’s eyes.

Tessa enjoyed it.

She also appreciated how it seemed to speed up everyone’s work, even if it was just to get rid of her sooner. In less than a week, her ship was fixed, she was stocked on various supplies, she had several new dresses, and one beautiful long gown in a deep red that dipped very low in the back, her armor.

She went back to Isheru to grab a few things she hadn’t wanted to risk taking with her before and then directed her tel’tak towards hell, or at least Sokar’s re-creation of it.

It was only a few days before she arrived above Delmak and its moon, Netu, and saw that Sokar’s forces were more formidable than any of the System Lords likely knew. He was preparing for war. The old Tessa roared up in fear, but Sekhmet’s revenge shoved her down. She couldn’t turn back when she was so close. She wouldn’t regret lost opportunities again.

Tessa had changed into the red dress before coming out of hyperspace and now she hailed Sokar’s fortress below, a jaffa branded with Sokar’s symbol on his forehead answering her call.

“You are trespassing on my Lord Sokar’s territory.”

Tessa shifted into Sekhmet’s goa’uld voice. “I have come to request an audience with my Lord Sokar.”

“State your name.”

“Tell him that  _ his _ Red Lady is here. I will wait while you inform him.” She immediately cut off the transmission and then paced the cockpit trying to quiet Tessa’s voice.

Delmak hailed her again and she took a few deep breaths before answering.

“My Lord Sokar will see you. You can land your ship--”

“No. I will ring down to the surface. Please have an escort ready for me.” She again cut off the transmission abruptly and then guided the ship to the transportation rings indicated by the ship’s system.

Two more deep breaths.

When she arrived in Sokar’s palace, she was greeted with unveiled hostility by his Necropolis Guard all in their red armor, including his First Prime distinguished by his large shoulder flanges. She greeted them with a smile, however, and enjoyed watching them appraise her appearance.

Brought to the throne room, she found a hooded form in a black and red robe sitting above her on a platform. Tessa was unsurprised to find a candle nearby, his hand playing with the flame, a trademark of Sokar. He had always liked fire and the symbolism that went along with it.

“My Lord Sokar. You will forgive me for not kneeling, but this dress hardly allows for such reverence.” She was every inch Sekhmet in her voice and mannerisms.

“Sekhmet is dead.” A cold voice came from under the hood as unseen eyes observed her.

Tessa twisted her face into Sekhmet’s smirk. “So is Sokar.”

The voice laughed. “Yes. I was once. And how do I know you are Sekhmet?”

Tessa seemed to ignore the question and slowly turned her body towards the windows behind her. “You seem to have collected quite a number of ships, my lord.” Her comments and movement were merely a reason to allow Sokar to see her backless dress. Sekhmet’s memories of him included many where this type of dress had left him unable to keep his eyes off of her, back when he had had an Unas as a host.

She slowly turned back to face the goa’uld who was reaching up to lower his hood as he stood. The falling fabric revealed a pale man with pale eyes wearing the same expression Tessa had seen on the Unas in her mind.

“Leave us.”

The other jaffa obeyed, but ever the protector, his First Prime hesitated. “My lord, are you sure it is wise to--”

One look from Sokar silenced him however and the jaffa only glared at Tessa for a brief moment before leaving the room and his master behind.

Sokar slowly stepped down from the platform, observing her, and Tessa waited until he noticed with a flash of his eyes.

“You do not carry a symbiote.”

“No, but you can sense that I am not merely the empty husk of a former host, either.” Tessa maintained her confident air.

Sokar approached closer and focused on the woman in front of him. “No…” His eyes flashed again. “She’ket!” The abhorrence on his face would be a common theme among the goa’uld. “You are an abomination.”

“Desperation can lead us down paths we had once thought unthinkable.”

“Desperation? We do not become that desperate. You have melded with your host.”

“It was either that or be killed by the Tok’ra.” She spat out the traitorous name.

“You are trapped in that body now. Weak. Limited.” Sokar’s disgust was apparent.

“Yes, which is why I had to leave Earth finally. My sarcophagus was destroyed in one of the Tau’ri wars.”

“So you came to me.” He seemed to settle on the reason for her appearance.

“No.”

“No?” He raised his almost invisible eyebrows.

“You have something I want much more.” Tessa had to work hard to calm her body. “Apophis.”

Sokar laughed. “All of these centuries and you’re still seeking your revenge.”

“As are you. You can only have one purpose for those ships. You will bring your revenge down on all the System Lords.” She took a deep breath and flashed her eyes at him. “I  _ want _ Apophis. He was dead and you revived him. I want to kill him in such a way that no sarcophagus can save him.” The hunger grew stronger as it smelled the demanded meal.

“And what will you give me in return?” His voice was smooth and deep.

Tessa looked at the man in front of her and saw his own need. “You have completed your part of our deal. You took a human host.”

Sokar seemed to think for a moment about her offer with a hint of amusement. “You wish to be Queen of the Underworld? A She’ket?”

“No. I wish to be Queen of this galaxy.” Sekhmet’s smirk deepened. “I would say you are close to being able to offer that.” Her smile turned seductive. “And I doubt you will mind my lack of a symbiote.”

He moved towards Tessa, but glided past, stopping just behind her and letting a single knuckle trail down the bare skin of her back while his other hand slipped around to her abdomen, his nails digging in, a lion stretching out its claws to grasp its prey.

“Do you know why I always preferred this type of dress on you?” His voice was right next to her ear as he spoke. “Amongst the rest of our kind, I was trusted so little that many would not even turn their backs to me, for fear that I may kill them as soon as they took their eyes off of me. Not an altogether foolish notion, of course, but seeing your back at all demonstrated your trust in me. The peek of your skin was an extra gift.” He kissed her neck gently.

“You have never done anything to make me doubt that trust,” Tessa said, trying to hold onto Sekhmet’s warmth for this devil.

“I should have taken a human host when you asked instead of letting Ra take you away.” His body tensed at his own mention of the former enemy.

Tessa slowly turned towards him, seeing that his need had grown stronger with her nearness.

Sokar’s gentleness could only last so long, though, and Tessa quickly found herself completely at the whim of his goa’uld enhanced strength. It was both terrifying and invigorating. On a world of mere humans it had been so long since Sekhmet had encountered anyone stronger than herself.

“My Lord--” Sokar’s First Prime rushed into the room and Tessa guessed he had not had enough experience in how to handle this particular situation. His master roared at him and raised the hand wearing his ribbon device, but Tessa placed a gentle hand on his arm. Sekhmet had always had a special ability to calm Sokar and she hoped this simple act would also endear her to his foremost warrior.

Tessa took on a royal tone as the goa’uld at her side lowered his weapon, his other hand still firmly on her back. “Speak. What news requires this interruption?”

His First Prime glanced at his master before addressing the pair together. “Lord Bynarr insists on an audience. He would not be deterred.”

Sekhmet’s smile was benevolent, but Tessa suspected that the underlord had not been as insistent as the jaffa claimed. Likely the protector had been searching for an excuse to re-enter the room to fulfill his duties to his god.

“You may grant his request.”

The armor-clad man bristled at her presumed authority, but Sokar did not object. The pair moved towards the platform again, the god ascending to his throne, his hood again pulled up to cover his face, while the goddess remained below, half turned towards the door.

Bynarr entered the room, his stride altering slightly as he noticed the red clad woman who did not attempt to hide her mental critique of his appearance, particularly his missing eye. Still, he focused again on his overlord and bowed low.

“ **I am humbled by your presence, my Lord Sokar.** ”

“ **Bynarr, Lord of Netu, I do not have time to hear of the sufferings of the damned on this day.** ”

The lesser goa’uld shifted his glance to the woman at this declaration from his sovereign. “ **Allow me to offer thanks for returning the Tok'ra Jolinar, the one who betrayed me, so that I may seek my revenge.** ”

Tessa could not keep Sekhmet’s mask from slipping slightly upon hearing the name of Major Carter’s former symbiote. Surely, Sam wasn’t on Netu. Had Sokar captured SG-1?

“ **Of what do you speak?** ” Sokar apparently had no knowledge of the visitors.

“ **She arrived today with three others.** ” Bynarr’s voice held its own confusion and Tessa worked hard mentally to decipher the situation. That must be SG-1.

Sokar’s eyes flashed in anger below the hood. “ **I did not send her to you. They are intruders. Find out what they want, then kill them** .”

“ **I had hoped to take my revenge on Jolinar slowly, my lord. To see her suffer in the harshest ways of the damned.** ”

“ **Go now! Report back to me in one day. Heed my command.** ” Sokar’s anger began to shift towards Tessa.

Bynarr stood and offered another quick bow. “ **Without fail, my lord.** ”

As the underlord left, Sokar turned to one of his other jaffa leaders. “ **A ship brought these intruders. Find it and destroy it.** ”

The jaffa spared a glance at Tessa, his suspicion clear, but he complied. “ **Yes, my lord.** ”

Sokar’s First Prime remained, but was hastily dismissed and Tessa’s body tensed at the turn of events, shifting herself fully towards the goa’uld.

“The timing is rather unfortunate for me, but I assure you, I arrived here alone.”

“Perhaps you’ve aligned yourself with the System Lords, helped spies infiltrate Netu.”

“Why would spies venture to Netu? What could they possibly learn from the damned?” She was flippant in her defense before turning into an accusatory lover. “And you should know me well enough to know that I would  _ never _ align myself with the System Lords. You were simply cast out to the stars. I was  _ abandoned _ to dirt and the monotony of the same sky every day.”

“We shall see if another ship is found.” He stood abruptly and called for his First Prime. “Escort the Lord Sekhmet to appropriate quarters and put a guard at her door.”

Tessa flashed her eyes at him in a typical goa’uld tantrum, spinning on her heel, and leaving with a walk that doubled as a taunt.

In her room, Tessa paced and watched the large fleet’s activities outside of her window, knowing the System Lords were not likely to stand against such a vast army. Sekhmet would have felt victorious, but Tessa worried about the fate of Earth with such a cruel master controlling the galaxy.

It wasn’t long before Sokar entered her room abruptly and found her staring out at Netu. She turned to briefly glance at him, but then returned to the view.

“You are fortunate,” he said as he approached. “A cargo ship was spotted in orbit around Netu. Two gliders gave chase, but the cargo ship entered hyperspace and escaped.”

“Am I fortunate because another ship was found or because it escaped? I would think the former, but I suspect you believe the latter.”

He stopped directly behind her. “I am not sure at this moment that it matters. We will see what these spies have to tell Bynarr. In the meantime, I have decided to advance my attack. The fleet is to be ready in two days’ time.”

“And will I be allowed to be at your side for this attack?” She did not grant him any affection, choosing to punish his disloyalty.

“I have not yet reached a decision.”

“Please let me know when you do.” It was a dismissal and she could see his eyes flash in the window’s reflection, but he stormed off without addressing her impudence.

Sokar did not return to see her again as the fleet was being prepared and she was not allowed to venture outside of her quarters, her meals being brought to her, and new dresses supplied by Sokar’s slaves.

Two days later, though, Tessa was unsurprised when she was escorted back to Sokar’s throne room, her new dress allowing for a low bow to her master. “You sent for me, my lord.”

“The fleet is ready, but Bynarr has not yet reported as I commanded.  **I will take my ship and cleanse the underworld so that its fires may be reborn. Then I will launch the attack on the System Lords. Soon the entire realm of the Goa'uld will serve me…or suffer the fate of the damned.** You will accompany me.”

Tessa smiled in Sekhmet’s seductive way. “As you wish.”

Aboard Sokar’s ship there was a similar throne room and once they were above Netu, Sokar contacted the surface below.

“ **Hear me, Bynarr. Why do you defy your Lord, Sokar?** ”

A familiar voice filtered back to them. “ **Bynarr is dead by my hand. I am Apophis and the denizens of Netu follow me.** ”

Tessa tensed and her eyes flashed, her rage against Sokar flaring up. He had let Apophis live.

“ **I will bring the full force of my weapons down upon you. You will die in burning hell fire,** ” Sokar said, his words calming Tessa momentarily.

“ **First you will hear me,”** Apophis demanded.  **“Before you fire upon us, know this: I have tortured the intruders. Three from the Tauri and a Tok'ra. I have learned much, including the location of the Tok'ra resistance.”** He waited for a reply, but Sokar did not oblige.  **“Bynarr was weak. He was incompetent. A goa'uld of your superior power deserves more. I wish to serve you. I offer this information I have gathered as proof. Grant me an audience, and allow me to show my reverence to you by bowing at your feet.** ”

“ **I will grant you this request.** ”

Tessa’s calm vanished again.

“ **I am forever in your service.** ” The transmission ended.

“It is a trick.” Tessa spat out her words with disgust.

Sokar stood and his eyes flashed at her in anger. “Do you think me a fool? Of course it is a trick. Apophis would never agree to serve me. How dare you doubt me.”

Even Sekhmet shrank back from Sokar’s temper. “My apologies, my Lord Sokar. Please forgive my foolishness.”

Apophis transported up to the ship and was escorted to the throne room where he kneeled and bowed his forehead to the ground.  **“My time of suffering has taught me the strength of your power, my lord.** ”

As he straightened again his eyes fell on Tessa who was off to the side, and a confused familiarity crossed his face. He quickly turned back to Sokar as his new master spoke.

“ **Tell me the information you extracted from the intruders.** ”

“ **I beg you to grant me the privilege of ruling Netu. Bynarr was not worthy of such honor.** ”

“ **Tell me the location of the Tok'ra rebellion** .”

“ **That is only one of the many valuable things I have learned.** ”

Sokar slowly removed his hood and leaned forward towards the source of his frustration. “ **Why do you try my patience? Tell me, and I will grant you your wish and brand you Lord of the Underworld.** ”

“ **The Tok'ra are based on the planet Entac.** ”

Sokar leaned back again and directed just his eyes over to his First Prime. A quick glance back at Apophis was all the instruction he needed to give and the jaffa walked behind the kneeling goa’uld, placing a strong arm on his shoulder.

“ **What is the meaning of this?** ” Apophis was clearly and reasonably concerned.

**“I recently conquered Entac. There are no Tok'ra there.** ” Sokar looked above Apophis to his Jaffa.  **“Kill him.** ” He smirked. “ **Slowly.** ”

And with that last word and expression, Tessa saw exactly why Sekhmet had been drawn to Sokar. His sadistic nature mirrored her own exactly.

His First Prime kept a pain stick handy and Apophis’ screams soon filled the room. Tessa took far too much pleasure in them as well as Sokar’s laughter, but she chafed at merely being part of the audience.

Sokar must have noted her hands fidgeting and stopped the jaffa from his efforts. When she turned to question the pause, he extended a hand, an offer of Apophis’ pain, and he seemed to enjoy her response intensely, returning her wicked smile.

Tessa breathed deeply as she walked towards Sekhmet’s enemy. She liked this version of Apophis better than the pathetic creature she’d encountered back on Earth. Though his face was badly scarred, he still maintained his goa’uld regal stature, but that was slowly diminishing with the agony. She’d never tortured anyone with any audience other than Sekhmet before, but she suspected Sokar would enjoy her techniques far more than a simple and rather unimaginative pain stick.

Apophis still had enough strength to remain defiant for the moment and looked her over as she approached, trying to place her. “Sekhmet? It cannot be you.”

“And yet, it is.”

“You were with the Tau’ri. I thought I had dreamed you...but you were different then.”

“Yes, but not so different to make this any more pleasant for you.” Tessa settled more firmly into Sekhmet’s personality.

“You have melded with your host. A mythical She’ket.” He spat after the word and Tessa merely smiled calmly.

She began as she normally did with using brute force to inflict pain. She was weaker than before and it was more obvious against a foe like Apophis, but she still extracted similar screams to the First Prime. She would enjoy the time she could take with him and she understood better why Sokar had revived him.

Tessa’s hands began to itch for a knife to continue, but her time was cut short by Sokar’s jaffa commander running into the room in a panic. “ **Forgive me! The hell fires of Netu are erupting, my lord.** ”

“ **What?** ” Sokar’s eyes widened in shock.

“ **The ship's sensors indicate that the core of the moon has become unstable.** ”

Tessa couldn’t help but smile slightly, realizing this was likely the doing of SG-1.

“ **That is impossible. I control Netu!** ”

“ **We must move this ship.** ” There was panic in the jaffa’s voice and it spread to Tessa as well, her fear pushing back on Sekhmet’s overconfidence.

In the chaos, Apophis suddenly popped a hidden blade out of an armband and thrust it into Sokar’s First Prime. As the other jaffa lifted his staff weapon, Apophis swung around and slashed his throat, sending him stumbling backward into the platform.

Sokar stood, raising his hand, the ribbon device beginning to light up, but Tessa’s reflexes were no longer fully goa’uld and Apophis, after firing a failed shot at Sokar, easily spun her around and put the knife to her throat. It was her turn to be a hostage. He began dragging her towards the door and her strength was far too lessened to resist.

She could hear Sokar’s roar, but too soon they were at the rings, transporting back down to Delmak. Apophis dragged her to the window where Netu was rapidly breaking apart.

“You can say goodbye to your Lord Sokar.”

The moon exploded taking Sokar’s ship with it and the entire sky was filled with the debris, in some ways beautiful, light and fire and metal and rock.

Tessa used Sekhmet’s quick thinking to shift her strategy. Sekhmet was a survivor first and foremost after all.

“He is not  _ my  _ Lord Sokar.” She pushed him off and turned to face him. “I came to Delmak for  _ you. _ ” The words were bile in her mouth, but she needed him right now and need trumped revenge. Sekhmet would have done the same, though she would have likely seen the tide shifting even sooner.

“Is that why you tortured me?” He grabbed her face roughly.

“Yes. My methods were significantly less painful, but I knew Sokar would be watching  _ me _ instead of your lessened responses. You did play along nicely, though, screaming at all the right parts.” She smirked Sekhmet’s smirk, having pushed him into a corner where the only escape was admitting she had caused him pain.

“Or possibly you’re working with the Tau’ri, with SG-1.”

“Is that who was on Netu? They caused me quite a few problems with their timing. My arrival occurred shortly after theirs and made Sokar doubt my loyalty. That is why I could not enact a rescue sooner.”

“You lie.”

“If I wanted to kill you, I have had several opportunities. While I do not particularly like you, I do think we have common enemies: the Tau’ri and the Tok’ra. I’m willing to serve you so that I may have my revenge on both. They are the ones who forced me into...this.” She gestured to herself. “Let us put the past behind us.”

“Serve me?” Apophis let his eyes roam over her in amusement, grabbing her face and twisting it side to side to take in all of its angles. “Perhaps you wish to be my new queen.”

“I will be your underlord,  _ not _ your queen.”

The refusal flared his temper again and he grabbed her arm, pulling her into him. “You will do as _ I  _ command, Sekhmet.”

“I will be your underlord, my Lord Apophis.” She held his gaze and her breath, waiting for him to kill her. Even as her life depended on it, she could not bring herself to agree to be his queen.

“The Jaffa will not likely follow a She’ket as queen anyway.” He conceded too easily, but she accepted her success cautiously anyway.

“We should claim this world and Sokar’s army quickly,” she said as she turned back to look out the window.

Apophis agreed and they made their way to the throne room to broadcast a transmission to the fleet.

“Hear me, Jaffa warriors of Delmak. Your Lord Sokar is dead by my might. I have destroyed the moon, Netu, along with his Ha’tak. I am your god now. I am the Lord of Chaos, Apophis. You will serve me as you once served Sokar. You will also serve your goddess, Sekhmet, my queen.”

Tessa’s eyes flashed at his trickery, enraged that he would brand her as his consort to the fleet, making it impossible for her to do otherwise and live.

He ended the transmission and began to summon the leaders amongst the army.

“I will be your queen in name only,  _ my lord _ .” She let Sekhmet’s disgust seep into every word.

“I have no need of you beyond that, my Lady She’ket.” He sneered with the insult and dismissed her with a quick wave of his hand.

Sokar had branded himself Satan, but Tessa felt like now, with Apophis, she’d just made a deal with the devil.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 3.20 “Maternal Instinct” and Episode 4.14 “The Serpent’s Venom”

Over the next few months, Apophis worked tirelessly to establish his authority over Sokar’s warriors and, as rumor had spread of her attachment to their previous leader prior to his death, Sekhmet’s presence helped him in that task. Tessa felt the loss of Sokar as Sekhmet would have, but was grateful that her human fear of him balanced out that grief.

Her new master chose her jaffa guardians carefully which meant she had little chance of escaping the planet, not that she had planned on that approach. Even Tessa could see the benefit of keeping Apophis and his plans close. It was likely that few knew of his survival and subsequent theft of Sokar’s vast army and the knowledge she gained as his queen could be intensely valuable to all who would defy him.

Tessa soon learned that Apophis’ primary goal was first to satisfy his own vanity, though. He had created a harcesis child with Sha’re, Daniel’s wife and the host of Apophis’ last queen, Amaunet. He had planned to take the child as his next host, and now, with his face severely damaged by Sokar’s torture, he became obsessed with finding the missing boy. Apophis was one of the few goa’uld who had kept just a single host and he wished to maintain at least a resemblance to the face he’d grown to love.

Tessa could barely contain her derision at his priorities. “How can that child possibly be more important than our other goals? We will lose the element of surprise with this delay!”

Apophis did not tolerate even a private scolding, though, and soon Tessa’s face burned red from his temper.

“You serve me. ME! You will not question what I choose to do.”

So went the majority of their conversations. She was clearly not trusted, but that didn’t stop his hands from exploring more of her body every time she was in his presence. He seemed to enjoy the torment he inflicted on her and Tessa wondered more frequently if it would be better to simply kill him while he slept. Sokar’s forces potentially could be swayed to her loyalty, especially if they felt protective of their former god’s love, or whatever it was that Sekhmet had been to Sokar. Apophis claimed to have risen from the dead, from the fires of Netu, but she knew there were whispers that it had really been Sokar’s powers that brought him back from the underworld. Perhaps she could exploit that to expand her own power.

Her opportunity first came when Apophis announced that he would take a large portion of the fleet to seek out his child and a sarcophagus, but he was leaving her behind to tend to the domestic forces of Delmak under the watchful eyes of some of his most trusted jaffa.

“If you betray me in the slightest, I will make you suffer my full wrath over and again. I will kill you and revive you until you beg to fulfill my every wish.” Apophis always preferred to keep a firm grasp of her face as he threatened her, forcing her to look into his eyes and know that his words were no bluff, but this time he let his hand slide down her throat and search out any places he’d yet to discover. “And when I return with a sarcophagus, I will make you my queen in every aspect.” He kissed her with enough force that she understood the threats behind it without further explanation. “I will let you prove your loyalty to me, my Lady She’ket.”

Tessa had often breathed a thankful sigh to Sokar for taking his sarcophagus aboard his ship before it was destroyed, knowing that the only thing protecting her from Apophis’ bed were injuries left from his prior torture. More than one slave girl had turned up dead after a night spent with her god and it was unclear to Tessa if their lives were ended to satisfy a need that couldn’t be filled or to hide secrets of goa’uld mortality. Either way, it was apparent that the damage was not simply limited to Apophis’ face and once a sarcophagus could restore most of his body to its original form, he would never be satisfied with only his hands and lips abusing his new queen.

“My Lord Apophis, have I not proven my value as you establish your superior might with your new army? What reason would I have to betray you when I will soon rule at your side over the galaxy? The System Lords will never be able to stand against you.” Sekhmet had been perfectly capable of playing politics when it was required, but Tessa also added her own natural diplomatic skills. Had her true purpose been power, then her logic would have been impenetrable, but Apophis was missing too many pieces to see through her deceptions.

After her ruler departed Delmak, Sekhmet’s voice began to creep into whispers and rumors almost imperceptibly. Without Apophis’ commanding personal presence, it was easier for doubt to take hold in the minds and hearts of the remaining jaffa, and before long, Tessa could sense their readiness to defy their god and follow their goddess. She stood before them and shared her intention to take them to join Apophis’ strongest enemy, Heru’ur. They would avenge their true god, Sokar, together and share in his blessings from beyond this world.

There were few who objected to their queen’s plan, but those who did were easily put down by the many loyal to her. Tessa only momentarily noted the number of bodies that piled up in Sekhmet’s name and at her call, but they were slaves and enemies who would die serving Apophis or her or another goa’uld regardless. It was far too easy to justify both the manipulation as well as the reserving of some of the few who were especially loyal to her  _ dear _ husband, making examples of their deaths to fulfill her own needs.

Each day spent as Sekhmet made it harder for Tessa to remember herself. This life, paired with thousands of years of similar recollections, seemed to make her own two decades of memories too brief to be of much weight. She only had childhood games, classes learning knowledge that was laughably simplistic, teenage boys and their pathetic advances, friendships that were built on nothing more than a similar schedule, and family vacations visiting a handful of moderately interesting locations. How could any of that compare to Sekhmet’s life? How could it compare to her role now as queen and ruler and betrayer and goddess?

Her new subjects were quick to ready the ships to escape Delmak before Apophis’ return. He would surely hear of their betrayal so time was of the essence to gain the protection of Heru’ur. Though Sokar himself had been at war with the son of Ra and Hathor, he was still preferable to the usurper Apophis. Sekhmet had many memories of the conqueror and Tessa knew his keen strategies would be helpful, especially as her lack of battle experience and knowledge of the current state of the galaxy was a rather large disadvantage. Sekhmet had spent far too long on Earth developing the tactics required for very different goals.

Heru’ur was surprisingly easy to locate considering his vast territories, though in reality, it was more that her fleet was located by him. He kept his worlds carefully guarded and Tessa tried to choose a planet that was of little military value to be as non-threatening as possible. Still, Heru’ur was less than thrilled with her presence in Sokar’s ships. He had heard rumors of Apophis’ rise to power again and suspected trickery on the part of his new queen, but Sekhmet’s long and well known history with Apophis meant it wasn’t nearly as difficult to persuade Heru’ur of her hatred for their common enemy as it could have been.

“My Lord Heru’ur, I have brought these ships as a gift in your fight against the demon Apophis. I would see him destroyed and I will pledge my allegiance to you toward that end.”

“You have betrayed your god. What assurances can I have of your loyalty to me?” Heru’ur would not be swayed by the smile of a beautiful woman offering her devotion any more than he would trust a snake that assured him it was not poisonous. He had become powerful by both his cynicism and his independence.

Fortunately, she had more to offer than her smiles. She had ships and an army and those would go a long way towards at least a temporary trust. They agreed to each take an Al’kesh to meet down on the surface to discuss terms. Not quite neutral territory, but Tessa could feel Sekhmet’s confidence in their leverage.

“The long lost Sekhmet has returned to the stars, I see.” His proximity meant he quickly verified the rumors that had spread about the goddess and Tessa watched as his face went from confusion to extreme disgust to a smirk of power. He saw it as a weakness he could take advantage of, that much was clear. “The Tau’ri have not left you unharmed, though.”

“I am not so changed as you suspect. I believe you will find me as valuable and formidable as our Lord Ra did.” Tessa had grown so accustomed to using Sekhmet’s goa’uld voice that it was now more natural than her own.

“What do you want from our alliance?”

“The defeat of Apophis will satisfy me greatly and I want half of his claimed territory as my own once he is dead. The half I choose, of course.” She smiled with the disclaimer.

“Only half?” He was suspicious of her modest demand.

“I have lived on a solitary planet for centuries now. Half of his territory will be more than enough and I am not so foolish to claim more than I want or need.”

“I have no faith in your promises, but your ships will help me in my efforts. I will send some of my jaffa to lead your fleet.” His tone made it obvious this was not up for debate.

“Of course, my lord. I appreciate the assistance.”

Heru’ur summoned three of his guard to join Tessa’s party, before nodding to his new ally and turning back to his ship. The assigned jaffa bowed stiffly to Tessa and she noted that one of them did not bear the mark of Heru’ur, but instead had a scar on his forehead. She caught his eye as she stared and his expression showed that this was likely a source of shame for him. They kneeled before Tessa, fists brought up to their chests as they pledged their (temporary) loyalty.

“Speak your names, Jaffa.”

The one with the scar spoke. “My Lord Sekhmet, I am Rak’nor. This is Jadal and Ga’bak.” He motioned to the jaffa on his right and left.

Tessa nodded to each in turn before she also returned to her ship, the three jaffa following behind. While in truth, she would be grateful for their help in many ways, she also knew that they were first and foremost spies and wardens to watch her for Heru’ur.

******

Rak’nor was an adept strategist in guiding her fleet and her jaffa seemed content to follow him. Tessa was surprised that his lack of marking did not carry further stigma within the Jaffa culture, but as she watched his interactions, she suspected that whatever had taken his mark from him had propelled him to prove his worth in deeds and a warrior culture respected that.

She called him to her quarters one evening to simply ask him. She was his goddess after all.

He entered while she was sitting at a desk she’d had specially made. Most goa’uld items were cast from metal, but she had sought out a woodworker on one of the planets they’d patrolled, hiring him to create an exquisite carved table for her use. The feel of the more natural material grounded her in some way as she tried to remember a life that wasn’t always so cold and calculated.

She had him sit so she didn’t need to look up at him and the action clearly made him uncomfortable. The jaffa stood or kneeled in the presence of their rulers.

“Rak’nor, tell me of your scar. Who took your mark?” Tessa’s tone was conversational, but the goa’uld undertones made it clear that it was not a request, but a command.

“My father, my lord.” His hands were trying to find a comfortable spot to rest, but they fidgeted without a weapon to grasp.

“Why would a father do that to his son?” She fumbled with a few papers, waiting for a response, but when it did not come, she turned her gaze towards the silent jaffa.

“ **When the Shol’va, Teal’c, was First Prime of Lord Apophis, he spared my father’s life after he’d been ordered to kill him. When my father saw him turn against his god, he** **believed it was a sign. He spoke out against the gods, and supported the Shol’va. He seared the mark of the serpent from my forehead. He…he said I was free!** ” His voice was filled with anger which Tessa found very interesting.

“Go on.” She used Sekhmet’s snake-like voice, encouraging him to speak further.

“ **Other Jaffa warriors also began to believe. Like my father, they followed Bra'tac, who said what the Shol’va had done would begin a Jaffa rebellion. He said that one day, all Jaffa would be free from enslavement at the hands of the Goa'uld.** ”

He turned his eyes upward to Tessa. “ **But, it was blasphemy! The goa'uld are gods!** ” and he bowed his head and brought his fists to his chest in a slight bow.

“It is rather uncommon for a son to believe differently from his father.”

“ **My father believes nothing anymore! He is dead! My father was a stupid fool, and Apophis killed my whole family because of it. He who died himself, and was reborn, returning to slay Sokar. He with the power to slaughter millions in an instant. He commands the greatest army the goa'uld have ever known, how could he be anything but a god? I was fortunate enough to realize that in time to save myself.** ”

Tessa bristled at the description of events involving Apophis and Sokar. With that spin, it was unsurprising that Apophis was so feared. She was pleased to have uncovered the young jaffa’s drive, though. The bitterness was the kind a son felt when he saw his father choose his ideals over his family, not understanding that those ideals were  _ for _ his family.

This time it was Tessa’s turn to stay silent and Rak’nor began to squirm in his seat, slowly seeming to realize that he had just praised the very goa’uld that Sekhmet had betrayed.

“I am curious, Rak’nor, if you would prefer to be serving Apophis rather than your god, Heru’ur.”

“No, my lord. Please forgive me. I felt gratitude for his sparing of my life. I am devoted to Heru’ur.” His eyes were filled with panic as he tried to pull his words back in again.

Sekhmet’s smirk settled lightly into place as she watched him. “Calm yourself, jaffa. I am nothing if not forgiving, though I doubt Lord Heru’ur would be quite as understanding.”

She owned him now. He had handed his loyalty over with a few misplaced words.

“Thank you, Lord Sekhmet.” He had slipped from the chair to his knees, his bow as low as his armor would allow.

“Of course,” she waited until he looked up, “for this to remain our little secret, I will expect your cooperation whenever I need it.”

The fallen look on his face revealed that he understood exactly what she was saying. Do as she said or she would kill him, or worse, hand him over to Heru’ur as a traitor.

In some ways, Tessa felt badly for the way she was manipulating the poor boy. She imagined in different circumstances, he would be more like Airman Harris, with fewer cares and more smiles.

She suddenly wanted that for him. His father had certainly wanted it for him.

She realized her smile had shifted to the old Tessa, a smile that was open and friendly and genuine, and Rak’nor looked clearly confused by the change.

Tessa directed her eyes back down to her desk, hiding her face. “You may go.”

Rak’nor left quickly and Tessa got up to look out the window, down to the planet below them. How had she gotten here? To this point in time where she was intentionally manipulating a young man for her own purposes? A young man who already had been manipulated possibly beyond repair. It had seemed harmless up until that point in which it was done.

She was a goa’uld, stealing his life and will.

But Sekhmet’s voice crept in.  _ If you could just kill Apophis, you could stop. _

Could she, though? Could she stop? Could she let go and move on and do all the cliché things people say you can do? Tessa doubted the clichés were intended for a situation like hers. She suddenly had a vision of herself in a bookstore, asking the clerk for help finding a How To book on being a former host to a psychotic killer alien and couldn’t stop the laughter that shook her.

She hadn’t laughed in a long time and she sat down at her desk again, trying to remember the last time, but every instance had not been her own laugh, it had been Sekhmet’s. She went further back. The week before she’d been taken as a host, she’d been in a study group that had stayed up far too late and could not stop laughing about some statement made by one of the girls involving Dostoevsky and a stormtrooper. None of them could remember what had been so funny about it later, but at the time they had nearly fallen out of their chairs and her stomach had hurt the next day from the laughter.

Was that truly the last time she’d laughed? Almost four years ago?

She would try to find that life again, that girl again. She would smile real smiles and cry real tears and laugh until her sides ached. Just one thing stood between that life and her.

Hopefully just one thing.

And hopefully that was Apophis’ death.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 4.14 “The Serpent’s Venom”

Despite her guilt, Tessa continued to rely on Rak’nor to keep her informed of Heru’ur’s orders to him. He was reluctant at first, but she was kind to him and she guessed that Heru’ur had never treated him in a similar manner. This day, he was clearly different when he came into her rooms.

“My Lord Heru’ur is sending me on a special mission.”

“Oh? What plans does he have for you?” She directed him to sit, but he shook his head, so she stood instead.

“I am to acquire...a gift.”

Tessa’s frustration was apparent. “A gift. What kind of gift? For whom?”

“Lord Heru’ur also requests your presence aboard his mothership.”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. What was Heru’ur planning? “Oh does he? For what purpose?”

“I am sorry, my Lord Sekhmet. I cannot reveal any of that information to you, but Heru’ur has sent ships and jaffa to bring you to him.”

“We have an arrangement, Rak’nor. Do not think I will let this breach go unpunished.”

He seemed to be genuinely pained by her harshness and she momentarily gave up the facade, sitting down at her desk and letting her hands hold up her head. Why must she go from prison to prison? And even if she escaped this next warden, could she ever be free when bound to memories of a life that wasn’t hers?

“My lord?”

He had moved closer by the sound of his voice, but she hadn’t realized that allowing the mask to slip off would crack it. She stared at the dark wood of the desk  trying to remember who she was or who she was supposed to be or who she used to be or who she would be or who she should be or who she wanted to be. It was a jumbled mess of different versions of the minds that had used this body and she couldn’t manage to put the pieces together in any coherent fashion.

Rak’nor had reached his hands out to grasp her wrists gently and Tessa realized as she began looking up at him that her face was wet. Why this moment of all moments was the tipping point, she didn’t know, but she had collapsed under the weight of burdens she’d piled on top of herself.

Now they buried her.

The jaffa warrior looked terrified as he took her in and she suspected that even if she had been a perfectly normal young woman, he would have been intensely uncomfortable with her tears, but the established relationship between them of master and servant, god and worshipper, made it much worse.

“Heru’ur plans an alliance with Apophis,” he said slowly.

Tessa’s shoulders slumped even further. “Then I am dead.”

“Perhaps Apophis will be merciful.”

That ignited the fire again and Tessa stood, her eyes flashing at the young jaffa as he stumbled backwards.

“You are foolish if you believe Apophis is even capable of mercy. He is a parasite, all the goa’uld are. They’ve stolen your lives, your bodies, your children, your minds, your souls. They are not gods! They are flesh and blood with technology they have stolen from other races.” Her rant had begun in her goa’uld voice, but somewhere along the way she’d shifted into the human voice her body had been born with.

“ _ You _ are a goa’uld, my lord. How can you say such blasphemy?” He looked ready to run, to scream to the ship of her betrayal or madness or both.

“I am not Sekhmet.” She let the words slide out with hatred, but still parts of her doubted their veracity.

Rak’nor pulled the knife from his belt, having left his staff weapon near the door. “Who are you? A Tok’ra?”

She pulled her shoulders back and spoke with confidence. “I was Sekhmet’s host. She is dead.”

“Nothing of the host survives.”

“I survived! Me!” She beat her chest in defiance. “Sekhmet was no god. She felt fear and uncertainty. She wasn’t all knowing. She wasn’t all powerful.” She let her voice raise without concern for anyone overhearing.

“No. You’re an imposter. Heru’ur, Apophis, they are gods.”

Tessa laughed. “I watched Apophis die, weak and afraid. He begged the Tau’ri for a host like the pathetic creature he was. And Sokar revived him with a sarcophagus, technology, not magic. He did not return from the dead on his own. And Sokar did not die by Apophis’ hand. It was the Tok’ra and Tau’ri that killed him.”

Rak’nor began to lower his knife as she spoke and Tessa wondered if he was accepting her words.

“No. You lie.”

“What reason do I have to lie? I had every reason to lie about being Sekhmet. I have no reason to lie about not being her.”

He raised his knife again and narrowed his eyes. “I should hand you over to Lord Heru’ur as a traitor!”

Tessa smirked and relaxed her body. “He would never believe you and you know it.”

He glared at her for a few more moments before lowering his weapon and straightening. “Heru’ur’s ships will be here soon to claim you. For my silence, you will release me from our prior arrangement.”

“You are a fool, but I will release you. Silence for silence.” She quickly wiped her eyes and then became Sekhmet again in appearance and voice. “I must arrange with my servants for my departure.”

Rak’nor held her eyes for another breath before leaving her alone. She would not put any trust in his silence.

And he should not put any trust in hers.

******

Her arrival on Heru’ur’s ship was not without a greeting from her current sovereign and she continued to play his games of diplomacy as he personally guided her to her quarters. She was equal parts awe, submission, and seduction as he led her through corridors and gave her an abbreviated tour of the rooms along their path. This was unlike his usual curt manner and it concerned her.

He left her to get settled, but requested her presence for his next meal. She was glad she had built up a store of armor and brought a significant portion of it with her. In the end she chose a royal blue velvet gown that almost perfectly matched the fabric on Heru’ur’s throne. She wanted him to feel she belonged next to him without quite knowing why, doubting he had ever taken note of the color as he sat. The front of the dress plunged just enough to be appealing but still mysterious, and the fabric skimmed over her curves. She needed him to want her instead of trading her away for an alliance. There was no logical reason not to use her in such a way, but desire rarely followed reason’s path.

She was surprised to see Heru’ur in a blue and gold robe instead of his golden armor when she joined him later. In truth, she had sometimes wondered if he even slept in the metalwork. Her own armor (though really it should be called a weapon for it was clearly offensive, rather than defensive in nature) had its intended effect. Heru’ur’s eyes became large at the sight of her and lingered longer than would be considered socially acceptable in certain circles. The goa’uld were oddly formal in their interactions after so many thousands of years’ acquaintance, but Tessa guessed it was because of their constant struggles for power. They were in a perpetual poker game, all holding their cards close.

“Did you find your rooms acceptable?” His tone was stiff and Tessa dreaded an entire meal with him, struggling through conversation.

“Yes, quite, my lord. Your ship is very impressive.”

“Yes, it is.” Heru’ur set down his glass before continuing. “I am assuming you know why I have brought you here.”

“I have a few theories, but as you are my almighty, perhaps I should allow you to enlighten me?”

“I have requested a meeting with Apophis to discuss an alliance against the System Lords and I wish you to be at my side during negotiations.”

“As a display of what you have already taken from him.” Tessa kept her body from outwardly showing the calm that permeated her, knowing now she was to be a symbol of Heru’ur’s power rather than a gift because of his weakness.

“Yes. I also have a gift for him that he will likely find most pleasing.” He smiled to himself as he tapped his fork on the table.

“Oh? And what is this great gift?”

The goa’uld turned his smile towards Tessa. “The Shol’va.”

Teal’c. Sekhmet’s smirk deepened on its own, still refusing to obey Tessa, though she was grateful for its independence at moments like this.

“And have you already acquired the traitor?”

“I have. I sent Rak’nor for him and he has done well in tricking the fool.” He chuckled slightly which was a rare sound from his throat. “All this time Apophis has sought him and he was so easily caught.”

“Well, you and I have long known that Apophis is far from the mighty leader he claims to be.”

Heru’ur turned serious again and held her gaze. “You will be my queen. I will have Apophis see you as mine.”

Prison to prison to prison to--

“Of course, my lord. It would be an honor to serve you as your queen.”

\--prison to prison to prison…

******

The next day they began the journey to the Tobin System to meet with Apophis. The agreed upon spot lay just next to a mine field left by the extinct civilization of those worlds and the mines were programmed to hone in on specific energy signatures, including that of goa’uld weaponry. If either Heru’ur or Apophis fired upon each other, the mines would destroy them all.

Once they were in hyperspace, Tessa journeyed to the prison hall where the screams relaxed her body, but not her mind. She easily found Teal’c chained to the ceiling in one of the rooms, guarded by Rak’nor and another jaffa. Their prisoner was being tortured by Heru’ur’s hired goa’uld, Terok, whose main job was to inflict pain on and extract information from those who were unfortunate enough to find themselves in Heru’ur’s bad graces. Sekhmet had always despised any goa’uld who outsourced this particular task.

Upon her entrance, Terok turned to yell at whoever was interrupting his work, but Sekhmet’s reputation was well known and he held his tongue at the sight of her. She allowed his eyes to take her in for a moment before moving further into the room, diligently keeping her eyes from Rak’nor’s, but sensing his glare.

“The great Lord Sekhmet. Your reputation in torture techniques is well known among those in my line of work.” He bowed with a flourish of the pain stick he still held, but Tessa merely gave him a sideways glance.

“Leave us.” She would not entertain this repulsive creature even in routine pleasantries.

“My lord, I am in the middle of bringing this Shol’va to repentance for his heresy.”

Tessa kept Sekhmet’s voice low and controlled. “If I need to repeat myself, you will be by his side begging for forgiveness as well.”

“Of course, my Lord Sekhmet.” Terok quickly ushered the other jaffa out of the room and fortunately Rak’nor did not resist, though she could feel his suspicion.

As they left the room, Tessa turned to the recording device Terok had placed to make sure it was off and then moved towards the injured jaffa.

Teal’c looked up at her with anger. “Sekhmet.”

“Scream.” She spoke quietly, but realized it was still the goa’uld voice.

“I will not,” Teal’c said defiantly.

Tessa sighed and bent down close to his face, returning to her human voice. “I have made it very clear my intentions in coming here and if they do not hear your screams, it will be extremely suspicious. Scream.  _ Please _ .”

Teal’c’s confusion was apparent, but he finally released an intense scream after she had straightened up, and she could hear the shuffle of feet in the hall, likely Rak’nor’s.

Tessa still kept her voice down. “I am not Sekhmet, Teal’c. It’s too long of a story for right now, but I will do what I can to free you.” He still looked intensely suspicious. “Scream again.”

Teal’c again screamed in imitated pain and Sekhmet’s smirk involuntarily appeared at the sound.

“I can come back at least some without raising suspicion to give you a break from Terok, but we are meeting with Apophis soon and I must be present for the negotiations as Heru’ur’s queen.” Teal’c raised an eyebrow and Tessa allowed some disgust into her voice. “Yep. Moving up in the world, Teal’c.”

She stayed another half hour, as Teal’c screamed periodically, but she knew the longer she made Terok wait, the worse it would be for the jaffa.

Sekhmet had been the same.

She was the same.

As Tessa left, Rak’nor caught her arm as she passed by his solitary frame in the hall.

“Unhand me, jaffa.” She allowed her eyes to flash at him.

He leaned his face close to hers and spoke through his teeth. “What were you doing with the Shol’va?”

“As your new queen, I demand that you unhand me or I will inform Lord Heru’ur of the jaffa who will not accept my rejection of his advances.” She smiled wickedly and he released her quickly at the threat.

Tessa returned to the prison hall several times during the journey, annoying Terok with the constant interruptions, but as he was powerless to stop Heru’ur’s new consort, he merely tightened his jaw and left when she commanded. Rak’nor remained silent about his suspicions, but then oddly, his demeanor towards her began to change subtly. The edge from his voice seemed to dissipate and when she caught his gaze, the suspicion and loathing were replaced with curiosity and confusion.

When she asked Teal’c about it, he had hopes that Rak’nor was starting to see the truth of the goa’uld. Tessa scoffed at the idea.

“I told him that goa’uld are not gods and even hearing it from his goddess did not convince him.”

“Perhaps he needs to hear it from his own kind,” Teal’c said weakly.

“Perhaps.” She helped him drink some more water before he screamed yet again. “We will be arriving at the location soon. I must go, but I will do what I can, Teal’c.”

Tessa made her way back to her suite to change into a golden gown and elaborate necklace. She would mirror Heru’ur’s armor in her feminine style making them a unified adversary for Apophis, though she chuckled to herself that it was much like an animal that puffs itself up to appear larger to a predator. Despite Heru’ur’s displayed confidence, she knew the calling for this alliance clearly demonstrated his fear of Apophis. He’d already tipped his hand.

In the throne room, Heru’ur nodded his head in approval at her appearance and she took her place at his side as they dropped out of hyperspace, breathing deeply to remain calm. Apophis’ ship was already in place near the mine field and Heru’ur took no time in hailing them.

“ **Kree shak shel, Apophis!** ”

The two adversaries greeted each other with open hostility and Tessa noted that Apophis was significantly less damaged looking, though his face still had metal plating on it. She wondered if he’d grown to like the look. The sarcophagus had likely healed more than just his face, though, as he had surrounded himself with female slaves.

“ **Onak kla keela vurok!** ” Heru’ur got right to the point, that Apophis could never defeat the System Lords without his help.

“ **Mak shel lo komo ashma!** ” Apophis wished to know what Heru’ur wanted in exchange for his assistance.

Heru’ur went on to explain that he wished to maintain all of his territory plus that of Cronus and that he also had a gift for Apophis as a sign of his loyalty.

“ **Ona rak shol'va!** ”

On cue, Teal’c was tossed into the room by Terok, but Tessa kept her eyes on Apophis as he practically salivated at the sight of the long elusive Shol’va. Suddenly Apophis shifted his eyes upward to hers and smiled in a way that made her body go cold.

He then returned his attention to Heru’ur. “And what of the ha’taaka?” He spat out the last word, referring to her as a vile creature.

Heru’ur stood. “You will not insult my queen in such a manner.”

“Give me the ha’taaka along with the Shol’va and I will also let you have that which belongs to Kali.”

Tessa turned to Heru’ur, trying to rein in her panic. “My Lord Heru’ur!”

He looked down at her momentarily before nodding to his guards to restrain her and addressing Apophis again. “I will include Sekhmet in my offered gift.”

Apophis smirked maliciously. “I will think and give my answer soon.” He cut off the transmission to end negotiations.

“My lord!” Tessa was filled with fear, but Sekhmet’s influence made rage the dominant emotion. That and a tiny hope of opportunity.

“Take Sekhmet and the Shol’va back to the prison hall.” And with a wave of his hand, the two traitors were dragged off, Teal’c as a weakened dead weight and Tessa in a confident walk of focused fury.

Terok was pleased at his new addition, taking personal pleasure in shackling her wrists, before returning to his other prisoner. “ **There is little time left for you. If you repent now, I would save your soul and end your suffering.** ”

Teal’c slowly pulled himself upward to meet Terok’s eyes. “ **So that Apophis can revive me, and begin again?** ” Teal’c’s laughter filled the room and Sekhmet’s smile appeared, enjoying the sound of his defiance.

Terok then turned his attention to Tessa, running the pain stick along her face. “I only wish Lord Heru’ur had given you to me sooner.” He thrust the stick into her chest, pulling a scream from her body as the pain invaded every part of her.

The shackles did their job of holding her somewhat upright, but her legs gave out as they relaxed again and Terok looked at her wistfully. “I am envious of Apophis in this moment. He will take so much pleasure in your screams.” He put his mouth next to her ear. “And likely in all the rest of you as well.”

Again and again he burned her body with torment and her throat was soon raw, but this pain was still only second to what Sekhmet herself had inflicted upon her host. No outside force could ever replicate that. Eventually Terok was called back to the throne room by Heru’ur and Teal’c and Tessa were left weak, with just Rak’nor remaining.

Their guard was clearly upset by their suffering and helped each of them to drink some water. Tessa didn’t speak, her own inner conflict taking up her remaining energy, but she watched as Rak’nor kneeled next to Teal’c.

“ **I've never seen anyone endure such torture! Yet, none of it comes close to what Apophis will do to you. He will kill you a thousand times!** ”

“ **Of that I am certain** .”

Tessa was impressed by Teal’c’s continued strength and defiance. She could see why he had started a revolution within the Jaffa.

“ **And you will never admit that he's a god?** ” Rak’nor was clearly impressed as well.

“ **Never!** ”

“ **You are either insane or--** ” He stood abruptly as the gates opened and Terok and another jaffa entered.

“ **Take them down! The shol'va** and ha’taaka are **to be transported to Apophis!** ”

The jaffa undid the shackle, but once freed, Teal’c called upon strength he had somehow tucked away and elbowed him in the face. Terok was quick to raise his hand with the ribbon device, however, and blasted both loyal and traitorous jaffa across the room.

“ **What do you think you are doing, Jaffa?** ” Terok began using the ribbon device to torture and slowly kill Teal’c. Tessa strained against the shackles that bound her, but she was no longer a goa’uld and her strength had been too weakened by even a small amount of torture.

Rak’nor, pain stick in hand, looked distressed. “ **My lord, you are killing him!** ”

“ **I will not be denied the satisfaction of watching him die at least once!** ”

Tessa watched, but found she didn’t enjoy Teal’c’s pain, especially knowing that as soon as he was dead, Terok would likely turn his rage on her. There was never enough death for goa’uld like him.

Like her.

Rak’nor shifted on his feet and Tessa could see his own internal conflict taking place. “ **My lord…** ” But then a decision. His hands brought the pain stick to the back of Terok’s neck and light poured out of the goa’uld’s eyes and mouth as he collapsed dead.

Rak’nor’s face was filled with fear and Tessa pitied the jaffa momentarily. He quickly recovered, though, the sign of a true warrior, and helped Teal’c to stand.

“Apophis will still be expecting a gift, Rak’nor.” Teal’c could barely speak.

“We will give him one, then.” Rak’nor picked up Terok’s body as Teal’c worked to free Tessa, though the effort cost him dearly. She reached over to take the ribbon device off the fallen goa’uld’s hand, knowing she would need a weapon as they ventured into the corridors of the ship.

The three of them moved out of the room as the two prisoners attempted to support one another and the guards at the entrance to the prison hall were easily subdued by the still strong jaffa and Tessa utilizing the kara kesh. The nearby rings were also guarded, but again, the trio overcame Heru’ur’s warriors.

Rak’nor roughly tossed Terok’s body into the middle of the circle on the floor and Tessa stepped in as well. The young jaffa ordered her to move away from the rings so he could activate them.

“We must go!”

She stared at the two jaffa, trying to figure out what to do. “This may be my best chance for killing Apophis.”

Teal’c’s energy was failing fast and Rak’nor caught him as he began to crumble. “Apophis will torment you endlessly! You will never succeed, but I can save Teal’c with your help. You must choose.”

It was almost a silly decision on the exterior, torture or escape, but for Tessa, this was deciding whose motivations would be primary. Would she pursue Sekhmet’s wishes or her own? Would she pursue revenge on Apophis for the death of a son that wasn’t hers or help a man who had sat with her in silence after her first illusion of freedom?

“My Lord Sekhmet...please!”

Rak’nor addressing her with a name she did not own shook her awake and she smiled a smile that had Tessa’s sincerity, but Sekhmet’s power.

“I am not Sekhmet.”

She would be Tessa.

She stepped out of the circle and sent Terok’s body to Apophis, putting an arm around Teal’c’s waist and assisting the jaffa toward the glider bay. The three moved as quickly as they could, but Tessa was grateful that they were not too far away, her own strength severely depleted.

With more effort than they likely thought they had left, both Teal’c and Tessa were able to climb into the rear seat of a glider, though it was certainly a tight fit, while Rak’nor piloted from the front. Tessa wished very hard that her tel’tak had been an option, but she had left it behind when she had been summoned by Heru’ur, something she knew she would be grateful for if they lived.

The glider was launched out of the mothership, pushing Tessa’s body into Teal’c and causing him to groan in pain. As they got beyond the larger ship they could see that Apophis had somehow gathered an entire fleet around him. If Heru’ur hadn’t just betrayed her, she’d have felt a little sympathy for him and his foolishness in trusting Apophis, but moments later, their glider was propelled forward by Heru’ur’s ship exploding, having been shot by Apophis. He likely hadn’t been happy to receive Terok instead of his promised gifts. The mines in the vicinity activated at the use of the goa’uld weapon, but Apophis’ fleet sacrificed themselves to protect the ship of their god as he escaped.

As they watched the destruction, they were suddenly hailed. “ **Onak Sha Kree! Shal Goa'uld!** ” Someone was asking which god they worshipped.

Rak’nor hesitated. “What should I say?”

Teal’c was still barely conscious, but managed to give their pilot the correct response, explaining it to be the Tok’ra password.

“ **Goah Sha Kree! Loe Goa'uld!** ”

Tessa could feel all three on the ship holding their breath, waiting to see if they would escape with friends or be caught by foes.

“ **This is Jacob Carter! Identify yourself!** ”

Major Carter’s father! She remembered reading in the files that he’d decided to share his body with the Tok’ra Selmak when he’d had cancer ravage his body.

“ **My name is Rak’nor.** ”

" **Who are you? How did you know how to answer my hail?** ”

“ **I am the jaffa who helped Teal'c escape.** ”

“ **How do we know that?** ” A different voice, one more familiar questioned them. Teal’c recognized it immediately.

“ **It is good to hear your voice, O'Neill.** ”

There was a long pause before Jack responded. “ **Glad ya made it, Teal’c.** ”

Tessa inwardly chuckled at that man’s inability to express emotions of any kind.

“ **As am I.** ” Teal’c could only get out those last words in a whisper before passing out.

“Rak’nor, he needs help.” Tessa realized too late that her voice would be heard over the radio as well.

“Who’s that, Teal’c?” O’Neill sounded intensely suspicious, likely finding her voice as familiar as she had found his.

When Tessa hesitated to respond, Rak’nor spoke. “We also have Lord Sekhmet with us.”

“Sekhmet? What the hell is she doing with you?”

Tessa cringed at the expected response.

“She helped us to escape.”

“Yeah, because she was about to have her ass handed over to Apophis. Things not working out too well for ya, Sekhmet?”

Tessa knew that the colonel had every reason to speak to her this way, but it still took all of her rapidly flagging strength to not shift into Sekhmet’s attitude. She clenched her teeth hard to get the words out. “I am not Sekhmet.”

“Oh, right. You’re Tessa.” His sarcasm shifted to yelling. “You took one of my men hostage through the gate!”

“I didn’t hurt Airman Harris.” Tessa’s voice was getting increasingly strained.

“Neither did Sekhmet the first time. Or was that you, too?”

“No. That was Sekhmet.” She let out an exasperated sigh. “Colonel, Teal’c needs help. You can bind my hands or zat me the moment you see me, but we need to get Teal’c medical care as soon as possible.”

There was silence for too long, but finally Jacob Carter responded. “ **We can rendezvous on the third moon of Tichenor.** ”

“ **We will meet you there.** ” Rak’nor ended the transmission and directed the ship towards the designated moon. He turned his head slightly to direct his voice to the rear of the ship. “You have friends everywhere it seems.”

“What can I say? I leave an impression.” Tessa rubbed her hands over her face, then twisted to check Teal’c again. “Just fly.”

Fortunately, the moon was close, but small enough to be ignored by Apophis and his fleet. The two ships landed and O’Neill took Tessa up on her offer, binding her hands roughly as she climbed out of the glider. Unfortunately, getting down to the ground was all the energy she had left and she collapsed into the sand as she tried to walk to the cargo ship..

“What’s wrong with her?” O’Neill nudged her with his boot.

Rak’nor had a bit more sympathy at least and came over to help her up. “She was tortured by Terok after Heru’ur agreed to give her to Apophis.”

Tessa heard a bit more conversation, something about Apophis now being stronger than ever, but it was jumbled in her head. She allowed Rak’nor to lift her into his arms, but she hated feeling such intense weakness or seeing the concern in his eyes.

Still, it was a nice change to have anyone worry about her again.

“Thank you, Rak’nor.” She finally let her head fall to his chest as the world disappeared.


	15. Chapter 15

“SHIT!”

Tessa had tried to move her body as she woke and the pain had sucked the air right out of her lungs, leaving her fearful of taking another breath. When she finally opened her eyes, Dr. Frasier was standing over her.

“Are you alright?”

She clenched her teeth as her body went rigid, trying to keep from moving. “Is this how normal people feel pain?”

The truth was, Tessa had only ever experienced intense pain with Sekhmet, who had also been quick to heal her back up again. She had been fully capable of enduring the initial pain of the torture, but this...this healing pain was nearly unbearable.

“Just take some deep breaths. Would you like some meds to help with the pain?” It was amazing that Dr. Frasier could be so caring even with a possible traitor like Tessa.

“No.” She smiled weakly, her eyes pressing shut again. “I would guess I’m at high risk for never wanting to stop taking them and I’d rather not add drug addiction to my ever growing list of mental health issues.” She laughed at her own joke, gasping from the pain again. “On second thought, maybe just a little.”

The drug worked quickly to dull the edges slicing her muscles, but Tessa still did her best to not move very much. Once the pain wasn’t her main focus she began to take in her surroundings. She closed her eyes again as she recognized the room, possibly the same one Apophis had died in and she had been held in with Sekhmet.

It had seemed like the right choice at the time, deciding to be Tessa, but it was jumping off a cliff. It was that moment where you make a decision you can’t take back and then have to endure the fall. But this fall just wouldn’t end and she wasn’t sure what lie at the bottom.

She could still be Tessa, right? She could be that laughing girl again. She could push aside Sekhmet’s memories to make room for her own. She could. She wanted to be Tessa again. No more lying. No more destruction.

She could just be a girl again.

She could.

_ She could _ .

“I’m feeling a bit of deja vu. How ‘bout you?”

Tessa sighed deeply as O’Neill waltzed in, realizing the enormity of the task before her. How could she possibly convince anyone she was Tessa and that she could be trusted?

“No. It may be the same room, but I was a host back then.”

“And you’re not now.”

Tessa met his eyes before closing her own with another sigh. “No. I’m not.”

“Because you’re not really acting like it. You’re acting like a goa’uld.”

“I know.” She swallowed hard. Here goes. “You have to understand, Colonel, when Sekhmet died, she left behind everything.  _ Everything _ . Her memories, her knowledge, her skills--”

“And you didn’t think to share any of that?”

Tessa could understand his disgust. “She also left her needs, her desires...goa’uld emotions seem stronger than human ones. I needed what she needed. I wanted what she wanted. I knew if I told you that before...I’d find myself in a nice little cell in Area 51. The crazed Butcher with useful information. I had to leave before I killed someone here.”

“So you took Airman Harris hostage...again.”

“Poor Ronnie.” The thought of him allowed her the briefest of smiles. “He has a special talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.” She caught the colonel’s eyes again. “But it was Sekhmet who took him hostage the first time.”

“Of course.” O’Neill crossed his arms in skepticism. “So then rumor has it you joined up with Sokar, then Apophis, then Heru’ur. You got around.”

She chose to ignore the implication in his tone. “I went to Sokar to try to get Apophis. That’s what Sekhmet had planned to do after Boston and I couldn’t fight her need for revenge. I hoped that killing him would rid me of Sekhmet.” She looked up at him and spoke with innocence. “He’s not very easy to kill.”

“Yeah, we’ve noticed.”

“From there it was just one decision after another and every single one seemed like it would lead me closer to being free, but...they didn’t. They just kept me being Sekhmet.”

She wished her hands were free so she could cover her face in the shame she felt.

“It wasn’t until Teal’c that I realized I couldn’t keep going like that. I had to decide. Save Teal’c or go after Apophis.” Their eyes met again and she filled hers with pleading. “I couldn’t let him die.”

*****

The decision had been well made and while Tessa wasn’t the same as she’d been before Sekhmet, she was slowly finding her way back. She was trying to smile her old smile, laugh her old laugh, and push all of Sekhmet back to the corner of her mind, once her only refuge.

She wasn’t trusted by most, but Teal’c in particular seemed to believe the best of her. They had watched the other suffer in horrific ways and that was an oddly bonding experience.

Tessa was surprised, too, by Major Carter, who insisted she call her Sam now. She had not been a volunteer host to the Tok’ra, Jolinar, simply attempting to save the prior host, and though the symbiote had died, giving her life for Sam after the pair were tortured, there was still much left behind by the other mind.

Sam had recently had to kill Jolinar’s mate, a Tok’ra pair known as Martouf and Lantash when they had been brainwashed by a goa’uld in an attempt to disrupt a peace treaty between Earth and the Tok’ra. The major was still reeling from the grief of losing them, even though she herself had never been more than friends with the two. It comforted Tessa to have someone who also lived with memories and emotions that were not her own.

Dr. Jackson felt understandably betrayed by her previous actions, but she suspected Sam had gone a long way in explaining to him the difficulties of being a former host, so he was kind in a distant way. O’Neill felt grateful for her efforts in saving Teal’c, but still remained highly suspicious of her loyalties. He mostly tried to avoid her, which felt similar to the first time around when he was simply uncomfortable with her trauma.

She saw Rak’nor a few times once she was out of bed, but neither one knew how to interact with the drastic change in their situation and relationship to one another. Tessa hoped that with time, they’d be able to get to know the new versions of themselves and forget their interactions of the past, but they both had wronged the other in their old lives.

Tessa’s body healed at what felt like a slow rate, though Dr. Frasier assured her the recovery was quick considering her lack of a symbiote and they wondered if Sekhmet was still providing some healing benefits from beyond the grave. She began to feel like herself again, though she knew certain addictions would likely need to be addressed in the coming weeks.

While Sekhmet had only ever gone two to three weeks in between killings, Tessa had worked hard to stretch that time frame out by three or four days each time (though she certainly never turned down earlier opportunities that presented themselves). Once she had tried to go five extra days and ended up killing her own personal guards in a rampage. The guilt after that had nearly destroyed her, as she could find no justification for the slaughter of loyal jaffa who had devoted themselves to protecting her, but it had gone a long way in solidifying her position as a goddess to be feared, something she both regretted and appreciated.

She had planned to discuss with Dr. Frasier some type of medication plan to help her efforts, but she wasn’t given the opportunity before the Tok’ra arrived.

Tessa felt a heaviness in her body, not simply from Sekhmet’s residual hatred for their race, but because she realized now that the last few weeks had been an illusion. This was not the bottom of the cliff. She was still falling. The old Tessa wouldn’t get a happily ever after.

Part of her wanted to run the other direction as she was escorted to the Briefing Room, but this was a funeral march and there was no going back.

Sitting around the table were General Hammond, SG-1, Jacob Carter, and what she sensed to be two other Tok’ra, one light and one dark, but both glaring. Jacob stood, but it wasn’t Jacob who spoke.

“Thank you for coming. I am Selmak of the Tok’ra. This is Delek and Ocker.”

Tessa realized that she was looking at the Tok’ra the way Sekhmet would, with complete and total disgust, and tried to adjust her unwilling face.

“I’m Tessa, former host to Sekhmet.” She had to draw on Sekhmet’s residual skills to keep her body calm, but those skills wanted dominance over the rest of her as well, the personality fighting to interact with its enemies.

Selmak continued. “We have a proposal for you.”

Tessa could feel the heaps of dirt being piled onto her from above.

“Apophis is currently trying to fold Herur’ur’s army into his own. Our intelligence suggests that Heru’ur’s forces were well aware of his intentions to make you his queen.”

Tessa tried to listen over the scraping of shovels.

“We would like you to resume the facade of being Sekhmet and claim his forces as your own. To keep them from Apophis.”

She knew her face was starting to reflect the death that was occurring, the blood draining into the dirt of the grave.

“You want me to be Sekhmet again.” She spoke the words as a whisper. This was a funeral after all and she at least would have some respect for the dead.

She was surprised when it was Colonel O’Neill who objected. “You don’t have to do this, ya know.”

It seemed an absurd statement, someone yelling down to the buried that they didn’t really need to be dead. Still, it was nice to have someone make a fuss, even if it were a pointless fuss.

Tessa opened her mouth, but before she could respond, Ocker scoffed at the young woman. “How were  _ you _ ever able to pass as a goa’uld?”

The personal attack was enough to break the death mask and allow Sekhmet’s smirk to find its home on her face again. She flashed her eyes at the Tok’ra and her goa’uld voice was saturated in both seduction and authority. “Quite easily actually. I imagine that mimicking a Tok’ra is equally as unchallenging. It’s simply a matter of acting like a condescending ass.” She smiled sweetly and enjoyed the choked laughter from Colonel O’Neill and Dr. Jackson.

“You must be very skilled if you were able to fool Sokar, Apophis, and Heru’ur, along with all of their jaffa.” Delek still looked skeptical despite his words.

She turned the full force of Sekhmet’s power on the handsome Tok’ra. “I am. I assure you.”

Selmak leaned forward and waited until he held her gaze. “And the rumors? Are you a She’ket?”

Her eyes flashed involuntarily at the accusation and Daniel tapped the table lightly.

“Umm...excuse me, a what? A She’ket? An...abomination?”

_ Abomination.  _ The word hardly conveyed all the layers of meaning.  _ Ending. Silence. Joining. Devour. Cutting off. Loathing. The pouring of molten metal into a cast. Destroy. Double. Shame. Filth. Disgust. _

Selmak bowed his head for a moment and Jacob’s voice continued in the conversation. “The myth, Dr. Jackson, is that a goa’uld can merge or meld with their host, leaving the symbiote body and, in many ways, becoming human.”

Ocker glared at the woman across from him. “It’s taboo. Disgusting. To both Goa’uld and Tok’ra.”

“Because being human is so terrible?” O’Neill grasped for the essentials.

Delek raised his chin as he spoke. “For the Goa’uld, yes, it would mean they become weak and confined to a single body. For the Tok’ra, we are opposed because it would erase the host mind.”

“But it’s just a myth. No goa’uld has ever done it, right?” asked Daniel.

No one answered.

“Well?” The colonel was not a patient man and the room turned to look at Sekhmet’s former host.

She let the words out slowly in Tessa’s voice. “I am not Sekhmet.”

“And what guarantee of that do we have?” General Hammond finally entered the conversation.

She turned slightly to give him her full attention. “Sekhmet would never have done something so repulsive.”

“Not even to save her own ass?” O’Neill likely thought nothing was below the goa’uld to save themselves. 

He may be right.

“Death would be preferable to life as a She’ket.” She put as much confidence into the statement as she could and kept her eyes and breathing steady.

Selmak took control of Jacob’s body again.

“Will you assist us then?”

What choice did she have? Instead of putting her head down onto the table in despair, though, she gave him a gracious nod

“We will leave immediately for your ships then.”

She could hear the shovels thrust into the ground, the burial done.

Here lies Tessa James.


	16. Chapter 16

It was decided that Rak’nor would be a good addition to their party as he was already well known to Sekhmet’s jaffa and widely respected. He resisted initially, not wanting to deceive his brethren, but Teal’c encouraged him to see the mission as helping free the Jaffa from more false gods, particularly Apophis, who was certainly their greatest threat. Sometimes deception was necessary in war.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Rak’nor had come up next to his former goddess as she stared out the window of the Tok’ra ship.

“You can. You will.” She turned to look at him, but her eyes were cold. “You’ll tell yourself that your lies are to save them from greater lies.” She again looked out the window. “If you feel any sympathy for those you are hurting for their own good, you’ll never be able to do what’s necessary. You must decide between caring and helping.”

“Is that what you’ve done?” Rak’nor’s voice still held the respect he’d given as her slave. making her despise every word he spoke, but Sekhmet’s laugh echoed through the room.

“I doubt I care  _ or _ help anymore.”

The laughter felt good. At least as Sekhmet, she knew who she was. She knew her past, her role in the worlds she inhabited, her needs, her goals, her friends, and her enemies. But as Tessa...no, she wasn’t Tessa. Tessa was gone. Tessa was dead. That much she knew. The old Tessa didn’t exist anymore. She died by a thousand cuts along the way.

“I thought you were trying to be Tessa again.  _ You _ said you weren’t Sekhmet.” Rak’nor shouldn’t care, but perhaps he thought her salvation meant his was attainable as well.

“I simply dug up Tessa’s body and wore her skin for a while. She was a ghost and it was foolish to think I could be her. She’s buried again.” She kept her body stiff, imagining that grief, like her previous pain, required movement to hurt.

“Who are you then?”

“I don’t know. I’m not Tessa. I’m not Sekhmet. Maybe a mix of the two or something new entirely.” She shrugged. “I don’t have a name for who I am.”

They were silent for a moment before Rak’nor quietly spoke. “Then pick one.”

“Pick one? Like fruit off a tree?”

“Why not? There must be one you like.”

She thought back on her memories, searching for a name, but wandered into Sekhmet’s instead, drawn to her life more than the one she would have lived on her own.

“Nesert.”

When she glanced at him, Rak’nor’s eyebrows had raised, waiting for an explanation.

“The Flame. It was one of Sekhmet’s old names, depicting her as the heat of the midday sun, scorching, searing... _ burning _ .” Her voice took on an edge. “Sekhmet may have burned away Tessa, but then I burned away Sekhmet.”

She was the flame, burning all who came near, and she let her eyes flash, baptizing her with the chosen name.

“Nesert.” Rak’nor let it roll off his tongue and looked over her face. “It fits.”

******

They were able to locate the small number of ships that had hidden themselves away, following instructions from their goddess when she had been summoned to Heru’ur. The jaffa and slaves aboard seemed pleased to see she had survived, which surprised the newly christened Nesert. She had not been a particularly kind or gracious ruler, having to follow in Sekhmet’s path, but perhaps she had allowed Tessa to shine through at times.

Rak’nor had indeed been a wise addition as he was readily followed by the jaffa he had led only a short while ago. His influence also helped incorporate both Delek and Ocker into the fleet, posing as goa’uld who had been under Heru’ur and sought revenge on Apophis as well.

Despite being on the same side, Rak’nor and the Tok’ra were intensely hostile to one another and, while it certainly helped them maintain the Goa’uld and Jaffa dynamics, Nesert found herself working to keep them apart from one another as much as possible. She feared that their behavior may eventually necessitate public punishment to maintain her own dominance and she highly doubted that would be taken well by any of them.

“I have never encountered a former goa’uld host who was able to retain as much as you have,” Delek commented one day as they went over maps and plans.

“How many former hosts have you met? Surely there cannot be many of us.”

“No. Very few are freed.”

“Then perhaps I am not as unique as I seem.”

“Or perhaps  **the people of the** **Tau'ri are unlike other humans in the galaxy.** Your **will has not been eroded by thousands of years of slavery.** ”

“And does this not make us  **a valuable asset in the war against the Goa’uld** ?”

Delek observed her for a few breaths. “Yes, but I have to wonder if  **this would also make** you **dangerous...particularly as hosts.** ”

She thought it likely that he had Selmak and  _ his _ newest host in mind. “And what does  _ your _ host think of me? Or do you inform him of his opinions to insure they are correct?”

“My host and I are of one mind.”

Sekhmet appeared on her face. “I believe my symbiote thought similarly at one point.”

Heru’ur’s forces were spread throughout his territory and at this point, it seemed to be a race against Apophis in reaching them. The closer planets were quick to hand over their loyalties, but as time went on, rumors of the demon’s rise to power began to sway many towards his service through fear. Sekhmet’s army was simply too small and while she herself was certainly terrifying, Apophis loomed greater in their minds.

“We must convince them to join us. Their inferior minds can be swayed with the right argument.”

Delek’s pretentiousness always had a way of aggravating Nesert down to her very core and she usually found herself clasping her hands together to avoid slapping him. She could see Rak’nor taking a similar approach across the room, though she noted that he kept his hands right next to his dagger during the exercise in self control.

“You do not need the right argument. You need the right motivation.” She maintained Sekhmet’s goa’uld voice in their presence as it seemed to give her opinions weight in the Tok’ra minds. “But I am assuming we are not willing to do what truly needs to be done. How much of our souls are we willing to destroy to keep Apophis from claiming more slaves?”

Ocker folded his arms and looked at her with the expected disgust. “What are you suggesting?”

“You would be amazed how far a public torture and execution can go.”

Rak’nor took a sudden step towards her. “You cannot be serious.”

“If fear is driving them to Apophis, the only solution is to use fear to drag them back. We cannot offer safety we do not have the ability to provide.” She narrowed her eyes at the pair of Tok’ra. “Unless you think they are ready for truth and freedom.”

The two glanced at one another with their predictable haughtiness and Delek began to respond. “Of course not. They--”

“Why not?” Rak’nor moved closer to the Tok’ra. “Who are you to decide if they are ready for the truth or not? Ready for freedom or not?”

Ocker pulled himself to his full height, which was still nothing to Rak’nor’s tall frame. “We have been fighting this war since long before you were born.”

“And what have you done for the Jaffa? We are still slaves. We are still kept in the dark to serve the purposes of the Tok’ra. Perhaps you mean to simply take the place of the Goa’uld over us.”

Delek looked amused by the jaffa, but Ocker seemed ready to throw himself into a physical altercation. Nesert simply sighed deeply and took the few steps necessary to place herself between the two arguing parties.

“Our only choices at this point are to provide a demonstration of my power, tell them the truth of the Goa’uld, or simply allow them to choose Apophis. But this planet will decide our future efforts. If we leave without a fight, every other planet will simply join Apophis and there will be no point in continuing on.”

Ocker sneered at her. “We can just threaten. Your reputation is well known. That should be enough.”

“And if it is not? Would you have me carry out the threats? Will  _ you _ carry out the threats?”

Delek observed her carefully. “Is there a more palatable way to incite fear?”

“Is there any palatable way to incite fear?”

Ocker jumped in again. “We could take their children. They will pledge their loyalty quickly.”

Nesert calmly turned towards the rather hot headed Tok’ra. “And if the parents resist? Will you punish them? Will you make an example of them for trying to save their children?”

“They won’t resist.”

“And when mothers and fathers slaughter their own children to keep them from me, will you carry that guilt? Can you carry it?”

Ocker clenched his jaw, but did not retort. He knew she was right.

Rak’nor seemed to be finding his footing in the rebellion mindset. “No. These people, jaffa and human, deserve the truth. Let them decide for themselves.”

“We will first have to tell this fleet then.” Delek clearly hoped this would end the argument.

The jaffa raised his chin. “Then we tell them.” He had such confidence in his people and Nesert envied his idealism.

“After what they have witnessed under Sekhmet? What do you think they will do to Nesert?” Ocker tried a different tactic, appealing to Rak’nor’s growing friendship with the former host, but the Tok’ra underestimated the loyalty the jaffa had to his own kind.

Rak’nor looked at the ground, but his eyes slowly raised to find Nesert’s gaze. “You could leave first.”

Ocker wasn’t done yet, though. “And what of your own role in this? Will they follow you when they learn you have deceived them?”

“They will see that I had no choice.”

Delek still remained calm. “Will they? We have rarely found the Jaffa to be reasonable in these matters.”

Nesert quickly put a hand on Rak’nor’s chest as he moved toward the insult and she tried to think of how to diffuse the situation when it was forgotten altogether by a jaffa entering the room in a panic.

“My Lord Sekhmet.” He bowed low, knowing he had interrupted and may pay for the intrusion.

“Speak,” she commanded.

“My lord, there are ships approaching. It may be Apophis.”

The small group all looked to each other in concern.

“How soon will they arrive?” Nesert demanded from Sekhmet’s slave.

“Less than an hour, my lord.”

“Leave us.”

The jaffa rushed out, clearly grateful his life had been spared.

“The three of you should take my tel’tak. He will pursue if we try to take the entire fleet.”

Rak’nor stood up straighter. “I will not leave you to deal with Apophis on your own.”

Nesert observed him for a few breaths and could see he would not be swayed, but then she swallowed hard, knowing the best option for the fleet was the worst option for her. “Then you will hand me over as a gift of loyalty.” She turned to the Tok’ra. “You two will escape. You cannot be captured. Rak’nor handing me over will save those on these ships and--”

“NO!” Rak’nor grabbed her shoulders. “That’s insane!”

“I told you before. You must choose between caring and helping.” Nesert slowly pulled free from his grip. “You _ will _ do this.” She smirked to feel powerful. “And perhaps I will finally have the opportunity to kill the demon.” In truth, only endless torture of great variety would await her aboard Apophis’ ships, but Rak’nor would never send her if he knew how Apophis had treated her as his queen.

The Tok’ra did not object to any of her plan, though Rak’nor looked to them with anxious eyes. Their numbers were dwindling far too rapidly and that made self preservation all the more important.

“Take care of my ship. I’ll want it back.” She drew on Sekhmet’s overconfidence and combined it with her own flippant attitude, giving them a wink as she spoke, but the two only bowed their heads solemnly in response before leaving the room.

“I need to change, Rak’nor.” She would greet her enemy in armor especially for him. “Inform the fleet that I attempted to flee and it is clear that Apophis is the greater god and they should follow him. I will be given as sign of your devotion.” She motioned to the door, but kept her eyes stiffly on the windows of the room. “Put guards at the door to keep me from escaping.”

“Nesert.” There was an ache in his voice that wrapped itself around her own. “Nes.” He moved closer. “You can’t.”

She wiped all signs of Tessa from her face and became fully Sekhmet. “And what would a lowly jaffa know of what I can and cannot do? You were my slave. I killed your men when it pleased me. I will use you as I see fit.” She flashed her eyes in disgust. “Do as I command then return here.”

He still didn’t move toward the door. They were running out of time.

“Do not be a fool, Rak’nor.”

Finally he nodded slowly and left. Nesert felt the human parts of her fill with fear, but she had become exceedingly adept at using Sekhmet’s skills to shove unwanted feelings aside.

By the time Rak’nor returned, she had changed into a black gown with lacy vines that ran up and around her neck. Apophis was not one for mystery or taste, so the dress cut low and cut high to reveal more than was her usual preference. The jaffa stopped mid stride as she turned to face him, forced to shift his weight to prevent tripping.

She let a seductive smile play on her lips. “One of Apophis’ favorites.”

“I can see why,” he choked out.

“It only requires one final touch.” She shifted back to Sekhmet’s cruel sneer and she pointed to her cheek. “Hit me.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Hit me. A little blood will make your story all the more convincing.”

“I won’t hit you, Nes.”

She flashed her eyes at him and let disgust fill her voice. “Do not be so informal with me.”

“You cannot ask this of me!”

She returned to being coy. “A little slap is hardly worse than handing me over to Apophis.”

“Don’t.” His jaw tightened. “I don’t  _ want  _ to hand you over to Apophis.” He crossed the room to put his hands on her arms. “Please. You could still take a ship and flee.”

Caring or helping. Helping or caring.

Nesert took a slow deep breath and twisted her face to a mocking smirk. “I’ve let this pathetic infatuation go on long enough. It’s really so very sad that you thought this type of impertinence would be appealing to me.”

“I thought--”

She couldn’t let him finish, instead allowing the disgust in her to deepen. “You’ll always just be a slave to me.”

Rak’nor let his arms fall to his side and his voice begged her to be different as he stepped backwards. “You’re not Sekhmet.”

“No, but I never lied about who I am other than my name. I  _ enjoyed  _ killing all those jaffa. I  _ enjoyed  _ torturing them and hearing their screams. You’ll always just be pieces of property, passed from one owner to the next.”

The back of his hand connected with her face, the force more than enough to draw blood and leave a nice bruise, and she spat blood into his face as a last incentive for him to finish his task.

He likely knew exactly what she was doing, but they each dove into their respective roles to protect themselves and each other. She, the disgusting goa’uld and he, the outraged jaffa.

He slapped her once more before dragging her to the door and handing her to the guards.

“Take her to the pel’tak so we may show Lord Apophis our gift.”

Nesert fought enough, but not too much as they dragged her to the bridge. She let her fury be well known to all within hearing distance, though.

The ships did indeed belong to Apophis, but their god was not among their number. Still, the jaffa in charge of this particular fleet was almost salivating at the thought of handing her over to his master, knowing he would be well rewarded. Then, just as she had hoped, he agreed to spare all that belonged to Sekhmet for this show of good faith.

Rak’nor directed the guards to take her to the transportation rings, sending her to the other ship, and then await the jaffa that would now direct their small fleet. He caught her gaze as she left and Nesert made sure he only saw hatred, but she knew she would see the memory of the hurt in his eyes for a very long time.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 4.22 “Exodus” and Episode 5.01 “Enemies”

Once transported, Nesert was immediately taken to the prison hall and thrown into a cell. She was hopeful the torture would be minimal here and she seemed correct in that assumption, being mostly left alone so that she was undamaged for Apophis. The only time she was removed was when the Jaffa commander used a long range communication device to talk with his god.

“My Lord Apophis, I have acquired a great gift for you.” He motioned to the guards and they thrust her into the viewing area of the device. “The ha’taaka.”

Apophis smirked as his eyes took in her form. “My traitorous queen, Sekhmet. I warned you what would happen if you betrayed me.”

“Oh come now, Apophis. The moment you named me your queen, you knew I would never remain loyal.” She returned his smirk, pleased that hers was certainly more effective.

“You will not escape me again.” He turned back to his jaffa. “We are journeying to Vorash to eliminate the Tok’ra once and for all. Meet us there.” He drank her in one last time. “I look forward to our time together, my dear She’ket.”

The jaffa commander couldn’t resist torturing her at least a little with a pain stick after that, but fortunately the journey to Vorash was not a long one and once they arrived above the desert planet, Apophis’ ship hailed them, demanding her immediate transport. Nesert smiled to herself - he was likely very tired of constantly losing her. So far he had only had the pleasure of hitting her while on Delmak, but that was hardly satisfying after her betrayal.

Two serpent guards escorted Nesert from the transportation rings to the pel’tak where Apophis sat, again surrounded by female slaves. He stood to approach her, reaching a hand to her face before grabbing her chin roughly.

“I will take great pleasure in destroying you over and over again, my queen.”

Nesert chose silence for that moment, not wishing to commit to a strategy with him just yet.

“Take her to--” Apophis began, but stopped as two jaffa rushed through the door.

“My Lord Apophis, Tanith has ringed aboard.” Nesert recognized the name. Tanith was a known spy for Apophis amongst the Tok’ra. They’d been feeding him false intel since he first joined them.

“Let us hear what he has to say, shall we, my love?” He moved back to the platform and dismissed his harem.

Tanith came in and stood before Apophis, blood dripping from a bullet hole in his shoulder. By the looks of it, the Tok’ra had likely informed him that they had known of his duality from the beginning.

“ **You are injured.** ”

“ **I will be fine.** ”

Apophis resumed his place on his throne. “ **Where are the Tok’ra?** ”

“ **The attempt to stop their ship was thwarted however I have managed to procure a gift which will make the journey seem worthwhile.** ” Tanith motioned to the door and two jaffa dragged in a lifeless Teal’c, a staff weapon injury in his back.

“ **The Shol’va.** ” Apophis smiled slightly. “ **You have done well.** ” He then turned to Nesert and grinned larger. “Now I have you both at last and the Tok’ra will be destroyed. It is a good day.” He turned to the jaffa near the door. “Take the Shol’va to the sarcophagus to treat his injuries. Leave the ha’taaka. She will enjoy watching the destruction of Vorash.”

They roughly lifted Teal’c and pulled him from the room as Nesert inwardly screamed at his capture.

“ **Lord Apophis. Scanners have picked up a fleet of gliders.** ”

“ **Surround them.** ”

It seems not all the Tok’ra had escaped. Nesert hoped it was none that she knew.

“ **The fleet is on course. They are heading out of the system. Speed increasing.”** The ship left Vorash and moved towards the gliders.

“ **We are approaching the enemy ships.** ” The jaffa turned to his master. “ **My lord, there are no life signs. The ships are unmanned.** ”

“ **A trick.** ” His overconfidence was not even slightly diminished by the realization.

“ **Sensors are picking up a ha'tak now approaching the planet.** ”

They began the return back to Vorash to attack the other mothership.

“ **Arm the weapons.** ” Apophis was anxious to be rid of the Tok’ra annoyance.

“ **My lord!** ” The jaffa stared out the window and they could all see that Vorash’s sun was rapidly expanding. How could it have gone supernova suddenly? It was eating up all of Apophis’ fleet and Nesert watched in horror as its light began to fill their entire view of space.

Apophis stood. “Engage hyperdrive.” The jaffa did as they were told, but too quickly the ship was roughly tossed back into normal space.

“What is wrong?” Apophis demanded explanations.

When no one spoke, Nesert offered her thoughts. “We may have caught the tail end of the blast, my lord. We’ve likely been knocked off course.”

“Lord Apophis, the ha’tak from Vorash is here as well.” Nesert could hear his intake of air. “The navigational computer isn't recognising any of the star patterns. According to these readings we've travelled over four million light years.”

“How is that possible?” Apophis stood in fury and Nesert couldn’t contain her laughter at the turn of events. She was quickly silenced by a slap across her face that sent her to the ground, but she still shook quietly with glee from the goa’uld’s plans being thwarted. At this distance, it would take nearly 125 years to return to their galaxy and his territories would be long divided up amongst his rivals.

“Arm weapons.” Apophis would at least try to destroy the Tok’ra likely residing on that ship.

“My lord, the ship is hailing us.”

“ **Kree, Lord Apophis. I am Selmak of the Tok'ra, commander of this ship.** ”

Sam’s father. Nesert wondered if SG-1 was aboard that ship as well, since Teal’c had been on Vorash.

Apophis directed his jaffa to put him on screen. “ **Ona'ka, shel Apophis.** ”

She was pleased to see SG-1 and laughed at O’Neill and Sam talking quietly.

“ **He looks a little pissed** .”

“ **We did just blow up his fleet.** ”

So SG-1 had blown up a sun. Impressive.

“ **Rok ona ja kuna. Shel we how'akek.** ”

Nesert could hear Jacob Carter translating for the goa’uld. “ **He says it’s time for us to die.** ”

Daniel quickly came forward. “ **Uh, wait a sec, I don't know if you've checked your dashboard here, but we're both way off course.** ”

“ **Oroc ra, kree mak** .”

Jacob continued translating. “ **He's saying he knows everything.** ”

“ **Ona'kra ja'do.** ”

Nesert rolled her eyes at Apophis’ insistence on speaking Goa’uld.

“ **He's also saying there's nothing we can do to help him. He's going to destroy us.** ”

Daniel quietly spoke. “ **We surrender.** ”

O’Neill looked confused. “ **What? Daniel?** ”

Daniel turned to address the colonel in a whisper Nesert couldn’t make out.

“ **Klavel ha.** ” Too late.

Apophis ended the transmission and began to order the attack when another ship, one clearly more of a threat than the damaged ha’tak, was picked up on sensors.

The other ship began firing on them and Nesert determined it was probably best to simply remain on the pel’tak floor so she didn’t topple over. From what was visible from her position, the other ship was unlike anything she’d ever seen. Why were they firing? To protect the other ship? To defend their territory? On the corner of the screen, she could see the ha’tak removing itself from the battle and she breathed a quick wish for their safety as well as her own.

The battle was intense and Apophis quickly saw that the other ship was superior in strength, ordering his personal guard to retreat to a tel’tak. Apophis would not leave either of his prizes behind and Nesert was grabbed by the fleeing jaffa. As they rushed down the ship’s corridors, Nesert began to note a mechanical clinking sound in the walls, but nothing in Sekhmet’s memories could identify the source.

Just before boarding the cargo ship, she saw what looked to be large metal bugs climbing the walls of the mothership. Nesert remembered hearing at the SGC of an advanced and friendly race called the Asgard, but also of their current enemies, the Replicators, which were destroying their galaxy, devouring everything in their path in order to produce more of themselves. They must have been thrown somewhere into the Asgard galaxy by the supernova.

Apophis had no idea the severity of this threat, but he still set the self destruct, dooming the rest of his jaffa. She could only hope that none of the Replicators made it onto the tel’tak as they fled the ship.

Once safely away, Apophis made his way over to the sarcophagus to revive Teal’c and Nesert realized that his plans were more sinister than simple torture. He didn’t simply want the Shol’va’s screams. He wanted his mind, his loyalty.

He wanted to erase the traitor and restore his First Prime.

Soon, with Apophis’ brainwashing, Teal’c was again devoted to his former god and he took the place of the pilot when SG-1’s ha’tak hailed them.

“ **I am Selmac of the Tok'ra, commander of this ship. Identify yourself.** ”

Teal’c activated the screen, but made sure it did not reveal anything beyond his own face.

Colonel O’Neill was overjoyed and it pained Nesert to think of how his friend had been altered. “ **Teal’c!** ”

“ **O’Neill** .” Teal’c’s voice was still weak after what had been done to him physically and mentally.

“ **You made it.** ”

“ **Apophis revived me in a sarcophagus. We fled his ship when the replicators attacked.** ”

“ **We?** ” O’Neill directed the question to Jacob.

“ **Sensors are picking up other life signs aboard the ship.** ”

O’Neill turned back to Teal’c. “ **Who ya got with ya, Teal'c?** ”

“ **A few Jaffa who supported our cause. They helped me escape.** ”

Jacob and O’Neill looked at each other before the Tok’ra host answered. “ **Opening the cargo bay doors.** ”

O’Neill offered a small smile. “ **Welcome back.** ”

“ **Thank you, O’Neill.** ” He ended the transmission and Nesert saw the revulsion in his face at the ruse.

A few jaffa were left on the tel’tak, but the rest disembarked once they landed on the ha’tak. Apophis motioned for one to bring Nesert and he kept a zat’nik’tel aimed on her, using the other hand to grip her arm far too tightly as he guided her out into the cargo bay.

She could hear people coming down the corridor and Apophis directed Teal’c to greet them.

“ **Hey Buddy!** ” O’Neill sounded so happy to see the jaffa.

There was a small scuffle and she could see Teal’c holding O’Neill’s gun. The jaffa moved towards the newly reclaimed First Prime, aiming their weapons at the remaining members of SG-1.

“ **What'cha got going here, Teal'c?** ” Poor O’Neill.

Apophis walked up to Teal’c and Nesert’s jaffa dragged her along behind him.

“ **Well done Teal'c. Finally you have resumed your rightful position as my First Prime.** ” The goa’uld turned around to Nesert. “And soon I will have my queen as well, who will serve me just as willingly.”

Sekhmet’s smirk joined a small chuckle. “You’re more likely to wake up with a slit throat.” She bowed slightly. “My lord.”

Apophis slapped her hard then leaned close to her ear. “You will be begging to please me in all manner of ways and I, being a gracious god, will grant your requests.” She could see Sam put a hand on Colonel O’Neill as he witnessed her abuse, Apophis allowing his hand to slide up her waist and placing a few kisses on her neck. “And you will enjoy every moment.”

“I would rather die.” She put as much venom into her tone as she could muster.

Apophis sneered. “I expect you will do quite a lot of that as well. Though first I believe I will enjoy subduing you in my bed until I weary of your resistance. I do so appreciate your choice in host.” The jaffa released her as his god pulled the woman toward him and grabbed a handful of Nes’ hair, yanking her head backwards to receive a rough kiss, his strength preventing her from twisting away. She was suddenly grateful for the high slit in her dress and thrust a knee upwards, but the only scream was her own as Apophis tightened his grip on her hair and raised his hand with the ribbon device to her face. A quick burst of light above her eyes and Nes felt her body relax, unable to protest as Apophis resumed the kiss, his hands remembering familiar ground. As the effect began to wear off, he shoved her back into the arms of the jaffa.

He returned his attention to SG-1. “Lock them in a room. Put Sekhmet with them.” He spoke over his shoulder. “Consider it a gift, my love, but try to leave them intact enough to be revived by the sarcophagus.”

As Teal’c ushered the humans into a room, Nesert could see O’Neill hang back enough to whisper something to his old friend, but was quickly knocked to the ground with a hit to the face. She guessed he still thought this was some kind of elaborate deception of Teal’c’s.

Daniel rushed forward. “ **Come on Teal'c, you don't really think that you're still First Prime of Apophis.”**

Teal’c again raised O’Neill’s sidearm. “ **I have never ceased to be in the service of my god.** ”

The colonel got to his feet. “ **Alright, that's sounding a little brainwashy. You don't believe that guy's a god any more than I do.** ”

Teal’c lowered his weapon and stared at O’Neill.

“ **What the hell's that supposed to mean? Come on, we're friends. Are you trying to tell me you don't remember what's happened these past four years.** ”

Teal’c’s voice was filled with the loathing he’d been programmed with. “ **I remember everything. It makes me ill to think I was forced to pretend to be your friend. So many times I saved your life when I wished I could watch you die.** ”

“ **It hurts me that you would say that, but that's ok...because I know it’s not true.** ” 

Nesert always appreciated O’Neill’s joking during serious moments. 

“ **Your belief is not necessary** .”

“ **It doesn't make any sense. Come on, you and I together have taken down half a dozen goa'ulds.** ” He would not simply accept the loss of his friend.

“ **Enemies of Apophis.** ”

The colonel was yelling now. “ **And we kicked his ass twice. Hell, you sat around and watched him die once.** ”

Teal’c smiled in triumph. “ **I knew he would be reborn more powerful than ever.** ”

“ **I'm talking to a wall here. Anybody?** ” He requested help from the others.

Daniel tried reason. “ **Teal'c, you remember when Apophis brainwashed your son Ry'ac?** ” Teal’c simply turned and walked out of the room, motioning to Nesert’s jaffa to toss her in, and she found herself shoved roughly inside, losing her footing as she fell to the ground.

Daniel continued. “ **Consider the possibility.** ” Teal'c touched a panel and the door closed on the group. “ **Or don't.** ”

Nesert allowed the cold floor to cool the burns on her arms left from the Rod of Anguish for a moment before attempting to get up when her fellow prisoners came over to help.

O’Neill looked her over. “I don’t think that dress is very practical.”

She resumed her human voice, but it felt foreign. “It served its purpose beautifully, but no, not particularly practical now.” She brushed herself off while trying to maintain at least some modesty.

“And what purpose could a dress like that possibly serve?”

Nesert raised her eyebrows at him and simply waited for all the pieces to fall into place.

“Oh. Right.” He turned a slight shade of pink.

She suddenly wanted to make sure she was clear on what she had and had not done. “I merely wanted him to want me as his queen rather than torturing me. That gave me significantly more chances of escaping and possibly killing him. Though now I wish I had worn a sackcloth.”

“Looks like you still got yourself tortured, though.”

She examined her arms some. “That was the jaffa commander who had me first. Apophis himself has always preferred _ other _ ways of tormenting me.”

O’Neill cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing. “He treated you like that before, too?”

Nes rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand, trying to wipe away the feeling of Apophis’ lips on her own. “It’s gotten progressively worse, I’d say.”

The colonel dragged his own hand across his face and mumbled to himself. “And we sent you back out there.”

She wasn’t quite sure why he should feel any guilt for the situation. She’d aligned herself with Apophis the first time around. Yes, she’d escaped and yes, she’d put herself at risk again, but Colonel O’Neill had been the only one to object to using her in that manner.

O’Neill stared at her a moment before changing the subject. “So what’s up with Teal’c? Brainwashed?”

“Yes.”

“But he hasn’t even had him that long.”

“Teal’c was dead. The brain is especially pliable to Apophis’ techniques immediately after being revived with the sarcophagus. He didn’t have a chance.” She rubbed her arm where the jaffa had held her so tightly. “I expect I’ll be next after Apophis…” There was really no need to finish the sentence after what they'd just witnessed.

Sam put her hands on her hips. “How did you get here anyway, Tessa?”

“Nesert.” She corrected her without thinking.

“Come again?” O’Neill dramatically put a cupped hand to his ear.

“I’m...going by Nesert now. I think everyone can agree that I’m not Tessa anymore.”

“And you’re not Sekhmet still?”

She smiled in slight annoyance. “No.”

Daniel tapped his finger on his chin. “Nesert...that was one of Sekhmet’s names, right? The flame.”

“Nesert?” O’Neill made it seem unpronounceable. “Whatever. I’m going to call you Nes. So...Nes, how’d you get here anyway?”

She laughed softly before explaining the events that led to her presence on Apophis’ ship and now here.

“Do you ever  _ not _ get captured?” O’Neill’s question made Nes smile.

“You’re hardly one to talk.”

He looked momentarily offended and then simply shrugged his shoulders. “Good point.” He walked over to the control panel and began hitting random buttons. “ **Gotta wonder why they didn't put us in the brig.** ”

Sam stood watching him. “ **It's on one of the lower levels, it was probably damaged in the firefight.** ”

“ **Think you can hotwire this thing?** ” He pointed to the panel.

“ **Well, I'd assume there's some sort of safety mechanism to ensure against that. I mean, otherwise it would be pretty stupid to lock us in here, wouldn't it?** ”

O’Neill turned his head slightly and Nesert could see his eyebrows go up.

“ **Of course, I could give it a shot…sir.** ”

“ **Thank you.** ” He left her to pry the panel off the wall.

“ **I really have no idea what I'm doing here.** ” Sam was clearly frustrated and Nes made her way to the wall to see if she could assist, though she had little experience with the newer ha’taks.

“ **Keep trying, you may get lucky.** ” O’Neill stood by the door looking at the rest of the room for other options.

“ **Sir, I really hate to sound negative, but I think it's pretty safe to say that without a little more insight into how these things actually work, I've got pretty much zero chance of getting--** ”

The door slid open.

“ **Ok, maybe not zero.** ”

But they quickly saw that it was Jacob who had opened the door from the other side.

“ **Come on,** ” he whispered to all of them, slightly surprised to see Nesert amongst their number.

Unfortunately, Teal’c predicted Jacob’s plan and appeared at the door with his staff weapon aimed at the Tok’ra. “ **Inside** .” He nudged Jacob into the room.

O’Neill tried again. “ **Come on Teal'c. A part of you has to know the truth.** ”

“ **The truth is you are a prisoner of Apophis. When the symbiote that I carry matures, you will become its host.** ”

“ **Ok, I meant the other truth.** ”

Teal’c shifted his staff weapon to point at Sam and her father quickly grabbed her.

“ **Look out!** ” the Tok’ra yelled.

The blast struck the wall panel she’d been working on, leaving them with no hope of breaking free now, and then Teal’c and the jaffa closed the door on their prisoners again.

From there, they were left to sit and Nes filled them in on more details of her time since she’d left the SGC. They updated her on their activities as well, explaining how they had taken the Stargate on Vorash, dialed to a planet that had a black hole, and then thrown it into the sun, causing it to go supernova.

Several hours later, they felt the ship drop out of hyperspace and the door slid open a few feet.

O’Neill tilted his head. “ **Odd.** ”

A familiar metallic sound preceded a Replicator climbing into the room and the colonel got up to crawl towards the door where they could all see the various Replicators passing by in the corridor.

“ **This could be a problem,** ” O’Neill said quietly.

“ **Sir, if they’ve already got control of the primary systems…** ” Sam let her sentence trail off, but O’Neill was quick to finish it.

“ **This could be a problem.** ”

While the Replicator in the room wouldn’t attack unless threatened, they all opted to get out of their prison while they had the chance. Nesert was forced to leave behind any semblance of decency as she crawled under the door, but the Replicator was enough of a distraction for her to go unnoticed.

They all ran as quietly as possible down the corridor towards the stored weapons they had had onboard and Daniel discovered one of the crates brought on by Apophis had a hole in it, likely from a single Replicator stowing away.

Carter came over to look. “ **It's been, what? Ten, eleven hours since we picked up the cargo ship? The Replicators have had more than enough time to reach unmanageably large numbers.** ”

Her father’s voice was filled with doubt. “ **Let's just hope they left the cargo ship alone. It's our only way out of here.** ”

“ **Chances are they have. I mean, they’d focus on controlling the mothership first.** ”

Nes truly hoped Sam was right.

“ **Well, brainwashed or not, we can't just leave Teal'c here.** ” Daniel was putting on a bulletproof vest he’d been given from one of the crates.

O’Neill handed guns to everyone, including Nesert. “ **I know. You** , Nes, **and Jacob secure the cargo ship. Carter, you're with me.** ”

Daniel handed Nes a vest and she was grateful for the coverage it provided. She momentarily considered searching the other containers for a pair of pants, but she couldn’t waste such valuable time. Jacob handed O’Neill a goa’uld stun grenade, asking if he knew how to use it. O’Neill nodded, but it pained him. It would be no easy task to save his friend.

The colonel and Sam took off to find Teal’c, while Nes followed Jacob and Daniel.

“ **Atmospheric shield is online. Cargo bay is pressurised,** ” Jacob yelled as they ran onto the tel’tak and started powering the ship.

“ **I have what may seem like a dumb question.** ” Daniel looked out the front windows

“ **Yeah?** ” Jacob asked.

“ **Don't we need to open those big cargo bay doors in order to fly the ship out?** ”

Nesert opened her mouth to answer, but Jacob was quicker. “ **Well this ship has remote access to the door controls. Hopefully the bugs haven't overridden it.** ”

“ **You...you don't wanna check?** ”

“ **I don't wanna tip them off before we have to.** ”

Jacob’s plan made sense, but it still left them with a lot of variables. Nesert sat down next to the Tok’ra to help ready the ship and he seemed grateful for the extra set of hands.

When they saw Sam and O’Neill helping Teal’c into the cargo bay, both Nes and Daniel jumped up to help.

“ **Yeah, here you go.** ” O’Neill handed his side off to Daniel.

“ **He's been shot.** ”

“ **He resisted a little.** ” Colonel O’Neill tossed it aside, but Nes knew it had probably been intensely hard to shoot the jaffa.

“ **I was starting to worry you guys weren't going to make it** ,” Dr. Jackson commented.

“ **I didn't say it though,** ” Jacob said and Nesert suspected there was some sort of inside joke that went along with his comment.

O’Neill ordered them to tie up Teal’c as he went back to the bridge.

“I’ve got it, Daniel. I’m quite skilled at tying people up.” Nes smiled, but Daniel looked more disturbed than amused.

Suddenly they felt the mothership jump back to hyperspeed and O’Neill questioned Jacob. “ **Now what?** ”

“ **Now nothing. We can't open the cargo bay doors and fly out while we're in hyperspace.** ”

It was determined that Nes would stay with Teal’c on the tel’tak while the rest of them ventured back into the ha’tak. She wandered back to check on the jaffa, but he was very weak as his symbiote tried to heal the gunshot wound. She tried to make him as comfortable as possible, but the cargo hold was hardly the right location for that.

“You have betrayed your god and master.” His voice was weak, but still filled with loathing.

“Apophis is not my god.” She waited until he looked up at her. “He’s not yours either.”

Teal’c straightened as much as he could. “I will never turn against my lord.”

“I hope that’s not true, Teal’c. I very much respected the old you.”

“You respected a facade. I have always been loyal to Apophis.”

The level of disgust in his voice surprised even Nesert and she couldn’t stop the look of sheer pity that crossed her face. She knew what it was like to have her will stolen, but at least she had known what was happening. The horror of this complete loss of awareness terrified her and her heart quickened at the thought of Apophis’ words becoming truth. Thinking of being forced to enjoy serving him made her stomach turn and she couldn’t stand to look at Teal’c, her possible future, anymore.

She moved back to the front of the ship and Jacob returned a short while later, jumping into the pilot’s chair. “The Replicators have taken over the ship and increased the speed by 800 times. We’ll be at Delmak soon.”

“Delmak?”

“Yes. Apophis must have set the coordinates to his new homebase. Jack, Sam, and Daniel are disabling the sublight engines to hopefully crash the ship into the planet, destroying the Replicators with it.”

Jacob began opening the cargo bay doors the moment the ha’tak dropped out of hyperspace before he turned the ship towards the doors and radioed the team. “ **Guys, we gotta go now.** ” No answer. “ **Jack, Sam, Daniel.** ”

His radio came alive and they could hear gunfire in the background. “ **Dad, we're cut off from the cargo bay.** ” Nes watched the father’s eyes close in fear and frustration. “ **We made it to the ring room on level two, can you ring us up remotely?** ”

“ **I'll try.** ” Jacob got up to start activating the rings, forgetting that Nes was there to help.

“ **Hurry!** ” Sam sounded panicked over the radio.

Nes jumped up to open the cargo bay doors and was relieved to see SG-1 standing there.

“ **Let’s get out of here!** ” O’Neill pulled off his safety glasses as he ran onto the bridge.

As Jacob started moving the ship, the cargo bay doors began closing. The ship itself seemed to hold its breath as it slid out between the doors just in time.

They watched as the ha’tak sped towards Delmak, all hoping that their plan would succeed. The huge explosion on the surface allowed them all to breathe again, but Nesert couldn’t help but feel that this ending for Apophis had been far too quick and painless. Still she felt the Sekhmet parts of her release a sigh of gratification and the rest of her wanted to burst into tears at her escape. Instead she let herself slide to the floor in exhaustion, both physical and emotional.

“Are we sure he’s really dead this time? Irreversibly?” she asked, needing confirmation for her ears even if her eyes had just witnessed his destruction.

“He couldn’t have escaped the ship and he couldn’t have survived that crash.” Jacob sounded so confident she wanted to believe him, but she guessed it was likely that without her own hands taking his life, it would be awhile before she felt truly convinced of his demise.

O’Neill moved towards the cargo hold. “ **I'm going to check on Teal'c.** ”

Jacob turned around in his chair quickly. “ **Jack, you got his body back. Getting his mind back may not be as easy.** ” He caught Nesert’s gaze, his words meant for her as well.

How long would it take to get her mind back? Was there anything to get back anymore? She had little hope for Teal’c after her own experiences, but she held onto a tiny flame of hope that he would be restored.

Maybe that was another meaning to attach to her name. She wasn’t just the burning of a destructive fire. She was a tiny flame of hope that maybe good could follow evil.


	18. Chapter 18

Returning to the SGC was difficult for everyone with the state of Teal’c’s mind, but for Nes, it carried an extra weight. Teal’c had withstood horrific torture, never once even tempted to lie to save himself, and yet here he was, broken. The goa’uld had made his body into a slave from birth, but he had kept his mind as his own. Now his body was free, more or less, and his mind was the one enslaved.

She could see the same calculating look in his eyes that she knew was in her own. What should he share? What should he hold back? What words would move him closer to his goals? But his deception was based on faith in a god that was not his own. Hers was based on truths she had learned in far too many prisons.

And now she was back to living with a guard outside her door and trailing her every step.

She had to leave, but this time she would at least attempt to do it in the proper way first so she made her way to General Hammond’s office. It wasn’t an easy task convincing her guard to allow her that close to the Stargate, but he eventually just called the general himself to get permission. She chafed at the restriction of her movements even further, especially with how ridiculous it was that they thought they could truly keep her confined if she didn’t want to be. She was  _ choosing _ to remain here. For the moment.

Once seated in Hammond’s office, she got right to the point. “I want to leave, General.”

He looked up in surprise. “You just got back.”

“Yes, sir, but to what? Just a different prison with different walls and different wardens.”

The general stared at her for a moment. “What is it you’re asking for?”

“It’s been over five years since I was taken by Sekhmet and nearly two years since I was freed. And those two years have been mostly spent pretending to be Sekhmet.” She looked up at him hopefully. “I need a vacation, sir.”

“A vacation?” His eyebrows were as high as they would go.

“Yes, sir.”

“Where?”

She chuckled. “A beach, I think.”

“On Earth?” He waited for her to nod. “And what about your...Sekhmet’s...needs?”

Nes took a deep breath. “I’ve still got a good month before that becomes an issue. I’ll only be gone a few weeks.”

He leaned forward. “And if it becomes an issue sooner?”

“Then I’ll come back sooner. Dr. Frasier was going to try some medications to help me fight the...addiction.”

He leaned back into his chair, his hands gripping the armrests. “Why don’t we start out slowly?”

“General--” He held up a hand to silence her.

“Bra’tac should be arriving soon to help with Teal’c. I’d like you here for that.”

“I doubt I’ll be any help.”

“We’ll see.” He folded his hands on the desk. “In the meantime, perhaps a simple evening off the base.” She sat up straighter. “With supervision.” She slumped a bit. “If you come back  _ without _ incident, then we’ll consider something more.”

Nes nodded slowly and the general took on more fatherly mannerisms. “You’ve been through a lot in the last five years. I understand wanting a break from all of this, but we need to be cautious.”

“Of course.”

“I’ll speak with Major Carter about accompanying you topside.”

“Thank you, General.”

“We’ll do what we can to help you, Tes...Nesert.”

She nodded once more before joining her guard in the hall. She’d need to decide soon if she was going to stay or run. Who knows if she’d ever get such a good chance to flee again? But now that would involve Sam. If it were some nameless airman, it’d be one thing, but Sam would be held responsible if she disappeared and Nes realized that she did value that friendship. Maybe even enough to stick around.

A few days later, Sam showed up at her door, looking very civilian in a button down shirt and jeans, a jacket over her arm, and, Nes noted, her sidearm just barely outlined on her side. “Looks like you’ve been given the all clear for the evening. You ready?”

“Only if our first stop is shopping.” Though Nes suddenly realized she didn’t have any money. She’d need to convince Sam of a detour once they were off base.

Sam practically lived at the SGC the majority of her time, but she did still have a car and house in Colorado Springs. Nes supposed that if she went through the Stargate as frequently as the major did, she’d be comfortable staying underground more often when back on Earth, but she wasn’t far from giddy as they rode up to the surface.

“It’s been nearly two years since I’ve seen Earth’s sky,” she commented quietly as they stepped out of the elevator.

“What?!” Sam stopped walking and Nes could barely make her legs pause long enough for her to catch up again. “Two years?”

Nes shook her head. “Not since Boston. I’ve been either underground or offworld since then.”

“Wow, Nes. I just didn’t realize it’d been that long. No wonder you’re anxious to get out.”

It was a brisk but sunny day outside and Nesert simply stood for a long moment in the light, breathing in the fresh, cold air. She felt both invigorated by her new life and weighed down by the old one.

“Come on. General Hammond authorized some money for you to buy some clothes and such.”

She pulled an envelope out of her purse and Nes was relieved she wouldn’t need to get into the storage locker Sekhmet had left here in town. She wasn’t ready to share every detail of the goa’uld’s life.

“And you’re officially a new person, too.”

Nes raised her eyebrows. “I didn’t realize it needed to be official.”

“Well, you’re technically...dead. Tessa James, I mean.” She cleared her throat awkwardly, realizing this wasn’t a particularly happy conversation direction. “You needed new identification. Here.” She handed her an ID with her picture on it.

Nesert Saeda.

They’d asked her what she wanted as a new name. She’d told them, choosing a last name that meant ‘echo’ which seemed to be an appropriate description of who she was, both of Tessa and Sekhmet. Just an echo of lost lives. But here was the new her staring back in black and white, sounding significantly more foreign than she looked. Tessa really was gone. Her name had been her last connection to her old life, her family, her friends.

“There must be a grave,” she mused.

“What?”

“For Tessa. Who did they bury in my grave?” She hadn’t thought of her funeral until now. Why? She hadn’t thought of her mom crying or her dad stoically staring at nothing, his arm wrapped around the smaller woman. That’s how they’d been at her aunt’s funeral, so she could picture them perfectly. Did they look like that, though? Did they cry harder? Do they visit her grave filled with a stranger?

“Umm...I don’t think anyone. It’s probably empty.”

“That seems risky. What if someone dug it up?” She had forgotten for the most part that she was an infamous serial killer to the rest of Earth. Being a former goa’uld host had made her scary enough at the SGC. Now she wondered if her family had cried at all when she died. Or were they grateful for her death? Were they ashamed of their daughter? Maybe they didn’t visit the grave at all. She supposed that an empty grave was no matter if it were simply left alone.

“I doubt the Air Force would allow that.” Sam stopped in front of a gray Volvo P1800 and leaned down to unlock it.

“ _ This _ is your car? I didn’t picture you driving a classic car.” Nes let her hand run over the hood. “Sekhmet had one of these for a while, fresh off the line. And red. Of course.” She mentally shifted through some memories. That car was still in her possession, being held in storage near London. She wondered if she’d ever get to drive it again. Or for the first time, really, as Sekhmet had chosen different vehicles when they’d been in the British Isles together.

Nes got into the car to find the major staring at her with concern on her face. “Maybe we should get you some glasses or a hat or something. People might recognize you.”

Nes just laughed. “They’ll likely see the resemblance, but people won’t want to appear like conspiracy theorists. They’ll simply ignore that little voice.”

Sam looked unconvinced.

“The same way all of those men ignored that voice that told them that maybe they shouldn’t leave the bar with a strange woman when all those similar men were turning up dead.” She smirked a bit. “People won’t trust their eyes.”

Nes turned to look at Sam as she pulled out of her parking spot. “Besides,” she said with a broad smile, “It could be fun messing with people a little.”

Sam groaned slightly. “Please don’t.”

After they’d gotten through security, where the guards were filled to the brim with scrutiny and a touch of awe, they drove to the more commercial areas of town. As they looked through racks of clothing, Nes realized something: she’d become a fashion snob. She’d never considered herself particularly stylish before Sekhmet, but years of shopping at high end shops and wearing the best quality clothing had altered her perceptions of normal. And then her time living as Sekhmet, wearing handmade custom gowns had shifted her reality even further. Now here she was, trying on regular clothes for regular people and not knowing what to do with all of it.

“Nes, you okay?” Sam was staring at her and she wasn’t sure how long she’d been standing there with a shirt in her hands, trapped in her memories.

“Yeah. Sorry. This is all just very odd.”

“It’s just shopping.” Sam laughed a little.

“Yeah, but...Sam,” she lowered her voice, “I’ve been living as a goddess and queen for nearly two years. And then before that...Sekhmet didn’t exactly come to the local mall to get her clothes.” She put the shirt down and looked at the other woman. “I didn’t think this would be hard. How do you do all this normal stuff when you know everything that’s out there?”

Sam shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I haven’t thought much about it. I’ve always had to keep doing the normal things. I mean, everyone has to, regardless of what their job is.”

“Sam…”

“Hm?” She’d gone back to mindlessly looking through a display of sweaters.

“You blew up a sun a few weeks ago. I’d say that’s a slightly further mental leap than most people need to make.”

Sam opened her mouth to object, but in the end couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it and Nes joined her. It was insane. Two weeks ago, they’d been across the galaxy and then beyond and then back again. And now they stood in a shop in a mall on Earth looking at shirts and shoes and pants. It reminded Nes somewhat of the times Sekhmet and she would go grocery shopping after killing someone. Living on earth naturally required a constant return to normal activities.

Their laughter drew attention from the staff and other shoppers in the store and the stares that beforehand had been at least somewhat subtle became brazen. The whispers increased, but were quickly silenced when Nes finally shifted into Sekhmet’s smirk and did a quick round of return staring. Sam elbowed her gently when she noticed the tension increase in the room and with a quick look, they both agreed it was time to leave. Sam went to pay for the items that Nes had collected. She’d picked them simply out of a need for more variety, not because she particularly liked any of them.

“Drinks?” Nes commented once they were out of the store.

“Absolutely.”

“O’Malley’s?” Nes kept a completely straight face until Sam’s jaw dropped, then she let a smile break across her face with a quick laugh. “I’m kidding, Sam. Definitely somewhere else. Though seriously, you should have seen your face when you realized Kristen was a goa’uld.”

Sam didn’t look particularly amused.

The two ended up in a bar that some of the other personnel at the base had mentioned to Major Carter a few times. It wasn’t Sam’s usual scene, but Nes could fit in anywhere, her body naturally adjusting to her surroundings and blending in.

Sam had noticed the change.“How do you do that? Actually, what are you even doing?”

Nes took a moment to observe her own mannerisms. “I don’t know exactly. Just something leftover from Sekhmet. Thousands of years, thousands of people, thousands of places. She was incredibly observant of how people move and act and speak in different situations. Plus she had all of her former hosts’ mannerisms to call upon.” She shifted her arms trying to undo the alteration.

“Interesting. So it’s essentially become a natural defense mechanism, a...camouflage.” She pointed to an empty table along the wall and the two women moved towards it. Just before they reached it, though, a group of three men quickly rushed past them and threw themselves into the chairs triumphantly.

“Oh come on!” Sam was annoyed by their rudeness, but Nes merely shifted her body into Sekhmet’s and let her well known smirk spread onto her face. The men immediately froze in recognition and both women enjoyed watching their thoughts spread over their faces. 

Disbelief, shock, terror, dismissal, caution.

They got up from the table and the closest man pulled out his chair and directed Nes to sit. “I’m so sorry.” He cleared his throat, trying to maneuver the lie into believability. “Just didn’t see you heading to this table.”

Sekhmet’s voice was silky as Nes spoke. “Of course not.” She shifted her smile almost imperceptibly, but she noted its success on the men’s faces as fear drained the color from them. “Thank you for being such gentlemen.” She sat gracefully in the offered chair and crossed her legs, noting that their eyes moved from her smirk to her body.

One of the other men coughed uncomfortably. “You look just like…” He trailed off as Nes turned her attention to him.

“Yes?” The sweetness of her voice was in stark contrast to the threatening look her in eyes.

“Can we buy you two a drink?” The third man finally found his voice. “As an apology.” He winked at Carter. “Plus you’re both hot.”

Sam rolled her eyes then turned to Nesert. “Sure. Why not? Beer?” She waited for Nes to nod before addressing the three men again. “We’ll just each have a beer. Thanks.”

They were left alone at the table and Nes allowed Sekhmet to fade away.

“You know that’s creepy, right? The Butcher thing.” Sam had dropped her voice to a whisper.

The younger woman smiled in a slightly childish way. “Why do you think I did it?”

“That was fun for you, wasn’t it?”

Nesert’s smile grew even bigger. “Absolutely.”

“Maybe we should leave.” Sam’s face was covered with concern, but it was apparent it was for those three men, not for Nesert.

Nes calmed her enjoyment. “I’m not going to hurt them, Sam.” She raised her hands, palms towards the major. “In a month or so it’ll get harder, but right now, I’m still…” Her hands shifted to a small shrug, “...topped off from the last one.”

Sam held the younger woman’s eyes. “Who  _ was _ the last one?”

Nes deliberated on her next words, on truth versus lie. “A jaffa who refused to join my fleet. He said he would rather die in the name of his god, Apophis.” She casually leaned back and crossed her arms. “I merely granted his request.” Sekhmet’s smirk flitted across her face as her voice turned to a whisper and she thought of Sokar. “Slowly.”

Two beers placed on the table interrupted the conversation and both women rewarded the men with smiles. “Would you like company with those beers?” The man who had winked seemed significantly bolder now, moving a chair rather close to Sam and sitting down. Nes imagined alcohol was beginning to give him courage...and dampen the warning in his head.

As Nes began to dismiss them, there was some yelling behind her and the men at their table hollered back. Apparently they had more friends joining them and the two women found their table rapidly surrounded by another half dozen young men. Not usually something Nes would complain about, but in the past, she would have simply been glad for a larger selection of victims.

Sam caught her eye and Nes watched as the alarm on her face grew. She was initially confused, but realized quickly that habits don’t simply go away. Her mannerisms had adapted to the crowd and her body had already begun to stalk its prey.

She had to stop.

She didn’t want to stop.

“Holy shit! You look just like Tessa James! The Butcher!” One of the newcomers hadn’t witnessed her subtle threats, but she liked his voice, deep and strong, and she felt a calm wash over her body and a seductive smile slowly formed on her face with a deep breath.

“I get that a lot actually.” She handed over her full attention.

“Yeah? That’s gotta make life a little difficult.” His blue eyes were all sympathy and she could already imagine the light leaving them.

“At times, but no one cuts in front of me at the coffee shop anymore.” His smile at her joke was genuine and softened the sharp angles of his face. She started paging through memories to see if Sekhmet had sold the house west of Denver, but that put Sean’s face in front of her eyes and her breath caught in her throat.

She needed to leave.

She turned to Sam suddenly with fear in her eyes and the other woman could see the plea for help. She became Major Carter again as she stood abruptly.

“Sorry, boys. We’ve gotta go.”

She grabbed Nes, who had to put far too much effort into not resisting, and the two made their way to the front of the bar before any of their table mates could react to their sudden departure.

Sam didn’t let go of her until they were at her car. “What was that?”

Nes leaned her head down onto the top of the Volvo. “Habit.”

“What would you have done if I hadn’t been there?”

“Sam, I realized it was happening. I knew I needed help. Shouldn’t I get some credit for that?” She turned and then slumped down onto the pavement, leaning against the car. “I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I’ve been surrounded by potential victims constantly at the base.”

Sam sat down next to her. “Well, Sekhmet usually found victims like that, right? At bars? You just fell into it naturally.” She turned to Nes. “Maybe you just need to avoid those kinds of environments for a while.”

Nes allowed the misconception that Sekhmet was the only hunter of the entwined pair.

Sam stood and helped Nes to her feet. “Let’s get back to base.”

Nes just nodded, speech requiring too much effort when all of her energy was fighting the urge to go back inside to find her target again. She forced herself to climb into the passenger seat and closed her eyes.

“What will you tell General Hammond?”

Sam let a slow sigh fill the silence before answering. “That you can likely do okay on your own as long you avoid certain places and situations, but you should have supervision for a while.” She glanced over. “You’re not safe yet, Nes.”

The woman in the passenger seat pressed her hands to her eyes. “I know...I know now, at least.” She felt rage at Sekhmet roar to life inside her, but the only way she knew to relieve the anger was taken from her. “That bitch took everything!”

Nes slammed her fist into the window next to her, shattering the glass, and blood started to flow from her knuckles. Sam flinched away as the glass scattered everywhere with the impact.

“What the hell, Nes?”

Her fury couldn’t be conveyed by her human voice and she shifted into her goa’uld tone. “She took everything, Sam! My life, my family, my friends, my future! She warped and twisted everything else. She turned me into a monster!” She let her forehead rest on the dash and changed her voice back. “I was nineteen. Just started college. I had everything ahead of me. She took it.”

Nes felt a hand on her back as Sam tried to comfort her. “Nes...she did take your life, yes, but you’re not dead. You have a new life. New opportunities, new friends, new paths.” It seemed silly that with thousands of years of memories in her head, Sam was still the older and wiser one of the pair. “This will be a harder path, of course, but it will certainly be an adventure.”

That was true. The last five years had been full of excitement at the very least. She’d traveled all over Earth, she’d been to other planets, even other galaxies. She’d met interesting people of both the human and alien variety.

“You just have to keep going, Nes. You’re already doing so much better than when you were first freed.” She patted the distressed girl on the shoulder. “Right?”

Nes lifted her head to look at Sam. “Am I? I feel further and further away from that girl.”

“Because you’re not her anymore. I’m not who I was before Jolinar. Or before the Stargate program. Or before the Air Force. Our experiences change us, some more than others.”

Nes sat up again looking unconvinced, but Sam wasn’t going to let her wallow. “You can’t go back. The old Tessa is gone, just like the old Sam is gone. That’s okay, Nes. The new versions of ourselves aren’t all that bad.” Nes looked at her skeptically and Sam smiled. “You’re smarter and stronger than you were before. You have incredible knowledge to do incredible things. You’ve got some...issues to get past, but you’ve proven yourself capable of a lot more than most people.”

It was a good pep talk by anyone’s standards and Nes could feel some weight slide off her shoulders. It was okay that Tessa was gone. Everyone left behind their old selves. You had to if you wanted to move forward. And Sam was right. She wasn’t dead. If she wasn’t who she wanted to be now, she still could be someday.

Nes took a deep breath and nodded to Sam, giving her a tiny smile. “Sorry about your window. I’ll pay for a new one.”

Sam chuckled. “It’s fine. It’ll just be a bit of a chilly drive back to base.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 5.02 “Threshold”

A very long run and a few rounds with a punching bag helped eliminate the energy she’d built up at the bar and fortunately, the next day she was feeling more relaxed and in control. She would hopefully still have time left before that calm dissipated again.

Dr. McKenzie, the psychologist for the Stargate program, had been working with Teal’c since they returned, but it was hard to tell if he was seeing success or if Teal’c was merely saying what they wanted to hear. Nesert was far too familiar with those tactics, still hesitating in sharing anything that would turn suspicion towards her own actions, either past or present.

More than anything now, Nes was simply bored. She didn’t have any tasks to keep her occupied so she approached both Daniel and Sam for some way to contribute and stay active. Sam was understandably a bit hesitant to give her access to the necessary resources for her to help, but Daniel gave her some texts from a planet SG-14 had visited that needed translating. It wasn’t particularly interesting information, but it kept her mind from wandering into dangerous territory and made the time spent alone in her room less lonely.

A knock on her door in the evening wasn’t unusual, so she simply hollered a quick “Come in!” one particular night while she finished translating the line she was working on, assuming it was Dr. Jackson coming to check on her progress. She heard the door open, footsteps enter, and the door close again.

“Just give me one moment. Finishing this up.”

“Sure.” 

Nes jerked her head up at the voice. “Ronnie Harris.” She let a little smile play on her lips. “What the hell are you doing here?”

He crossed his arms and his face was stern. “Shouldn’t I get to ask that?”

Nesert leaned back in her chair and crossed her own arms defiantly. “I’ve been back for a while. Twice actually. Where have you been?”

Airman Harris crossed the rest of the small room and pulled out a chair to sit.

“Oh, please, do sit down.” Nes said with a flourish toward the chair after he’d sat.

Ronnie gave her a little smirk. “Thanks. Don’t mind if I do.”

“So where have you been, Ronnie?”

“Alpha and Beta sites mostly, making sure our backup planets stay safe.” He stretched out his long legs and put his hands behind his head. “What about you?”

“Oh, here and there.” She leaned forward and rested her chin on her hands. “Around.”

“I hear you’re not going by Tessa anymore. Finally admitting you’re Sekhmet?”

“If I were Sekhmet, there’s no way I would have let you live back on that planet. As it was, I had to go find someone else to kill.” She leaned back again. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

“You’re welcome? You took me hostage and left me stranded on a different planet!”

“Please. Don’t be so dramatic. I didn’t hurt you and they probably were there within the hour to get you. Besides,“ she winked, “we had a little fun, didn’t we?”

Ronnie couldn’t keep the smile from forming as he thought back and he rubbed his mouth trying to wipe it off his face, finally laughing slightly. “I suppose the experience wasn’t all bad.”

Nes gave him a seductive smile. “No, it wasn’t. You’re certainly my favorite hostage, Airman Harris.”

“Do I have much competition?”

Nes had to think back, but no, he likely didn’t. When did she or Sekhmet usually need hostages? She was rarely in those types of situations and it was easier to just kill those in her way most of the time.

“No, I don’t suppose you do. Still, you’d be my favorite anyway.” She let her eyes wander over him slightly. “How long are you back?”

“A few weeks.”

“Big plans?”

“Seeing family for a week, then going with a few other guys to California, then back here for some training.” It was his turn to look her over. “Too bad you’re trapped here.”

“Why? You wanna introduce me to your family, Ronnie? I think it’s a bit soon for that, don’t you?”

He smiled at her teasing. “Actually, I think you’d be an interesting addition to our California trip.”

Sekhmet’s smirk made an appearance. “Would you really want me scaring all the girls away?”

“Is that what you’d do?” He leaned towards her.

“Oh, absolutely.” She leaned further forward as well. “I do  _ not _ play well with others.”

They sat there for a moment, their faces just inches from one another, each smiling and waiting for the other to close the gap.

A pounding on the door sent them both quickly into their chairs, but before Nes could answer the knock, Colonel O’Neill came into the room.

“Hey Nes, need a favor--” He moved further into the room and his eyebrows shot up, seeing Ronnie, who promptly stood and saluted. “At ease, Airman.” He turned back to Nes. “We need your help with Teal’c.”

“Of course, Colonel.”

He smiled slightly. “Sorry, Airman, you two will just have to play hostage later.” Ronnie made a choking sound and O’Neill cleared his throat, addressing Nes. “That sounded much dirtier than intended.”

Nes smirked and crossed her arms. “I don’t think for one moment that you meant that in any way but dirty.”

O’Neill just shrugged. “Maybe.” He stepped back into the hall. “Ready?”

Ronnie followed the colonel and Nes closed the door behind her. “Yep. Lead on.” She gave Ronnie a brief smile before jogging just a bit to catch up with O’Neill.

“So how do you think I can help with Teal’c?”

“We’re curious how he’ll respond to you. You said he was upset with you in the tel’tak for betraying Apophis.”

“So you want to see if I can trigger that anger again?”

“Exactly.”

“How hard do you want me to try?” Nes asked as they approached the group in the corridor outside Teal’c’s room.

They all looked at one another before O’Neill just threw up his hands. “Just go for it.”

They all watched as she closed her eyes and her body shifted ever so slightly into Sekhmet. Nes was fairly confident that they likely couldn’t identify a single solitary change, but the combination of so many tiny alterations had a big impact. She opened her eyes and let them flash, moving to the door as the guard opened it for her.

She stepped inside where Teal’c was meditating and leaned against the small table, similar to the one in her own guarded room. He looked up at her and she saw just a tiny flash of disgust before he put his mask on.

“Tessa, it is good to see you.” His smile seemed too large, too forced and her decision was already made.

“You know as well as I do that I am not Tessa, though the Tau’ri are just as willing to believe it as Apophis was to believe I would be his loyal queen.” She twisted her face into Sekhmet’s best smirk and shifted into her goa’uld voice. “Now it will be easy to take over the fool’s fleet and territory.”

Teal’c’s fists tightened, but he kept his face pleased.

She was leaning toward the jaffa now, making sure he caught every word. “My only regret is that I couldn’t slit his throat myself. I would have treasured that moment when his eyes flashed with death.” 

There was no warning when he launched himself at Nesert and she quickly found his hands around her throat, squeezing hard. “Ha’taaka! Apophis will rise again and punish your betrayal!”

Fortunately, they’d been keeping a close eye on the proceedings. The two guards quickly tried wrestling him off Nes, but his anger and hatred empowered him and the world began to go black for the girl.

“Zat him!” O’Neill yelled and Nes felt horrible pain rush through her body before everything disappeared.

******

She woke up in the infirmary not too long later with a screaming headache, a neck brace, and O’Neill hovering over her looking concerned.

“How ya doin’, Nes?”

She tried to speak, but everything in her throat and neck hurt and Dr. Frasier came rushing over as she tried to sit up.

“Just lie still, Nesert, and don’t try to speak. We’re still trying to assess the damage.” She gently settled her back down against the bed and pulled out her flashlight to check her eyes. “I’m going to go look at the scans we did. Promise me you’ll stay put.”

Nes smiled gently which seemed to be the only movement that didn’t hurt.

“Colonel, help her keep her promise, please.”

“Of course, Doc.”

Nes could hear Dr. Frasier move away and O’Neill shifted on the stool he was on.

“Nes, I’m sorry. I should never have put you in there with him.” He dragged his hand over his face. “I really hoped…”

Nes cleared her throat and spoke quietly. “I knew two seconds in that he was still brainwashed, Colonel. I pushed him to this.”

“You knew? Well for cryin’ out loud, why didn’t you just say something?”

“Would you have believed me, sir?”

He opened his mouth, closed it again, and then finally shook his head. “No, I suppose not.” He looked up at her. “And would you call me Jack already? Enough of this Colonel and sir stuff. You’re not my subordinate, Nes.”

“Right.” She looked up at the ceiling. “What am I actually?”

“Hm?”

“What am I? I mean, they gave me a new name, a new identity. Do I have a job? A degree? Any background at all? Or am I just a name and a birthday?” She tilted her head slightly and winced at the pain. “Which makes me three years younger, by the way.”

“Oh yeah, well, they wanted to give you back the last five years, but fortunately someone pointed out that that would put you under twenty-one and that just seemed cruel.” He gave her a grin.

She chuckled slightly and a little gasp of pain escaped her. “I appreciate the consideration for that.”

“As far as everything else, I don’t know. What do you want to be?”

Nes shrugged her shoulders which was stupid and she had to grit her teeth hard as the pain subsided.

“I think you better just rest. Maybe you can work on your background while you’re recovering from this. I’ll find out who you need to talk with about it.”

Dr. Frasier came back in and Jack stood to move out of her way. “Well, it looks like nothing is broken or majorly damaged. You’ll just need to take it easy to let the swelling and bruising heal up. I’d like you to wear the brace for a few days and I’m going to keep you here overnight for observation, but then you can rest in your room.”

Jack relaxed just slightly. “Thanks, Doc.”

“Colonel, she’s not a goa’uld anymore. She still heals a bit quicker than a normal human, but without a symbiote...you both just need to be more careful. I don’t want her around Teal’c until we’re sure he’s completely himself again.”

Jack nodded then let Nes know he’d swing by to check on her again later before she left the infirmary. Dr. Frasier told her to get some rest, but Nes was already struggling with the lack of mental engagement she had come to rely on round the clock. She had adapted to her daily routine of working on translations until she couldn’t keep her eyes open and climbing into bed. Any time where she was just sitting meant she was thinking and that was dangerous territory always.

Jack’s question stuck with her, though. What did she want to be? The  _ who _ was a harder question, but the  _ what, _ that seemed easier to tackle. She could contribute in numerous ways to the Stargate program, though one thing she could rule out was being a part of the military personnel. Sekhmet’s time as Kristen Brooks had taught her that and she doubted her authority issues would be well received.

So that left the various civilian positions. She didn’t have any of the necessary degrees, but her knowledge was certainly there. She had a flash of memories from her time at college before becoming a host. She’d enjoyed the classes and such, though she’d only been in core curriculum so far. She hadn’t even settled on a major yet, though she’d been leaning towards something math related. She liked the perfection of math. It was so much cleaner than the real world.

But what now? She had Sekhmet’s and her former hosts’ memories of history, their language skills, their technical expertise, their grasp of the various sciences, but the application to current Tau’ri technology within the Stargate program would still require further schooling. The thought of doing something as normal as attending classes appealed to the human sides of her, the Tessa sides of her.

But would they let her do something like that? Would they insist on a guard following her to classes? Would they trust her to control herself?  _ Could _ she control herself? That was still up for debate. She was glad she’d fudged the timeline a bit when talking to everyone at the SGC. She really had closer to six weeks instead of two before the need to kill would become stronger, but deception would always be her initial defensive move. This might allow her to test out the drug regimen Dr. Frasier had been working on. She’d be able to tell if it would actually help at all, but whether it did or didn’t, she’d convince them it was a success.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Major Carter coming to check on her.

“Hey there. Colonel O’Neill says you’re going to be alright.” She sat on the stool next to her bed.

“Yeah, just bruised up.” She shifted in the bed uncomfortably.

“Dr. McKenzie’s going to try some other approaches with Teal’c, but hopefully Bra’tac has some better ideas.”

“Sam? I’ve been thinking…”

“Yeah? What’s up?”

“Well, I was talking to Jack about what my role here is. I mean, I have a name and nothing else.” She hesitated for effect. “Do you think there’s any way I could go to college? Get a degree of some sort?”

Sam was clearly surprised. “Umm, I mean, what would you learn at college? Right?”

Nes smiled. “I have goa’uld knowledge, but utilizing it here...it’d be helpful if I gained a better grasp of the technology here. If you’d trust me enough for that.”

Sam ran her fingers through her hair as she looked at Nes. “I think you’ve been proving where your loyalties lie, but going away to college? That seems risky.”

“I was a freshman when Sekhmet took me, Sam. I never got to do any of the things I expected to do.”

“What would you want to study?”

“I don’t know. I’m guessing the most helpful areas would be either astrophysics or linguistics, right? Maybe computers?”

Sam had a small smile start to form. “Ya know...there’s a cadet at the Air Force Academy we’ve been watching who is heading to Princeton to continue her studies in astrophysics.”

“Jennifer Hailey.”

Sam looked up in surprise. “Uh, yeah. How’d you know that?”

Nes kept her face innocent. “I keep myself informed.” And she did. An airman following her around wasn’t going to keep her blind or deaf to the base’s operations and gossip.

“Hmm…” Sam looked suspicious, but continued. “Perhaps the two of you could both go.”

“A babysitter.”

“A friend...who could maybe keep an eye on you, yes. I can talk to the general. Of course, much of this would be dependent on how you do in a few weeks.”

“Of course, but Dr. Frasier seems pretty confident in her plan.”

“Why don’t we see how it goes and then if the right people agree, we can pull some strings to get you into the program ”

Nes let one of Tessa’s genuine smiles free. “Really?”

Sam laughed at her excitement. “Maybe. I can’t make any promises.”

‘I know, but thank you.”

“Sure. Why don’t you get some rest?” She patted Nes on the leg and left, leaving the young woman to think.

And hope.


	20. Chapter 20

The pain subsided fairly quickly for Nes, though it would take quite a bit longer for the massive bruising on her neck to fade. During that time Bra’tac finally made it to the SGC to see Teal’c. While Dr. McKenzie was hopeful now that he had helped the jaffa see the truth, Nes knew it would never be that simple and Bra’tac could tell just by looking in Teal’c’s eyes that he was still brainwashed and loyal to Apophis.

When Teal’c tried to escape, he was shot with a zat’nik’tel and Bra’tac removed his symbiote, claiming that the only way to save Teal’c was to bring him to the point of death during what he called the Rite of M'al Sharran. He would force him to remember his life and choose if he would be free or or a slave. Dr. Frasier had major objections, but in the end was overruled by General Hammond. They had to try everything they could to get the real Teal’c back.

Nes did her best to avoid Master Bra’tac. He’d been Teal’c’s mentor and also a former First Prime of Apophis and at one hundred-thirty something years old he was still a strong and capable warrior. Nes simply wasn’t sure what he would think of her and that made him a threat in her mind. Of course, her avoiding him didn’t mean he would avoid her and while making his way to a room for some rest while Teal’c struggled, the two encountered one other.

Bra’tac took her in with a keen eye and she remained still while he made his observations.

“You must be Nesert, the former host of Sekhmet.”

“I am. And you must be Master Bra’tac.” She bowed her head slightly. “I have heard very good things about you from several sources.”

“And I have heard...interesting things about you.” His eyes narrowed watching her reactions.

“Interesting...just another way of saying maybe some good with quite a lot of bad.”

“At times.” He paused for a moment taking her in. “You seem to be one without a true core.”

A slight spasm went through Nesert’s jaw, trying to hold back the flash of eyes that usually went along with a flare in her temper. The jaffa certainly knew how to cut right to the heart of things.

“That offends you,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Yes, I suppose it does.”

“Because it is  _ not _ true or because it is?”

He really did not pull any punches and Nes’ defensive nature would not be pushed back anymore. Her voice took on a distinct edge. “Because my true core, as you put it, has been warped and mangled by the goa’uld and it has not been an easy task to straighten it again.”

“Rak’nor tells me that you sacrificed yourself to save your ships filled with jaffa and slaves.” He leaned on his staff weapon towards her. “Is that true?”

“Yes. It was the only way.”

“Then I suspect your core is much closer to being straightened, as  _ you _ put it, than you realize.”

Nes’ shoulders and head went back a bit in surprise. That was not the response she had expected and it was rare these days for that to happen. She usually could read exactly what other people were going to say and do.

“And now I must rest, Nesert. Teal’c will need my help later and I am wearied from my journey.” He nodded and walked away, leaving Nes still standing in silence and going over his words.

She doubted he was right, but still, she  _ hoped _ he was right.

Fortunately though, Bra’tac was right about Teal’c and after a long night of remembering his life and the choices he’d made, he was freed from the brainwashing inflicted upon him. His symbiote was returned to him and he began to recover physically from the rite.

Nes stayed away. Part of her was jealous of the jaffa’s single night of conflict to regain his mind, but she also knew he would likely feel immense guilt when he saw his handprints still mottled on her neck. Since both the selfish and selfless parts of her were in agreement, she kept to herself for the next few days.

But now, with her bruises faded and her body restored, it was her turn to be the focus of concern and scrutiny. The timeline she’d given to Dr. Frasier was coming to a close and she needed to demonstrate her ability to withstand a need that in reality wasn’t as pressing as she was going to have it appear. The deception pricked her conscience, or what was left of it, but she had little faith in the techniques they wanted to try. She needed to maintain control of the situation as much as possible.

Dr. Frasier gave her a variety of medications to try, one at a time, to see how they affected the withdrawal she would experience and she was closely guarded by more than one airman now. Nes made her own notes of how they affected her and which might actually be helpful when the real time came. In the end, she decided the diazepam was her best option. It calmed her body in a similar manner to Sekhmet and she wondered a bit if the goa’uld had actually been releasing some kind of chemical into her body as needed.

A big concern for Dr. Frasier was keeping Nes from forming an addiction to the drug, but Nes was hopeful she’d be able to calm her body on her own the majority of the time. For the purpose of this test, she displayed some increased agitation and didn’t hesitate to head to the infirmary for a dose for a few days. She tapered herself off for another three days before declaring that she felt she was past the worst of it. Dr. Frasier was especially pleased with the success and gave her a small bottle to keep on hand.

She was trusted.

Well, she was trusted by some.

Major Carter caught up with her later in the day to let her know how her discussion with General Hammond had gone regarding Princeton.

“The general agrees that it would be beneficial to the program to advance some of your human knowledge so he’s going to see what he can do, but he does expect quite a lot of resistance, Nes. Your reputation as The Butcher won’t be easy for many to get past.”

Nes sighed. “It hasn’t died down yet?”

Sam raised her eyebrows. “I guess you really haven’t seen all the coverage, have you?”

“Well, I haven’t really been on Earth much.”

“Tessa James is still quite the sensation. Probably will be for a very long time.”

“Right.”

“Hammond will fight for you. We’ll just have to wait and see.” Sam patted her shoulder gently. “I’ll let you know when I hear something.”

With the beginning of the summer classes starting soon, Nes started getting nervous that Princeton wouldn’t be approved. If she was still stuck on base a month from now, things could get very difficult for her.

Her guard knocked on her door not too long after, though, and informed her that General Hammond had called her to his office. When she arrived, Sam was already seated and both she and the general looked up when a very nervous looking Nes came in.

General Hammond gave her a large smile. “Congratulations on your acceptance to Princeton, Nes.”

“Really?” She shoved down the disgust at her life being dictated by others yet again and kept up the facade of a grateful child.

He laughed at her giddy expression. “Yes. It’s all been approved. Major, why don’t you take Nesert out to the Academy to meet Cadet Hailey. See how they get on.”

“Yes, sir.” Sam seemed less than thrilled with the assignment and Nes could easily guess why. The cadet was a strong personality with authority issues. Nes was maybe a tiny bit similar. But Hailey knew about the Stargate and the thought of getting to be with someone who would know the truth of what she was had its appeal.

General Hammond turned serious. “And Nesert, you understand that if you go, you will still be closely watched.” He held up a hand as she began to object. “I expect you to behave appropriately. There are those who still do not trust you, but it will also be for your protection. You are an important asset to this program and Earth.” He waited for her to nod before addressing Sam again. “Major, a word before you go.”

Nes knew she was being dismissed and left, closing the door behind her.

Her guard followed her back to her room where she changed her clothes and waited for Sam to come get her, finding herself to be nervous about meeting this cadet. What could she possibly have in common with the girl? And would Hailey even give her a chance with her face still splashed everywhere as The Butcher?

Sam noticed her fidgeting hands as they drove to the academy on the north side of town. “Ya know, Cadet Hailey is hardly a normal girl either. You two may find you have more in common than you realize.”

“I doubt that, but I’ll try to maintain at least a little bit of your optimism.”

They arrived and parked, but Sam didn’t get out of the car. Instead she turned her body in the driver’s seat and took a deep breath. “Nes, there’s something you should know before we head inside.”

Nes was immediately on guard, worried what Sam would say next.

“Your brother is here.”

“I’m sorry. What?” Nes was confused. Brother?

“Your brother...Nathan.”

“Nathan...Tessa’s brother.” The realization that she thought of her family so little sucked all the air out of her. She had trained herself so carefully to never think of them when Sekhmet had controlled her, it was just a habit she had maintained without much thought. She had separated herself from them so entirely that it was only passing memories or wonderings now and even those she promptly brushed aside.

“Nes?” Sam touched her arm. “You okay?”

“I don’t know.” And she didn’t. She had no idea how she should respond.

“He’s just finishing up his freshman year.”

“How’s he doing?” That seemed a good question to ask.

“General Hammond says he’s struggling.”

Nes looked down at her lap. “Because of him or because of me?”

Sam ran her fingers through her short hair. “I think the other cadets give him a hard time for being your brother.”

“The Butcher’s brother.” Poor Nathan. She had hoped that the story of the brain tumor would help, but it was likely too little too late. “Can I see him?” She wasn’t even sure she wanted to, though. And would he want to see her? Likely not.

“Hammond says if he makes it through his second year and you make it through Princeton, then they’ll consider it.”

“Another year?”

“They need to make sure you can both be trusted, Nes.”

“To hell with that.” Her eyes flashed, a reflex she really needed to work on controlling better.

“I suspected you might say that.”

Nes jerked her head up.

“Ya know…the academy is a pretty big place. Easy to get lost.”

Nes gave her a sly smile. “Yes, I suppose so. Very easy.”

“Ready to go in?” She opened her door and climbed out, walking to the front of the car and waiting for Nes to join her.

“Yep. Only, do you mind if I find the ladies’ room first?  _ Such  _ a long drive over.”

Sam gave her a small smile. “No problem. Meet us outside the library.” She grabbed Nes by the arm gently. “And don’t share anything that could get anyone court-martialed, okay?”

“Of course not.” She slipped on a pair of glasses and pulled her hair up quickly, before changing her mannerisms slightly.

Sam watched her carefully. “Seriously, Nes, that’s creepy.”

She gave her a Sekhmet smirk before resuming the facade. As she walked away, she chuckled to herself that Sam seemed to have every confidence that Nes would have no trouble locating her brother.

Tessa’s brother.

Fortunately, it was just as simple as walking towards the dormitories and asking a group of cadets if they knew him. She knew they wouldn’t see Tessa James when they looked at her so there was no risk in associating with him. As she suspected, his family fame had made him well known and the young men all laughed to each other.

“Yeah, he usually hangs over at Stillman. Thinks everyone will leave him alone there.” He pointed over to the field and she could just make out a lone figure sitting on the bleachers.

She thanked them when she really wanted to torture them and started the walk over. As she drew closer, she could now see a young man in uniform surrounded by various books. He was so much older. He’d been just fourteen when she’d been taken as a host and she’d still been taller than him, but she could tell even from a distance that he would tower over her now.

“Nathan James?” She could feel her voice shake, though to him it likely still sounded steady.

He looked up and she again was struck with how much he’d aged. He wasn’t a scrawny kid. He was a full grown man. How did that happen? And with another start she realized he was now the age she had been when her life had been stolen.

“Yeah?” He was looking at her, confused, and she wondered if he saw anything of his sister standing in front of him. Even if others couldn’t see Tessa, he knew her face much better than the general public.

She just stared, suddenly having no idea what to say or do, so she gradually let Tessa appear and reached up to take off the glasses. She watched as his face began to show recognition, but it was clouded with shock and pain and anger.

“You’re dead.” His voice contained even more pain than most of her victims’ had and she knew he had just as much reason to hate her. She’d destroyed his life, too.

“I know.” Nes looked at him more closely. “You’re so much taller.”

“That’s what happens in  _ five _ years, Tessa.” Her old name sounded so odd coming from him, familiar like he was simply mad at her for annoying him. “Did you really kill all those people?”

Of course that would be what her baby brother wanted to know first and foremost. Was his big sister a serial killer? Was she a monster?

“It’s complicated.”

“No, it’s not. You either did or you didn’t.”

She crossed her arms and shifted her torso uncomfortably. “It’s really just not that simple, Nathan.”

“Did you really have a brain tumor?”

“I can’t, Nathan…”

“Why are you here then?”

“I just...I don’t know. I just found out you were here.”

“So you thought you’d just drop in and what? Say hi?”

She didn’t think hearing that disgust would cut her as much as it did, but she let him continue as he stood and walked down to her, yelling as he went.

“Do you have  _ any _ idea what the last five years have been like for me? You disappeared, then you were suspected dead in Denver, then you show up in Boston shooting people, then you’re The Butcher, then you have a brain tumor, and then you’re dead? Do you know what this has done to Mom and Dad? To Janie and Kate? What the hell is  _ wrong _ with you?”

“Nathan, I--”

“How are you even here? Why aren’t you in jail at the very least?” Nes opened her mouth to answer. “And so help me if you say it’s complicated.” Nes closed her mouth again. “Damnit, Tessa, just give me  _ something. _ ”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“That’s bullshit. The police said you were all over the country partying and killing.” His voice turned cold. “You should’ve stayed dead.”

She maybe could have controlled it if she’d wanted, but a part of her knew this was the only explanation she could give. Her eyes flashed and her voice distorted. “I didn’t have a choice.”

Nathan took a few steps backward, his own eyes wide at the change in his sister. “What are you?”

Nes pressed her eyes shut and took a deep breath before resuming their conversation in her normal voice. “If you make it through next year, they’ll consider giving you the necessary clearance for me to explain.”

“Who will? The Air Force? What did you get yourself into?”

“Nothing.” Sekhmet’s smirk flitted across her face. “Something got into me.” She chuckled a bit. He’d maybe find that funny later. “You can’t tell anyone about this. Tessa’s dead and she needs to stay that way.”

“But Mom and Dad--”

“No, Nathan. No one can know.”

Her brother looked at her with concern, his protective instincts resuming. “Are you okay?”

Nes reached up and rubbed the back of her neck. “Mostly. I’m still trying to sort it out.”

“Will I see you again?”

She shook her head. “I have to go away for a while again. I’ll be back next year.”

“Do I get to ask where you’re going?”

Nes smiled slightly. “No, but it shouldn’t be dangerous. This time.”

Suddenly Nathan reached a long arm towards her and pulled her into a big hug, resting his chin on the top of her head. “I missed you, sis.”

She wished she could say the same, but she had worked too hard to ignore those thoughts that couldn’t be attached to feelings. But now, right now, she let herself miss him, too. She missed her parents and her sisters. She missed her home and her bedroom. She missed Tessa.

This was too hard. She should have stayed dead.

Nes pulled away and saw that Nathan’s shirt was a bit damp from a few stray tears she couldn’t quite hold back.

“I have to go. I ditched my escort to come find you and she’s not going to be happy with how long I got lost.” She gave him another smile. “I’ll do my best to get you clearance next year.”

“I’m glad you’re alive.”

“Me, too. Most of the time.” She made her face as serious as she could. “Remember, Nathan, not a word about this. To anyone.”

“I’m not even sure this is real. I don’t need anyone thinking the crazy runs in the family.” He laughed, but they both knew he wasn’t joking. “Take care of yourself, Tessa.”

“You, too.” She took off down the field at a slight jog, trying to make up some of the time she’d spent breaking rules, though that did seem to be what she was best at. She paused before she reached the main campus, suddenly remembering the need for the glasses and mannerisms that made her invisible again.

She found Major Carter at the front of the library easily, looking far too concerned and standing next to a petite blonde girl who looked annoyed. She had a feeling that was simply Cadet Hailey’s default expression and Nes’ nerves left Nathan behind to find their original purpose for this trip.

“Sorry, Sam. Like you said, easy to get lost here.”

“Did you find what you were looking for at least?” She eyed her with interest.

“I did.” She turned to the shorter of the two. “You must be Jennifer Hailey. I’m Nesert Saeda. Most people call me Nes.” She gave her a friendly smile, but the cadet just looked her over suspiciously.

“Nes. Right. Most people just call me Hailey.” Her lips pursed together in disgust.

“An occupational hazard of the military, I suppose. Right, Carter?” Her smile began to take on an edge with the young cadet.

“So I’m supposed to keep an eye on you at Princeton?”

Nes narrowed her eyes, but kept her smile in place. “I doubt I’ll require your supervision.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure how I feel about this whole thing. How do I know you won’t kill me in my sleep?”

“Because I like people to be awake and screaming when I kill them.” She chuckled. “I mean, honestly, what would be the fun in killing someone in their sleep?”

Hailey seemed to know Nes was trying to scare her and while her eyes did get a bit bigger, she kept her face otherwise unchanged.

Sam groaned slightly. “Oh yeah, this is going to go great.”

The cadet got bolder. “And you think  _ you _ can keep up with me in the program?”

Nes saw Sam draw in a breath and watch the tall woman carefully as Sekhmet’s smirk spread onto her face. She leaned just a bit closer to the girl and flashed her eyes which sent Hailey stumbling backwards. Nes laughed loud and hard at her reaction. “I think I’ll do alright.”

“Nes!” Major Carter was in full force now and didn’t try to hide how mad she was at the girl’s behavior. “Listen, can you two get along for the next year or not?”

Both knowing they’d been reprimanded, they nodded sheepishly. “Good,” she continued. “Hailey, you’re dismissed. Nes, you’re with me,” and she stormed off back toward the parking lot.

Nes trailed behind the major at her own pace, a small act of defiance which she knew was intensely childish, but she wasn’t looking forward to the scolding that would occur in the privacy of the car. Too soon she was sitting in the passenger seat and awaiting the commentary on her behavior, but Sam just sat in silence and pulled out of the parking spot.

Eventually she took a deep breath at a stoplight. “Nes, you can’t do that.”

“She already knows.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Yes, it is, Sam. I’m not going to hide what I am from people who already know. It’s hard enough to hide it from everyone else.” She crossed her arms. “Besides, you and I both know Cadet Hailey needs an attitude adjustment.”

“That’s not your job, though.”

“I’m not going to let some five foot nothing brat speak to me that way.”

“Fine, but you two better figure out how you can get through the year together.”

“We only have to survive, not become best friends. It’ll be fine.”

Sam’s phone rang and Nes could tell from the side she could hear that they were needed back at the base.

“My dad just arrived through the Stargate.”

“Were you expecting him?” Nes got a sinking feeling in her stomach that it was more Selmak and less Jacob that had come to visit.

“No, but I rarely do.”

When they arrived at the base they went straight down to the briefing room to see Jacob. After greeting his daughter, he turned to Nes and she could already see the question forming in his eyes.

“Tessa. I’m sorry. Nesert. I’m guessing you already know what I’m going to ask you to do.”

She did and she wouldn’t. “I’m not going to be Sekhmet again, Jacob.”

“There’s a power vacuum now with Apophis dead. There will be war which is good. The infighting will help eliminate their various powers, but if we could have a fleet to serve our own purposes, it could make a great deal of difference in the galaxy.”

The Tok’ra had her life all planned out for her again.

“And will you help me regain my soul at the end?” Jacob at least looked slightly ashamed of what he was asking of her. “Of course, there won’t ever be an end. There will always be another goa’uld to rise up when we take one out. And I’ll eventually die in these efforts anyway, right?”

Jacob bowed his head momentarily and Selmak resumed the conversation. “You must understand how important your assistance could be. We all must make sacrifices.”

“You’re asking me to sacrifice who I am. Or at least who I’m trying to be.”

“This is war. Sometimes we have to do things we would prefer not to.”

Nes shifted into her own distorted voice. “I am not your host, Selmak, and I will not have my body controlled by the Goa’uld  _ or _ the Tok’ra anymore.” With that insult she walked out of the room.

She would not lose herself to Sekhmet again.

Nothing was worth that.

_ No one _ was worth that.


	21. Chapter 21

Nesert worried initially that her refusal to assist the Tok’ra would put an end to her Princeton plans, but both General Hammond and Colonel O’Neill weren’t too pleased with the claims on the former host. Whether it was because they cared for her or her knowledge wasn’t apparent to Nes, but since both options led down the path she wished to go, she didn’t spare much time or thought in sorting out their intentions.

A few nights before she was scheduled to leave, she was pleased to find Ronnie at her door when she answered a knock.

“I hear you’re shipping out,” he said as he came into the room, shutting the door behind him. 

Nes just caught the raised eyebrows of the young man left out in the corridor. She looked forward to a day in the near future when a constant airman wasn’t outside her door and trailing her every step.

“I am. How was your time off?” She’d been doing some of her required reading and went to the table to tidy up the various books and papers scattered over the small surface.

“Good. Fun. You’re not expecting Colonel O’Neill again, are you?”

Nes smiled to herself, remembering Jack’s comment about playing hostage. “No, I don’t think so, but I wasn’t expecting him the last time you stopped by either.”

“Oh well.” He spun her around. “I guess I’ll just have to take my chances.” No hesitation or games this time, he leaned down and kissed her with the same intensity he’d used back on the planet. Nes offered just as little resistance as Ronnie had that day.

She’d been so isolated from everyone around her, her only physical contact being the occasional pat on the back or arm and the strained hug from her brother. Those simply couldn’t make up for even a small portion of the abuse and torture she’d suffered in the last five years.

Ronnie slowly walked her backwards towards her bed and they fell, wrinkling the blankets she’d meticulously straightened that morning. Ronnie tugged at the bottom of her tucked in shirt, allowing his hand to slide under the fabric and up her side as he moved his lips down her neck.

_ You will be begging to please me in all manner of ways and I, being a gracious god, will grant your requests. _

Nes froze in terror. This was exactly how Apophis had tormented her.

_ And you will enjoy every moment _ .

Panic took over and she had to fight to figure out what was real. Had Apophis brainwashed her like he had Teal’c? Or maybe he’d taken a new host. The man kissing her pulled back to look at her and for a moment his eyes flashed at her. Reflexes kicked in and she grabbed the hand on her ribcage and snapped the forearm.

He yelled in pain and she shoved him off the bed, his arm bent where it should be straight. Fists pounded at the door as the guard hollered at those inside, struggling to get inside. He finally came into the room and found Nes sitting on the bed, knees to her chest, and his fellow soldier lying on the ground cradling his mangled arm.

The airman, his instincts telling him the threat was the terrified looking woman instead of the injured man, trained his weapon on Nes and called for backup and a medical team. Nes kept silent, still trying to claw her way out of the flashback. She could see it was Ronnie next to the bed, but her memory said that it  _ had  _ been Apophis kissing her for at least a few moments.

Jack must have heard the call for backup and been close enough to get there quickly because he came running into the room just as a group of airmen did.

“What’s going on?”

Nes looked up at him briefly, but didn’t speak, unsure if his question was directed at her or the more reliable sources in the room.

Ronnie gritted his teeth, but spit out enough of an explanation. “She broke my arm.”

Jack leaned down to catch Nes’ eyes again. “What happened, Nes?” His voice was gentle, but she could still hear the accusatory undercurrent he was trying to hide.

Her breathing was ragged and she knew her eyes were still wide with fear. “I thought he was Apophis.”

Ronnie’s head jerked towards her. “What?”

The medical team came in and went straight to Airman Harris to look at his arm. Nes could tell both from experience and the looks on everyone’s faces that it was a bad break, but Sekhmet’s calm crept in as the former host witnessed Ronnie’s pain. She’d wanted to kill him so many times, wanted to enjoy his screams and hear him beg for mercy and death. Now, his jaw tight, she dug around trying to find even a tiny bit of the guilt she knew should be there for hurting him. His eyes turned to her again and his reaction told her that she hadn’t landed on the right expression, a quick assessment of her face revealing Sekhmet’s smirk, taking more pleasure in his pain than his kiss.

Ronnie was assisted in standing, but assured the medical staff that he was capable of walking to the infirmary on his own. He glanced at Nes once more and she wondered how on earth she was going to explain all of this.

Jack told the airmen to move out into the corridor, but Nes noted that he kept the door wide open, all of the trust she’d been accumulating now lost.

“What happened, Nes?”

She tightened her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees, suddenly embarrassed by the entire situation. “Ronnie...he and I...and then he...and it was just what Apophis used to do...I panicked.”

“Did Harris hurt you?”

Ronnie would have every reason to want to hurt her and there was a small voice that whispered to her that the best way out of this was to blame the airman, but she couldn’t destroy him like that.

“No.” She took a deep breath, knowing she’d have to leave behind any desire for privacy. “You remember back on the ha’tak, when Apophis threatened to brainwash me? He kissed my neck and his hands…”

Jack’s face hardened as he nodded. “I remember.”

“Ronnie was...kissing me--” she took another deep breath, “--and he kissed my neck and his hand...and I could hear Apophis in my ear. I thought Ronnie’s eyes flashed. I just...reacted. I snapped his arm and pushed him off me.” She looked up, her eyes still too large. “I didn’t mean to hurt him, Jack.”

Jack sighed and rubbed his temple. “I believe you.” He sat down on the chair behind him. “It doesn’t look good, though, Nes.”

“I can heal him with the goa’uld healing device,” she said hopefully.

“You sure?”

Nes chewed on the inside of her lip a moment. “Yeah. Sekhmet always liked to break bones and heal them...so she could break them again.” No need to share that it was usually her breaking bones as the goa’uld had preferred knives.

“Let’s go then.” He got up and motioned for her to join him. He directed the airmen to follow them and they all moved toward the elevator.

Dr. Frasier was examining Ronnie’s arm when they entered the infirmary, her face taut with concern.

“Doc,” Jack called to get her attention and she turned to see them standing in the doorway. “Nes says she’s pretty sure she can heal his arm with the goa’uld device.”

Ronnie glared at Nes, his face still contorted with pain. “No.”

Dr. Frasier turned back to Airman Harris. “Airman, it’s a bad break. The healing device could be significantly better than any measures we take with surgeries and casting.”

He glanced from the doctor to Nes again. “Fine.” He pointed at her with his good hand. “But if you make it worse…” He didn’t need to finish the sentence. Nes understood perfectly and gave him a sharp nod.

Dr. Frasier sent Jack to retrieve the device and then grabbed a quick x-ray of Ronnie’s arm while Nes stood off to the side, trying to keep a grasp on reality as Nesert and not as Sekhmet, who struggled to keep her eyes off the pained expression of the man lying on the hospital bed.

Healing Ronnie’s arm was easy, Nes having had far too much experience with these exact types of wounds. It took a bit longer since her ability to control goa’uld technology was somewhat diminished by Sekhmet’s absence, but Ronnie’s face began to relax as bone and nerve and muscle all began to return to their former states.

A follow-up x-ray showed an arm that looked completely undamaged and Dr. Frasier was thrilled with the quick recovery. She wanted to monitor him for a few hours and have the physical therapist work with him the following day, but otherwise he should be cleared to return to his duties.

“What did he do to you?” Ronnie asked it quietly as she stood a little ways off from his bed.

“Who?” Nes knew who, but it wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have.

“Apophis.” Ronnie swung his legs over the edge of the bed to face her.

Nes wrapped her arms around herself. “He made sure I knew my place.”

“Did he hit you?”

Nes just chuckled in response.

“Did he…?” Ronnie reached a hand out to her, but she flinched back, unable to tolerate his sympathy anymore.

“I don’t need your pity, Airman.”

“But you do need my help.”

“Like hell I do.” She flashed her eyes at him in disgust, but he merely crossed his arms and glared back at her.

Nes headed for the door, but was stopped by the still remaining guards. She could feel the heat rising to her head, wanting to do whatever was necessary to break out of her current cell.

Jack came in just then, followed by General Hammond, and Ronnie stood to salute. 

The general took in the situation. “At ease. Who’s going to tell me what the hell is going on here?”

Ronnie stepped forward. “Sir, it was just a misunderstanding and completely my fault.”

Nes glared at the airman. She didn’t need or want his help, but when she began to speak, Jack shushed her and General Hammond directed his attention back to Ronnie.

“What happened, son?”

“Sir, I thought Miss Saeda was interested in more than she was.”

Jack stepped forward. “And I’m guessing Nes just didn’t know her own strength, General.”

“I don’t think she meant to hurt me like she did.”

General Hammond looked over the young man. “And if you’re punished for inappropriate behavior? Is that still your story?”

“Yes, sir. It’s not like I’m going off to Princeton or anything.”

Nes came charging forward, but Jack grabbed her arm and spun her around toward the door, walking her straight out into the hall. “Nes, just leave it.”

“I don’t need his help. I don’t  _ want _ his help.”

“Too bad. I’ll make sure he isn’t punished, but you need to let him do this.”

“Why?”

“Because there are those who are always looking for a reason to lock you up in Area 51 as a danger. Don’t let them use this.”

“No. I can’t let anyone else help me.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because then I’ll owe him.” She closed her eyes tightly. “I already have too many debts I’ll never be able to pay.”

“Oh for cryin’ out loud, that’s not how this works. You’re part of the team here, Nes. This is what we do for one another.” He put a firm hand on her shoulder. “Now, you’re gonna let Airman Harris tell that story. General Hammond knows what really happened, but you’re going to let this be. Are we clear?”

Nes gave the colonel a brisk nod, seething on the inside, and stormed off down the corridor, the stomping of the boots of her guards chasing after her.


	22. Chapter 22

The Air Force clearly wanted to contain Nes to as small of an area as possible and acquired a small house close to campus for the two young women. Within walking distance also meant there would be no reason to entrust Nes with a car, a freedom that also carried quite a bit of risk. She laughed to herself about all the precautions. She could steal a car if she really wanted to get away. At some point she may have to teach them a few lessons on their inability to restrict her without her consent so they’d stop wasting resources on guarding someone who couldn’t be guarded.

As they walked through the nearly empty house with its scuffed wood floors and the faded outlines of where rugs had lived for decades, Nes could pull up memories to imagine what it had looked like freshly built. Sekhmet had renovated a few old homes, enjoying the restoration of old things. Nes could understand that desire better now. It was a need to bring the past back to the present, to pull her memories along with her, to assure herself they were still there.

She caught Hailey’s eye, but the new lieutenant clearly just saw an old house with peeling paint and broken kitchen cabinets. “I could have been living on campus if it weren’t for you. Now I’m stuck in this dump.”

“So very sorry. Next time I’ll request a mansion west of here.” She drenched the comment in sarcasm, but inwardly smiled, knowing she did actually own a rather large home not too many blocks away. Sekhmet had enjoyed mingling with the intellectual crowd of the various universities at times and had built a house here in the late 1800s. Nes hadn’t been there yet, but the memories were vivid and she wished she could do her studying sitting in the leather chairs of the wood paneled library, listening to the wood crackling in the stone fireplace. Still, this small house had windows and sunlight and that had become a luxury for someone who’d been living underground or in the dark of space.

Nes turned to the Air Force captain who had brought them to the house from the airfield. “How bugged is it?”

“Excuse me, Miss?”

“I just want to know where I can be naked without causing a stir in an unmarked van parked somewhere or one of the houses close by or wherever it is that you’ve set up shop to keep an eye on me. Seems like it would be fair to notify Lt Hailey as well.”

The smaller woman’s face went pale and the captain crossed his arms. “We’re actually set up in the garage on the back of the property and you’re welcome to come see where we have cameras. With the firehouse next door, it shouldn’t look very odd when they change shift.”

She smirked and took a deep breath. “I’m glad we’ll all have such a nice cover for men coming and going.” Firemen? Next door? Were they  _ trying _ to get them killed?

Nes twisted and took off at a brisk walk towards the back of the house, heading out through the patio doors and across the backyard. Initially she couldn’t see any access into the garage beyond the main overhead door, but she noted the trampled bushes on the far side and shoved her way through the brush to locate a mostly hidden entrance. She barged in abruptly and found two officers sitting at desks and surrounded by various screens.

The men turned to her unsurprised and she noted that she could see Hailey and the captain coming across the yard on one of the monitors.

“Hello, boys.”

“Miss Saeda,” they greeted her in unison.

She grabbed a chair from along the wall and placed it between the two of them and crossed her legs. “So, where will you be spying on me?”

“Our cameras are only on the outside of the house, Miss.”

“And microphones?”

“Our job is simply to watch your comings and goings.”

“Mmhmm.” She knew this was likely just a decoy set-up, but as she didn’t have any of Sekhmet’s devices to check on her suspicions, she’d have to just be careful around the house.

“Well I’ll try to keep the topless sunbathing to a minimum this summer, boys.” She leaned to one and then the other, giving each a peck on the cheek. “Thanks for keeping us girls safe.” Nes could be exceedingly charming when she wanted to be.

They both couldn’t help but smile at her teasing and she grinned at the captain as she got up and made for the door he’d just come through. “I’m going to unpack. Preference on bedroom, Hailey?”

The girl shook her head and Nes bounded cheerily out of the room, pushing past the brush and moving across the yard with a little extra oomph in her hips. Halfway to the house she took her hands and slapped her butt for the amusement of those watching. This was going to be an enjoyable year.

A few days later, she stood in the small bathroom getting herself ready for their first day on campus. She’d agreed before leaving the SGC to alter her appearance at least slightly and now sported auburn curls and glasses. She had decided not to change her mannerisms much simply because of how long it would need to be maintained. There were bound to be slip ups in a year, so she was still Nesert and sometimes Sekhmet and rarely Tessa, but just as a redhead now. People would eventually note similarities, but as Nes had told Sam, that’s as far as it would go with the general public, especially with those who wanted to appear intelligent, not crazy.

Honestly, an elite crowd like Princeton’s was the best place to hide. No one would ever want to appear so foolish as to point out how much she resembled The Butcher let alone take that next step to wondering if she really were Tessa James. No, she’d simply blend in with people who had diligently worked to ignore any instincts that challenged the intellectual status quo.

Hailey pounded on the bathroom door and was visibly annoyed when Nes leaned over to turn the knob and pull it towards her. “Sorry. Still getting used to the new hair.”

“Whatever. We need to go.”

“You should try to be slightly more pleasant or no one will buy the story of us being friends.”

“I’m not going with that story.”

“You’re right. We should stick with the truth.” Nes tilted her head to the side and put on an obnoxiously large smile. “Hi, I’m the former host of a dead serial killer snake alien and Hailey is keeping an eye on me while she furthers her studies so she can travel through a big ring under Cheyenne Mountain that allows travel to other planets. Wanna be in our study group?”

Nes was pleased that she got a small smile out of Hailey. “Alright alright. How about we had mutual friends that introduced us and we decided to room together?”

“Done.” She looked in the mirror once more. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

The pair were quite a bit younger than the other students in their program and the condescension bothered Lt Hailey, but it merely shifted Nes into Sekhmet more, introducing a tension to the group that she enjoyed. Even Hailey seemed to appreciate her defenses for their situation, though by the time they headed back to the house, the two were ready for a run to burn off their frustrations. While initially Nes tried to stay at Hailey’s pace, her long legs needed to stride out and she left her behind. She ran beyond where they’d been given clearance, but she figured this was a good way to see how closely they kept tabs on her.

Two blocks past the designated limit, a black van pulled alongside and one of the airman she’d seen take a shift in their garage rolled down the window of the passenger seat and leaned out.

Nes was pure innocence and concern. “Is something wrong?”

“You’ve just strayed beyond the area we laid out for your runs.”

“Oh!” She looked around in a slight panic. ‘I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention! I’ll turn around.” She was all compliance for the moment, laying a groundwork of trust and complacency in the team monitoring her movements. She headed back to the house with a quick wave to the van.

She could do a lot in two blocks if that’s how much time she had in the future, but it seemed that her better option may be to set off from campus instead. Sekhmet had left her with the skills to disappear, after all. She had hoped to make it another couple weeks, but hadn’t accounted for the plethora of victim possibilities living in the firehouse next door. She didn’t want to risk losing control so she decided to up her timeline. Another incident like when she’d gone out with Sam, Sekhmet’s prowl taking over without her consent, would be extremely unwelcome with the constant supervision. A simple phone call without an airman listening in would get everything ready.

The next day on campus during a break she made a quick change of clothing and personality in the bathroom and was able to walk right past the man and woman posing as students that she knew were keeping an eye on her. It still amazed her how a shift in stature and walk could bypass the shortcuts the brain took to identify people. She went out a side exit of the building and over to a payphone, dialing the number to the company that managed Sekhmet’s assets, and gave the required codes and passwords. She was glad Sekhmet had been planning on venturing into space after Boston, as she had put everything into long term investment or storage. They weren’t the least bit surprised by her absence and it was simple to set up a car, her houses in the Philadelphia area, cash, and identification. She began to breathe more deeply with the familiarity and was looking forward to the return to her previous life with Sekhmet even if just for a weekend.

She returned to the bathroom, changing back into her usual mannerisms, and allowed the team to follow her from there. Just a few more days.

Nes didn’t have any classes on Friday so Thursday afternoon she again changed who she was with a trip to the bathroom in one of the dining halls and then walked to a nearby parking lot, easily locating the black sedan with a simple red ribbon tied to the driver side mirror. She glanced around before reaching up into the wheel well and finding the small box with the keys. No one paid any attention to the woman driving off the campus and she knew it would take them a long time to even realize she’d left. Eventually Hailey would find the note she’d left in her room with a simple “Be back Sunday.”

Nes was grateful for the drive to the house as it gave her time to just turn up her music and soak up the freedom of being behind the wheel. She hadn’t driven a car since Boston, but it came back naturally and quickly, though she had forgotten how much Sekhmet had despised the traffic of Philly. Breathing deeply to keep any road rage at bay, she eventually pulled up to the backside of the narrow townhouse and jumped out to punch in the code to the garage underneath. Once inside, she simply sat for a moment and let her muscles relax.

She loved this house. Sekhmet had come here a few times during their time together, but it was the memories that she enjoyed the most. Sekhmet had built the home in 1750 and Nes could see two hundred and fifty years of history as she walked through the beautifully decorated rooms. The goa’uld’s charm had endeared her to many of the prominent figures in early American history and she had admired their desperation for freedom which Nes had initially found odd for a goa’uld who enjoyed ruling others. It made more sense to her now. Freedom had been Sekhmet’s only goal most of the time and it had become Nes’ as well.

She quickly found her way to the kitchen which was fully stocked per her instructions and poured herself a glass of wine before making the trek up the stairs to the rooftop. Now that she was here, she wished she could just relax over the weekend, but if she wanted to continue at Princeton she was going to need to do something about the thirst that had started up again. She needed screams and the diazepam wasn’t working well enough. It’d helped her stretch an extra week, which was quite the accomplishment, but the need persisted.

She went over Sekhmet’s memories again and decided on a bar not so far away that usually had the type of men Sekhmet enjoyed as victims. They were also the type of men the world would be fine without and Nes needed that aspect just as much as Sekhmet had needed their deep voices and muscular bodies. Suddenly, she was excited and quickly headed downstairs to her bedroom and closet. She took a moment to let her hands run over the soft fabrics and shoes and wished she were heading to hunting grounds that required a slinky dress and heels.

Instead, she chose low slung jeans and a black leather vest that displayed her upper body at its best. She should have thought to have one of Sekhmet’s motorcycles delivered to the townhouse, but it was too late now. She’d just have to take a cab and get out a few blocks away, walking the remaining distance. One of her favorite parts of the evening would be the jealousy that would come from the women who regularly ventured to this bar. Nes knew how to gather the attention of a crowd of men easily, but the novelty of being a stranger would still be her greatest asset.

She caused quite a stir with her entrance and began to take in her possibilities as she made her way to the bar. She fit in, which didn’t make sense to any of them, but Sekhmet had long frequented this bar and others like it, having developed a special affinity for motorcycles in the sixties. Nes even recognized some of the older men present and they likely couldn’t figure out how they recognized her, her face being unfamiliar with some heavy makeup obscuring her resemblance to The Butcher. Nes moved just as Sekhmet had, though, and a quick wink to a former lover, now silver haired, granted her a welcome into the crowd.

Before long she’d settled on a man in his mid thirties with too many scars to have led a quiet life and as the alcohol seeped into his blood and brain, she saw his true nature begin to emerge. Tommy wanted her attention and wasn’t willing to share and she allowed him to be brutal with the other men who tried to interrupt as she admired his tattoos and boosted his confidence over the progression of the evening.

And he was handsome in his own way, muscular and tan with pale blue eyes that didn’t fit the rest of him. Sekhmet rarely chose a male victim she wouldn’t mind changing into a lover even for just a night.

Before long Tommy whispered a proposition in her ear and the two ventured out to his bike, Nes soaking up the contempt from the various women they passed, giving out a smirk or two. As she climbed on behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist, the muscles she could feel were far too appealing and she reached a hand under his shirt to explore a bit more. He laughed, starting the engine, but then turned around to kiss her once before they pulled away down the street. He had no idea that was the last time he would see any of those familiar sights.

“You open to a bit of a drive to my house outside the city?” she asked at a stoplight. “It has a pool.”

“I could be persuaded.” He slid his hand up and down her arm.

“I don’t have a single swimsuit there.”

“And I’m persuaded.”

She liked his charming side when the alcohol wasn’t as thick in his veins.

From there she directed him out of the city and towards the country house Sekhmet had owned and let her body enjoy the wind and power as they flew down the road. While her tel’tak was certainly faster and had its own thrill, there was nothing like being on a motorcycle with her hair whipping behind her.

“This is your house?” Tommy asked as they pulled up to the stone estate covered in ivy, having passed through the gate and driven up the long tree lined drive.

“Mine. My out-of-town employer’s. Same difference, right?” That gained her another chuckle from Tommy and he parked the bike close to the front door.

She jumped off and ran toward the back of the house laughing, letting him chase after her until they got to the backyard where he grabbed her around the waist and spun her around. Unfortunately, the grass was a bit slick for his boots and they tumbled down. Groaning slightly from the fall, Tommy recovered quickly and climbed on top of her and Nes let him kiss her far longer than Sekhmet would have ever tolerated, but she wasn’t Sekhmet and Tommy proved to be more fun than she’d expected.

Eventually kissing wasn’t enough, though, and Nes suggested they go inside. She led him by the hand through the french doors of the conservatory and into the main house.

“Just don’t break anything. I don’t want to get fired.”

He hesitated at the basement stairs. “Aren’t the bedrooms upstairs?” He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again, pressing her body between his and the wall.

“Yes, but there’s a bar downstairs and I’m a little thirsty after the long drive, aren’t you?”

He agreed and they made their way down the narrow staircase where Sekhmet had built a small replica of a London pub she’d loved. She directed him to a stool before pulling herself up and over the bar to play bartender.

“What’ll it be?” She leaned toward him onto the bar, giving him a nice view, and she could see his struggle to choose a focus. He finally directed his eyes behind her and chose a tequila for a few shots. She didn’t want him drunk, but she needed to bring out the cruel and possessive nature she’d seen in the bar. While Sekhmet would have no issues killing him as he was, Nes started to feel a prickling of guilt and regret whenever he smiled.

Sure enough, a few more drinks made him more demanding than charming and when she resisted, he wouldn’t be deterred. That was exactly what Nes needed to push her conscience aside as she shoved him hard away from her into a small table. He looked up in surprise and she assumed he was wondering if the alcohol was affecting him more than usual. He smiled, though, and she let Sekhmet’s smirk reply.

They were both going to enjoy this.

At first.

He sauntered back to her and she allowed another kiss, this time rougher with an anger woven in. She slid his leather jacket off his shoulders, enjoying the teasing, the back and forth, and pulled his t-shirt up over his head, admiring the continuation of tattoos from his arms and hands. When he tried to reciprocate, fumbling over buttons, she slapped him hard across the face with a smile.

He grabbed her aggressively again and she laughed, but his patience for her games was rapidly decreasing and he forced her against the bar.

“I’m not going to sleep with you,” she whispered in his ear.

His jaw tightened in anger. “Then why did you bring me here?”

“I’m going to kill you.” She let a finger trail down his bare chest and trace the celtic cross over his heart.

He laughed outright at that, leading himself right down the designated path to her second favorite part of the night.

She shifted her voice. “And I’m going to do it slowly.” Her eyes flashed and he released her, stepping backwards and bumping into the table again.

“What the hell did you give me?”

“Tequila. Drugging you would lessen my fun considerably and I don’t have the patience to wait for it to wear off.” She drew close to him again and let her hands move up his chest. “I haven’t killed anyone in so long. I can’t wait anymore.”

She loved the horror on his face, but there was still part of him wondering if this was a joke of some kind. She would help him settle on the truth. She let her hands slide down his muscular arms and kissed his neck, but when he tried to wrap his arms around her again, she took his hand and broke one of his fingers.

“You crazy bitch!” He backhanded her and she could taste blood in her mouth as her body let Sekhmet’s calm wash over it, breathing deeply, her muscles preparing for the pounce.

He made his way for the stairs and she leapt onto him, bringing him down easily. The Egyptians had always depicted Sekhmet as a woman with a lion’s head and after seeing her hunt her prey, Nes had concluded that it was an entirely accurate representation. Her body moved like the great hunter, every muscle working toward its purpose.

Tommy fought back hard now and the smile on her face became a permanent display, letting him see how much she enjoyed his strength. His face, however, became more and more confused and frustrated, his own body failing him in his attempts to subdue a considerably smaller opponent. She leveled him again and straddled his waist, holding his arms down and letting her eyes flash with the adrenaline.

“What are you?”

“Not what. Who.” She nibbled his ear.

“Fine. Who are you?”

“You know, but you’re ignoring that little voice.” She pulled back so he could really look at her.

“Tessa James. The Butcher.” He gave her his last bit of hope with those words. She knew he’d been holding onto them, trying to convince himself that she wasn’t who she was and he wasn’t about to die. It was over. He could have escaped the woman he left the bar with.

No one escaped The Butcher.

She still loved when most people called her that title. She loved all the images and fear it conjured up for them and she leaned down to kiss him again, enjoying his surrender. He changed tactics and kissed her back with all the energy he still had and she let him roll her over onto her back. He pulled her arms up over her head and held them tight, sitting up to look at her again. His usual confidence in his dominance was destroyed, but rage and survival instincts finally kicked in and he put his hands around her throat, squeezing hard. She grabbed his forearms and pulled his hands off her neck. He was so much weaker than the enhanced strength of Teal’c with his symbiote.

She was done playing with him and finally dragged and pushed him through another door and into a stone cellar where a solitary chair sat in the middle, a length of rope hung on the wall, a drain dipped to the side of the sloped floor, and a few knives sat waiting on a small shelf. It was technically the laundry room, the washer and dryer along the far wall, but that was merely to redirect any suspicion of the guests who survived a trip out to the house.

Tommy fought harder as he saw the room, but it was useless, her own adrenaline empowering her even further. Thus began a long night for the man and by the time the life left his eyes, his throat was raw and each tattoo had been carved into his skin. Nes stood looking at him for a long time, enjoying the art she’d created and wishing she could share it with the world as Sekhmet had done as The Butcher, but she’d need to be quieter in her needs.

Eventually, she washed her hands in the sink and let a hose clean the floor of the red puddles and droplets. Instead of dealing with the body, though, she showered and took a long nap, waking up hungry for food instead of screams. The kitchen only contained enough for a few meals since she didn’t plan on remaining there long, but she paired it with a beer before dismantling her masterpiece and hauling the various sections to the old furnace Sekhmet had kept specifically for this purpose. Once the body was fully burned, she’d take the extra step of spreading the ashes around the grounds of the house. Sekhmet had always been praised for the beautiful landscaping of this estate, but she never shared how good dead bodies were for her plants.

She’d removed his various rings and debated what to do with the useless trinkets, examining each one and wondering what stories it held. Most of them she would simply scatter along the road back to her townhouse, but she couldn’t stop herself from sliding the silver lion head onto her finger as a souvenir, smiling as the light caught the single ruby eye.

Experience and memories told her it would take most of the day for his body to be gone so she donned a bikini and grabbed a bottle of wine and a book to head out to the pool for the day, periodically checking on the body’s progress. She looked forward to riding Tommy’s bike back into the city and was sad she’d have to leave the vintage motorcycle in a bad neighborhood to be stolen and dismantled for parts.

It had gone well, her first kill on Earth on her own. It had so many more moving parts than killing in other parts of the galaxy as Sekhmet. She was entitled out there to do with humans and jaffa as she willed. Here she had to be so much more careful, but she’d pulled it off thus far and in a few months, she’d be able to use similar tactics. She saw no reason she couldn’t get through the year like this.

She woke up with an empty bottle next to her and the sun turning the sky pinks and oranges. His body should be plenty done by now and once confirmed, it was an easy task to crush the remaining bones and shovel the ashes into a few buckets. She walked around the yard, scattering the remnants of Tommy, and realized she didn’t even know his last name. Well, he at least was left surrounded by the beauty of her gardens. That inkling of guilt revived slightly as she thought of his smile, but she had no trouble dumping it with his ashes.

After a quick walkthrough of the house shutting off lights and locking doors, she straddled Tommy’s bike and again enjoyed the feel of air and freedom on her way back to Philadelphia, occasionally tossing rings into the ditch alongside the road. The bike was left in a crime ridden section of the city and she jogged a few streets over to catch a cab back to the neighborhood of her townhouse. The driver was very concerned to be dropping her off at the park instead of her house at this hour, but she lied to say her house was immediately across the street. A quick walk brought her to her garage and she was anxious for a long soak in the clawfoot tub in the master bathroom. Without Sekhmet, her muscles ached and she had gotten a black eye and swollen lip. She’d have to do her best to heal and cover those before heading back to Princeton.

The next day she spent at a spa, getting massages and facials and being pampered in the ways her body had enjoyed as Sekhmet’s host. Her biggest regret was not being able to do any shopping, needing to arrive empty handed back at the little house she shared. An early supper ordered from her favorite sushi bar gave her enough time to lock up the house again, leaving behind the cash and identification in the safe for next time, and backing out of the garage in the sedan. With how well things had gone, she had called her management company to arrange for her next visit in a few months and their retrieval of the car until the appointed time.

She was spotted walking back a few blocks from the Princeton house and a black van pulled up beside her in the dimming light. It was the captain whose name she always pretended not to remember and when he jumped out of the vehicle, she could see the red tint to his face as he began yelling.

“Where the  _ hell _ have you been? Do you have any idea what you’ve done? We’ve had teams looking everywhere for you!” He went on for a few moments about the trouble she’d caused and she waited patiently for him to pause. “Don’t you have  _ anything _ to say?”

“Oh, is it my turn to talk now?” She tilted her head to the side. “Just thought I’d let you get it all out.”

He took a deep breath and quieted his voice. “Did you kill someone?”

“Is that what this is about? I promise, there aren’t any bodies lying around town.” She always told the truth when she could. Lies were hard to keep up with.

“Where have you been?” Every word took effort from him as his hands looked about ready to wring her neck.

“I met a guy.” Still the truth.

“You what?” His voice got louder again. “You are supposed to stay between here and campus.”

She shrugged her shoulders, a smile playing on her lips and her fingers twisting her new ring. “He was hot.”

“Get in the van.”

“Nah, I’ll walk. It’s just a few blocks.”

“Get in the van.” And now his hands had something to do as they grabbed her arm and guided her to the vehicle. She complied and got in to find several armed airmen already seated in the cargo space.

“Hi boys.” She gave each one a flirtatious smile. “Miss me?” The captain groaned as he slammed the door behind her.


	23. Chapter 23

Nes had to endure several hours of reprimands, but they did seem to believe her excuse even as she refused to share any details about the mystery man she’d spent the last several days with. It was the first time she was grateful for the horrific lies depicted in every made-for-tv movie and docudrama they’d made about her and her black widow ways. Apparently female serial killers also had to be sex addicts according to public opinion, but Sekhmet had firmly believed that the  _ idea _ of sex gave a woman power while acting upon that idea gave some of that power away.

She only gave away power when it furthered other purposes.

They kept an even closer eye on her in the following weeks, but as no body turned up nearby, they began to relax again. Hailey’s disgust increased with the episode, but it appeared to be out of Nes’ lack of focus on schooling and running off with a man she hardly knew. The lieutenant liked everything neat and orderly, including people, and Nes was chaotic and unpredictable to the younger woman. Fortunately, Nes was able to redeem herself slightly as their classes grew more intense, providing valuable contributions to their study group.

Their days fell into routine and Nes’ calm persisted into the fall, but she started noting her need was becoming more of a distraction. It was harder to focus on her peers’ words without her hands wrapping around an invisible knife, annoyed to find only air in their grasp. She wouldn’t be able to stretch out the time, especially needing her time away to fall on a weekend so she didn’t miss any classes. She was glad she had scheduled the car and houses for the time she did and again used the same techniques to sneak out of town without her surveillance team following.

The weekend was similar to the last one, this time meeting Greg at a club as he pushed drinks at her. Nes played along, though Sekhmet’s residual presence in her blood dampened the effect of alcohol for her. She still had to be careful as the lack of symbiote meant she still could get drunk, but that was well past the number of drinks she’d had that evening. She let him drive her car back to the country estate, but didn’t enjoy kissing him nearly as much as Tommy, so she moved him to the cellar quickly and revealed her true purpose. He was rather pathetic with his begging, but he still provided decent screams and she soaked it up. She called her management company the next morning and scheduled everything for seven weeks from now instead of the nine she’d just done. Greg’s death would never last her those extra two weeks and that would put her timeline at getting a kill in over winter break.

She had to deal with similar lectures upon her return, but again, no one questioned her weekend trysts and a few days later all of her antics were forgotten when terrorists turned planes into weapons. The entire country paused and her Air Force guards became both pensive and angry. Only Nes seemed to be fairly unaffected and Hailey couldn’t stand her relative apathy to the national tragedy.

“How can you be so cold?” she finally asked one morning as she ate breakfast with a cheery Nes.

“Excuse me?” Nes was genuinely confused.

“People died. Everyone else is upset and you...you don’t give a damn.”

Nes folded her hands and leaned towards the lieutenant. “I have memories of more wars and deaths than you could imagine. I personally watched an entire fleet of tens of thousands of jaffa and slaves incinerated by a sun Major Carter exploded earlier in the year.”

“But these were  _ our _ countrymen.”

“I suppose and of course, it’s sad and a tragedy, but I only have so much sympathy to spread around.”

“Some of our classmates lost parents or siblings, Nes!”

“Then it is  _ their _ tragedy, not mine.” She closed her eyes. “You’ll understand when you start going through the Stargate. There’s so much out there and you have to learn to protect yourself or you’ll burn out.” She looked at Hailey again. “And it’s hard for me to feel anything anymore after the things I’ve seen and done.”

Nes got up from the table and retreated to her bedroom for a few quiet moments before the walk to campus. She’d been faking sympathy and horror since the towers collapsed in New York and she knew that the old Tessa would have been horrified, but she, Nes, couldn’t be anymore. She couldn’t muster anything more than the realization that she  _ should _ feel something where there was nothing.

Six weeks later, she found herself watching the light leave the eyes of Danny after she’d caught his attention at a bar frequented by the Irish mob. His accent was so beautiful, she’d spent more time listening to him talk than kissing him, but she did enjoy his begging even though she could barely understand him as the pain began to slur his words together. Sekhmet had even lived in Ireland many times, but he was still unintelligible to her well trained ear. Overall, the night had gone well and she was far more satisfied than she had been with the last one. She should be able to make it through to winter break, though she knew she could also get one more in if the stress amplified her needs.

She endured the reprimands again, but they all seemed to think her agitation was resolved easily with a weekend romp. This perception of her grated on her nerves, but it was too helpful for her to set straight.

Thanksgiving, Nes spent alone at the house, not feeling particularly thankful for anything and then the last few weeks of classes for the year went quickly. They were expected to go back to the SGC for winter break, which presented a clear problem for Nes. She’d been counting on staying in the Princeton area, but Hailey was going to be doing some training exercises to attain a future spot at the base and she was told to tag along. The day before they were supposed to fly out, though, Nes took off, leaving a note that she’d be back in a few weeks. She’d called to have her house in the Florida Keys set up and used a new identification to book a flight down there.

The house in Key West was a classic concho style with its two story covered porches whose latest color was a stunning lavender. Nes had always loved the colors of the Caribbean and Sekhmet had taken full advantage of the playful choices, changing them every decade or so, depending on how often she visited. It was close to Old Town and had a mild history of being haunted due to the screams that sometimes echoed from within when it was thought that no one was home.

Sekhmet had a plethora of memories here as well. Her favorite time had been during the 1930s, socializing at Sloppy Joe’s with the artistic characters of that time. She’d had quite the steamy affair with the painter Waldo Peirce, and during that time met Ernest Hemingway through him, though she’d never particularly cared for the writer. Peirce had been big and burly with intelligence and passion to match and Sekhmet had taken a host with a doll’s face and perfect lips. He’d even painted her a few times and one of the nude portraits still hung in the Key West house.

The painting bothered Nes. She stood and stared for a while trying to decide why. It wasn’t  _ her _ body displayed, but maybe that was the point. That young woman had not had a choice on what was done with her body. She’d had to watch silently as it was given to whatever man Sekhmet wanted and displayed in whatever manner the goa’uld deemed necessary. That woman didn’t even have a name anymore, being used by her self-described goddess before she was discarded for the next form Sekhmet chose.

Her body had been stolen and changed into pigment for posterity.

Nes pulled the painting off the wall and stomped through the house to the backyard, tossing it into the pool. The paint oozed together on the canvas giving the woman the modesty that had been taken. She dug through Sekhmet’s memories again trying to find any details about that host, but all she found was a fragment of a memory of a sister named Esther who she had missed dreadfully after being taken as a host. Her own name hadn’t survived the usual purging of what Sekhmet deemed to be the boring or useless when she took a new body.

Nes fished out the canvas, now a blur of greens and golds, browns and pinks, and she set it out to dry in the sun. She’d hang it back up over the mantle as a reminder that this was  _ her _ house and  _ her  _ body now. Someday she’d break free of Sekhmet’s control completely, no longer letting the goa’uld be the current pulling her along.

She threw on a white bikini followed by a light blue floral dress, sandals, and a wide brimmed hat and made her way out the front gate to enjoy the city. This time, she was going shopping. She bought clothes and jewelry, shoes and hats, furniture to be delivered to the house, paintings from local street artists, and whatever else struck her fancy. She stopped back at the house to drop off her findings before the short walk down to the beach. It was cool for the locals, but coming from up north meant the weather was perfect for her. The salt air was exactly what she needed after the last few years on her own, and there was a growing part of her that wasn’t sure she wanted to go back to her life with the Stargate program. With the sun shining and the sound of the waves crashing onto the beach, she couldn’t really think of any reasons to return to the scrutiny and the surveillance and the classes and the bitter cold and the tiny house and the roommate who disliked her so intensely.

After five days of isolated relaxation on the beaches, aboard her yacht, and in various cafes, she was restless, though. She had no friends here and no interest in acquiring any new ones. She knew some of her agitation was needing another victim, but she didn’t even want to do that. She took the diazepam to hold it off as long as possible, but eventually the undercurrent grabbed at her legs and pulled her down and she was powerless to fight against Sekhmet dragging her along the bottom as her lungs began to burn.

She found Garrett at a little beachside bar, tan and blond and explaining to a pretty young woman that while he enjoyed his time with her, he was already bored.

“You said you were falling in love with me!” she wailed and Nes was embarrassed for her naiveté.

He laughed. “I would have said anything to get a piece of that.”

She slapped him, but even Nes could tell it hadn’t hurt him beyond a slight sting.

“Listen, it was fun, but that’s it. Thanks for doing that thing with your tongue.” The color drained from the girl’s face and she stumbled out of the bar, likely still hungover from whatever drinks had led her to Garrett’s bed.

After she left, he began to scan the room, hunting for his next conquest, and his eyes landed quickly on Nes as she sat sipping a drink in a corner booth watching him, a slight smile on her lips. He was bold as he approached, sliding down onto the bench next to her and striking up a conversation. He was a clear narcissist and it never occurred to him that her goals for a night together may not be the same. 

She met him later at a club and then took him out to her yacht. She was too forward, too blunt, and she knew a different kind of man would have grown suspicious, but he was too young and too confident in his own attractiveness. Why wouldn’t this wealthy beautiful woman want him?

She took the forty footer out much further than she had in the previous days, but Sekhmet had a favorite isolated part of the ocean that was perfect for before and after his death. Garrett didn’t even get concerned as she drove on and on, instead sitting next to her, kissing her neck and shoulder as she sat at the wheel, his hands beginning to roam as she urged a bit of patience in him. By the time they arrived, she felt disgustingly covered in his saliva and had no desire to do anything except begin to inflict pain.

A quick elbow up into his face broke his nose and blood began to stream down his mouth and chin.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” At least, that was what Nes was pretty sure he’d said, but it was a muffled and mumbled mess through his hands and blood.

Nes twisted toward him and let a hand stroke his cheek gently. “You’re an ass, Garrett, and I was so fortunate to run into you.”

“Why?”

“Because I’d really rather not kill a good and decent man.”

“Kill?”

“Why do you think I brought you all the way out here, darling?” She ran her fingers through his hair, watching the expressions on his face.

“For privacy?” He tried to sound hopeful.

“Well, yes, but just not for the activities  _ you _ had in mind.” She laughed slightly. “The screaming will be all yours and I’m afraid I will enjoy it so much more than you will.”

Core instincts finally got past his shock and he pushed her down out of the cockpit into the seats below. He made a grab for the radio, but she’d already disconnected it, so she leaned back and watched what he would try next.

Garrett tried turning the key a few times, but the engine refused to start for him and he turned to look at his captor. She was smiling calmly, but her eyes gave a quick flash and he stepped away, bumping into the steering column. It was quick enough and dark enough that he still had doubt on his face, so she slowly got up and climbed toward him in the cockpit. He let her, his eyes watching her body, and she realized he still had hopes for the night going as he planned. How foolish could he be?

She kissed him gently, tasting the blood still on his lips, before guiding him down the steps and into the cabin.

“You just like things a little rough, huh?” He tried to be playful, but there was fear in his voice.

“No. I told you. I’m going to kill you.” Nes kept her voice silky as she spoke.

“Is that a metaphor?” he asked as he kissed her neck.

Nes pushed him back away from her. “Are you serious?” She walked over to the kitchenette and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. “Ya know, it used to be so much easier before I was dead. Men knew pretty quickly that they were about to be the latest victim of The Butcher, but now?” She made a dramatic groan. “It just takes so much effort to explain and convince each new one. It’s like going right back to the early days.”

She popped the top off with the bottle opener and pointed at the stunned Garrett still leaning against the bed. “And you all  _ know _ . I haven’t even tried to hide who I am! But you’re so desperate to believe that I can’t possibly be Tessa James and you can’t possibly be about to die. It’s pathetic, really.”

“Is this some kind of sick joke? Did my boys put you up to this?” He laughed nervously.

In response, she pulled a small knife out from a drawer and threw it at him. He hollered in pain and looked down to find it sticking out of his bicep. She walked over to him and yanked it back out, finally letting her goa’uld voice convince him. “No, it is not a joke. You are going to die tonight.” She cocked her head to the side. “Or maybe tomorrow morning. We’ll see how long you last.”


	24. Chapter 24

Garrett didn’t last until the next morning.

It was a pity in some ways, but really, it was better for her to get back to the island before full light. Killing on the boat was by far one of the easiest body disposals and cleanups, simply wrapping him in the cloths she’d brought along to keep blood off the cabin’s surfaces. She added enough weight to make sure he’d sink and then just dumped him over the side. Now she looked forward to her bed back at the house and after half of the day was spent sleeping, she was up packing and locking up the house.

While she was killing Garrett, she finally decided she would pop in at the SGC before heading back to Princeton. It was easy to book a flight into Denver, and she drove up to Miami to catch the plane, the airport in total chaos as travelers made their way to Christmas destinations. They were going to be slightly surprised to see her in Colorado and she knew she’d get an earful, but she needed some familiarity and people who knew at least her real name.

By the time she arrived at the front gates of the Cheyenne Mountain complex in a cab, she’d already dropped off anything incriminating at Sekhmet’s storage unit in town. She’d slipped her lion ring into her purse, though, wanting Sekhmet still close at hand. The soldiers greeted her with pointed weapons - the main guard was new since she’d been back and highly suspicious of the Tessa James look-alike requesting entrance. She was escorted inside once he got a phone call back from the underground base, and then handed off to a very angry Jack at the elevators.

“You’re really pushing it, Nes. Where have you been?”

“Everyone’s always asking that. If you must know, a beach.”

“A beach?”

“Yes. And no, I’m not going to give more details and no, I didn’t leave behind any bodies.” Technically the truth.

“You can’t keep running off.”

Nes laughed at that. “I think I’ve proven that I very well can.”

They arrived at General Hammond’s office and she had to sit through thirty minutes of lecturing on her behavior before he seemed to realize it was a fairly pointless exercise.

“You’re wasting resources watching my every move at Princeton. I can disappear whenever I want.”

“I’m not removing the guards and that’s final.”

Nes shrugged, knowing it really didn’t make a difference either way, and Hammond dismissed her. She was escorted to a room on the same floor as her last one and began unpacking some. It had been odd to see snow and Christmas decor everywhere when she’d landed. She’d been off world for the last few Christmases, not even noting the date, and Christmases with Sekhmet had always been spent alone as well. The goa’uld had despised any holidays that encouraged family and togetherness.

Sam stopped by and was also annoyed with her disappearing acts, but she could appreciate the young woman’s need to be on her own, especially after her time offworld. As long as bodies didn’t start piling up, they would likely cut her some slack. She was too valuable for them to alienate any further.

“Do you want to join us for Christmas?”

“Who’s us?” She looked up from placing her clothes in the dresser.

“Colonel O’Neill, Daniel, Teal’c, Janet and Cassandra. My dad might try to make it back, but I’m not sure what he’s up to these days.”

“Sure. I can help cook.”

“You cook?” She crossed her arms in doubt.

“Sekhmet enjoyed cooking quite a lot actually.”

“Alright, then. Why don’t you come over tonight to help me plan the final details? I’ll provide the wine.”

Nes smiled a real smile and nodded.

“I’ll come get you around five.”

That evening, they spent about twenty minutes planning dishes and the rest of the time drinking wine in front of the fireplace catching up.

Sam had had an eventful summer being romantically pursued by an ascended being (someone who had essentially evolved to a point of becoming pure energy). He even took human form again to be with her, but he’d died trying to stop the use of a weapon on his home planet and had again shed his physical form and ascended. Sam wasn’t quite sure what to make of the entire experience. So many of the men she’d gotten involved with had died in one way or another. Nes could relate to some extent, though far too often she’d been both lover and killer.

Cassandra, Dr. Frasier’s adopted alien daughter, had gone through a rough patch resulting from the goa’uld Nirrti’s experimentation on her people. Nes had long been curious about the girl and the things that had been done to her people as Nirrti attempted to create a more advanced host. She wasn’t sure if any of the information would be useful to her situation, but knowledge was knowledge to her.

Nes told her about Princeton and her classes and her struggles with Lt Hailey, but Sam didn’t have much advice on how to befriend the girl. The major tried to get her to talk about the man she’d been spending weekends with, but Nes remained closed off in that conversation topic.

“It doesn’t matter who he is anyway. It’s not like someone like me will ever be able to have a real relationship of any kind.”

Sam chuckled. “I would guess we all feel that way at the base. Life is complicated when you’re involved with anything top secret.” She became serious again. “But you never know who you’ll meet.”

“What guy would take the risk? I’m a dead alien serial killer, Sam.”

“Well, Airman Harris seemed to think you were worth the risk.” She smiled teasingly.

“And that turned out  _ so _ well.” Nes leaned her head onto the back of the couch. “Besides, Ronnie wasn’t interested in anything beyond a bit of fun.”

“Well, don’t give up hope entirely.”

The wine made Nes want to share more, but she managed to still hold back words that couldn’t be unspoken. It wasn’t her past that kept her from building anything real, it was her present, her future. She wasn’t a killer  _ just _ in her past. What would Sam think of her if she knew she’d killed four men just since the last time they’d seen one another?

Nes didn’t think she could handle the look of horror and disappointment she’d see in Sam’s face. It’d be the same emotions she herself would feel if she wasn’t relying on Sekhmet’s residual control so heavily. If she let even a small portion of those feelings through, they’d break the dam, they’d drown her.

She had to figure out a way to get a handle on things before anyone found out, though. Even if she couldn’t dig up the ethical reasons to stop, the risk of being locked up should force her into action. The thought of being trapped in a cell with only her own thoughts was just as bad as her prior fears of being trapped with Sekhmet. It was too horrible to even contemplate for more than a few moments.

Nes ended up crashing at Sam’s house, both women having had too much wine to make the drive back to the base. The next morning over coffee, Sam offered to let her stay there the rest of her break if she would promise not to disappear or cause any trouble. Nes made a promise she actually meant and they went back to the SGC to clear it with General Hammond who gave reluctant permission.

They spent the rest of the time leading up to Christmas day preparing the house and food and Nes couldn’t remember a time that had seemed more normal and happy. She was hyper aware of her inability to relax completely, though, knowing that there were still huge parts of her that needed to remain hidden. The rest of the guests came by for Christmas lunch and they all enjoyed the laughter in the small space.

Cassandra had never met Nes before so her eyes tended to linger on the killer, examining her whenever she thought Nes wasn’t paying attention. Her mother had given her a brief background on the former host, but the teenager still bounced back and forth between fear and awe. After the meal, as they sat around the table telling stories, the girl finally blurted out a request to see her eyes glow.

Nes chuckled, but still looked to the adults for permission. Jack shrugged his shoulders and Dr. Frasier nodded, though it was apparent she didn’t approve of her daughter’s admiration of The Butcher. Nes shifted her voice and flashed her eyes. “It’s a shame I so rarely get to use this party trick.”

The rest of the evening was spent eating far too much and talking until long after the sun had set, but eventually everyone went home or back to base and the two remaining women collapsed in exhaustion. Nes wished life were actually like this, that the person she was when around SG-1 was who she was all the time, but Sekhmet would always be there, lurking and waiting.

Sam and Nes spent the rest of Nes’ break relaxing and shopping and the younger woman came close too many times to sharing about her access to money and houses. Someday she’d repay the major’s kindness and take her on a vacation somewhere.

Lt Hailey had spent Christmas with her family so the two just met up back at their shared house to start the Reading Period that preceded final exams at Princeton.

Hailey seemed more relaxed than before, but she was still mostly cold to her roommate. Nes knew she could win her over with various aspects of Sekhmet’s lifestyle, but she still couldn’t risk revealing any of it yet. Instead, Nes spent her time studying in the kitchen while she baked various treats and Hailey revealed her weakness for sugar, spending more time studying at the kitchen table while the two girls quizzed each other.

Finals finally came and went and neither one struggled to obtain the grades she sought. Soon they were moving into their spring term. It was a fairly uneventful few months, with Nes disappearing only once to fulfill needs when they could no longer be ignored. She was agitated by the requirement and tried to think of any way to fight the addiction better, but nothing came to mind beyond getting through her schooling and again attempting to stretch out the time frames.

They had some unseasonably warm weather and ventured out for their runs more, but soon both grew bored of the same streets and the same houses and the same paths. As Nes had followed the rules carefully other than the occasional disappearance and Hailey joined her in her frustration, they eventually gained permission to expand the allowed area for their daily exercise.

It proved to be a mistake.

One day while the two took a short break, a black van pulled alongside them. Nes assumed it was simply their surveillance team, but out jumped masked men who grabbed both girls before they could realize their predicament. Nes fought back and landed some good hits, but her wrists were quickly restrained behind her and a hood placed over her head.

They drove for maybe a few hours before the pair were dragged out of the van, stumbling slightly from walking blindly. Nes found herself shoved into a chair and shackled more tightly before the hood was removed. Hailey sat next to her looking terrified and Nes looked up at approaching footsteps. A middle aged man sat down across from them, a cigarette in his hand and Nes’ skin crawled at the expression on his face.

“Sekhmet.”

Nes remained silent, running through memories to discover his identity. He looked somewhat familiar, but like seeing a reflection in a broken mirror.

“Who?” Hailey responded, though the statement was clearly not directed at her.

The man turned to the lieutenant with disgust. “I have no need of this girl. Get rid of her.”

The words brought up the right memory and Nes found his name: Keffler. Sekhmet had known a man who looked similar, likely this man’s father, a German scientist who was highly valued by the Nazis. Nes hadn’t delved into those memories too frequently, not wanting her soul further tainted by the horrific experiments Sekhmet had conducted during that era.

“No! Please don’t hurt her!” Nes wasn’t sure what he wanted and she was damn sure she wouldn’t give it to him, but she could at least delay him until hopefully a rescue appeared or she figured out a way to escape. “Who are you?” Nes needed to save Hailey, if nothing else.

He waved off the man that had begun to untie Hailey. “I am Dr. Keffler. I believe you knew my father.”

“It doesn’t sound familiar.” She kept her face confused and innocent.

“Well, perhaps I should say that your goa’uld knew my father.”

“My what?”

He slowly brought his cigarette up to his lips and blew out a stream of smoke. “I don’t have the patience for this.” His voice was calm and he nodded to the figures behind her and then to Hailey.

Nes turned her head toward the girl just as light and a scream poured out of her mouth.

They’d acquired a goa’uld pain stick.

As the smaller woman fell forward against her restraints, the pain ending, Nes thought hard on how to best handle this Keffler. She looked towards him with anguish and he waved the cigarette holding hand towards the lieutenant again and another scream was pulled from her.

Nes swallowed hard, needing the doctor to see her internal struggle. “This won’t work.”

“Oh, I think you’ll be willing to do quite a lot to save your friend.”

“Yes, but hurting her will only bring out sympathy.” She locked onto his eyes. “Sekhmet never felt sympathy for a human.” She took a deep breath. “You need to trigger rage, hatred.”

He took another long drag from his cigarette, assessing her before nodding his head towards the former host.

Nes felt a jab between her shoulders followed immediately by intense pain pushing through her body, yanking a scream out of her throat.

As she raised her head, she could see Hailey out of the corner of her eye, mouth wide open, fear radiating off her. Nes locked eyes with Keffler and his smirk could almost belong to a goa’uld, with its evil depths. This was not a normal human with boundaries. He would do anything.

Another nod from Keffler pulled another scream from Nes and her body slumped as the pain ceased. She could barely make out Hailey’s objections to the torture, but Keffler’s voice cut through the fog.

“I want the information Sekhmet left behind no matter what I have to do to you.”

Over and over the pain stick was pressed into her back, sending energy and fire through her nervous system. It was working, too. Sekhmet’s personality was pushing forward as Nes weakened physically, her protector wanting to rage and kill. Her face began to harden and her mouth twisted into a smirk as she imagined the deaths of Keffler and his henchman.

She knew Keffler could see the change, but she no longer cared and she finally let her eyes flash as the fury took over completely.

“How interesting. I had hoped for merely the goa’uld knowledge. I never imagined you’d still be present, Sekhmet.”

Nes shifted her voice. “I’m going to kill you, Keffler.”

The man smiled. “I think not.” He’d already finished his cigarette and began to light another one. “Now, tell me--”

“I should have killed your father.”

“Instead he escaped Germany with so many of your precious treasures.”

Nes sharpened the edge on her voice. “I wondered what happened to those.”

“Very interesting items. Including a canopic jar. Your prison for a period of time, I believe.”

“A short period of time.”

“Long enough to leave behind some DNA.”

Nes cocked her head to the side, trying to read his face and motivations.

He nodded again to the man behind her and a distorted scream filled the room.

Nes couldn’t stay upright anymore and her body fell to the side, toppling the chair. The cold floor felt soothing on her burning skin, but too soon rough hands grabbed her, trying to restore her position. They were interrupted, however, by a new voice filled with concern.

“They’ve found us.”

Keffler sounded calm as ever. “I think I’ve gained some valuable information from this little experiment. Leave them. We may need her again someday.” His voice became more diplomatic. “Thank you for your time, Lt Hailey. Perhaps we’ll meet again someday.”

Several sets of feet walked past Nes, but it was hard to keep them in focus. It could have been anywhere from four to fifty and as soon as one group was gone, another one came pounding into the room.

“Hailey! Nes!” It was Sam’s voice.

“Over here!” Hailey yelled, her voice choked with unshed tears. “Nes is hurt. They tortured her.”

Sam was suddenly in front of Nes, pulling back her eyelids and talking to her. “Nes, can you hear me?” Nes nodded slightly, but she couldn’t get words out anymore. Relief sucked out energy far more rapidly than torture. The major’s head turned back to Hailey. “Who did this, Lieutenant?”

“He said his name was Dr. Keffler.”

“Keffler? I don’t think I’ve heard of him before.” She was working to free Nes, but it was difficult with her lying on her side, still bound to the chair. She finally called over two airman who helped set the chair back up gently and then cut the various shackles on her wrists and ankles. With nothing holding her anymore, she tipped forward and was caught just before she hit the floor.

She could hear Sam talking to Hailey more. “What did they do to her?”

Hailey’s voice got thick and Nes opened her eyes just enough to see tears running down her face. “They had some kind of stick that they pushed into her back and light poured out of her eyes and mouth.”

“A goa’uld pain stick. How did they get one of those?”

“He said he wanted to bring Sekhmet’s knowledge to the surface.”

“How could he have known Nes was Sekhmet’s host?”

Nes coughed and shifted forward, forcing the airman to grasp her more tightly to keep her from falling. “His father was a Nazi scientist that Sekhmet worked with.” She swallowed down a sob. “They did horrible things, Sam.”

“Let’s get you medical treatment. Airman, can you get her out to the vans?” The young man nodded before reaching down to put an arm behind her knees and lifting her off the ground. Nes kept trying to focus on his face, but the movement of walking blurred the world too much.

A medical team was waiting and she was laid down on a gurney to be tended. There wasn’t much to be done from the effects of the pain stick. No broken bones or cuts. She couldn’t distinguish any specific points of pain yet, but she expected she had a pretty severe burn on her back. Other than that, what she really needed was a sarcophagus or symbiote, neither of which was available and certainly another goa’uld wasn’t really desirable. She’d have to heal in the normal slow human way, something she’d done too much of in the last few years.

They transported her to McGuire Air Force Base where she was kept in isolation while Stargate personnel treated her wounds and kept pain meds running through her veins. Within a few days, she was pushing Sam to get her released so she could return to classes. They’d informed the university that Nes had been hit by a car while out on a run and she was given the time required to heal, but still, she was anxious to not miss any more than was absolutely necessary.

Hailey came by to see her, but Nes could tell she was uncomfortable. She kept glancing at her and it was clear by her face that she was remembering what she’d watched the other woman endure.

“You can borrow my notes when you get back.”

Nes’ voice was still hoarse from the screaming and in some ways it sounded more like Sekhmet’s than her human one. “Thanks. I’m trying to convince them to let me out soon, but they seem to think there’s actually something they can do for me.” She chuckled slightly, but regretted it as the pain rushed through her. “I’m so tired of ending up like this.”

Hailey hesitated. “Have you been tortured like that before?”

“A few times.”

“So you knew what it would feel like.”

“Yeah.”

“And you still told them to torture you instead of me.”

“Yeah.”

Hailey fumbled with her jacket for a moment. “Why?”

“Because you had nothing to do with it.”

“But still...you could have just…”

“Hailey?” Nes waited until the girl looked up. “I’m not a monster all of the time.”

“I didn’t mean--I just...I’m sorry, Nes.”

Nes was confused. “What do you have to be sorry about?”

“For not giving you a chance.” She straightened up. “Can we start over?” She extended her hand. “I’m Jennifer Hailey.”

Nes hesitated for a moment before slowly raising her arm. “Nesert Saeda. Nice to meet you.”

“Sam says they’ll likely transfer you to the SGC since spring break is coming up. I’ll be back there helping in a training exercise for some of the new recruits. I’ll bring your books.”

“Sounds good. Thanks.”

“I gotta get back to campus. I’ll see you.”

“Yep. Bye, Hailey.”

The lieutenant left and Nes shook her head a bit and smiled as the door closed.

If only she’d known that enduring some simple torture would win the girl over.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 5.13 “Proving Ground”

Stargate Command was in a flurry again as they prepared for more training exercises, but Nes didn’t venture to those floors too often. Her body still ached, though she was at least able to walk around with her normal gait, though her strut would likely take more time. She saw Hailey a few times, but as the girl was pretending to be just another recruit, she was with her team more than on base. And as Nes was spending most of her time catching up on her studies, it didn’t bother her much to be left alone. As long as she could keep herself properly distracted.

While the torture itself had certainly brought Sekhmet forward, the lingering pain diminished her presence. The goa’uld herself had never had to deal with long term pain, always being able to heal quickly, use her technology to hurry it along, or move on to a new body entirely. This type of pain, this long, slow agony was reserved just for humans and with the loss of Sekhmet’s power came the first inklings of shame and guilt, though still not nearly as much as there should have been with five lives taken.

Towards the end of the week was the final exercise, made out to be as real as possible and Nes volunteered her unique skills to the task. While the program had devices to alter the human voice into one that sounded somewhat similar to the goa’uld, the flashing eyes would be unique to her, adding a nice element of reality to the foothold scenario they were creating.

Before the exercise, Nes went through the Stargate to the Alpha Site to wait for her scheduled appearance. Earth dialed in with a quick message that it was time and Nes punched in the proper address and stepped through when they radioed. She appeared in the gate room, looking every bit the goa’uld she had been. She wore the gold dress from her days with Heru’ur along with the kara’kesh ribbon device and had obscured her Tessa James appearance with heavy makeup. Off to the side of the ramp was Hailey lying supposedly dead below a sparking junction box. The story was that SG-3 had escaped a goa’uld who was now attacking the base, sending radiation through the gate. Usually they didn’t have someone come through the gate as well, but Nes was enjoying being a new addition.

One of the side doors of the room slid open and a young man entered the room, raising his weapon as he saw her. She flashed her eyes and raised the ribbon device, but slowed down her movements ever so slightly to give him the upper hand. He shot towards her, but she spun her body so it missed striking her. She again raised her hand, this time allowing a low powered blast to graze just past him, but he took advantage of her offensive move and his next shot caught her square in the chest, collapsing her to the metal grating of the ramp.

It hurt like hell, added on top of her other still recovering injuries, and she struggled to maintain consciousness as she let the scenario play out. She could hear the iris close above her and the young man speaking into his radio behind her.

“ **Hailey's still alive. We need a medical team down here. I say again, Hailey needs help in here!** ” There was movement and she guessed he was trying to get Hailey out of danger. The gate deactivated, though, and the blast doors began to open, revealing SG-1, General Hammond, and other personnel applauding up in the control room.

The young man took a deep breath. “ **You've gotta be kidding me.** ”

“ **You can put me down now, hero,** ” Hailey said quietly, clearly enjoying the surprise.

“ **You were in on it?** ”

“ **How do you think I was able to show you nanobots if they didn't really exist?** ”

That had been part of the story as well, Nes remembered. Some kind of Goa’uld Trojan horse.

“ **I'm gonna kill you,** ” he said, but there was a smile in his words.

“ **You should've seen what they put me through.** ”

“But what about her?” His voice grew louder and Nes assumed he had turned towards the goa’uld still lying on the ramp.

“That would be my roommate.”

“Your roommate?”

Their voices were getting closer and when Hailey spoke again, her words were full of concern. “Nes, you okay?”

She felt a hand on her shoulder gently roll her onto her back and she slowly opened her eyes, expecting to see Hailey, but found instead the young man staring down at her. Having him so close brought out Sekhmet’s flirtatious personality despite the pain and she gave him a seductive smirk.

“Well, this is certainly a position I wouldn’t mind revisiting with you at some point.”

He gave her an amused smile, but then recognition began to overtake it.

“And the moment has passed,“ she said with a heavy sigh.

“Too much for you, Nes?” Hailey’s voice was filled with concern, but she also held back a smile as she watched her friend flirt.

“I don’t think I’m as recovered as I’d like to believe.”

“Told ya.”

“Thanks, Hailey. I’ll make sure to check in with you the next time I decide to get myself shot.” She tried to sit up, but immediately laid back down with a groan.

“I’m sorry,” the young man began, “I didn’t mean…”

She gave him a smile. “You didn’t mean to shoot the goa’uld attacking the base?”

He laughed lightly. “Well, yeah, I guess I did mean to do that.” He reached under her torso to help her up as the doors to the gate room slid open again.

General Hammond and Colonel O’Neill entered and Hailey and the young man managed to get Nes to her feet as they approached.

“A bit soon for you, Nes?” The colonel came closer to look her over.

“Maybe just a bit.”

“And did your ridiculously impractical dress serve its purpose again?”

She looked over at the recruit with his arm around her waist and then turned back to the colonel with a wink. “I’ll let you know later.” Jack brought a hand to his face to hide his smile.

“I’ll get her to the infirmary, sir,” Hailey offered and the shorter woman wrapped an arm around Nes’ waist as the young man began to release her.

As they walked out they could hear General Hammond address the trainee.

“ **SG teams require the commitment to go above and beyond the call of duty. You've just demonstrated that, Lieutenant.** ”

“ **Yes, sir.** ”

“ **After a few days’ rest, you're to report back to the SGC, where you will be assigned to SG-17 under Major Mansfield.** ”

“ **If you think I was tough on you…** ” O’Neill commented, but then Nes and Hailey were out of earshot and making their way to the elevators.

“You shouldn’t have volunteered for this, Nes.”

“I’ll be fine. The pain is already starting to fade.”

“Mmhmm.” Hailey was clearly skeptical.

In the infirmary, Dr. Frasier gave her a quick assessment, but determined she was just healing and the Intar weapon they use for training had aggravated her internal injuries again. She gave her some pain meds and a bottle with a few extra pills, but still wanted to monitor her for another hour or so.

The lieutenant from the gate room walked in sheepishly after a bit. “Thought I’d come check on you.” He came next to the bed opposite of Hailey. “So you two are roommates?”

“Oh, sorry.” Hailey shook her head at herself. “Lieutenant, this is Nesert Saeda. Nes, this is Lt Kevin Elliot.”

Kevin had a confused look on his face. “But you look like…”

Nes sighed. “Can’t find the right word or too many of them piling up there?” He looked embarrassed and she decided to save him from the awkward situation. “Want some help?”

He gave her a small smile and nod.

“I used to be Tessa James until I was taken as a host by a goa’uld named Sekhmet. That’s when I became The Butcher. She died three years ago, the Air Force faked my death, and I became Nes.”

“You made your eyes glow.”

“I kept a few tricks.”

He nodded and grew serious. “I really am sorry about shooting you.”

“This isn’t your fault. I was already hurt.”

“What happened?”

“Got hit by a car,” Nes said without any hesitation and received a playful slap on her arm from Hailey. “Ow! What? I did.”

“That’s just the cover story.”

“I like that story better.”

Lt Elliot watched the two women bicker. “So what really happened?”

Nes crossed her arms with a groan, but didn’t answer and he looked to Hailey instead.

“A few weeks ago we were kidnapped while out on a run--”

“Give the short version, Hailey.” Nes was annoyed this had to be discussed at all.

“--And they tortured Nes. Pretty badly.”

Nes laughed. “You wouldn’t think it was bad if you’d seen Sekhmet’s work. I’ll take a pain stick over her expertise with knives any day. I even got to keep all my fingers.” She held up her hands and wiggled her fingers around before dropping her arms to her sides again. “But yeah, it didn’t feel great.”

“What’d they want?”

“We’re still not sure,” Hailey said. “They think he might have worked for the NID. Or a rogue cell of theirs at least. They have a tendency towards a complete lack of morality.”

Nes couldn’t stand lying in the bed anymore and started pulling off the lines and blood pressure cuff. “I’m done.” She hollered to Dr. Frasier that she was leaving and fortunately the doctor just sighed and nodded with instructions to take it easy.

Nes took a moment to stabilize herself before leaning down to take off the heels she was wearing. “I need to get out of this dress.” She winked at Kevin. “I would ask for your help, but it’s just a  _ bit _ too soon, don’t you agree?”

He cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. “Umm, we were all going out to celebrate. You wanna join us?”

“Yeah, come with us, Nes.”

She glared at Hailey slightly, then smiled. “As long as you’re not going to O’Malley’s.”

“Why not O’Malley’s?” asked Elliot.

“Because I took an airman hostage there once and I don’t think they’d like to have me back.”

They both stared, their faces questioning her sincerity, but Nes just smiled and waved as she took off down the corridor.

It took Nes far too long to get changed, the pain making her movements slow, but eventually the medication began to relax her muscles and she looked forward to the evening.

Hailey and Nes met Elliot and the other two members of the team, Lieutenants Grogan and Satterfield, at a local restaurant and Nes gave them the same quick version of her life she’d given Kevin in the infirmary. She knew they’d hear more details and stories as they began working at the SGC, regardless of their accuracy.

Lt Elliot was sitting across from Nes and she found the conversation moving along easily with him. He kept topics away from the usual subjects regarding her time with Sekhmet which she appreciated because she certainly wasn’t in the mood to discuss that part of her past tonight.

“So you’ve been at Princeton since you were...freed?”

Nes finished taking a sip of her water. “No. Princeton’s just been since last summer. I’ve been mostly offworld.”

Grogan jumped in with that statement. “Really? What’s it like?”

Nes smiled at Hailey. “I doubt my experiences will shed any light on how it will be for you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was posing as a goa’uld.”

“Yeah, I doubt we’ll be doing any of that,” Elliot laughed.

Satterfield was in awe. “That must have been amazing.”

“Oh yeah.  _ Super _ fun.” Her eyes glazed over as she thought back. “Until your slave girl spills wine all over one of your favorite dresses in the throne room and in order to maintain the facade you have no choice but to order her beaten.” She swallowed hard. “Then you find out that the jaffa commander didn’t  _ just _ beat her. And when she kills herself, you just add her to the long list of faces that haunt you every time you close your eyes.”

Everyone at the table froze with horror and Nes finally snapped out of her memories to notice. She threw on an overly large smile and laughed. “Sorry. That was incredibly depressing and we’re supposed to be celebrating.”

She stood abruptly, the room now too small. “If you’ll excuse me. I just need some air.” She walked out the doors to the outdoor patio area that was empty except for a few brave souls who must enjoy the colder temperatures. She went to the far corner and leaned forward on the railing, the cold emphasizing the pain in her body. She rubbed her arms some, but then a jacket dropped onto her shoulders.

“You forgot your coat.”

It was Lt Elliot.

“Thanks. I was just realizing that.”

“You alright?”

“Hmm? Oh...yeah. I just don’t handle normal life well anymore.”

“Yeah, I imagine that’s hard after all you’ve seen and been through.” He fidgeted slightly. “You couldn’t have known what was going to happen. To the girl.”

“It doesn’t matter. Her blood is still on my hands.” She held up her palms and looked them over. “My hands will always be red and dripping.” She again shook off the memories and turned to him with a smile. “I forgot to congratulate you on your assignment to SG-17. You’re part of a very elite group now. How does it feel?”

“Kinda terrifying...but I feel like I’ve trained for this my whole life.”

“I’m sure you’ll do well.”

He returned her smile, but then shoved hands in his pockets and shifted on his feet. “When do you and Hailey head back to Princeton?”

“Tomorrow. Classes start on Monday.”

“Too bad.”

“Why’s that?” Maybe the lieutenant had a thing for Hailey. She could see it.

He turned around to face her and leaned back against the rail. “I have a few days off now. Thought I’d ask you out.”

Nes turned to him with a critical eye. “Me? The crazed killer?”

“Are you crazed? I must have missed that part.”

“Oh absolutely.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Seriously, though?”

He crossed his arms across his chest. “I can’t be the first guy to ask you out, Nes.”

“Well...yeah, you are actually. I mean, a few System Lords have asked me to be their queen, but that hardly counts, right?” She smiled as his eyebrows shot up.

“Yeah, a little bit different.” He cleared his throat. “Really, though? No one at the SGC?”

Nes chuckled quietly. “You’re still new. You’ll get yourself situated here and quickly realize I am  _ not  _ someone you want to spend time with, Lieutenant. I’m sure everyone will have stories to share with you. True or not.”

There was a long moment of silence before Elliot spoke again. “Hailey told me what you did for her, telling them to torture you instead of her.”

Nes just shrugged, letting her hands glide back and forth over the metal of the railing. “Well, she was there because of me.”

“But you were willing to sacrifice yourself for her and she says you two weren’t even friends.”

“Didn’t matter if we were or not.”

“And that right there is part of why I’d like to spend some more time with you.”

Nes looked up to see him smiling at her, but it only made her sad. By the time she got back at the end of the semester, he’d join everyone else in their opinions of her. “We’ll see how you feel in a few months when I get back. I doubt it will be the same.”

“No faith.”

She took a deep breath. “Can you blame me?”

“No, but don’t think I’ll be so easily swayed. I like to think I have good instincts about people.”

She couldn’t resist challenging that confidence. “Every man I’ve been involved with in any way in the last five years has ended up injured or dead.”

“So...no competition from exes, then?” he deadpanned.

Nes laughed in surprise. “You’re an idiot.”

He shrugged. “Maybe. I’ll take my chances.”

“We’ll see.”

“Ready to go in?”

Nes nodded and they joined the others back inside, but she made sure to keep her eyes away from Hailey’s questioning glances. She’d have to answer all sorts of questions on their flight tomorrow.


	26. Chapter 26

Hailey bugged her for details on her conversation with Lt Elliot, but Nes stayed vague.

“It doesn’t matter what he said, Hails. He’ll never say any of those things again.”

“He’s a good guy, Nes.”

“And that’s exactly why he’ll never want anything to do with someone like me.”

Nes threw herself back into her classes and projects, trying to keep her mind on finals and not on her return to the SGC. Not only would she have to see the change in Elliot’s opinion of her, but General Hammond would let her know if the powers that be would grant clearance to her brother.

After a few weeks back, she looked at the calendar to realize that she was due to disappear that weekend, but surprisingly, she didn’t feel the need. What she did feel was the residual ache in her bones and muscles from her own experience being tortured. It made her feel weak and listless and she simply didn’t have a desire to inflict pain on anyone.

Was that what had been needed? Her last experiences with torture had lengthened the in-between time by small amounts, but she attributed that to her recovery time. This most recent time had been much worse, though, and the recovery much longer.

Once her body was back to normal, she’d have to see if the cravings returned. It may come down to deciding between feeling physically healthy - or mentally healthy. She’d hold out hope that she was maybe just past it, though. Maybe her days of needing screams and pain and death were finally behind her, but if not, she could perhaps convince someone to use the goa’uld pain stick on her periodically. The thought intensified the still present pain, but she tightened her jaw.

She didn’t want to be controlled by Sekhmet anymore.

Reading Period again came, followed by final exams and soon, Nes and Hailey were packing up their small house to return to Colorado and the SGC.

Nes’ body was beginning to strengthen, but so far, she’d been able to stay focused on her daily tasks, only occasionally thinking of her prior addictions. Their journey back to Cheyenne Mountain seemed far too short for someone who wished to delay it as long as possible, but she soon found herself back under the mountain, organizing the various suitcases and boxes into her small room, wishing she could share with the general about her rather large house here in town. As tiny as their house had been in Princeton, this room was much worse.

General Hammond requested her in his office shortly after she arrived and her nerves resurfaced in full force again.

“Nesert, how’d the rest of your semester go?” She hated the initial chit chat that preceded big news, both good and bad.

“Very well, sir.”

“And how are you feeling physically? Fully healed?”

“Yes, sir. I’ve felt back to my normal self the last few weeks.” Normal may not be the right word, but it’d have to do.

“I suppose you’re wondering what was decided on your brother.” She nodded, but kept silent, scared she’d jinx it somehow. “Cadet James is already on the surface filling out paperwork. He should be heading down in an hour or so.”

“I’m sorry? Today? Now?”

“Yes. We already made him stay on an extra week waiting for your arrival. He’ll be here through the weekend.”

Her voice took on a slight panic. “And what do I say? Just tell him everything? What’s he allowed to know? And not know?” Her breathing quickened and she began to dip into Sekhmet’s calm.

“Major Carter has volunteered to give him the basics regarding the Stargate program, but you’ll be allowed to give him more details about your life specifically.”

“Thank you, General,” she said with complete sincerity.

“Of course.”

Nes left and ran back to her room to grab a shower and change. She’d stopped dyeing her hair and the reddish tint was fading finally, but the curls were still intact. Her hair had taken to them rather well and she hadn’t minded the change, but she wanted to look as much like Tessa as she could for Nathan so she pulled it up into a ponytail. Maybe it would make it a little easier with all he was about to find out.

She left her room and thought she might go wait on Level 11 where the two elevator systems intersected, but at the end of the corridor she recognized Lt Elliot and didn’t really want to see him quite yet with all of her focus on her brother. She started to duck down an adjoining hall when his friend gave him a nudge and he turned to see Nes. She should have smiled, but she wanted to see how his face reacted to her presence first.

“Tess!” She turned to look down the connecting corridor to see Nathan quickening his speed as he approached. He looked even older and taller. Nes was surprised by the hug he pulled her into, but quickly wrapped her arms around his waist and felt him kiss the top of her head.

She pulled back and looked up at him with a smile. “Look at you, Mr. Muscles.” She poked his chest and squeezed a bicep. “Do you just lift weights all day? Don’t they teach you anything at that school?”

“Shut up.”

She reached up to pat his cheek as it tinged pink. “What happened to my kid brother?”

His face grew dark and she knew she’d touched a nerve referencing their separation. Major Carter stepped forward then.

“I thought we’d go to one of the more private conference rooms to talk. They should be empty for the next few hours.”

Nes remembered Elliot and turned to look for him, but the corridor was empty. She felt both relief and regret. Mostly regret.

They sat down at a table, side by side, as Major Carter explained that the world Nathan had known was so very different than reality. Nes patted his hand or rubbed his back as he sat shell shocked, taking in the existence of aliens and wormholes and spaceships. She’d had Sekhmet to guide her through that information and regulate her emotional response. She wasn’t sure how she would have handled it on her own.

Sam finally finished with the basics and asked Nathan if he had any questions.

“So how does this relate to Tessa being The Butcher?”

Sam extended a hand to Nes. “You wanna take the rest of this, Nes?” She waited for a nod. “I’ll leave you to it then.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

The major smiled sympathetically as she left the room.

“So…”

“That was a lot.”

Nes laughed. “Yeah. Just a bit. How ya holding up?”

“Just trying to wrap my head around it. So how did  _ you _ get involved in this?”

“Well, you remember the part about the aliens, the Goa’uld? The snake like creatures that take a human host?” She waited for a nod and then realization.

“You were one of them?”

“I was taken as a host by a goa’uld named Sekhmet.”

“She took over your body?”

“Yeah.” She shifted her body to face him more squarely and put her hands on his. “That’s what I meant when I said I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t, Nathan. I got shoved to the back of my own head and just had to watch.”

“So the alien killed those people. She was The Butcher.”

“Yes.” She’d keep it simple for now. Hopefully forever.

Nathan leaned forward and put his forehead on her shoulder and she could hear him choking on sobs of relief. They sat for a long time like that before he finally sat up and rubbed his eyes and face with his hands. She knew she should ask about their family, but she couldn’t bring herself to sit through hearing how much she had hurt them yet. Instead Nes suggested they go grab dinner in the mess hall which relieved some of the tension.

“Major Carter called you ‘Nes.’ I suppose you can’t go by Tessa anymore, can you?”

“No, definitely not. It’s Nesert Saeda now.” She saw his eyebrows go up. “A bit foreign, I know. Nesert was one of Sekhmet’s old names.”

They got to the mess hall and Nathan wanted to splash his face off in the bathrooms, so Nes went to get a table inside, though she needn’t have bothered with the room being mostly empty. She saw Lt Elliot right away and he saw her, but both just stared. She finally took a deep breath and walked up to his table.

“Hi.” That seemed a good place to start.

His jaw was stiff as he looked up at her. “Hey.”

So that was that. She had predicted this, had known it would happen, but at that moment, she realized she had let her hopes get up higher than she’d realized. She slowly nodded her head and bit her lip. “Okay then. I told you.”

She started to turn away, but Elliot’s voice stopped her.

“Well, it looks like I’m not the only one asking anymore, so it doesn’t really matter anyway.”

Nes slowly turned back to face him, trying to sort out his words. “What?” He must have heard about what had happened with Ronnie. “Are you talking about Airman Harris?”

“The guy from Alpha Site? No. What? Are you seeing him, too?”

“No. Wait...what are you talking about?”

He stood up in frustration. “I’m talking about that guy you were just hugging in the hall.”

The pieces all clicked into place and Nes took a breath and stepped backwards. “Would you wait right here?”

She ran out to find Nathan and grabbed his hand to pull him into the room.

Elliot’s face grew hard. “So you’re going to introduce us,” he said just loud enough for Nes to hear. “I already feel stupid enough.”

“You’re about to feel even more stupid. Just hang in there. Nathan, this is Lt Kevin Elliot. Lieutenant, this is Cadet Nathan James--”

“Cadet?” That struck his pride.

“--my brother.” Nes watched as Elliot’s ears turned red and he coughed uncomfortably.

“Brother?”

“Mmhmm.”

“You were right. I feel significantly more stupid now.”

“Told ya.” She gave him a small smirk. “General Hammond got special clearance for Nathan since he’s at the academy.”

“You haven’t seen each other in all this time?”

Nathan cleared his throat suspiciously. Always was a bad liar. “It’s been nice to find out my sister isn’t a serial killer. Or dead.”

Elliot raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, I bet. A lot to take in, though.”

Her brother laughed. “A bit.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “But worth it.”

“Ugh, stop it. I didn’t do the mushy stuff even back when I was Tessa.” She tried to shove his arm off, but didn’t want to use her full strength.

“You still seem like Tessa,” Nathan said quietly.

She tilted her head up to see the sadness in his face. “Only around you, I think.” She looked back at Lt Elliot’s sympathetic face and needed to leave. “Come on. I promised to show you the Stargate.”

She turned and walked out of the room, unable to deal with the reminders that she wasn’t really Tessa anymore. It was a show for Nathan and that was it. She felt a hand on her arm and turned to find Elliot instead of Nathan.

“I’m really sorry, Nes, for being a jerk.”

Nes gave him a small smile. “Hard for me to be upset that you were jealous.”

His ears turned a pink again. “Your brother here just today?”

“Through the weekend.”

“Glad you’ll have some time with him. I’ll catch up with you sometime next week then?”

“Sounds good.” And with that, he walked back to the mess hall and Nes caught Nathan’s teasing grin as he approached.

“He seems like a good guy.”

She sighed. “That’s the problem.”

“How is that a problem?”

“Just is.” She couldn’t bring herself to crush his relief that his sister wasn’t a murderer. She might have to someday, but she wouldn’t spoil the weekend. He had enough to deal with already.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 5.15 “Summit”

Nathan stayed through the weekend as planned and Nes eventually worked up the nerve to ask about the rest of the family. She learned that her sisters were both married and Janie was even expecting a baby. Her parents were slowly coming back to life and Nes hoped their new role as grandparents would give them something to focus on.

She had to pull up Sekhmet several times to calm herself, but when she finally said goodbye to him with promises to meet up again when he returned to the academy, she walked straight back to her room and let Tessa grieve. She let her cry for the loss of her family, for the pain she’d caused them, for their future absence in her life. The bursting dam and her attempts to keep above the flood left her exhausted and she slept well into the next day, awaking with a headache that made the room spin.

Eventually, the pain in her head forced her to get out of bed and slowly make her way to the infirmary, seeking something stronger than anything she kept on hand.

Her puffy eyes betrayed the cause to Dr. Frasier. “Rough weekend with your brother?”

“No. Yes. Hard to think of my old life.”

“I’m sure. Just give yourself time and I order you to rest today.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She mock saluted, but even the gentle touch to her forehead was too much, her eyes watering with the throbbing.

Nes spent the rest of the day in bed, but Sam stopped by to check on her in the evening.

“We got an interesting visit from the Tok’ra this morning. They’ve asked Daniel to infiltrate a meeting of the System Lords and release a symbiote poison.”

“Why are the System Lords meeting? That’s unusual.”

“There’s been a power vacuum left by the deaths of Apophis and Heru’ur, so they’ve called a truce to establish a new order of some kind.”

“Well, that’s not good.” She was suddenly overwhelmed by guilt that perhaps this wouldn’t have happened if she had helped the Tok’ra last year when they’d asked.

“No, but it’s also an opportunity. If the poison can kill all of them at once…”

“Daniel going to do it?”

“Yeah. I mean, he’s not thrilled about it, but he’ll do it.”

He was a better person than Nes. She’d have done it with bells on.

“The Tok’ra have asked us to come to their base tomorrow. They’ve requested your presence as well, if you’re feeling up to it.”

Even knowing what they would ask of her, she sat up far too quickly. “Definitely. Much better than sitting around here without any distractions.”

Sam laughed at her enthusiasm. “Well, okay then. Get some rest.”

Nes really had no love for the Tok’ra. She couldn’t with Sekhmet’s hatred for them lingering, but she also didn’t trust entirely that the body was fully shared. She’d had her own personality, her mannerisms, her memories all displayed like a puppet for Sekhmet’s purposes. No one would have been able to distinguish the real Tessa from the impersonation. So how could they  _ really _ know that a simple change in voice meant a change in who was speaking?

The next morning, she entered the gate room with SG-1 and found SG-17, including Lt Elliot, already there ready to go.

Major Mansfield was looking over his team when they entered. “ **Ten hut!** ”

Nes chuckled a bit at the formality that Jack quickly dismissed.

“ **At ease. Major.** ”

“ **Colonel.** ”

“ **I see you drew the short straw.** ”

She caught Elliot’s eye and they both gave each other brief smiles. Sam also spotted him and made her way over to chat.

“ **Lieutenant Elliot. Finally got your first assignment.”**

He directed his attention to the major.“ **Yes ma'am. Be nice to see a little action for a change.** ”

Jack was trying to adjust the brim of his hat, clearly not very excited about their mission. “ **It's just your basic off world orientation, Lieutenant. There is no action.** ”

“ **Maybe not sir, but I am looking forward to meeting the Tok'ra.** ”

“ **You'll get over it.** ”

Nes had to agree with the colonel on that one.

They walked up the ramp to the Stargate and stepped through, finding themselves rapidly on another planet and being greeted by Jacob Carter and another Tok’ra.

“ **Welcome to Revanna.** ”

Sam immediately stepped forward to give Jacob a hug. “ **Hi Dad.** ”

“ **It's good to see you, Sam. Jack, how are you?** ”

Jack shook his hand. “ **Kinda curious.** ”

Jacob began to address the entire group. “ **Some of you know Aldwin. He'll be conducting the orientation for your new officers.** ”

Aldwin looked at the group as he spoke. “ **We'll begin with a tour of the facilities. After that I have prepared a lecture on the development of Tok'ra insurgency techniques since the collapse of the second Goa'uld dynasty.** ”

Nes inwardly groaned and began to wish she’d used her headache as an excuse to stay back on Earth.

“ **I take it all back Lieutenant,** ” Jack said. “ **This could be hot.** ”

Nes quickly glanced at Lt Elliot with a smile in her eyes. Poor Elliot would have such a boring first assignment.

“ **Come.** ” Jacob turned as he spoke and they all began to follow the two Tok’ra back to their base.

Once down in the tunnels, the various introductions were made and Elliot slyly pulled her away from the rest of the group.

“So what made you tag along for this extremely exciting mission?” He gave her a quick wink.

“The Tok’ra requested my presence.”

“Yeah? Do you know what for?”

“Well, with plans to kill all the System Lords…”

Elliot nodded. “It’d be nice to have a goa’uld on our side.”

“Yeah.” She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself, thinking about the future the Tok’ra were planning for her.

“And you don’t want to?” Nes shook her head slowly and Elliot placed a hand on her arm. “Why not?”

Nes kept her eyes on the ground. “Because I don’t think anything of me will survive being Sekhmet again.”

Elliot rubbed her arm gently and Nes looked up to see him open his mouth to speak, but instead she heard Sam’s voice behind him.

“Nes, you’re with us.”

Elliot dropped his hand quickly and joined the rest of his team.

Nes accompanied SG-1 and Jacob to a conference room while SG-17 followed Aldwin for their tour. She sat quietly as they discussed their plans for the System Lords.

Jacob had spent the last several months establishing himself as a minor goa’uld in the service of Lord Yu and would be able to get Daniel close enough to prick Yu with a special ring. Within the ring was a mind-altering chemical the Tok’ra had developed from an alien species that SG-1 had encountered called the Reole. Daniel could then convince Yu that he was in fact his most trusted servant, his lo’taur. From there he would accompany Lord Yu to the meeting and release the symbiote poison.

“ **And it doesn't kill the host?** ” Daniel’s past made him particularly sympathetic to the hosts.

The Tok’ra Ren’al responded. “ **Not the chemical itself, but as you know, the dying symbiote releases its own toxin which is just as deadly.** ”

Daniel’s face showed how much that answer bothered him.

Jacob tried to explain further. “ **Daniel, the human host of a System Lord has been through the sarcophagus countless times. We know the toll that takes. They're hundreds, sometimes thousands of years old. Never mind the psychological damage they suffered. Physically, without the Goa'uld sustaining them, they'd die anyway.** ”

“ **So we're doing them a favour?** ” Daniel’s disgust was apparent.

“ **In many ways, yes.** ”

Daniel looked to Nes for her support, but she had none to offer. “I didn’t want to survive, Daniel. I had no intention of surviving.”

“But surely you don’t feel that way anymore. You’ve recovered.”

“I wouldn’t call this recovered.” They had no idea what had been done to her, to her soul. “And I only had three years with Sekhmet.” And she often wondered if it would have been better for herself and everyone else if she had died that day with her symbiote. She sat up straighter and held Daniel’s gaze. “They will be grateful for a swift death preceded by maybe a single breath of freedom.”

Daniel and Jacob said their goodbyes and Nes and Sam followed Ren’al to one of the Tok’ra labs.

Sam kept her voice low as they walked the tunnels. “So you and Lt Elliot, huh?”

“What? No.” Nes stopped walking, but Sam kept going and she had to jog to catch up.

“Oh come on, Nes. Do you know how hard we all have to pretend to not notice you two making googly eyes at each other?”

“There are no googly eyes. I don’t  _ do _ googly eyes.”

Sam just smiled and raised her eyebrows. “Whatever you say.”

They arrived at the lab, where Ren’al directed them to a small podium, and a chamber containing a symbiote rose out of the center as she spoke.

“ **As you know Major, we kept the body in stasis for several months as we tried to find a way to repair the damage. But in the end, we were unsuccessful. All that is left of Martouf, now lives on in Lantash** .”

So this was the Tok’ra who had been Jolinar’s mate. Well...the symbiote half of him.

Ren’al and Sam went on to discuss the weak condition of the symbiote and Sam was particularly angered that the Tok’ra had decided against allowing Lantash to attempt to heal his host. They thought the risk too great that they would both die in the end, but Nes could certainly understand Sam’s disgust over the sacrifice of the host.

And Nes had to agree. Were hosts just as expendable to the Tok’ra as they were to the Goa’uld?

The conversation ended when Ren’al pointed out that Martouf would have likely wanted the same choice made. Sam was silent at that assertion, agreeing with her lack of objection. The brainwashing that had turned the host into a programmed assassin was so little understood when Sam had been forced to shoot him. His body and brain were of significant value simply from a research standpoint and Martouf would have gladly given his life to save others.

They then went on to discuss the symbiote poison further, but alarms began to sound in the complex. The three women ran to the hall where another Tok’ra informed them of the situation before running off down the corridor. Jack and Teal’c came around a corner towards the three of them.

“ **What's going on?** ” Jack seemed surprisingly calm in contrast to the blaring alarms.

Ren’al continued walking but answered his question. “ **We've received a transmission. Our sensors on the surface have detected a fleet of motherships bound for Ravanna. We must leave immediately.** ”

Aldwin came running toward them, but it was his symbiote who spoke. “ **An incoming wormhole is blocking our escape through the Stargate.** ”

Ren’al was clearly frustrated, but Sam was quick to try working through the problem.

“ **The Goa'uld can only sustain a wormhole for 38 minutes.** ”

“ **The ships will be here before then,** ” Ren’al said.

The Tok’ra looked at one another in resignation and Aldwin’s symbiote voiced their thoughts. “ **There is no other escape.** ”

The Tok’ra were always so optimistic.

They saw SG-17 in a side corridor and Jack hollered to Major Mansfield. The two team leaders discussed the situation briefly amidst the flurry of activity of the Tok’ra. Nes caught Elliot’s still-calm eyes: he was going to be a good addition to the Stargate program. Ren’al instructed them to follow her and they hurried off again. She and Carter discussed the lack of ships at their disposal to evacuate and Nes began to realize more and more the danger of the situation. Aldwin again appeared with two other Tok’ra and signalled their halt.

“ **We have begun making new tunnels.** ”

“ **What good is that going to do?** ” Jack asked.

“ **Spread out the risk of getting hit by an air attack.** ” Aldwin was being practical, trying to simply save as many lives as possible at this point. “ **You could lend us a hand moving life support equipment and supplies to the new tunnels.** ”

Jack clearly didn’t like the plan, but he finally nodded. “ **Major, lend ‘em a hand.** ”

“ **Yes sir.** ”

As Mansfield responded, Elliot reached over and squeezed Nes’ hand briefly before they went their separate ways again.

Ren’al led them back to the conference room they’d been in earlier and began working to shut down power to the base. There was pride in her voice as she explained that their enemy would now need to resort to random bombardment to find them, and Nes felt her disgust for the weakness of the Tok’ra rise up again.

“ **Well that's encouraging.** ” It was unsurprising that Jack didn’t like a plan that involved simply waiting around to be killed.

“ **Colonel, the Tok'ra have never had the military resources of the Goa'uld. We use disguise and subterfuge to achieve our goals. Our bases are designed to be hidden. We are just not equipped to repulse such a large enemy force.** ”

Nes knew her face had distorted into Sekhmet’s as she listened. So much knowledge, so much ability to rule, and yet they remained small and hidden and unable to protect themselves. She despised weakness, but she wasn’t sure if that was leftover from Sekhmet or a part of her original self. She had fought against the weakness of her mind as host, but reveled in the strength the symbiote provided for her body. Now she took great pride in her mind’s power, but longed again for her old physical strength.

Her thoughts had wandered and she missed the majority of the conversation occurring in the room, but caught just the end where Ren’al explained that all of the symbiote poison they’d created was with Jacob and Daniel.

They were even more defenseless than Nes had originally thought.

From there they tried to make their way to the newly created tunnels, but the bombing had begun and sections were collapsing around them. They stopped to help several injured Tok’ra and Nes could hear Jack talking to Major Mansfield over the radio. His team was also attempting to help in a different section. The ceiling began to fall with another round of bombs and fear took hold of her as Mansfield failed to respond on the radio.

Elliot was with him.

Jack motioned for Sam, Teal’c, and Nes to follow him as they sought out SG-17. Their first priority had to be their own people. Coming around another corner, Nes felt her body relax slightly as Elliot and Aldwin supported an injured Mansfield. The lieutenant explained that they’d suffered a direct hit and the other two members of his team were dead.

Sam examined the major. “ **Sir, we need to get him to the infirmary.** ”

Aldwin passed Mansfield’s arm off onto Carter to speak to Ren’al.

“ **The infirmary's been destroyed.** ”

Teal’c took Elliot’s place in supporting the Major and Nes stepped off to the side to get out of the way.

“ **We'll take them to the lab. Follow me!** ”

They all followed Ren’al with grim expressions.

Nes came up next to Elliot, who had a bit of a limp and wrapped her arm around his waist. “You’re hurt.”

He was breathing hard and his eyes were filled with pain. “I’ll be fine. I don’t want to weigh you down.”

Nes gave him a flirtatious smile. “I’m much stronger than I look, Lieutenant. I could carry you if needed.”

He chuckled softly. “I forgot. In that case, I’ll take the help.” He shifted his weight onto her slightly and they were able to move a bit quicker.

As they entered the lab, the tunnels again began to shake and Elliot’s arm tightened around her as he pushed her against the wall and tried to shield her from any falling debris.

“Are you okay?” he asked as it passed. Nes nodded, now very aware of his proximity, and Elliot gave her a little smirk, trying to lighten the mood. “This is certainly a position I wouldn’t mind revisiting with you at some point.”

She laughed and he released her reluctantly to take up a defensive position at the entrance while she moved over to Sam to check on Major Mansfield, her heart still pounding.

Ren’al went immediately to one of the podiums to work. “ **I'm transferring the formula for the poison to this crystal and erasing the memory of the computer. We will die before we give up our secrets.** ”

The colonel was exasperated with all the talk of death. “ **You know, we really should come up with a new strategy. One that does not include us dying.** ”

Teal’c shifted in his position near Elliot. “ **We must determine what is happening on the surface, O'Neill.** ”

Aldwin moved closer to them, but again, it was his symbiote that spoke.“ **With the power down, we are cut off from the surface sensors. You'll have to use the secondary ring room.** ”

Ren’al ordered him to show them its location and Jack and Teal’c followed the Tok’ra out of the lab. Nes used Sekhmet’s knowledge of the human body to examine the injured major more closely, but she didn’t have any of the necessary tools to help him. Sam pulled out a first aid kit and Nes watched as she gave him an injection, but before she could ask what it was, the bombing was close again and the room shook, dust filling the air.

Sam got up to speak with Ren’al who was checking on the symbiote still in stasis. “ **We have to get him out of here. This man needs medical attention.** ”

“ **We've done all we can right now.** ”

“ **What about the symbiote?** ”

“ **It's out of the question.** ”

“ **It could save Major Mansfield's life.** ”

“ **The symbiote's life is being sustained by the chamber. It's in no condition to help your friend.** ” Ren’al wasn’t even attempting to hide her disgust for Sam’s desire to save her colleague’s life.

The major began to stir and Sam returned to his side. “ **We can't just let him die.** ”

“ **If we implant the symbiote, we kill them both.** ”

Suddenly the tunnels shook more violently and Ren’al screamed as she was hit by falling debris. Nes instinctively directed her eyes toward Elliot, but wished immediately that she hadn’t, being forced to watch in horror as a section fell directly on top of him, his body twisting into unnatural angles as it fell to the ground. Sam was knocked over, but then grabbed Nes by the shoulder and they both huddled down to protect Mansfield until the bombardment stopped again.

The room went quiet again. When they checked the major, he was already dead. Too many good men died in this fight. Sam took his dog tags and next moved over to Ren’al, pulling the crystal with the symbiote formula out of the dead Tok’ra’s pocket. Nes had to force herself to follow the major as she made her way toward Elliot. She didn’t want to see him dead, his body growing cold and his eyes lifeless, but she needed to see him, too, and her feet carried her to his side.

“ **Lieutenant?** ” Sam leaned down towards him and Nes’ heart skipped as he began to stir. His eyes opened slowly, but then flashed.

“ **Oh my God.** ” Sam turned and Nes followed her gaze towards the stasis chamber, shattered and empty. The pair looked at one another before turning back to the injured man. “ **Lantash?** ”

Elliot’s voice was replaced by the distorted voice of the symbiote, though it was strained. “ **I had no choice.** ”

“ **Elliot?** ”

“ **I'm afraid his injuries are severe. There is serious internal damage. It's going to take all my strength just to keep him alive. He will have to speak for both of us.** ” His breathing was labored and Nes closed her eyes against his pain.

“ **Major?** ” Elliot’s own voice spoke and Nes opened her eyes to see Sam with a hand gently stroking his cheek. She felt her eyes flash in anger, but turned away, knowing it was a ridiculous response in such a situation.

“ **Elliot. It's going to be okay.** ”

“ **If you say so.** ” He sounded fearful and Nes worked to move beyond her own barrage of emotions and fears.

“ **Believe me, I know. The symbiote's trying to heal you.** ” She despised the major for her ability to comfort him in this moment, but as she had also been host to a Tok’ra once, she likely had better words than the former host of a monster.

“ **Okay.** ” Elliot sounded a bit skeptical.

“ **Okay.** ”

Carter pulled Nes off to the side as Elliot rested. “We have to get him out of here. Are you good to help move him?”

Nes’ jaw was tight as she tried to calm the jealousy that rose up. “Yes. Let’s go.”

The two women worked to unbury the lieutenant and then get him to standing, with Nes bearing the majority of his weight. He opened his eyes as he leaned on her and she gave him a small smile.

“Told you I could carry you if needed.”

He didn’t smile back, instead looking over her face with scrutiny before closing his eyes again.

They were found by Jack and Teal’c and the groups exchanged lists of the recently dead: Mansfield and Ren’al in the lab and Aldwin on the surface.

Carter addressed the colonel. “ **Elliot's in rough shape, there's a Tok'ra symbiote inside him.** ”

“ **What?** ”

Elliot’s head hung forward as his body weakened with movement. “ **Feels very weird, sir.** ”

The major explained further. “ **Lantash. He's keeping him alive.** ”

Jack had clear disgust on his face as she spoke, but turned at the sound of staff blasts from the jaffa that must have invaded the tunnel system. “ **Let's take our chances on the surface.** ”

They walked as quickly as they could with Elliot, but the pace was still slow and the bombardment continued. The tunnel they were moving towards collapsed as they approached it and Teal’c informed them that it was completely blocked.

Carter turned to Elliot. “ **Does Lantash know if there's another way to the secondary ring room?** ”

Elliot paused a moment and she knew he was accessing the symbiote’s knowledge. “ **There isn't.** ”

Teal’c turned back to the tunnel stoically.

“ **Then indeed we are trapped.** ”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Episode 5.16 “Last Stand”

Elliot came up with an idea to locate some of the tunnel-growing crystals to create a new way out and Jack ordered Nes and Carter to stay with the lieutenant while he and Teal’c went to the lab to find them. The women gently laid the injured man down to rest while they waited.

He lay quietly, but still spared some energy to examine Nes again. She dropped her eyes, realizing that Elliot now had access to Lantash’s knowledge of her time impersonating Sekhmet. His good opinion of her had been able to withstand the gossip of the SGC, but what he knew now was not simply rumor and it was more than anyone back on Earth knew. Her reputation in the galaxy was still that of a butcher and it could not be blamed on a symbiote controlling her. Sekhmet’s power ran much deeper in her than her simple presence.

Nes backed away as Carter gave him a drink and he struggled to speak.

“ **They should have been back by now.** ”

“ **I'm sure they're okay, they'll be back soon. How're you doing?** ” Carter kept an eye on the open tunnel behind them, her weapon at the ready.

“ **It's very strange.** ”

“ **I know.** ”

It was hard for him to speak and his eyes remained shut. “ **It's like…I suddenly know everything about someone else's life. Two other people actually. I hear his thoughts every now and then, but he's using all his strength to try and save me.** ”

They could hear distant rumbles above them. “ **Sounds like they're coming round for another run.** ”

A crash hit closer and Carter’s protective instincts forced her forward to cover Elliot. Nes again felt her eyes flash as the woman leaned back off him and she was embarrassed that the lieutenant saw it before closing his eyes again.

“ **What a joke.** ”

“ **What?** ”

“ **I...I can't believe I'm actually going to die on my first mission.** ”

She could hear his fear and anger and she sat down a little ways away, wishing she could help him.

“ **You're not.** ”

“ **Come on, Major. Even if this symbiote can fix what's wrong with me, we're never getting out of here.** ”

Carter’s tone became too cheerful. “ **Sure we are. You've read our mission files. We go through the Gate, get into trouble, get out of it, we go home.** ”

“ **Tell that to Major Mansfield.** ”

Nes had never heard such pessimism in his voice.

“ **Okay, forget the pep talk. You knew what you were signing up for.** ”

“ **Yeah.** ”

“ **You got this assignment because you were strong, both physically and mentally. Now give the symbiote inside you a chance. He needs you as much as you need him right now. Do not--** ”

The tunnel again shook violently and another collapse meant their only path was blocked with debris. They were even more trapped than they had been a few moments before.

Nes immediately began moving debris and Carter came over to help.

“You should talk to him, comfort him,” she said quietly to the younger girl.

“He doesn’t want comfort from me.”

“How do you know that?”

Nes stopped digging and turned to the major. “Because he has Lantash’s knowledge about me now. He has the Tok’ra disgust and suspicion of me now, too. I can see it in his face.”

“Nes, he already knew you were a host.”

“This isn’t about when I was host to Sekhmet. This is about when I pretended to be her later. None of you know the things I did to maintain the facade, but Lantash would know. And now Lt Elliot knows.”

Elliot began to cough and Major Carter went to attend him. Nes could hear him speak quietly.

“ **He loves you Major. That's one of the only reasons he was fighting to live. He just wanted you to know.** ”

“ **The symbiote I carried was Martouf's mate. Martouf and I became close friends because of it.** ”

“ **I'm telling you he loves you. As much as he once loved Jolinar. He regrets what happened, that the host ultimately died. He doesn't want you to feel responsible.** ”

Nes let her head hang down as she listened. Elliot’s mild interest in her could never withstand the stronger love Lantash had for Carter.

“ **It's okay.** ” She could hear Carter trying to hold back her own tears. The woman likely hadn’t realized how much she herself had cared for the Tok’ra and his former host. It wasn’t just the Jolinar parts of her that felt the loss.

“ **It's getting hard to breathe.** ” The dwindling oxygen in the small space was likely contributing to his struggle.

“ **Yeah. Hang on.** ” She returned to help Nes with the debris, but they both knew it was a futile exercise.

Eventually they heard Colonel O’Neill over the radio saying that they had obtained some crystals and Elliot was able to guide them in their use to get to them through the collapsed tunnel. Finally free from their temporary prison, they then set out down newly created tunnels, sealing them with a staff blast from Teal’c once they’d passed through. Elliot became weaker and weaker and they took turns supporting him as they walked. His face grew pale and his breathing more and more labored and Nes knew the chances that Lantash could save him were growing slimmer the more they jostled him around.

He was starting to become unresponsive and it took more and more of his energy to speak. Eventually they decided to move up to the surface for water, especially after Teal’c informed them that the attackers’ tactic of using ground troops to search the tunnels suggested they were looking for something. It appeared the jaffa they had seen belonged to the goa’uld Zipacna, and it was very likely they knew about the symbiote poison.

Their primary task after getting water would be to reprogram the long range sensors that transmitted signals to deep space, letting all Tok’ra know they should not return to Revanna. They hoped that if they changed the message to an S.O.S., then perhaps Jacob and Daniel could rescue them in their tel’tak when they finished with their tasks at the meeting of the System Lords.

Once up on the surface, Teal’c and Jack worked to create a stretcher to carry Elliot and Carter went off to fill the canteens with somewhat clean water.

“Nes.” His voice sounded so weak now.

“Yes, I’m here.” She leaned close so he wouldn’t need to speak loudly.

“I’m sorry, Nes.” She pulled back a bit in surprise before hardening her face.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Lantash...he’s shown you who I am.”

He reached out a hand, but only had the strength to brush it against her leg. “No. If I just had time to sort it all out.”

She took his hand and squeezed it gently. “You will. And it’s okay. I knew someone like you could never tolerate the things I’ve done. I should have just been honest with you from the start.”

“No...Nes...that’s not what I meant.” Each breath took more effort and she finally put a hand to his face to calm him.

“Save your strength, Kevin. Don’t waste it on me. It’s okay.”

Major Carter came up behind her then with a canteen and they worked to give Elliot a drink before they started walking again.

The journey took the rest of the day and Elliot was in and out of consciousness, though at one point he awoke and insisted he tell Carter how to reprogram the sensor. It worried all of them that he might not be able to hold on.

They finally got to the sensor and Nes tended to Elliot while the major worked on the reprogramming, but he never opened his eyes.

“ **That's it. I'm done,** ” Carter said.

“ **How do we know it's working?** ” Jack stared at the device.

“ **I guess if someone comes to rescue us.** ”

Jack nodded and looked to the sky. Not long after, they heard a firefight above them and Teal’c pointed out a cargo ship coming down, smoke trailing behind it. It crashed through the trees and they could hear the impact.

O’Neill ordered Carter and Nes to stay with Elliot before he and Teal’c took off through the trees towards the downed tel’tak. The lieutenant woke up enough to ask for help in sitting and they propped him against a tree gently, but otherwise he was silent. They saw the four men approach through the clearing and Carter jumped up to hug her father and update him on the situation.

Jacob addressed the group. “ **There's a chance we might be able to save the cargo ship but not before this whole area is swarming with Jaffa. Those gliders definitely made our position.** ”

“ **We cannot escape through the Stargate,** ” Teal’c pointed out.

Daniel pulled out the small vial of poison from his pocket. “ **We still have this.** ”

Nes had to wonder what had happened that he hadn’t used it as intended on the System Lords.

The group all began to argue over its use, Jacob pointing out that their current location was too far from the gate, Carter bringing up the fact that it would kill him, Elliot, and Teal’c, and Jack suggesting he try to get it closer to the gate.

“ **Leave it here with me.** ” Elliot’s voice was weak and they all turned to look at him.

“ **What good's that going to do?** ” Jack asked.

“ **Leave here and hide.** ” Every sentence took more effort than the last. “ **The Jaffa will find me. I'll tell them I know the formula. They'll take me to the Gate.** ”

“ **He is correct,** ” Teal’c said. “ **He will be taken to the base camp by the Stargate before being sent to the mothership.** ”

Jack was never one to sacrifice other people in a plan. “ **Won't they search him first?** ”

“ **Then I'll….Then I'll set off the weapon, take out as many as I can.** ”

He closed his eyes and they flashed as they opened again, his voice distorting. “ **Please. We're both going to die. I cannot save us.** ” He looked lovingly at Major Carter “ **But there's a chance we can save you.** ” Lantash flicked Elliot’s eyes momentarily back towards Nes as well.

“ **What about Elliot?** ” Jack didn’t trust the Tok’ra any more than Nes did.

His voice returned to normal, breathing hard. “ **It doesn't make sense for any of you to risk your lives to try and save me. Give me the device.** ”

Everything in Nes wanted to scream and rage against this. She had watched too many people die today and now she’d have to witness it again, all while she, a brutal killer, continued to live.

The world was wrong when men like Elliot died.

She watched as Daniel looked to Jack for permission. The colonel looked around, likely for some other solution, but finally turned away in resignation. Nes felt hatred for the pair rise up as they assisted in his death.

Daniel placed the poison in Elliot’s shaking hand and he turned to look at the group. “ **Now go. They'll be here soon.** ” Nes had to watch as Carter caressed Elliot’s face gently, angry that Lantash had stolen that from her. “ **He's happy now; he just wanted you to know how he felt.** ”

“ **I do. And I'll never forget him. Or you.** ”

Elliot lifted his eyes to Nes and Carter moved away. “Nes, I was going to ask you out when we got back.” He smiled weakly.

“I would have said yes.” She felt tears collect in her eyes and was tempted to pull up Sekhmet to keep them at bay, but Elliot at the very least deserved someone crying over his death. She leaned forward and gently kissed his cheek.

A glider flew overhead and Teal’c watched it disappear. “ **Ground forces will not be far behind.** ”

Jacob urged them all to leave, but his daughter and Nes lingered. “ **Sam, we gotta go.** ”

Carter reached down and pulled Nes to standing, but it physically hurt to leave Elliot behind. She saw his lips form a silent “Go” and she finally turned and followed the others into hiding.

As they waited in the trees, Nes with her knees to her chest trying to hold herself together, Jacob and Daniel explained what had happened at the meeting of the System Lords, the return of the goa’uld Anubis to the galaxy changing their plans. With him only sending a representative, killing the rest of the System Lords would have given him complete dominance over the galaxy. He was not one they wanted as a supreme ruler.

The host of Anubis’ representative, Osiris, had been a friend of Daniel’s, though, and he couldn’t resist the chance to try to save her once they’d decided not to release the poison. It didn’t go well, with Osiris stabbing Lord Yu and Daniel barely fleeing in an escape pod as the fight continued. During their flight, Jacob had received word from spies within Yu’s ranks that both goa’uld had survived the attack, though. Fortunately or unfortunately.

Elliot’s plan went just as they had hoped, with him being taken to the Stargate and then crushing the device chambers to release the poison into the air. They waited long enough for the chemical to dissipate sufficiently and then carefully traipsed through the field of dead jaffa towards the Stargate. While hiding, they had all agreed to do their best to locate Elliot’s body to take back to Earth and each of them looked as they walked quickly, keeping an eye out for any surviving enemies.

Nes saw him first, his face pale and his lips a horrible shade of blue, his hand still wrapped around the device, and his eyes empty. It brought Sekhmet right to the surface, her mind filled with Maahes and Nefertum.

She would not let him die. She would not allow this to happen.

As she approached his body, her hand automatically reached into her pocket to pull out the lion ring she still kept close at hand. She would need Sekhmet for the plan that popped into her mind - a plan that was either ingenious or incredibly foolish. She lifted his body roughly over her shoulder, grabbing a zat’nik’tel off a dead jaffa, and made her way to the Gate. Major Carter was at the DHD punching in the address to Earth.

“You found him. Good.” Her relief changed to confusion as Nes raised the zat. “What are you doing, Nes?”

“Step away from the DHD, Carter.”

“We’re going to take him home.”

“No. I won’t let him die.” She saw Jack approach from her left.

“He’s already dead, Nes.”

“He doesn’t have to be.” She again addressed Carter. “Back away. I can save him.”

“We can’t let you do that.” Jack was trying to calm her and her eyes flashed in anger at his tactics.

“Jack, I’ve watched too many good people die. Let me save  _ one _ , damnit!  _ Please _ .”

O’Neill began to approach her slowly and she knew now they weren’t going to listen. She gave up all hope of negotiating and quickly shot both him and Carter, moving to the DHD to cancel their dialing sequence and start her own. The Stargate activated and she ran as fast as she could with her burden to the event horizon, ignoring the voices behind her that ordered her to stop. At the last moment, she slowed, adjusted her face and body, and calmly stepped through the Gate.

Elliot was worth losing herself to Sekhmet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be continued in Nesert II and Nesert III.
> 
> Nesert I: SG-1 Seasons 1-5  
> Nesert II: SG-1 Seasons 5-9  
> Nesert III: SG-1 Seasons 9-10, a few dips into SGA and the movies.


End file.
